


No Say in the Matter

by NonStopIsBack



Category: Phandom/The Fantastic Foursome (YouTube RPF)
Genre: Angst happens at one point, BaThrOom aNgst, Bakery AU, Cute muffin moments, Dan is very flirty, Fluff and Smut, Happy Ending, I promise, I'm Going to Hell, I'm Sorry, Like seriously flirty, M/M, Panic Attacks, Past Abuse, Past Domestic Violence, Phan AU, Phan Fluff, Phanfiction, Phil is an author, Phil is extremely clumsy, Poor Danny boy, TW: Panic Attacks, This Is Why We Can't Have Nice Things, actual sexual tension, but it's fine, home stretch boyez, phil DEFINITELY tops, phil tops, sexual tension with icing, yeet yeet here we go
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-02-16
Updated: 2017-08-25
Packaged: 2018-09-24 23:05:27
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 25
Words: 80,462
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/9791141
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/NonStopIsBack/pseuds/NonStopIsBack
Summary: Dan Howell has just dropped out of law school and decided to work at his friend's bakery. He just wants to live out the rest of his days quietly, but when Phil Lester arrives, it appears that fate has other plans.And he has no say in the matter.





	1. Chapter 1

Dan Howell had never prided himself on being a proficient baker. However, when his college plans failed him and Rosanna called him up out of the blue, he had to admit that the offer of helping out at her bakery sounded incredibly good. Don’t get him wrong, however; he didn’t like to think he was the type to give up on something halfway through. It was just the fact that the university work had been so boring and dissatisfying that he simply had to quit. After all, it was his decision to leave his university in Manchester to work at Ro’s that would lead him to the most important moment in his life.

It was a dreary morning that day; the air was muggy and fog was practically everywhere as Dan made his way to the train station. The cold wind pushed against his jacket ever-so-slightly, the soft black fabric rustling against itself being the only sound audible in Dan’s quiet campus neighborhood. The suitcase rolled silently alongside him as his feet hit the ground rhythmically, perfectly in time with the music drifting through his headphones. It wasn’t a song he was particularly fond of, but it kept him going at a good enough pace nonetheless. The noise around him began to grow louder, signaling that he was probably almost there. He tugged the headphones out of his ears as he crossed the street and placed them carefully in his pocket. He shook his head slightly, knowing his efforts to keep them untangled were futile. As he drew closer and closer to the station, the familiar hum of trains met his ears, and he smiled nervously at the thought of starting something completely new. He gave a more certain smile to the woman at the ticket booth, but she didn’t return the gesture as she handed him a one-way ticket to London. No going back now, Dan thought as he made his way toward the platform. Thankfully, he didn’t have to wait for the train long. After about five minutes of waiting, the train slowed to a stop and he rushed on, eager to get a seat alone. Dan sat down in an isolated seat in the corner of the train compartment and dozed off almost immediately.

When he awoke, the train was still flying past a backdrop of green hills. Dan smiled to himself. It’s almost as if an artist painted them. He checked his phone. They were due to arrive in London in ten minutes. He had endless texts from Ro about whether or not he got on the train safe, but he decided (with quite the mischievous grin) not to answer until he got off the train. He stretched, the bottom of his shirt riding up slightly. It wasn’t as though the group of girls sitting across from him seemed to mind, though. He gave them an awkward, half-hearted wave as they giggled and waved back. He shook his head, looking down at his phone again. Five minutes now. He checked Tumblr, then looked back at the clock. Two minutes and--Oh, we’re early.

Dan ran a hand through his fringe as he got off the train, only to be crushed by someone hugging him tightly from below. He laughed. “Hey, Ro. Miss me?” Dan asked his childhood friend. She looked up at him, rolling her eyes.

“You wish,” she shot back, sticking her tongue out.

“Aww, you two are such a cute couple,” an elderly woman passing by said.

They waited until she was gone before they burst out laughing. Ro was wiping tears from her eyes, careful not to mess up her makeup as she spoke. “I-Imagine it! Me with you!” They bust out giggling again, Dan’s loud laugh echoing around them, drawing some attention from passersby.

“That’ll happen whenever you decide you despise baking,” Dan joked, grinning.

“Hey, you’re lucky I’m giving you a job and a place to stay,” Ro reminded him, her tone jovial nonetheless.

“Yeah, yeah, thanks again, Ro,” he mumbled, punching her shoulder playfully.

“No problem, Howell,” she said, returning the punch as they walked out of the station.

************************************

It had been about three weeks since Dan had started at Rosanna’s bakery. They’d gotten into the routine of things by now; each doing their own set of predetermined chores (a schedule Dan had spent a proud three hours working on rather than doing actual work) and then proceeding to helping out customers throughout the day. Ro had quickly learned that putting Dan at the counter was extremely effective, as he brought in enough girls to fill in a small town throughout the day. They started calling him “the cute bakery boy” regularly, despite his nametag, and he loved every minute of the attention. He thought it was quite funny that they paid him any attention, but it was no wonder they were all over him, seeing as he was devilishly handsome and had a tendency to dip his fingers in frosting “accidentally” and lick it off teasingly. Some girls would come in and order what Ro had made a habit of calling the Dan Special, which was pretty much just Dan making whatever pastry came to his mind and looking incredibly good while doing it. And when Dan rolled his sleeves up and flipped his hair out of his eyes with just the right amount of flour smeared on his apron...let’s just say quite a few ovaries would need to be saved that day. However, Dan never failed to get work done, and the business and helpfulness he provided was an incredible boost to the entire bakery.

Dan never liked flirting with any of the girls at the bakery. Don’t get him wrong, he loved playing the whole “innocent, shy baker who never realized what he was doing was incredibly flirty,” but when the girls actually came up to him and talked to him, he was never really interested in what they had to say. It wasn’t as though he was trying to come across as a jerk; he had just never really liked girls all that much in the first place.

But one day, a certain customer who wandered in towards closing time caught Dan Howell’s eye.

The moment.

His hair was dark, probably black from what Dan could see in the fluorescent lighting as he pushed the glass door to the bakery open. He was wearing what looked like a cozy winter coat; fitting for the season’s chilliness and sure-to-come snow. His features were chiseled, like that of some Greek god Dan couldn’t possibly name if he tried. His lips were pink and slightly chapped from the harsh London air, and Dan couldn’t help but notice the way his tongue ran over them almost as if it was an old habit he couldn’t shake. He was wearing glasses that framed his face perfectly, their black frame resting on pale skin that looked utterly flawless. But what most caught Dan’s attention was the man’s eyes. By God, his eyes were the most magnificent Dan had ever seen. Their blue irises swirled with different colors, changing hue at what seemed like every second. An intrigued emotion swirled within them, and if Dan had to give it a name, he’d call it insatiable curiosity. It was as though a storm was brewing in the man’s eyes; a storm that would certainly be considered artwork from afar. But of course, Dan wasn’t satisfied with just a quick look at the man.

“Hey,” he whispered to Ro, “let me get this one.”

“Why? You think he’s kinda cute?”

Dan’s cheeks turned a slight pink and he scoffed. “Cute is an understatement.”

“Get your man, Howell,” Ro whispered, nudging his side with her elbow.

The stranger walked up to the counter and smiled brightly at Dan. God, could he be any more perfect? Dan mused, smiling back at him before doing one of his signature flirty lip bites. The man’s perfect eyes averted from Dan’s face for just a moment before he looked back up into Dan’s gaze. It worked, Dan thought smugly.

“So, how can I help you today?” Dan asked, rolling up his sleeves and leaning on one elbow on the countertop.

The stranger stared at Dan’s arms for a moment before he looked away. “Just a coffee and chocolate chip muffin for me, thank you,” he said politely.

It took Dan a moment to register what the man had asked for because of how captivated the boy was with the other’s voice. It was like marmalade, the way it sounded perfectly sweet and melty. He blinked, standing up straight. “Er, right, yeah. No problem,” he said, regaining his confidence quickly. “And a name for your order?”

“Phil,” the man said quickly, looking away for a reason Dan was unsure of.

“Sure thing, Phil. I’ve always liked that name, by the way,” Dan said, making sure to swing his hips as he strode over to the muffin display. He bent down, not breaking eye contact with the man, looking up at Phil through thick lashes as he effortlessly swiped the desired muffin into a bag. He stood up again, placing the bag on the counter. “And how would you like your coffee, Phil?”

“Erm, why don’t you surprise me?” Phil offered, trying and failing to hide the fact his gaze was flickering between Dan’s lips and his chocolate irises.

“Alright then, Phil,” Dan said with a carefully calculated smirk, “can I ask you a quick question?”

“Go for it,” Phil replied, now trying to look anywhere but the boy’s face.

“Do you like hot chocolate?”

Phil seemed to perk up, nodding his head frantically. “It’s one of my favorite hot beverages, actually!”

“Hot? And what about cold?” Dan asked, leaning on the counter once again.

“I think I quite like ribena,” Phil said stoically, his chiseled features almost stone themselves. “But I wouldn't mind a chocolate milkshake every now and then.”

A chill ran down Dan’s spine at the man’s expression, but he refused to let it show. He grinned. “You’re quite the fan of chocolate, aren’t you?”

Phil smiled again, nodding.

“Okay,” Dan said, standing up, “let me get you your coffee then. There’s a table by the window if you want it.”

Who was he kidding? The rest of the tables were empty, and that table was practically right across from the counter. Phil nodded, handing Dan his credit card. Dan pushed it away with a smile.

“Oh, no, you don’t have to worry about it, it’s on the house.”

Phil’s eyes widened. “A-are you sure?”

Dan blinked slowly, a smirk forming on his lips. “Of course! After all, we hardly get such attractive people in our shop, let alone people that should be up in an art gallery because they’re such masterpieces.”

Phil’s eyes widened further as his cheeks practically turned red. He gulped and let out a weak thanks as he made his way over to the table Dan had recommended. Dan watched him sit down, the way he avoided Dan’s gaze carefully, the way he drummed his fingers on the table. And then Dan realized he was supposed to be making Phil’s coffee. He grabbed the kettle he had thankfully brewed earlier and poured some into a mug, adding chocolate syrup and some caramel extract. He bit his lip anxiously before calling out.

“Hey, do you like your coffee sweet?”

Phil looked up at him and nodded silently. “Honestly, I like it both bitter and sweet, but sweet is good.”

Dan grinned as he made his way over to the counter with the mug. He furrowed his brows and frowned thoughtfully. “Is there a Phil here?”

Phil laughed, standing up and walking back over to Dan. “That would be me,” he said proudly, smirking a bit.

Dan bit his lip again, and Phil looked away. “Enjoy,” he said, voice as smooth as velvet before turning away and walking over to the frosting that was on the back counter.

He could feel the other man’s gaze boring into him as he picked up the whisk in a vat of vanilla royal icing. He lifted it to eye level, watching carefully as the sugary white icing dripped slowly from the metal back into the vat. He looked over at Phil, who was still gazing at him, his cheeks pink.

They made eye contact.

Dan refused to break it as he brought the whisk up to his mouth, staring into Phil’s eyes with a hunger in his own. His tongue swept expertly over the frosting, and he took satisfaction in watching Phil’s cheeks redden. He winked at Phil, whose gaze traveled from his eyes to his lips and back again, his cheeks still pink as he watched Dan put the now-clean whisk in the sink before taking a sip of his coffee. Dan looked back into Phil’s blue irises as his tongue swirled around his fingers, sweeping at any leftover frosting. He washed his hands, speaking up over the steady noise of the rushing water.

“So, how’s the coffee?”

“G-Good, really good,” Phil said, slightly taken aback.

Dan smiled at the man as he grabbed a worn-out towel with Ro’s initials. “I’m glad you like it. I’ve never made it before.”

Phil raised his eyebrows. “Coffee in general or this specific type of coffee?”

Dan rolled his eyes, leaning on the counter and grinning at Phil. “I’ve been working here for almost a month now, and I’ve definitely had a couple customers request coffee. Well, none of them were as cute as you, but I’ve had coffee orders before.”

Phil smiled, looking down into his mug. “I’m sure you’ve seen better,” he mumbled.

Dan bit his lip, taking a deep breath. “There’s nothing better than perfection,” he purred, causing Phil to look up and stare into his eyes.

“Perfection is achieved, not when there is nothing more to add, but when there is nothing left to take away,” he breathed, his voice a near whisper.

“That was pretty poetic,” Dan said, equally quiet.

“Antoine de Saint-Exupery,” Phil said simply, staring into his coffee once again.

Dan laughed slightly. “I didn’t think you’d be one to like French poetry,” he said, tilting his head curiously at the man sitting before him. “Do you mind if I join you at the table? There won’t be any more customers, don’t worry. It’s nearly time to close.”

“Oh, erm, if you want me to go, then--”

“No, no that’s not what I meant,” Dan said quickly, making his way over to Phil’s table and taking the seat across from him. He quickly changed his expression to a flirty one again. “You can stay as long as you want.”

Phil smiled gratefully at him. “Thanks. I’m Phil, by the way. Phil Lester.”

“I know,” Dan said, an eyebrow raised, “you said that was your name when you ordered. Interesting last name, though.”

Phil put his hand behind his neck sheepishly and laughed. “Oh, right. Forgot. Well, I thought I’d properly introduce myself anyway.”

“Dan Howell,” he said, leaning on one elbow and placing a hand under his chin. “It’s a pleasure to meet you, Mr. Lester.”

“Same to you,” Phil said, his bright expression lighting up the room.

“Your smile’s quite pretty,” Dan observed with a smirk. Phil’s cheeks reddened yet again.

“A-And you’re quite the flirt, Dan Howell,” Phil said, his voice growing in confidence with every word.

Dan felt his cheeks flush a bit, but he gave Phil a grin nonetheless. “Guilty as charged. Though, I’ve got to say, you’re quite the intriguing victim,” he said, batting his eyelashes.

“Me? I’m not that interesting,” Phil mumbled modestly, looking down again.

“I’m sure you are. What do you do for a living, Phil Lester?” Dan prompted eagerly.

“Er, I’m a writer,” Phil said quietly.

Dan perked up. “Oh, really? Anything I might’ve read?”

“Probably not,” Phil muttered evasively.

“Oh, come on,” Dan pleaded.

“It’s just stupid poetry,” Phil said under his breath.

“Please,” Dan whined, “I’m sure it’s phenomenal.”

“Alright,” Phil conceded, pulling a tiny notebook out of his pocket, “this is what I have for my next book so far.”

Dan took the tiny leather notebook into his hands carefully, opening it up to read what Phil had written. For such a cheerful guy, he sure writes about pretty dark topics a lot, Dan thought, reading through the poetry feverishly. Phil looked at him nervously, searching the brunette’s eyes for some kind of reaction.

“So? What do you think?” Phil asked quietly.

“Incredible,” Dan whispered. “Absolutely, utterly incredible.”

Phil beamed, taking another sip of his coffee. The two sat in silence for a moment before Phil spoke up again. “So, you’re probably popular with the ladies around here, Mr. Flirty McFlirterson.”

“Flirty McFlirterson? That’s the best you can come up with?”

“Hey, don’t judge,” Phil said defensively. “I’m on the spot, I’m not good under pressure!”

Dan laughed under his breath, perfectly aware that the sound made Phil quite flustered. “Well, I’m certainly popular with the ladies, but the ladies aren’t all that popular with me,” he said with a shrug. He smirked. “And what about you, Mr. Lester? I bet the ladies are all over you, what with your brooding poetic mood.”

Phil nearly choked on his coffee as he laughed. “Oh, I’m not nearly enough to pay mind to.”

“Well, you've certainly got my attention.”

Phil almost choked again, but he recovered quickly. “I’m sure everyone’s gotten your attention at some point, Dan Howell.”

“Are you calling me a slut?” Dan asked incredulously, raising his eyebrows.

“Wh--No! Of course not,” Phil said quickly, shaking his head.

“Relax,” Dan said with a sly grin. “I know you were joking. Besides, I’m only a slut for tall, handsome strangers with eccentric blue eyes.”

Phil’s eyes widened as he realized what Dan had said. “Oh, y-you mean me?”

Dan rolled his eyes. “No,” he said, his voice dripping with sarcasm, “I was talking about Delia Smith. Yes, I was talking about you.”

Phil smiled, his cheeks slightly pink. “You really like my eyes?” The question was quiet, and it took Dan by surprise.

“Well, yeah,” he said as though it were the most obvious thing in the world. “You’ve never gotten any compliments about them?”

“Not that I know of,” Phil said with a sad laugh.

“That’s a damn shame, then,” Dan said, leaning forward and meeting Phil’s gaze, “because your eyes are the prettiest color I’ve ever seen.”

Phil stared back for a while before looking away. “You’re definitely flirty,” he said, slightly nervously.

“And you’ve definitely got to keep coming here so I can be flirty and mean it for once,” Dan said almost immediately.

“This is a really nice bakery,” Phil admitted. “The food is excellent, and I’ve only had a muffin.”

“Next time, get something with frosting,” Dan suggested with a wink, his tone low and sultry.

Phil laughed. “After that whisk has been in your mouth?”

“I can do a lot more with my mouth.”

“That’s, er, interesting,” Phil said, still not meeting Dan’s eyes.

“Definitely,” Dan agreed, enjoying the view of Phil’s jaw line as the latter looked around.

“Well, I should probably get going soon,” Phil said. “Things to write, editors to meet up with, things like that.”

“Right, right. Come back soon.” Dan waved as Phil smiled and walked out the door and onto the city pavement.

“So,” Ro said loudly from the kitchen, “did you get his number?”

“No.”

“What do you mean?” Ro came out into the dining area, drying her hands with a worn-out cloth.

“I didn’t get his number,” Dan grumbled. “I think I might’ve scared him off.”

“Too direct?” Ro asked, an eyebrow raised.

Dan groaned and nodded. “He was probably the most attractive person I’ve ever seen, and he’s probably not coming back.”

“Well, look on the bright side,” Ro said, her smile slightly more disappointed than she’d have liked, “you might meet another handsome poet sometime soon.”

Dan chuckled darkly. “Yeah, right. As if I’ll meet another incredibly attractive, polite, cheerful yet mysteriously deep poet just out of the blue.”

“You met this one out of the blue,” Ro pointed out.

Dan scoffed. “First of all, he’s not ‘this one,’ he’s got a name and it’s Phil. Second of all, this is one of those once-in-a-lifetime chances. I’m not gonna get another one.”

“Phil, is it?” Ro mused. “Dan and Phil...that’s got a nice ring to it.”

“Yeah,” Dan said with a wistful smile, “it kind of does.”

******************************


	2. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I apologize in advance for the odd update times this week; I am in Tokyo at the moment, so the time here is much different than the time in the U.S.

The next day, Dan saw no sign of Phil for the first eight hours of the bakery being open, and the way he acted showed exactly how disappointed he was. All of the usual giggling girls that came in noticed Dan’s unusual behavior and tried their best to “cheer him up,” as one girl put it. Ro preferred to call it the “shamelessly flirting until Dan got a bit irritated and gave her a free croissant to shut her up” technique. Dan put on a smile nonetheless, but his antics were less...playful than usual. Normally, he’d have an entire army of girls staring at him, and he did today, but they typically didn’t stare at him with such confused yet sympathetic looks. Ro rolled her eyes as she made her way from the kitchen over to him.

“You know, you really do romanticize things too much,” she whispered, nudging his side with her elbow. “It’s not even like you knew him that well.”

Dan groaned. “Well, yeah, but he was so…I don’t even know. There was just something about him that gave off a good vibe,” he grumbled, sweeping his hair out of his eyes.

“Well, I’d like it if you’d stop being such a grouch and start making the next batch of croissants. Thanks to you, we’re all out,” Ro said jovially. Her expression softened. “But if you see him again, don’t get too attached, okay? It’ll just be a coincidence if he comes back, and nothing else, got it?”

Dan laughed weakly. “You’re right. I’m blowing this way out of proportion, aren’t I?” He sighed and made his way over to the back counter. After a moment of staring disdainfully at the vat of icing, he started folding the dough into crescent shapes.

A couple of hours passed, and the clock ticked closer and closer to closing time. The group of girls had been long gone, and Dan was wiping down the counter when the bell at the door chimed. He didn’t bother looking up. Ro can get this one, he thought.

“Dan, can you get that? I’m busy in the kitchens!”

Dan groaned. “Of course,” he grumbled. He stood up straight, his eyes closed as he stretched. He turned around. “How can I help--”

He froze, his mouth hanging open.

Phil.

He smiled at Dan warmly, walking up to the counter. He bit his lip nervously, and Dan smiled brightly. “See, Ro, I told you he’d be back,” Dan yelled, pumping his fist in the air. He turned back to Phil, a smirk on his face. “Just couldn’t get enough of the Dan-meister, huh?”

“Dan-meister?” Phil repeated skeptically, raising an eyebrow. “Is that what you’re calling yourself now?”

Dan laughed and shook his head. “What can I do for you, Phil?”

“Well,” Phil said thoughtfully, pausing for a moment, “what do you recommend?”

“I’d recommend you put your lips on mine,” Dan said under his breath.

“What was that?”

“Oh, nothing,” Dan said quickly, his cheeks tinged pink. “Er, maybe you’d like a mille-feuille?”

“A what now?”

“A Napoleon pastry,” Dan explained, pointing at the display next to him. “They’re really good; Ro’s grandma’s recipe, as a matter of fact.” He smiled proudly.

“Alright, then, I’ll have that,” Phil agreed, watching Dan walk over to the display.

Dan bent down, still staring up at Phil like he had done the previous day. He watched as Phil’s breath hitched slightly and his cheeks grow pink. Perfect, Dan thought, I’ve got this in the bag. He smirked, standing back up with the pastry in hand. Phil looked away for a moment, and Dan took the opportunity to say something that would definitely grab his attention back.

“You know, I’ve always thought that these go good with whipped cream,” he said, grabbing a can from where he usually made hot chocolate.

Phil looked back at him. “Oh, awesome! Whipped cream sounds great,” he said, a nervous grin on his face.

Dan put the pastry on a plate, then put a spiral of whipped cream on the top, making sure to “accidentally” get some on his finger. He frowned, putting the can down. “Oh, dear. I’ve gone and done it now, haven’t I?” Dan asked, looking into Phil’s eyes.

“It’s just a little whipped cream, I’m sure you can wipe it--”

Dan raised his eyebrows. “And waste whipped cream?” They maintained eye contact as Dan brought his finger up to his mouth. “I’m not one to waste an opportunity, after all,” Dan whispered.

Dan took immense satisfaction in watching Phil’s brilliantly blue eyes widen as he took his finger into his mouth. Sure the whipped cream was delicious, but it was nothing compared to the deliciously flustered look Phil had. Dan took his finger out of his mouth and winked at Phil. Phil opened his mouth as if he wanted to say something but closed it quickly.

“Well, here’s your pastry,” Dan said simply, as though nothing had happened. “Enjoy.”

Phil offered up his credit card, just as he had the day before, but Dan shook his head. Phil frowned. “Oh, come on. You can't give me free food every time I come here.”

“I'll stop giving you free food when you stop being so damn captivating,” Dan said simply, pushing away Phil’s credit card and handing him the plate. “And we both know that's never going to happen.”

Phil’s cheeks went a bit pink, but he grinned nonetheless. “Well, thank you.” He started walking towards the table he had sat at yesterday, but paused and turned back around. He took a deep breath then locked eyes with Dan. “Hey, do you think you could sit and chat for a bit?”

Dan grinned. “Of course!”

They sat down across each other, exchanging smiles and surprisingly shy looks. Phil spoke up first after a couple moments of silence. “So I wrote my first cheerful poem in a while yesterday.”

Dan smile brightened. “I'm glad,” he said, leaning on his elbow. “Can I read it?”

Phil’s cheeks reddened, but he nodded and pulled out the little leather notebook again. But just as Dan began to reach for it, Phil’s eyes widened and he pulled it back, almost as if he had suddenly realized something. At seeing Dan’s confused look, he laughed nervously. “I, er, just remembered I still have to edit it and make sure everything’s good to go. I'll show you soon though, really soon,” he assured the brunette boy before him, slipping the notebook back into his pocket.

Dan wanted to say something about it, but he wasn't sure if it would make Phil uncomfortable, so he decided against it. “You know, you should really eat that Napoleon soon.”

Phil nodded and picked the pastry up, taking a tentative bite. His eyes widened and he began eating faster, getting a bit of whipped cream on his cheek in the process. Dan smirked as he watched Phil finish the flaky pastry, a plan forming in his head. Phil grinned.

“You were right,” he said, “that was really good!”

Dan smiled and nodded, then bit his lip and motioned for Phil to come closer. Phil looked skeptical for a moment, but leaned closer to Dan. Dan smirked. “You know, you've got a bit of whipped cream on your cheek,” he whispered in Phil’s ear. He pulled back, cupping Phil’s cheeks with his hands and sweeping his thumb over the aforementioned whipped cream. Phil looked like he was going to fall over.

“Th-thanks,” Phil stuttered, avoiding Dan’s gaze.

“No problem,” Dan said nonchalantly, about to wipe his thumb on a napkin.

“W-Wait, didn't you say that whipped cream shouldn't be wasted?” Phil asked, his face almost bright red.

Dan raised an eyebrow. “Is that your way of telling me you want me to have the whipped cream that was just on your face, then?”

“Maybe,” Phil said quietly, still looking everywhere but Dan.

“Well, don't you think you should be watching the show?” Dan asked, his voice low.

Dan didn't think it possible for Phil’s cheeks to get any redder, but it happened. Phil’s brilliant blue eyes bore into Dan’s hazel ones, and Dan brought his thumb up to his mouth. He watched Phil’s breath hitch as Dan’s tongue flicked out to the tip of his thumb, sweeping the whipped cream off in a single lick. Dan batted his eyelashes at Phil, who bit his lip nervously and looked away again.

“I'm glad you liked the pastry,” Dan said softly.

Phil smiled. “I'm glad you got that whipped cream off my face,” he said jokingly, his voice trembling with nervousness nonetheless.

“It's fun to see you a bit flustered,” Dan mused. “You get all nervous and cute and you look off to the side.”

Phil looked back at him, a mock-offended expression on his face. “I do not!”

“You say that, but your cheeks say otherwise,” Dan said slyly, sweeping his hand through his fringe. “You know, it's really not a bad thing. I find it quite charming.”

“Oh,” Phil said softly, “thanks, I think.”

Dan simply nodded, watching Phil’s expression carefully. “You know, it'd be really nice if you came back tomorrow.”

Phil smiled. “I'd like that too.”

“Really? You're not sick of me already?” Dan asked hesitantly.

Phil’s brow furrowed and he frowned. “What? No, of course not! Why would you think that?”

Dan shrugged, and this time, it was him that looked away. “I dunno.”

“Look, despite how direct you are in your flirting, I've genuinely enjoyed talking to you,” Phil assured him.

“Thanks,” Dan said quietly. “I really like talking to you too.”

“It's only been two days and I already feel like I've known you a while. Is that weird?” Phil asked tentatively.

“Not at all,” Dan said with a warm smile. “I've got that same feeling. You're quite easy to talk to, Mr. Lester.”

“You're quite the conversationalist yourself, Dan Howell.” Phil looked down at his watch, then looked back up with a frown. “Sorry, I should really get going. I'll see you soon, yeah?”

“I sure hope so,” Dan said with a wink. “You're intriguing. It's a nice change of pace from the usual gaggle of girls that's always here.”

“I'm sure the ladies just can't resist,” Phil said, rolling his eyes as he stood up. “Is it alright if I come ‘round tomorrow? I'd really like to hear more about which pastries you think I'd like.”

“You can come here as many times as you'd like,” Dan responded, placing his chin in his hand and staring up at Phil through thick lashes. “For you, the bakery’s open at any hour.”

“That's not true,” Ro called from the other room. “We're not going to open for anyone past midnight. Sorry, Dan’s boyfriend!”

“Ro, he is not my boyfriend,” Dan spluttered, his cheeks just as pink as Phil’s.

“Yeah, I barely know this loser,” Phil teased.

“Oh, please,” Dan said, standing up and leaning towards Phil, “you can't get enough of me.”

“Whatever helps you sleep at night,” Phil retorted playfully, his eyebrows raised.

“Getting a bit confident, are we?” Dan said, equally playfully as he leaned slightly closer.

“And what are you gonna do about it?” Phil shot back.

“GET A ROOM! I CAN FEEL THE SEXUAL TENSION FROM HERE,” Ro shouted.

The two broke apart, blushing furiously as they mumbled apologies towards each other. Phil smiled and waved as he made his way over to the door. Dan waved back at him, a contented smile on his own features. As soon as he saw Phil turn the corner, however, he stormed up to Ro.

“Mad?” Ro asked, clearly amused at how flustered Dan was.

“It was just getting good,” Dan whined in response, flopping down in the seat beside her.

“If by good you mean ‘going way too fast for having just met,’ then yeah, sure, it was getting good,” Ro said, rolling her eyes.

“It's not too fast,” Dan protested, “he's cute and I find him quite charming!”

Ro blinked twice, her expression now absent of emotion. “Dan, you barely know him. You're romanticizing this way too much.”

“I know plenty about him!”

Ro closed her eyes and sighed. “What's his favorite color?”

“That doesn't matter,” Dan huffed.

“If you don't even know his favorite color yet, how do you expect some grand happy ending is going to play out? Take your time. You gotta stop thinking this is some romantic movie, alright?”

Dan looked off to the side, and it was silent between the two friends for a few moments. It was at moments like these that they both hated how stubborn the other was. Dan clicked his tongue.

“Fine,” he gave in, “but if--”

“No buts!”

Dan snickered. “You said butts.”

Ro sighed and put her fingers to her temples. “Grow up, Daniel.”

Dan stopped laughing suddenly, then his expression softened. “My full first name is only to be used by my mother, thank you very much,” he teased.

“I know that better than anyone,” Ro said wistfully, remembering all the times she and Dan had gotten scolded by Mrs. Howell.

“Remember that time you brought your dog over and we almost fed him an entire chocolate cake?” Dan reminisced, looking into the distance.

Ro giggled. “Yeah, and then your mum thought it was your idea and started yelling at you!”

“Daniel James Howell, you almost killed him!” Dan said, mocking his mother’s stern tone. “So irresponsible!”

Ro laughed louder, and Dan joined her, their combined laughs echoing around the bakery. Ro’s expression softened. “I'm really glad you're here, Dan. It's great to have a friend around to help out.”

“Me too, Ro. I'm gonna get to bed now,” Dan said, starting to walk upstairs to the spare bedroom he'd been staying in.

“And by bed you mean…?” Ro asked, crossing her arms and raising an eyebrow skeptically.

“Going on Tumblr until two in the morning,” Dan admitted, laughing sheepishly.

“Of course,” Ro groaned, grinning nonetheless. “Just make sure you're up by seven. We open early on Mondays, remember?”

“Yeah, yeah,” Dan said as he marched upstairs, waving a hand dismissively. “Goodnight, Ro.”

“Goodnight, Dan.”

******************************


	3. Chapter 3

Phil came in at ten minutes to closing time the next day. And the next. And the next. He came in at the same time every day, and every day, Dan would shamelessly flirt with him while they both somehow got to know each other. Phil was astonished at how quickly he found himself opening up to Dan. He found himself intrigued by the boy, and Dan found himself equally enraptured by everything Phil had to say. The two grew close quickly, and they were both immensely grateful that they had met each other. A couple of weeks after they had started meeting regularly, however, Phil came in looking extremely stressed, and Dan was determined to get to the bottom of it.

Phil pushed open the door aggressively, and the first thing Dan noticed was that his hair was slightly disheveled, as though he'd been running his hands through it frequently. His clothes seemed to be thrown on haphazardly, and there was an unnamable emotion in his brilliant blue eyes. He didn't look up at Dan as he sat down at the table near the window, and he immediately put his head in his hands when he was settled. Dan’s brow furrowed, but he brought over the tray of hot chocolate and cookies he'd prepared in advance. He sat down across from Phil, setting down the two mugs and putting the plate of cookies in between them.

“What's up?” Dan asked tentatively, taking a bite of a sugar cookie.

Phil grumbled something incoherently, and when he looked up, Dan could see just how stressed he really was. There were bags under his eyes, and aggravation was etched into every detail of his face. His lips were pursed, and his eyes looked weary and Dan sensed a hint of anger in the blue orbs. The raven-haired man snatched a chocolate-chip cookie from the plate aggressively, eating it quickly and downing his hot chocolate in what seemed like one gulp. He finally looked into Dan’s eyes with a deadpan expression.

“Alcohol,” he said bluntly. “Do you have any?”

Dan nodded slowly, raising an eyebrow. “Why? What's wrong?”

Phil just shook his head. “I need a drink and I was too stupid to go to a bar tonight.”

“I'm glad you came here instead,” Dan said carefully, making his way back to the kitchen and feeling a mix of unsure emotions as he grabbed a bottle of wine from the counter. He sat back down at the table, then clapped a hand to his forehead. “Shit, I forgot the wine glasses. I'll be-”

“Don't bother,” Phil said darkly, pulling the cork out of the bottle swiftly and chugging some wine.

Dan jumped slightly as the bottle thudded on the table. He'd never seen Phil this stressed. “Are you sure you're alright?”

“Just fine,” Phil mumbled bitterly, avoiding Dan’s gaze.

Dan put a hand on Phil’s arm gingerly, and he was slightly relieved to see Phil’s cheeks redden. “Looks like I've still got it,” he said softly. “You’re still cute when you're flustered.”

“Whatever,” Phil muttered, grabbing the wine bottle again.

“Are you going to tell me what's wrong now?” Dan asked impatiently.

“It's fine, Dan. Really, it doesn't matter right now, and I don't want to talk about it.”

“You don't look fine.”

“Wow, thanks.”

“I meant emotionally, you spork,” Dan said lightly. His tone lowered. “You're still sexy as hell, even if you look tired beyond belief.”

Phil laughed, his cheeks reddening again as he looked at Dan. “Well, that's good to hear I guess.”

“Now, can you tell me what's bothering you, for God’s sake?!” Dan asked with a nervous booming laugh.

Phil looked off to the side. “Alright, alright. It's a bit easier now that I've got a bit of alcohol in my system.”

Dan frowned, but he looked back up. “So what is it?”

Phil took a deep breath. “My ex came to visit me this morning.”

Dan looked at Phil quizzically. “Is your ex really that bad?”

Phil sighed, closing his eyes. “She's...a piece of work, alright. It didn't help that work was shit as well.”

Dan’s cheeks flushed, and he pulled his hand away from Phil’s arm. “Right, I'm sure she's a bother.”

Phil’s eyes widened as he realized that Dan had taken his hand away. He was so used to Dan’s flirty touches that it was odd, almost alien when Dan pulled away first. Not that Phil liked pulling away all that much either. “No, it's not like that, whatever you're thinking.”

Dan looked up, an eyebrow raised. “Oh, really? So then you're into dicks for sure?”

Phil’s eyes widened, his cheeks reddening to the point where Dan almost laughed. “E-excuse me?” Phil spluttered.

“I want to hear you say it,” Dan said casually. “I think it'd be better coming from your mouth. Then again, I bet a lot of things would be better with your mouth.”

“Y-You--I mean...W-What did you say?!”

“You know exactly what I said, Mr. Lester,” Dan said, his tone low and sultry.

“Oh, shut up,” Phil said weakly, his cheeks still red.

“Now, now,” Dan muttered, leaning closer to Phil. “You should have learned I love to talk by now, Mr. Lester. Especially when it comes to the topic of you and that beautiful mouth of yours.”

“Y-You do tend to never shut up, Dan Howell,” Phil said, his voice rising in confidence.

Phil didn't see the cookie Dan was holding until he brought it up to his mouth.

“We should share,” Dan whispered. “It's the only macadamia nut cookie left.”

Phil gulped, nodding feverishly. It was at moments like these he was glad Dan was so direct; otherwise they never would've gotten to do something like this. He bit his lip as he watched Dan bite gingerly into the cookie, and his eyes widened as he realized Dan was keeping it in his mouth. They exchanged a wordless conversation, and Phil leaned forward a bit more to capture the other end of the small cookie with his lips. His breath hitched as Dan's eyes closed and opened again slowly.

Phil had always thought himself good with words, but it was at times like these, times with Dan, that he found himself speechless. They weren't even five centimeters apart.

Phil thought he might fall over.

And he did when he heard the door to the bakery open.

Dan’s eyes widened as he rushed over to Phil, the cookie lying forgotten on the ground beside the table. Phil groaned.

“Oh my gosh, are you okay?” Dan asked as he held out a hand to Phil, who gladly accepted the offer and got to his feet rather clumsily.

“Yeah, I'm fine. The door just startled me, I suppose.” He smiled uneasily at Dan, who smiled back and put a hand on Phil’s shoulder reassuringly.

“So that's where you've been,” a voice roared from behind them.

Phil’s shoulders slumped and he closed his eyes. “Oh, no,” he whined. He took a deep breath before turning around with a forced smile. “Hey, Sophie.”

“Sophie?” Dan questioned quietly. Phil just shook his head.

Sophie shook her head, a smile on her face. “There you are, babe! I've been looking all over town! Why are you in this bakery?”

“Babe?” Dan questioned further. Phil bit his lip nervously and shook his head again.

“Well, I told you, I needed some space, and--”

“I know,” Sophie interrupted, her lips in a pout, “but I was thinking about it, and I just wanted to tell you it's fine if you want to stay here for longer, okay? We can make it work long distance!”

Dan was beyond confused. Phil smiled nervously.

“Sophie, that wasn't what I was going to say,” he said, “but I--”

“I know, I know! I've been kind of clingy, but I'm getting better, I promise!”

Phil looked to the ground. Dan frowned at Sophie, who seemed to be pointedly ignoring him. He stepped forward, a hand on Phil’s arm defensively. At this, she finally looked towards the tall brunette.

“I think Phil’s trying to say something, so if you'd listen, that'd be great,” Dan snarled.

Phil looked to Dan gratefully. Sophie, however, seemed unamused.

“And who are you?”

“I might ask you the same question,” Dan said flatly, an eyebrow raised.

“I happen to be Phil’s girlfriend,” Sophie said, rolling her eyes. “Who are you to him, exactly?”

“I'm...Dan,” he said, unsure.

“Well, he's never mentioned any Dan before, so clearly, I don't need to keep your name in mind,” Sophie shot, “isn't that right, sweetheart?”

“GOD DAMMIT,” Phil shouted, beyond frustrated now. He closed his eyes and took a deep breath, opening them again to find Dan and Sophie staring at him, their eyes wide. “Look, Sophie. Like I told you this morning, I’m still not interested in getting back together. So please don't call me sweetheart, alright? And especially don't call yourself my girlfriend.”

“Come on,” Sophie said nervously, her voice shaking, “quit kidding around, babe.”

Phil stepped closer to Dan, who looked at him reassuringly, still a bit confused. “I don't want to see you where I live again, alright? It's over. It's been over. I left a long time ago.”

“That's not what you said when we--”

“Well, maybe I left home because I like men, okay?!” Phil said loudly, shocking himself at how loud the statement came out.

Dan had to stop himself from grinning.

Sophie scoffed, her voice shaking nonetheless. “Y-You’re kidding.”

“I'm not,” Phil said quietly.

“You and I were in love, though,” Sophie insisted weakly.

“I wasn't.” Phil closed his eyes. “Go home, Sophie. Please.”

“You like women,” Sophie insisted further, “your mum even said she saw you and I getting married later in life!”

“For fuck’s sake, Sophie, do you need me to prove that I like men, or can my word be enough?!”

Dan bit his lip to stop himself from smiling like an idiot. He had to remind himself that now wasn't the time to be smiling.

Phil stood up taller, looking down at Sophie with an unreadable emotion. “Fuck it,” he mumbled, turning to Dan.

He cupped Dan’s face with his hands and leaned in, closing his eyes. Dan’s eyes widened as their lips connected, but he closed them quickly after and kissed back roughly as he threw his arms around Phil’s neck. Phil moved closer, moving Dan’s body towards him as he pulled on Dan’s waist. Dan could faintly hear the slam of the bakery door, but that made the kiss all the more sweet. It was just the two of them in that moment, closer than they had ever been. And Phil took pride in the fact he had initiated it, despite the situation it had happened in. The moment felt like an eternity, cliché as it was, but they loved every second.

They reluctantly pulled away to take a breath, foreheads touching, chests heaving.

Dan was the first to laugh, Phil joining in quickly after as they clung tightly to each other. Phil’s gaze flicked hungrily from Dan’s sparkling brown eyes to his slightly swollen lips. Phil’s laughter slowed to a halt, and he looked at Dan with a glint in his blue eyes.

“You know what?” Phil whispered, his lowered tone sending shivers down Dan’s spine.

“What?” Dan asked softly.

“I think you'd look adorable pinned to the wall,” Phil growled, lifting Dan up almost effortlessly, catching the brunette by surprise.

Dan’s eyes widened as he felt his back hit the window of the bakery. Phil smirked, and Dan felt his face grow hot.

“I was right,” Phil mumbled, biting his lip as he stared at Dan.

Phil leaned in, connecting them once more. Their lips crashed together, and Dan buried his fingers in Phil’s hair, tugging slightly at the black strands. Phil’s grip on Dan’s thighs tightened, and Dan felt what he could only describe as a shock of electricity that made him more excited than he had been in a while. Phil broke them apart for just a moment, and Dan could feel Phil’s breath on his face, eager and wanting. Dan’s breath hitched as one of Phil’s hands moved up to his ass. Phil crashed his lips against Dan’s once more, and Dan moaned into the kiss as Phil bit his bottom lip, wrapping his legs around Phil’s waist.

They broke apart, however, as a crash from the doorway was heard.

Breaking apart meaning that Phil almost dropped Dan.

Dan looked over Phil’s shoulder, his face reddening as he spotted Ro’s completely flabbergasted expression and the casserole dish that was now on the ground in a million pieces. Dan’s arms fell weakly to his sides, and Phil put him down gently. Phil turned around to see Ro, and he put his hand behind his neck sheepishly and waved. Ro didn't move, and Dan looked down, embarrassed as all hell.

“Holy fucking fuck,” Ro whispered.

“Sorry, Ro,” Dan muttered.

“Y-yeah, I'm really sorry. I'll, er, pay for the dish if you want,” Phil offered quietly, not daring to meet the short woman’s eyes.

“Holy shit,” Ro said, slightly louder.

“Should I go?” Phil asked Dan quietly. Dan shook his head furiously.

“Oh my God,” Ro said, nearly shouting now.

“What?” Dan asked finally. “What is it?”

“YOU TWO WERE GOING TO FUCK IN MY BAKERY,” Ro shouted, a grin on her face nonetheless.

Dan didn't think it possible for his or Phil’s faces to get any redder, but it happened.

“I think I should go,” Phil said softly.

Ro laughed. “No, no, please! You should stay for dinner! That way I can get to know Dan’s new boyfriend,” she said, wiggling her eyebrows.

“Ro, I swear, if you start--”

“Daniel, you can't say anything about what I want to start,” Ro shot, the grin on her face unwavering.

Phil laughed, which swept a wave of relief over Dan. “I'd love to stay for dinner, if that's not too much trouble,” he said politely, absentmindedly fixing the mess his hair had become.

“Of course it's no trouble,” Ro said, motioning for the two to follow her into the lounge.

Phil merely shrugged at Dan’s incredulous look and began to follow Ro. Dan caught up quickly, grabbing Phil’s arm.

“Are you absolutely sure you want to go through with this?”

Phil grinned. “Not exactly what I thought I'd be eating tonight, but it’ll be fun.”

Dan’s face reddened as they approached the lounge, and he sat down next to Phil at the table. Ro grinned at the two of them.

“So, Phil, what would you like to eat?”

Phil caught Dan’s gaze and held it, smirking. “I'll take whatever you recommend. I'm sure you've got good taste. After all, your bakery is fantastic and your taste in cashiers is impeccable.”

Dan’s eyes widened as Ro chuckled. “Alright,” she said, making her way over to the kitchen, “will paninis do?”

“Sounds delicious,” Phil said cheerfully.

“Phil, did Dan ever tell you about the time he and I climbed a tree and he was so scared to get down that we had to call the fire department?”

Phil looked over at Dan, his eyebrows raised. “No, he did not,” he said, “but I'm looking forward to hearing the story!”

Dan shot Ro a warning look as she came back into the lounge with the three plates, but she merely smiled at him.

“Ro,” he growled, “don't even start.”

Phil’s eyes lit up. “Oh, please do continue,” he said politely.

Dan scoffed, and the other two looked up at him, surprised. “Am I the only one who finds this strange?!” Ro raised an eyebrow, and Dan pointed an accusatory finger at Phil. “Literally five minutes ago, you had me up against a window and now we’ve all decided to have a perfectly lovely dinner together as though nothing’s happened?!”

Ro laughed, and Phil put a hand behind his neck sheepishly. “I mean, everything that's happened has happened kind of fast,” he said.

“Yeah, you're damn right it's fast,” Dan grumbled, “the least you could do is take me on a proper date first.”

“Okay,” Phil said, taking a bite of his food. “We can go tomorrow. Are you free at around three?”

Ro almost choked on her panini. “He most certainly is!”

“But I thought I had to work?” Dan asked, slightly surprised Ro let him off the hook so easily. She was never one to change such a meticulously planned schedule suddenly.

“It's fine,” Ro said with a dismissive wave. “The bakery will be just fine without you, Howell.”

“Well, that was lovely,” Phil said, wiping the corner of his mouth with a napkin. Dan realized he was done eating. “I wouldn't want to overstay my welcome, especially after...yeah.”

Ro laughed. “Oh, no, don't worry about it! It'll just be one of those stories you tell to entertain people at weddings and parties, you know?”

Phil grinned at Dan, and Dan felt his cheeks redden. “It's quite a funny story, I think. But it was...certainly enjoyable.”

“So formal, Mr. Lester,” Dan found himself saying effortlessly. He surprised himself by how smooth the words were. “But if we’re using such eloquent terms, I found our little encounter delightfully pleasurable.”

Phil’s face reddened, and Dan smirked. He was back in control now, and Phil knew it. Ro glanced to the side awkwardly.

“Well, I'll leave you two to whatever weird kinky thing that's going on here,” she said, standing up. “Just please don't let things get too far, alright? I don't have any headphones, and the walls are pretty thin.”

Phil’s cheeks flushed, but Dan just grinned. Ro waved at them awkwardly and walked upstairs, leaving the two men alone in the lounge. Dan glanced at Phil, who looked down. They were silent for a moment, but it was a comfortable silence. Dan, of course, decided to break it.

“So,” he said, sliding towards Phil, “what would you like to do now, Mr. Lester?”

Phil met Dan’s piercing gaze, his brilliant blue eyes seemingly looking through Dan’s very soul. “I'd like to meet you at three tomorrow, Dan Howell,” he said quietly.

“I'd be happy to join you tomorrow,” Dan said, equally quiet as he tilted the bottom of Phil’s chin up slightly. “On one condition, of course.”

“And what might that be?” Phil whispered, their lips now inches apart.

“Every moment our lips aren't touching, I’d like it if you'd take my hand.” Dan’s cheeks were more pink than he'd like at the moment, but he needed to get his point across. He didn't just want a steamy affair with Phil, he wanted romance too.

“Does that include now?” Phil asked, his voice barely audible as he reached for Dan’s free hand tentatively.

“I suppose it could.”

“Alright,” Phil mumbled shakily, entangling his long pale fingers with Dan’s. “That can be arranged.”

“I have bad news, though.”

Phil’s eyes widened. “What is it?”

“You're going to have to let go of my hand,” Dan said before gently pressing a kiss to Phil’s lips.

******************************


	4. Chapter 4

Three in the afternoon had never come slower.

Of course, Dan found some ways to pass the time. At first, he tried to help Ro out, but she insisted that his time would be better spent getting ready for his date. So Dan did that instead. He fretted over tiny details, like how the buttons on his favorite shirt were shifted a little too far to the left for his taste, or like how no matter what he tried, the humidity kept curling his hair back to its natural hobbity state. He had Ro to thank for solving the latter. He eventually found an outfit; his usual tight black t-shirt paired with a new leather jacket (compliments of Ro, of course) and some skinny jeans. He thought he looked like an abyss. A good abyss, mind you, but an abyss nonetheless.

He fidgeted nervously in front of the mirror, and he jumped slightly when Ro put a hand on his shoulder.

“You look good, kiddo,” she said with a smile.

“Thanks,” Dan said nervously, running a hair through his fringe. “Think Phil will like it?”

“He’s gonna love it,” Ro assured him. She grinned up at him. “Look at little Danny boy, all grown up now!”

Dan snorted. “Oh shut up,” he said with a laugh, pushing Ro’s shoulder.

Ro laughed, but it slowed to a halt fairly quickly. “In all seriousness though, you look really nice,” Ro said.

“You don't think the outfit’s too dark?”

“Dark colors suit you,” Ro said simply. “They kind of bring out your eyes a bit, don't you think?”

“I suppose,” Dan mumbled with a shrug. “I don’t really know.”

“Purples are good for that too,” Ro noted. She turned to face Dan with a grin. “You excited? It’s almost three.”

“I’m really nervous, actually,” Dan said, biting his lip. He looked in the mirror again, worrying over his appearance. Did he look okay? Was everything perfect? He really wanted everything to go well today.

“You’re kidding.”

“No, I’m not,” Dan insisted, tugging at the bottom of his shirt absentmindedly. “I’m petrified I’ll say something stupid and he’ll never want to see me again.”

“First of all,” Ro started, her hand on her hip, “he slammed you up against a window because he wanted you so much. I don’t think you’ll have to worry about him not wanting to see you again. Second of all, you’re Dan motherfucking Howell, alright?! You’re the flirtiest, funniest, kindest person I’ve ever known, and even I wouldn’t have stuck around this long if the stupid things you said were that bad.”

Dan smiled, comforted by her words. “Thanks, Ro.”

They both spun around at the sound of the door chiming. Dan started walking forward, but Ro stopped him. She grinned mischievously.

“I’ll get the door. You come out in a minute all dramatically like I did at prom when we couldn’t find any guys to go with.”

“Gotcha,” Dan said, his voice shaking with nerves.

Ro left the room, and Dan caught a glimpse of Phil before the door closed again. His eyes widened. Phil was in a blazer, button up white shirt, and slacks. Like, proper slacks. “Fuck,” Dan muttered, “am I underdressed?! Why didn’t I think someone like him would take me somewhere nice?! Of course he would, I said a proper date, didn’t I? Dammit, Dan, you idiot!”

Ro came back in, grinning. “Your prince has arrived, princess.” Her grin faltered at Dan’s panicked look. “What’s wrong?”

“I knew I’d mess everything up, he’s dressed so nicely, and I must look a mess!”

“Dan, you look great. Besides, he’s only dressed like that because it’s his lunch break for work,” Ro said, rolling her eyes. “And he’s only got two hours, so time is ticking!”

Dan’s eyes widened and he rushed to the front of the bakery, where Phil was waving happily at him. He grinned and smoothed down his hair as he approached the man. Dan felt the usual gaggle of girls staring at him, but with a much different look than the one of infatuation they typically gave him. It was almost as if they were eager to see him with Phil. Dan shook the thought off and caught Phil’s gaze, which was...studying him. His movements; the way his hands shook slightly with anticipation, the way his black-clad chest rose and fell with each breath.

Phil bit his lip as Dan stood about a foot away. “You look stunning,” he said breathlessly.

“Thank you. You look quite dashing yourself, Mr. Lester,” Dan said silkily, his voice calm despite the fact his nerves seemed to be trying to get his stomach to do somersaults.

Phil’s face flushed, and he offered his arm to Dan. “Shall we?”

Dan smiled and took Phil’s arm, fully aware of the stares from the rest of the patrons in the bakery. “We shall.”

They walked out onto the street, and the chilly air rushed against Dan’s face. He shuddered involuntarily against Phil, and Phil’s eyes widened. “Are you cold?” Phil asked, stopping in his tracks.

“A bit,” Dan admitted reluctantly. Phil let go of Dan’s arm and began taking his blazer off. “Oh, you don’t have to--”

“Don’t be silly,” Phil said flatly, draping the coat around Dan’s shoulders. “I’ll be fine. I can’t have you cold on such an important occasion.”

Dan’s cheeks reddened. “Well, thank you.” He smiled at Phil. “So, where are we headed, Mr. Lester?”

“I was thinking we’d grab a bite to eat at this really neat place I found,” Phil said cheerfully. His face fell a bit. “I don’t have very much time, I’m really sorry. The two hour lunch break is quite the stretch already, but let’s make the most of it, yeah?”

Dan grinned. “Of course! Any time with you is a good time.”

“I could say the same about you, Dan Howell.”

“Flirty, are we?”

Phil poked Dan’s cheek playfully. “You wish.”

“You are my wildest fantasy,” Dan said, his voice low and sultry. Phil shuddered visibly. Dan smirked.

“M-My shoe’s untied,” Phil observed with a stutter. “Just a sec.”

Phil bent down, and Dan gladly took the opportunity to stare at his bum for a few moments. Phil stood back up, his cheeks slightly less pink than before, and Dan bit his lip, leaning close to Phil’s ear.

“You’ve got an exquisite ass, Mr. Lester,” Dan whispered, relishing in the slight gasp Phil let out.

“D-Dan!” Phil stared at him, eyes wide.

“You know what they say,” Dan said casually, “you’ve got to take time to enjoy the finer things in life.”

“Are you implying my butt is like the eighth wonder of the world or something?” Phil joked nervously.

Dan frowned in thought for a moment. “No, it’s so good, I think it should be in second place.”

Phil’s cheeks reddened again, and he looked away, crossing his arms. “O-Oh yeah? And what exactly takes the place above my bum?”

“You as a whole, of course,” Dan said simply, taking Phil’s hand. “You also forgot what you promised me last night.”

“Oh, r-right. Sorry. Let’s, er, go to the restaurant, shall we?”

They walked silently down the road, hand in hand, Phil’s jacket still hanging off of Dan’s shoulders comfortably. Dan stole a glance at Phil. who stared ahead determinedly, a bright smile on his chiseled features that made Dan’s heart melt. His dark hair shone perfectly in the sunlight, and the warmth of his hand made Dan feel like the days would never feel cold again. His entire aura was comforting, and Dan wanted to memorize every moment, every movement Phil made. Phil squeezed Dan’s hand and looked at him, a contented look as his eyes found Dan’s, the ocean meeting the land. He stopped and held the door open for Dan, who accepted gratefully, stepping into the warm air of a cozy little Italian bistro. They waited at the counter for the hostess, who bustled over as fast as possible.

She smiled at the two of them, and they returned the gesture. “Hello, is it just the two of you?”

Phil nodded, and she motioned for them to follow her. They obliged, stopping at the given table and reluctantly letting go of the other’s hand to sit across from each other. The hostess left, and now it was just the two of them yet again. Dan leaned on his elbow, studying Phil for just a moment before speaking.

“You know, this place is really nice.”

Phil let out a sigh of relief. “I’m glad you think so. I haven’t been many places around town, since I’m fairly new here. It’s just my flat, my office, and your bakery that I go to, really.”

“Well, aren’t I lucky you happened to be looking for a place to eat and I was nearby?”

Phil grinned. “I’m glad I stumbled in on the bakery. I really do like it. And you,” he said, trailing off towards the end.

Dan’s cheeks flushed and he couldn’t help but smile. “I like you quite a lot too, Mr. Lester. You make life just a little more interesting.”

Phil overexaggerated a pout. “Only a little?”

“You’re actually quite intriguing,” Dan admitted. “I felt like I needed to know more about you the second I saw you, you know. Something about your eyes makes me feel like I’m in midair.”

Phil smiled softly. “You’re quite entertaining, Dan Howell.”

Dan raised an eyebrow. “Oh? And how’s that?”

“You’re funny and flirty, but you’re kind and you know when to back off. I respect that.” Phil’s tone lowered. “And, if I do say so myself, you’re quite attractive when you’re pinned against a window.”

Dan felt his face heating up more than he’d prefer, but he refused to relent. “We’ll just have to try that out some more, then, won’t we?”

“I’d like that,” Phil said quietly, leaning forward.

Dan leaned forward too, but they were interrupted by the hostess, who had returned to take their orders. Phil started, giving Dan a moment to glance through the menu. When they had both ordered, the hostess left quickly, seemingly uninterested in any conversation. Dan didn’t blame her; she seemed quite busy.

“How were you so quick?” Dan asked.

Phil shrugged. “I just got what I got last time. Spaghetti is delicious, don’t judge me!”

“I’m not saying it’s not good,” Dan said, his hands raised defensively. “I just like chicken parm better!”

Phil laughed, the sound making Dan’s stomach do cartwheels. “Well, I’m just glad you seem to like this place.”

Dan nodded, and his face brightened. “So, tell me more about your job! You barely talk about it, but it must be exciting to be a writer!”

Phil looked to the side, avoiding Dan’s excited gaze. “I don’t know. It’s not that interesting, to be honest.”

Dan waved his hand dismissively. “Oh, please, I’ve read your poetry and it’s far from uninteresting. Besides, I’d be interested in anything you say. To be perfectly frank, I could listen to your voice all day. It’s very nice.”

Phil laughed weakly, meeting Dan’s eyes again. “The office I work at isn’t for my writing,” he admitted. “I’d like to think I’m a successful writer, but my editor keeps saying I don’t have enough poems for a book yet. So, whilst I’m waiting on that one big break, I work as an accountant for a paper company.”

“I bet you’re the best accountant they’ve got,” Dan said confidently.

Phil smiled sadly, shaking his head. “Not even close. I’m actually terrible at maths. It’s a wonder I haven’t been fired yet, really.”

“If you need a private tutor, I’m always available,” Dan offered, batting his eyelashes.

Phil’s cheeks reddened, but he raised an amused eyebrow nonetheless. “Didn’t you drop out of college?”

Dan crossed his arms across his chest. “That doesn’t mean I’m not good at maths,” he insisted defensively. “Besides, I was only trying to get you to come over more.” His eyes widened, having realized what he had just said.

Phil seemed to realize it too, but he just smiled wider. “In that case, maybe you’ll have to teach me how to do my job better, Dan Howell.”

“That can be arranged,” Dan said with a smirk.

Phil smiled deviously, and the sight made Dan need an ice bath to cool down.

“Holy fuck,” he whispered, his eyes wide.

Phil’s smiled fell, and a concerned look replaced it. “What’s wrong?”

“That was the hottest thing I’ve ever fucking seen,” Dan said softly.

Phil’s face quite resembled a tomato in that moment, but the usual pale color returned gradually as the hostess finally brought their meals to the table. She left them after a quick “enjoy” and they started eating.

Phil looked down at his watch, then his eyes widened. “Shit,” he mumbled.

“What’s wrong?” Dan asked, covering his full mouth with his hand.

“I’ve only got an hour left,” Phil whined, a frown now clearly apparent on his face.

Dan bit his lip. “Well, what if you just take the rest of the day off?”

Phil almost choked on his pasta. “Y-You mean ditch? No, no, no,” he said quickly, shaking his head, “my boss would legitimately kill me.”

“Oh,” Dan said softly, nodding knowingly, “that’s cool, I understand if you really do have to go.”

Just then, Phil’s phone started ringing. He went to turn it off but paused at the caller ID. He hesitated for a moment, turning to Dan.

“It’s my mum, I...I’m really sorry, do you mind if I get this? I’ll tell her I’m out to lunch and I’ll call her back,” Phil assured him.

Dan laughed softly. “It’s your mum, you have to get it. It’s fine, really. Just gives me an excuse to look at you in silence when it’d usually be considered creepy.”

Phil giggled softly, his tongue poking out from his teeth slightly. Dan’s stomach was doing cartwheels. He picked up his phone. “Hey, Mum, what’s--”

Dan heard shouting from the other line.

“N-No, Mum, I didn’t know that Sophie still had your number...y-yes, but--”

More shouting.

Phil winced, holding the phone slightly away from his ear due to the sheer volume. “Mum, I was planning on telling you soon, but--”

Even more.

“Mum, please, calm down, we can talk calmly about this later, okay? I’m out to lunch--”

Dan could hear the words now. “Oh, what, with that boy Sophie saw you snogging yesterday?!”

Dan’s eyes widened. He felt sick. Everything was his fault.

Phil saw how terrified Dan looked, and he looked furious now. “As a matter of fact, yes, Mum,” he said, deadly quiet. “And I’d appreciate it if you would stop yelling, as you’re frightening him and a number of restaurant patrons.”

She was quiet now. Dan felt a mix of relief and anxiety. Phil reached across the table for Dan’s hand, and Dan took it gladly, giving Phil a reassuring squeeze. Phil smiled genuinely at him, and Dan’s anxiety melted away.

“Of course, Mum. You’ll have to wait for a bit, because I’m getting promoted soon and I’ll get more vacation days then...Alright then. Bye, Mum. Love you.” And with that, he hung up.

“So?” Dan asked nervously, afraid he’d caused an entire family dispute.

Phil laughed and shook his head. “She’s not mad at me being interested in men, if that’s what you’re afraid of. She was more upset at the fact I’d told Sophie before her, and that it was the reason I left. And, of course, Mum being Mum, she wants to meet you already. But don’t worry--”

“You told her,” Dan said, relieved beyond belief. “I heard, you spork.”

Phil smiled, but it disappeared immediately as he looked at his watch again. “I’ve got to get going soon. Don’t worry, finish your food, I can just pay up front.”

“Well, you don’t have to pay--”

“Don’t be silly, Dan,” Phil said dismissively. “It’s worth it. Besides, I’m being completely rude by leaving you here without a proper goodbye. It’s the least I can do.”

“If you’re sure,” Dan said reluctantly. He smiled as Phil pulled away, standing up. “Well, have fun at work. Or, as much as you can.”

Phil laughed. “Thanks, Dan. Sorry I have to cut this short. Really, I am.”

Dan waved a hand dismissively, standing up and giving Phil a swift kiss on the cheek. “It’s fine. You have a job to get back to, and I’d hate for you to get fired.”

Phil’s cheeks were pink, but he smiled nonetheless. “I’ll see you at the bakery later tonight, then. Bye, Dan!”

And with that, he walked up to the front of the restaurant, paid, and left. Dan sighed, slumping down in his seat slightly. “I miss you already,” he mumbled.

Little did he know, Phil was saying the same thing outside.

******************************


	5. Chapter 5

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry for taking so long with this chapter! It's quite long, I hope you like it!

The first thing Dan noticed when he got back to the bakery was that he was still wearing Phil’s jacket. He smiled. It smelled good, like Phil. The second thing he noticed was that Ro was nowhere to be found. His brow furrowed as he looked around, the jacket still draped around his shoulders. Ro wouldn’t have left the bakery before closing time, that just wasn’t like her. Why was the bakery empty, anyway? Five in the evening was usually one of their busiest hours, what with the nine-to-five businessmen getting off work.

“Ro?” Dan called, confused and a bit uneasy. The emptiness of the building made him slightly nervous. “You here?”

He received no reply, and went upstairs to look for the short redhead. He was halfway down the hallway when he heard the bakery door open downstairs. He sighed, slightly reluctant to walk all the way back down again, but did it anyway. Of course, the person who just came in was Ro, and she was attempting to balance what looked like about sixteen shopping bags in her arms. Dan rolled his eyes, making his way over to the struggling woman and lifting up as many bags as he could.

“Welcome back,” he said with a grin. His grin faded under the weight of the bags, however. “What’s in these things, anyways?”

Ro laughed, the sound muffled behind the wall of supplies she was carrying. “Most of it is just ingredients and stuff like that, but I bought some decorations for the bakery. Just figured it needed a little bit of pizazz.” She set her bags down on the counter with a slight groan and looked up at Dan. She held back a smile and crossed her arms. “Who’s jacket might that be, Daniel?”

Dan’s cheeks flushed as he set the remaining bags down. “Phil gave it to me because I was cold earlier. I guess he forgot to take it back. I’ll give it to him when he comes in later.”

“What a gentleman,” Ro said, smirking.

Dan hummed, stretching out a bit. “I hope he didn't get in trouble for business dress at work or something.”

“It's just a jacket, I'm sure he’ll be fine.”

Dan shrugged as he put the blazer on a coat rack. “I guess so. He doesn't like his work very much, though.” He thought for a moment, then looked up hopefully. “Maybe I can do something to cheer him up?”

Ro’s brow furrowed. “Meaning?”

Dan smiled sheepishly. “Can I use some of the ingredients to make him a nice dinner?”

Ro’s eyes sparkled deviously. “You start cooking, I’ll be right back.” She started walking to the door.

“Wait, what the hell am I supposed to cook?!”

“There's steak and other stuff in the bag,” Ro said without looking back.

Dan chuckled. “Of course there is. Thanks, Ro!”

“No problem,” she said as she left, her wavy red hair bouncing behind her.

Dan bit his lip, searching through the bags for the aforementioned steak. When he found it, he made his way back to the kitchen and set it down beside the stove. He rubbed his hands together, eager to get started. He had three hours until Phil’s usual time, and he was determined to make the best damn dinner he'd ever made. After he’d prepared the steak, Ro came back with some candles and a nice tablecloth and dropped them off, saying she’d be out of Dan’s hair for a while, but warned him she’d be back by ten. About two hours after he’d started cooking both the steak and quite the nice cake, he rummaged through the cabinets for a cookbook, and he was glad to find one underneath a pile of pots. He pulled it out, trying not to disturb any of the appliances, but of course, they all spilled out onto the floor.

Except for one, which hit his foot.

Rather painfully, he might add.

“Fuck!” Dan yelled, falling instinctively to the ground and clutching at his foot. “Shit, shit, shit, I can't move it!”

He fumbled for his phone in his back pocket, reluctant to let go of his foot. He tapped on Ro’s number, but of course it went straight to voicemail. He groaned and propped himself up on one elbow. His eyes widened as he heard the door to the bakery open, the little bell’s noise startling him.

“Dan?” Phil’s voice called from the front.

Dan looked around for something, anything to help him get up. Alas, there was nothing. He sighed and closed his eyes, feeling his face flush in embarrassment. “In the kitchen,” he called back meekly.

Phil’s beautiful face appeared in the doorway, a bright smile on his exquisite features. It faded into shock, however, when he saw Dan on the ground clutching his foot. He rushed over and knelt beside him. “What the heck happened?!”

Dan mumbled something incoherent, his cheeks reddening furiously. Phil raised an eyebrow.

“Sorry?”

“Right, okay, so I was trying to make a nice dinner for you because I was hoping to cheer you up from work and then I went and dropped a pot on my foot and ruined everything and I’m so sorry, Phil, I--”

Phil cut him off by crashing his lips against Dan’s. Dan kissed back eagerly, ignoring the pain in his foot for just a moment as he buried his hands in Phil’s hair. Phil pulled away for a moment, his face now seriously concerned.

“Your breathing’s irregular. You’re hurt.” Phil gently moved Dan’s hands away from his hair, leaning towards the younger boy’s foot. He picked it up tentatively, and Dan winced. “I think your foot might be--I’m sorry, am I hurting you?”

“N-No,” Dan said, obviously in pain, “go on and s-say what you were going to say.”

“I think your foot might be fractured. Can you move it?” Phil asked, grabbing a hold of one of Dan’s hands.

Dan attempted to move it, but the pain was indescribable. He dug his nails into Phil’s hand, and the raven-haired man winced. Phil said nothing, however, as he squeezed back, determined to make sure one of them was still level-headed. Dan gasped, his breath hitching as tears welled up in his eyes.

“Fuck,” he muttered, “I’m so s-sorry, Phil.”

Phil tilted Dan’s chin towards him, wiping away the tear that had made its way down Dan’s cheek. “Hey,” he said softly, “it’s okay. Let’s get you to a hospital, yeah?”

“O-Okay,” Dan said with a pained look.

Phil, with surprising strength, picked Dan up bridal style and carried him out of the kitchen, being especially careful to support his foot. Dan squeezed his arm, however, as they got to the front of the bakery. Phil looked down, worried he’d hurt the brunette.

“Your jacket,” Dan said, pointing over to the coat rack in the corner.

Phil, much to Dan’s astonishment, laughed. “That blazer is the least of my worries, Bear.”

“Bear?” Dan questioned quietly, causing Phil’s cheeks to redden.

“Sorry,” Phil muttered, pushing the bakery door open with his back and attempting to hail a cab with Dan in his arms. “I don’t know what I was thinking, it’s probably weird to give you a nickname, it’s just that you’re soft like a little teddy bear and--”

“H-Hey,” Dan said softly, his voice shaking a bit with discomfort, “it’s fine. R-really. I like it.”

Phil smiled slightly and breathed a sigh of relief as a taxi pulled over to the side of the road. The driver, seeing the predicament the two men were in, got out of the cab and opened the door for them. Phil thanked her and placed Dan delicately in the back seat, putting Dan’s aching leg on his lap as he sat down.

“Don’t worry,” he whispered, “I won’t let you get any more hurt than you already are. I wanna make sure you’re okay.”

“Thanks, Phil,” Dan beamed.

“Hello gentlemen,” the driver said politely. “Where to?”

“The hospital, please,” Phil said urgently.

The driver’s eyes widened and she adjusted her cap. “Yes, sir,” she affirmed, starting down the road. “May I ask why you haven’t called an ambulance.”

Dan’s cheeks reddened. “I wasn’t thinking, I guess.”

“It’s fine,” Phil assured him. “We all do that sometimes. Besides, I’m glad I came before anything else could happen.”

“Your friend there is right,” the driver said, the word sending a cringe to Dan’s face. “I hope I can get you folks there before London traffic hits.”

Thankfully, the typically busy streets were somewhat empty, and they got to the hospital fairly quickly. The driver told them that the ride was on her, and Phil thanked her as they got out, a nurse bringing out a wheelchair for Dan. Phil walked with him to the front counter, but after Dan filled out some paperwork, the security guard prohibited him from following Dan down the corridor.

“Sorry,” he said flatly, his face showing exactly no signs of any actual sympathy, “only family past this point.”

Phil looked at Dan quickly, both of them seeming to have a mental conversation with their eyes. Dan’s were worried, terrified even. Phil took a deep breath. “I’m, er, his husband. Yeah.”

Dan’s cheeks went red as the security guard held the door open for Phil. Phil grinned nervously down at Dan and took his hand gingerly as the nurse pushed the wheelchair down the hall. The nurse stopped outside of the radiographic room and looked down at Dan.

“Do you think you can stand, Mr. Howell?” Dan shook his head at the woman and she nodded, then turned to Phil. “Can I ask your help here, sir? I don’t think I’m strong enough to carry him onto the table.”

Phil simply nodded, scooping Dan up in his arms as the younger boy threw his arms around Phil’s neck. Phil followed the nurse’s orders and placed Dan gently on the examining table, and watched as the woman, who introduced herself as Darcy, began to x-ray Dan’s foot. She turned away from the screen with a sigh, facing the two men.

“Well, the good news is that it’s nothing that can’t be fixed fairly quickly,” she said, earning a smile from Dan. “But the bad news is that you’ve fractured your foot, Mr. Howell. At the most, it’ll take eight weeks, but if you’re careful about how you handle it, it could be done in a little less than six.”

“Eight weeks?! I can’t deal with that, I have a job that needs me to move around and make things,” Dan said with a panicked look towards Phil.

“Well, maybe your husband can help you out with that,” Darcy suggested, gesturing lightly to Phil.

“What?” Phil asked, slightly surprised. His cheeks reddened. “Right, right, of course.”

“Now, Mr. Howell,” Darcy said, seeming not to notice that Dan and Phil’s cheeks were equally flushed at this point, “you can have visitors about an hour after we get your foot all wrapped up. We’re going to keep you overnight since it’s a bit late, just to check on you and make sure everything else is in order, alright?”

“Thank you so much,” Dan said as Phil picked him back up and put him back in the wheelchair.

“I’m so sorry, sir,” Darcy said to Phil as they approached another room a bit farther down the hall, “I’m going to have to ask you to wait here whilst Mr. Howell gets his cast. Will that be alright?”

Phil nodded silently, waving to Dan as he sat down in one of the chairs by the door. He sighed, tossing his head back and hitting the wall with a soft thump. He groaned and sat up again, worries still stirring around his head, along with a bit of an ache. What was he going to do? He really wanted to help Dan (perhaps this meant more time with the man he’d grown so fond of), but he couldn’t just up and leave his job. Besides, Dan had Ro, right? Ro…

Phil snapped upright, pulling out his phone before realizing he didn’t have Ro’s number. He groaned again, running a hair through his fringe. He frowned, falling back into thought. Perhaps it might be good if he quit. He’d always hated being an accountant anyway. But how would he make money? How could he survive? Maybe he’d be able to finally publish some poems, but that would take time, and quite a bit of money, which he wouldn’t have if he quit. To be fair, he had put aside some money just in case his time with that damned paper company was cut short, so he’d like to think he was a bit prepared for one of those “just in case” scenarios.

Phil was so wrapped up in his thoughts that he barely noticed the nurse come back out. He looked up at her anxiously, and she smiled at him.

“He’s all good. Would you like to see him before we take him to his room?”

“Yes, please!”

Phil walked into the room behind the nurse and was slightly surprised to find Dan a bit loopy on the table, a black cast wrapped around his leg. Dan giggled, a sound that made Phil quite flustered, and proceeded to try and lean forward to kiss him, despite the fact that Phil was about ten feet away from him. Dan balanced himself, giggling again as he looked up at Phil from where he was seated.

“Hey, Philly~!”

“Hi, Dan,” Phil said softly, sitting next to Dan.

“We had to give him a bit of what you might call laughing gas,” a doctor, whom Phil hadn’t noticed before, said, reaching out a hand to shake Phil’s. “I’m Dr. Baker. Hopefully your husband will feel better soon.”

Phil’s eyes widened for a moment before he remembered what he had said earlier. “Right, yes, thank you, Dr. Baker. Would it be alright if I called his friend? She lives with him--us, rather. A childhood friend,” he explained, seeing the doctor’s confused expression.

Dr. Baker smiled and nodded. Phil took a deep breath and faced Dan again, who, in turn, threw his arms around Phil’s neck and grinned.

“Hey, Bear, can I see your phone for a sec?” Phil asked quietly.

“Why? Can’t we just kiss?” Dan asked, prolonging the ‘s’ of the word as he drew closer to Phil.

“I’m gonna call Ro so she knows what’s going on,” Phil told him, resisting the urge to smile at Dan’s slightly dopey face.

“Fine,” Dan gave in, dragging out the vowel with a whine. He pulled his phone out of his pocket and appeared to space out for a moment. He looked back at Phil with wide eyes and handed the phone over. Phil took it carefully, wondering why Dan was looking at him with such an odd glint in his eyes. He didn’t have to wait long to receive an answer, however. “You’re pretty. Really pretty. I like you, Philly. I like you a lot~!” The brunette giggled again, and Phil bit back yet another smile.

Phil sighed. Of course Dan had a password. “Dan--”

“Nooooo,” Dan whined, “call me Bear, baby~!”

Phil’s cheeks went red. “Okay, B-Bear, what’s your password?”

“It’s the color of your eyes, silly,” Dan said, rolling his eyes as though it were the most obvious thing in the world.

It took Phil a moment, but he managed to find the numbers that corresponded with the letters to blue. He scrolled through Dan’s surprisingly short contact list until he reached Ro and called her. It took a few rings, but she picked up.

“Dan? What’s up? How’s the dinner going?”

“Dinner?” Phil questioned. He shook his head. “Nevermind, not important right now. It’s Phil; I’m with Dan at the hospital at the moment.”

Ro gasped on the other end of the line. “What? What the hell happened?!”

“I think he’s a bit loopy from the stuff the doctors gave him at the moment, but long story short, he fractured his foot and I’m with him in the emergency room. As his, er, husband,” he said uneasily, glancing over to the doctor, who seemed to be completely invested in the paperwork, “I figured I’d take him really quick and bring him back home, but they’re keeping him overnight. I figured you might want to visit before the hours are over, which is in about two hours from now.”

“His...husband? Never mind, you can explain when I get there. Keep him safe, alright?” Ro said sternly, hanging up right after.

Phil sighed, looking down at Dan. He couldn’t hold his smile back any longer; Dan’s slightly curly hair mixed with his goofy smile that made a deep dimple appear was just too much joy for him to handle. Dan’s brown eyes sparkled at Phil’s smile, and he moved one hand from the back of Phil’s neck to his cheek. Phil leaned down slightly, but the two were regretfully interrupted by Dr. Baker.

“Mr. Howell, we have your room ready.” Dr. Baker gave a forced smile and gestured to Dan’s wheelchair.

“I’ll, er, put him in there, then,” Phil said uneasily. “Come on, then, Dan, up you come.”

Dan reached up, pouting innocently as Phil picked him up and placed him carefully down in the chair. “But, Philly, I want you to carry me,” he whined, crossing his arms.

“Dan, it’s easier like this. And,” Phil added, before Dan could complain, “I’ll let you hold my hand the whole time you’re in the hospital bed, alright?”

Dan grinned as Phil began following the doctor out the door, pushing the chair forward effortlessly. Dr. Baker led them a short ways down the hall to a small room, where he left Phil to lift Dan into the hospital bed. Dan would not stop reminding Phil that he said he’d hold his hand, and so immediately after he was settled, Phil took hold of the brunette boy’s hand.

“Philly?”

“Yes, Dan?”

“Are you gonna take care of me now that I’m sick~?” Dan attempted to smirk, but it came across as more of an odd half-smile.

Phil squeezed Dan’s hand and gave him a sad smile. “I’ll be at the bakery as much as I can, but I do have to work.”

Dan pouted. “But what if--”

He was cut off as a nurse entered. “Hello, Mr. Howell. Now, first things first, we need you to get changed into this hospital gown, alright?”

“But my foot is hurt,” Dan said.

“Maybe you can help him?” She had turned to Phil, who nodded, a bit pink in the cheeks. “Alright, then, I’ll leave the room for a bit whilst you get him ready.”

“O-Okay,” Phil said as the nurse left. He faced Dan, who was grinning ear to ear. “Let’s get you into that gown, hm?”

Dan nodded and pulled off his shirt within a second, and Phil’s eyes widened. Dan was fairly in shape for how he described his exercise habits. He was lean and perfectly pale, and Phil couldn’t help but stare down at the v-line that peeked out from Dan’s jeans.

“Like what you see?” Dan asked, attempting to be suggestive, but sounded like a total dork.

“I’d like to s-see you in that hospital gown,” Phil said, avoiding Dan’s gaze.

“You know, I can’t take my pants off by myself.”

“Are you actually kidding me?” Phil asked, his face growing redder by the second.

“My foot’s broken,” Dan said innocently, batting his eyelashes at Phil. “How can I be expected to do such a grueling task?”

“Alright, alright,” Phil grumbled, his hands hesitating over Dan’s jeans.

Dan raised an eyebrow, putting his hands behind his head. “Well, get on with it.”

“Can’t you unbutton them yourself?” Phil pleaded, his cheeks radiating heat.

Dan sighed dramatically, tossing his hair to the side. “I’m so exhausted, Philly.”

“Fine,” Phil growled, his eyes gleaming deviously. “Have it your way.”

He yanked Dan’s jeans down with one swoop, causing the younger boy to yelp quite loudly. Dan covered his mouth with his hand, his cheeks almost as red as Phil’s. “I didn’t know you were going to do it that fast,” he hissed defensively, lowering his arms in order to cross them.

“You should be prepared then,” Phil shot back playfully. “I tend to like fast.”

Dan’s eyes widened, but he looked away. “Just hand me the damn hospital gown, won’t you?”

Phil smiled brightly, the gleam in his eyes from earlier now absent from the blue orbs. He handed over the gown and Dan sat up, slipping the sleeves over himself. He looked over his shoulder at Phil, biting his lip.

“Can you tie up the back?”

“Sure,” Phil mumbled, reaching forward to tie the string. The nurse walked in and Phil jumped, causing Dan to fall backwards into his lap. Dan looked up at him and began to laugh. “What’s so funny?”

“You’re upside down,” Dan whispered, reaching up for Phil’s face but wincing when he found himself quite uncomfortable.

The nurse, however, was unamused. “Alright, Mr. Howell, I’m going to need you to sit up so that I can do the necessary procedures.”

Dan obeyed, positioning himself back onto the slightly reclined hospital bed. He reached for Phil’s hand again and the latter took hold of it gently, caressing the back of Dan’s hand with his thumb. Dan squeezed tighter as the nurse put an IV in the back of his right hand.

“You’re afraid of needles,” Phil observed, so quiet that only Dan could hear him.

Dan nodded and looked up pointedly. The nurse took his blood pressure and checked his heartbeat, told them she’d be available if they needed her, and left. Dan looked back at Phil and smiled sleepily, his eyes drooping. He snapped fully awake, however, as the door to the room opened again.

Ro rushed over, her hair a frizzy red mess and her breathing rapid, as though she’d been through quite a bit of exercise. “Dan! Dan, are you alright?! What happened?”

“I’m fine, Rosie,” Dan said, his tone tired. “Phil took good care of me.”

Phil smiled wearily up at Ro, who had her eyebrows raised. “Rosie? Is he drunk?”

“No,” Phil said. “Only high off his arse on laughing gas.”

“Laughing gas…?”

“They had to put him on it when they were doing his cast, I guess,” Phil explained with a shrug. “I don’t know, that’s the one thing they wouldn’t let me see.”

“Wait, how did you get inside with him in the first place?” Ro questioned, slightly more aggressive than she intended.

“I, er, told them I was his husband,” Phil mumbled meekly, his cheeks pink.

He looked over at Dan, who was now asleep, and smiled fondly. Ro held back a grin. “They bought it, then?”

Phil nodded, and tried to cross his arms as best he could without letting go of Dan’s hand, which resulted in his left hand awkwardly holding his right arm. “I was worried about him,” he said defensively.

“I’m really sorry I didn’t get in sooner,” Ro said sadly. “I had to run from the antique shop to here, and that’s like, a mile.”

“You ran?! Are you insane?!” Phil asked incredulously.

“I’m not insane,” Ro insisted stubbornly. “I’m just protective and impulsive. Dan’s like my little brother, and I was probably just as worried about him as you.”

“We should be more quiet,” Phil whispered suddenly. “Bear’s asleep.”

“Bear?”

Phil’s cheeks went red. “Right, it was an accident when we were getting in the cab and I guess it just stuck.”

“It’s cute. Besides, it suits him and his childhood obsession with Winnie the Pooh.”

Phil’s eyes brightened. “Wait, Dan was into Winnie the Pooh?!”

Ro stifled a laugh with her hand. “Into it? I don’t think that’s the proper term for how much he loves that little yellow bear.”

“That would explain why he’s so articulate, I suppose,” Phil mumbled, sweeping Dan’s hair out of his face with his free hand.

“Are you going to stay with him tonight?” Ro asked out of nowhere.

“Er, yeah, I was planning on it. Why, should I go, or--”

“No, no, no,” Ro said quickly. “I was just wondering. I can’t stay because I didn’t use the whole ‘husband’ card, so I just wanted to make sure he would wake up to someone smiling at him.”

Phil grinned. “You’re a really good friend, Ro.”

Ro smiled sheepishly. “Thanks. I try. You should at least try and get some rest whilst you’re here, though. Tomorrow’s Saturday; I’m assuming you don’t have work?”

Phil nodded. “I’ll be able to bring him home safe and sound, don’t worry.”

“Okay. Goodnight, Phil. I’ll see you tomorrow.”

“See you, Ro.”

And with that, Ro left. Phil sighed contentedly, gazing at Dan’s adorable sleeping face fondly. Dan’s hair was sprinkled with slight curls now; it took all the self-control Phil had to stop himself from toying with them. Dan’s lips were parted slightly, his chest rising and falling in a slow, steady rhythm. Phil smiled. Dan was cute when he was asleep. The peaceful moment was disrupted, however, by Phil’s phone buzzing in his pocket. His right hand still in Dan’s, he used his slightly clumsier left hand to pick up.

“Philip. I’m glad I was able to finally get you.”

It was his boss.

“O-Oh, hello, Mr. Scott. I’m really sorry I didn’t pick up earlier, I was--”

“I don’t care for excuses, Philip,” Mr. Scott said impatiently. “I regret to inform you, especially on my personal time, that you are being let go. The company’s running out of money, and we have to lay off some workers. I do hope you don’t take it personally.”

“What a coincidence,” Phil said coldly, “because I was just about to call you and quit.”

And with that, he hung up.

******************************


	6. Chapter 6

Dan sat up and stretched, unsurprised to find himself slightly restricted by the cord of an IV. He was happy to find that the other thing restricting his arm was Phil’s hand wrapped around his. Dan smiled and looked down at Phil. His dark hair was a mess, spread out ruggedly against the back of the tiny hospital chair beside Dan’s bed. He sighed contentedly in his sleep, mumbling something incoherent. Dan held back a giggle at how adorable Phil looked. He wondered what Phil was dreaming about.

“Hey,” he whispered, shaking Phil’s arm gently. “Wake up, sleepy head.”

Phil’s eyes opened slowly, his smile tired. “Mm...good morning, Dan,” he mumbled, his husky morning voice sending shivers down Dan’s spine.

“I am a free man today,” Dan declared, giving Phil’s hand a slight squeeze.

Phil chuckled groggily. “Oh, yeah, they’re letting you out after a whole agonizing night.”

“Hey, don’t poke fun, this hospital bed was uncomfortable!”

“You were unconscious within minutes, Danny boy.”

Dan cringed, shaking his head with a laugh. “Please never call me that again.”

Phil pouted, staring up at Dan with tired blue orbs. “It's cute though,” he whined.

“It sounds like the name I’d use if I were a pimp,” Dan said flatly.

“I can see that,” Phil said confidently, the husky tone of his voice subsiding slightly, much to Dan’s disappointment.

“You know, you look adorable when you sleep.”

“I could say the same for you.”

Dan grinned, and Phil did the same, neither of them looking away from the other. Dan was wondering what Phil was thinking as he watched his nervous smile twitch slightly, an excited glint in his brilliantly blue eyes. Under such bright lights, Phil looked even paler, almost glowing with an angelic aura. Dan’s cheeks reddened slightly as his eyes met Phil's, searching for something he couldn't name. They stayed like that for a while until the nurse came back in.

“Well, Mr. Howell, you're all set to go. We’re going to give you a pair of crutches, and all you have to do is sign some paperwork and then you can go home. If you'd like a wheelchair, I can give you a list of stores.”

“I-I’m good with the crutches, thanks,” Dan said quickly. He wasn't helpless, after all. He could properly take care of himself.

The nurse nodded, handed him some papers, and left the room. Dan groaned and tossed the paperwork onto his lap, tilting his head up to stare at the ceiling.

“What’s wrong?”

“Nothing. I just really hate paperwork,” Dan joked, turning back to face Phil again.

“Who doesn’t?” Phil remarked with a laugh.

“As an accountant, I figured you didn’t mind paperwork all that much,” Dan said, a soft grin on his features.

Phil glanced off to the side with a sad smile. “Yeah, about that…”

“What’s up?” Dan asked, trying to hide the worry that had begun to flood him.

“I, er, got fired last night.”

Dan’s eyes widened, and he shot up in bed. “You got fired?!”

“It’s not a big deal,” Phil assured him, “I was planning to quit soon anyway. At least now, I’m guaranteed some severance.” He laughed dryly.

“Wh--I’m confused, Phil, you were planning to quit? Since when?”

Phil looked away sheepishly. “I mean, I haven’t particularly liked working there at all, and with your foot all…” Phil’s voice trailed off.

“Wait, wait, wait,” Dan said, holding up a hand. “Are you saying that you quit because--”

“Oh, don’t get me wrong, it’s totally, definitely not because I want to spend more time with you and take care of you whilst your foot’s broken,” Phil cut him off, cocking an eyebrow and smirking slightly.

“I’m sure that’s certainly not the reason,” Dan agreed, holding back a wide grin.

“Absolutely not.” Phil bit his lip as he smiled. “Don’t you dare think otherwise.”

“I believe you,” Dan said with a smile.

Phil sighed in mock relief. “Oh thank goodness. I thought I was going to have to keep telling you that I totally would never care about you that much.”

“Of course you wouldn’t,” Dan said, the grin he’d been holding back previously slipping forth.

Phil let out a giggle, which just happened to be one of Dan’s favorite sounds. “You’re such a dork.”

“You’re the one who started it,” Dan teased.

“What are we, five? Geez,” Phil said, smiling nonetheless.

“Well, if that’s on a scale from one to ten, you’re dreadfully mistaken. You’re off by six, I think,” Dan said thoughtfully.

“Wow, Dan, I’m hurt, truly. Saying I’m a negative number? That’s low,” Phil mocked.

“Well, if you’re a negative number, I can hardly stand to think how low I must be on the scale,” Dan said, his tone low.

Phil smirked. “You’re injured, and you’re still as flirty as ever, my dear Dan Howell.”

“My, my, Mr. Lester, am I really your dear?”

Phil’s cheeks reddened, but he refused to let his resolve slip before the younger man’s did. “Well, did I not just pretend to be your husband for nearly twelve hours?”

It was Dan’s turn to blush. “I am honored to be your fake husband, Mr. Lester,” he said, reaching out and grabbing Phils hand. He placed a gentle kiss to the back of it, soft pink lips connecting with smooth pale knuckles.

Phil’s brilliant blue eyes widened, but he was determined to keep the game up for as long as possible. “Anything for you, Bear,” he said with a smirk.

Dan’s eyes widened just as Phil’s had. “B-But I--and y-you--”

Phil booped Dan’s nose with his free hand. “I win!”

Dan’s eyes narrowed playfully. “For now, Mr. Lester. For now.”

Phil pretended to give Dan a scolding look. “Now, do your paperwork, Bear.”

Dan’s cheeks felt warm as he grinned. “Okay, okay. Only for you, my darling Philly.” He leaned up and pressed a soft kiss on Phil’s cheek, the warmth of the raven-haired man’s surprised blush a pleasant feeling on the brunette’s lips.

After Dan had been dismissed from the hospital, he and Phil hailed a cab and hightailed it back to the bakery. It took a moment for Dan to clamber out of the taxi with his crutches, but it was surprisingly easy for him to get accustomed to walking with them. As soon as he walked through the glass doors (held open courtesy of Phil), Ro nearly knocked him over in a hug. He chuckled, not able to hug her back without letting go of his crutches. She led him over to a beanbag chair, and Dan flopped down gratefully, the aforementioned crutches easily falling forgotten to the floor. Phil smiled and shook his head, picking them up and leaning them against the counter. Ro sat down in one of the chairs usually reserved for customers, and Phil settled down on the floor next to Dan.

“So, how are you?” Ro asked nervously, pushing her long red hair out of her face.

“I’m doing alright, Ro,” Dan said confidently. “There’s no need to worry. Philly here took really good care of me.”

Phil grinned, his heart swelling with pride. “I happen to be the best fake husband on the face of the planet.”

“Indeed you are,” Ro agreed. She turned back to Dan. “You were asleep when I came to visit. Speaking of which, you’re probably going to need some help taming your hobbit hair from now on.”

Dan’s eyes widened and his hands flew to his head self-consciously. “Why didn’t you tell me it was curly?” Dan whined, looking at Phil.

Phil raised his hands defensively. “It looks adorable! I liked it, so I didn’t think it was such a big deal.”

A small, hopeful smile appeared on Dan’s face. “You...you like my hair like this?”

Phil returned Dan’s smile, cupping his cheek with a pale hand. “Of course. Your hair would look excellent no matter what you do with it. You would look excellent no matter what, actually.”

Ro let out a groan. “Get a room,” she teased, grinning as she watched both boys’ cheeks turn red. “I’m kidding. You guys can kiss in front of me, just as long as it doesn’t prevent Dan from working tomorrow.”

“Ro,” Dan whined, dragging out the vowel, “I’ve just broken my foot and you’re making me work?!”

“I’m not the one who broke your foot, Howell,” Ro said flatly.

“I’ll be able to help,” Phil offered. “I’ve just been fired and it’s the least I can do after eating your food. It was excellent, by the way. My compliments to the chef.”

Ro took a bow. “Why, thank you, my good sir.”

“Oi,” Dan said, crossing his arms. “I made most of that stuff.”

Ro rolled her eyes with a grin. “Control your blatant jealousy for once, Howell, I’m not interested in stealing your boyfriend.”

Phil laughed loudly, the perfect sound making the remnants of Dan’s scowl fade away. “I’m taken, unfortunately,” Phil said, throwing an arm around Dan’s shoulders. “Drat, how will I ever get away?”

“You’re stuck with me,” Dan joked with a wink. “Sorry, toots.”

“You two are honestly the most sappy couple of dorks I’ve ever met,” Ro said, pretending to gag. “God, it’ll be the worst to have to work with you guys flirting all the time.”

“Hey, don’t look at me when it comes to flirting. Bear here is the worst when it comes to bad pick-up lines,” Phil teased.

“Don’t act like you don’t like it,” Dan said, his tone low and his teeth pulling at his bottom lip. “You weren’t exactly complaining when we were sharing that cookie.”

Ro cringed. “Christ on a bicycle, control yourself. I’m going to have to start calling you Horny Howell again if you keep this up.”

Dan smacked Ro’s ankle as best as he could, considering he couldn’t move one of his legs and she was sitting a considerable amount away. “Don’t you dare.”

Phil was holding back a laugh. “I’d love to hear the story behind that one,” he said, trying his best not to grin wildly.

“Don’t you dare,” Dan said again, shooting Ro a murderous glare.

“Later,” Ro mouthed silently to Phil, earning another smack on the ankle. She laughed and swept her hair over her shoulder again.

“Hey,” Phil said, his smile fading slightly, “do you guys think I should be scared?”

“Why?” Dan asked, placing a comforting hand on Phil’s.

“I just got fired,” Phil said quietly, the fact of the matter finally resonating in his mind. “Oh my God, I just got fired. I mean, I have some money saved but...what am I going to do?”

Dan squeezed Phil’s hand gently. “Everything’s going to be okay. You’ll figure something out, I’m sure of it.”

Ro looked off to the side, biting her lip and twirling a lock of hair around her finger in thought. “Maybe…maybe I can see if there’s enough room on the payroll for one more,” she said hesitantly, offering a slight smile to Phil. “After all, I’m definitely going to need some extra help for all the business two totally hot gay guys are going to attract.”

Phil beamed. “Really? Thank you so much!”

Dan gave Ro a thumbs up. “You’re the absolute best, Ro!”

“Hey, I’m just glad he actually wants to work in such a dinky little bakery,” Ro said with a soft smile.

“Dinky? This place is fantastic,” Phil assured her.

“Oh, no, Phil, I just realized something,” Dan said.

Phil’s smile faltered. “What’s wrong?”

“You’re going to have to be stuck with me for hours upon hours upon hours…”

Phil’s grin returned as he rolled his eyes. “Oh, shut up.”

“What, are you saying you’re going to like working with me?” Dan asked, his voice dripping with sarcasm. “My, my, Mr. Lester, I’m quite surprised.”

“I’m sure you’ll appreciate my presence, to put it lightly,” Phil retorted, his voice a low growl.

Dan felt the heat rise in his cheeks. “Oh yeah? Well--”

“Alrighty, then,” Ro said loudly, “I’m just going to go stop over by the antique store. I’ll be back in exactly an hour.” She made sure to emphasize the words before she left, leaving the two boys alone in the empty bakery.

“Well, now we have the whole place to ourselves for an entire hour, Mr. Lester,” Dan said. “What would you like to do?”

Phil smirked, dragging Dan off of the beanbag and onto his lap, careful to make sure that Dan’s injured leg was settled comfortably. He leaned forward as Dan put his arms around Phil’s neck. “I was thinking that I could leave quite a few bruises on your neck before we’re interrupted again,” he whispered, tilting Dan’s chin up slightly.

“I’d definitely like that,” Dan said, equally quiet as he felt his face heat up again.

Phil closed the gap between them, his lips crashing against Dan’s roughly as his hands found their way to Dan’s hips, holding the brunette down. Dan tangled his hands in Phil’s hair and moaned into the kiss, giving Phil quite the open invitation to explore Dan’s mouth with his tongue. Dan pressed down against Phil’s crotch and Phil’s eyes shut tightly as he moaned deeply, the low sound sending a chill down Dan’s spine. Phil broke the kiss to pull Dan’s shirt off roughly, his hands tracing over the younger man’s body as he leaned in again. But this time, it was Dan’s jawline he kissed, tracing the defined angle with small pecks and causing Dan to moan loudly. Dan slapped Phil’s chest lightly, causing the latter to pull away, slightly worried he’d done something wrong.

“Not...here,” Dan panted. He gestured lazily at the large window on the opposite wall.

Phil nodded silently and put his hands under Dan’s thighs, lifting him up and carrying him to the back as Dan attacked his neck with kisses and soft bites. Phil let out a moan as he set Dan down on the counter of the kitchen, neither of the men patient enough to get to the lounge. It was Phil’s turn to ravage Dan’s neck with kisses, his bites much rougher than Dan’s had been, leaving a trail of reddening marks down to Dan’s collarbone. Dan moaned out and clutched at Phil’s back, desperately attempting to get Phil to take his shirt off. Phil seemed to read his mind, seeing as how he began unbuttoning his shirt agonizingly slowly. Dan let out a whine, then covered his mouth as his cheeks went red. Phil chuckled darkly as he ripped the rest of his buttons free, allowing Dan to push the white fabric off of Phil’s broad shoulders.

“Just couldn’t wait, hm?” Phil mumbled, the low tone of his voice enough to make Dan moan. He smirked, looking up at Dan with that same strange glint in his brilliant blue eyes. “Look at you. I could fucking eat you up like ice cream.”

Dan’s eyes widened as Phil kissed him hungrily, his hands quickly finding their way back into Phil’s raven hair. Phil’s pale fingers traced the sides of Dan’s body, eliciting a slight giggle from the brunette. Phil smirked, grasping tightly onto Dan’s sides and sucking at the bottom of Dan’s neck, drawing out a gasp from the boy’s mouth.

“F-Fuck,” Dan breathed. Phil’s smirk deepened. He had found Dan’s weak spot, and he’d be damned if he didn’t make the most of it.

Dan let out a hiss of pleasure as Phil’s teeth grazed his sensitive skin, his fingers tugging at Phil’s hair slightly. Phil stood up again, hooking his thumbs around the hem of Dan’s pants.

“Dan Howell, you are wearing far too many clothes for my taste.”

And with that, he tugged Dan’s pants off in one swoop, leaving Dan in his black boxers.

“Not f-fair,” Dan panted. “You’ve still g-got your trousers on.”

Phil tugged Dan forward with a slight snarl, tilting his chin up so that their lips were centimeters away. “I’m sorry,” he growled, “I wasn’t aware you were the one in charge here.”

Dan’s chocolate eyes widened as he shook his head. “Nevermind,” he yelped meekly.

“That’s ‘nevermind, Mr. Lester,’ for your information,” Phil said brusquely, pushing Dan’s hips forward roughly so that Dan’s crotch was pressed tightly against Phil’s leg. “Say it.”

Dan let out a slight squeak. “N-Nevermind, Mr. Lester.”

“Good boy,” Phil murmured, pressing his lips against Dan’s briefly before unbuckling his belt and kicking off his slacks. “That’s how you get what you want.”

“I...I want you t-to…”

“What do you want, Dan?” Phil hissed, his lips tantalizingly close to Dan’s.

Dan mumbled something incoherently.

Phil bit his lip. “What do you want me to do? I want to hear you say it.”

“F-Fuck me,” Dan said breathlessly, his cheeks reddening by the second.

“That,” Phil growled, “can be arranged.” He kissed Dan roughly, biting down on the brunette’s lip slightly and dominating Dan’s mouth with his tongue.

Dan moaned, his hands moving down to the base of Phil’s neck. His boxers were feeling uncomfortably tight, and he whined as Phil palmed him through them. Phil smirked as he broke their kiss to pull Dan’s boxers off, leaning down to bite down on Dan’s collarbone, eliciting yet another moan from the man on the counter.

“P-Please...no more t-teasing,” Dan huffed, clutching desperately at Phil’s back.

Phil glared up at him. “Beg.”

“Kinky,” Dan managed to shoot back despite his being extremely flustered.

Phil’s cheeks went red, but he stood tall nonetheless, his presence itself causing Dan to let out a yelp. Phil smirked at the noise. “Are you going to beg now, or am I going to have to keep you on the edge?”

“Please, Phil, I...I n-need it,” Dan whined, his cheeks flushed and hot, his hair curling even further at the ends with perspiration. “Please, j-just no more teasing!”

Phil hummed as he dropped his own boxers. “Alright. If that’s what you really want,” he said playfully, biting his lip as he pulled Dan closer.

Dan swung his legs up around Phil’s waist, and the older man’s blue eyes widened as he gasped, but it definitely wasn’t a sound of pleasure. Phil burst out laughing, and Dan huffed impatiently, far too aroused to stand any more of Phil’s teasing.

“What?!” Dan whined. “What is it?!”

Phil’s tongue poked out through his teeth slightly as he laughed. “Y-Your cast hit my bum and I wasn’t expecting it,” he managed, holding on to Dan’s hips for support as he laughed.

Dan’s eyes widened. “Shit, did I hurt you?”

Phil shook his head, still laughing. “N-No, it’s just--I can’t--”

“Are you actually kidding me?” Dan asked incredulously, his voice rising in volume with every syllable. “You get me all worked up, you get super fucking hot and then we have to stop because you can’t stop laughing?!”

Phil attempted in vain to stop laughing, taking deep breaths. “I’m sorry! I wasn’t expecting it and it was just like boom!”

“WE ARE IN THE KITCHEN STARK NAKED AND YOU CAN’T STOP LAUGHING. PHIL LESTER, I SWEAR TO GOD,” Dan shouted, leaning back slightly and holding back a laugh himself.

Phil tilted Dan’s chin back up, meeting his eyes. “What are you gonna do about it?”

Dan blinked. “E-Excuse me?”

“I said,” Phil mumbled, “what are you gonna do about it?”

“You just fucking switch gears like that?” Dan said, snapping his fingers to accentuate his point.

Phil shrugged, looking down at Dan. The strange glint in his eyes had returned. “I figured I’d have some manners and I wouldn’t keep you waiting any longer. Is there a problem with that?”

“N-No, Mr. Lester.”

Phil smirked, biting his lip as he pulled Dan back in for a kiss. Dan’s eyes widened as he felt Phil push into him slowly, the latter giving the former time to adjust before going further. Dan winced, and Phil pulled away from the kiss.

“You okay?” Phil asked, concern swimming next to the strange look in his blue orbs. “Do you want to stop?”

“No,” Dan said sternly. “There is no way in hell I am stopping now. Keep going.”

Phil grinned. “As you wish,” he growled, pushing in further as he encaptured Dan’s lips yet again.

Dan grabbed Phil’s shoulders and squeezed as Phil bottomed out, the raven-haired man moaning deeply into the kiss. They moaned in ragged unison as Phil started thrusting, slowly at first, then getting faster and faster. Phil buried his face in Dan’s neck, biting down slightly and moaning, the noises he made reverberating on Dan’s skin and making Dan’s own moans grow louder and higher pitched. Dan bit down on his lip in an attempt to be less loud, drawing blood, not caring that he did so.

“F-Fuck,” Phil moaned, squeezing Dan’s ass roughly. “Dan, I…”

“M-Me too,” Dan panted, digging his short nails into Phil’s shoulders.

Phil gave one last thrust, and they finished together, dissolving into a mess of moans and lust, each clutching at the other and giving shaky, yet rough kisses to every inch of skin they could reach. Dan collapsed onto Phil’s chest in a mixture of heaving breaths and moans from the remnants of his climax, his arms wrapped lazily around the older man’s neck. Phil chuckled tiredly, hugging the brunette gingerly and setting him back properly on the counter.

“You know we have to clean up the kitchen, right?” Phil mumbled.

Dan hummed, drumming his fingertips on the nape of Phil’s neck. “Or I could text Ro and tell her to stay out for another hour whilst we shower and after that, we can clean up out here?”

Phil smirked. “Sounds like a plan.”

******************************


	7. Chapter 7

Phil’s first few days at the bakery were...interesting to say the least. Ro was definitely right about his presence attracting more customers, but they seemed to be less interested in the boys individually rather than the boys together. Dan, of course, drew concern from the usual gaggle of girls with his broken foot, but Phil would assure each and every one of them that he was taking care of their beloved cute bakery boy. That usually resulted in the girls turning towards one another and whispering frantically. Phil sometimes tripped whilst delivering food to the tables, and he’d be quite cutely apologetic, which usually resulted in the customer assuring him it was alright and that they’d just get another of whatever he spilled. Phil was also quite a big help when it came to Dan, who couldn’t get around as easily as he’d insisted he could. Despite the brunette’s protests, and much to the attention of almost every teenage-to-young-adult woman in the bakery, he’d sometimes pick Dan up and carry him to where he needed to be. Phil always came in early, insisting he’d help get the bakery ready before it opened and refusing to take the extra pay that Ro would offer him. Half the time, Dan was staring at Phil, and the other half of the time, Phil was staring at Dan. Ro found it quite amusing most of the time, but it definitely wasn’t the ideal situation during rush hour.

And a couple of weeks later was one of those situations.

“Oi, heart eyes,” Ro yelled over at Dan, who had been watching Phil roll croissants for the past ten minutes, “snap out of it and start taking orders.”

Dan shook his head and seemed to wake from whatever trance he’d been in. “Er, right, yeah. Sorry, Ro!”

He grabbed his crutches and walked over to the counter, where two lines had started to form. A woman in sunglasses and a large floppy hat stepped up first. Dan smiled brightly, leaning one arm on his crutch and using the other to lean against the countertop.

“How can I help you today, miss?”

“Just a plain coffee and a glazed donut, thank you,” the woman said, her lips pursing slightly in distaste.

“Coming right up,” Dan assured her. “How would you like your coffee?”

“Black,” the woman shot immediately.

“Got it! Thank you!” He turned to Phil as the woman walked towards his counter. “Phil! You got it?”

Phil gave him a thumbs-up, his arms speckled with flour and his sleeves rolled up halfway on his biceps. “Roger that, captain!”

Dan let out a booming laugh as Phil took the woman’s credit card and swiped it, causing the gaggle of girls in the corner to burst out in a fit of giggles. Dan grinned and winked at them as the woman sat down a few seats away from them, resulting in yet another round of giggling. Phil rolled his eyes and strode over to Dan. Dan raised an eyebrow.

“You should be working, Philly.”

“So should you,” Phil teased, poking Dan’s chest with his index finger, flour hitting the brunette’s green apron. “If you keep giving them material to work with, they’ll keep giggling away over there.”

“Both of you should be working,” Ro scolded. “I’m not paying you to flirt with each other.”

“You’re not paying me at all,” Dan pointed out.

Ro rolled her eyes as the customer she’d been attending to sat down with a scone in hand. “That’s because you live here, you dolt.”

“She’s got a point, Bear,” Phil whispered, “we should get back to work.”

Dan grinned. “Okay, okay.” Phil walked away, and Dan’s next customer stepped up. “Hey, how can I help you?”

Phil set the croissants in the oven, washed his hands, then grabbed a plate and put a glazed donut on it. The woman’s order hadn’t been very difficult. He filled a mug with coffee and brought both over to the woman, setting the food down gingerly. He smiled brightly at her and adjusted his apron.

“Enjoy!” He began to walk away, but the woman grabbed his wrist. He blinked, eyes wide. “Erm, yes? Is there something wrong?”

“That boyfriend of yours,” the woman whispered, “he’s trouble for certain.”

Phil’s eyes widened. “What? I don’t--”

“Don’t play dumb with me, dear. Just make sure you watch out when it comes to him,” the woman said. She smiled quickly and took a sip of her coffee. “Thank you for the coffee, dearie.”

“Y-You’re welcome,” Phil stuttered, stumbling his way back behind the counter.

Dan waved him over, slightly concerned. “What’s up? You okay? You look like you’ve just seen a ghost.”

“I’m fine,” Phil said, shaking his head. “That woman in the floppy hat was just...really odd.”

Dan raised his eyebrows with a slight smile. “Well, I’m glad it wasn’t something terrible.” He bit his lip teasingly, his gaze flicking from Phil’s eyes to his lips and back again. “Go on then, get to work. Afterwards, I’ll give you a little treat for doing a good job.”

Phil’s worries melted away as he watched Dan smirk and he smiled, telling himself it was silly to listen to such a peculiar stranger anyway. “Looking forward to it, Bear.”

Dan sighed contentedly as he watched Phil walk back over to the display of treats and attempt to explain the difference between a bear claw and a cronut to an elderly woman who most likely couldn’t hear him over the noise of the crowd that had gathered in the cozy bakery. He felt fulfilled. Phil was such a great guy, and Dan was glad to have him in his life. Everything about Phil was just so warm and comforting; nothing felt wrong when it came to Phil. He was nudged out of his thoughts as he felt Ro’s elbow poke his side.

“Hey, the line’s gone, I think that’s all the orders for rush hour. You wanna go sit down?” She shot a concerned glance at Dan’s foot.

Dan rolled his eyes. “I told you, Ro, it’s fine. It’s weird to have to shower with a plastic bag all the, but we--er, I’ve gotten used to it.” Dan’s face reddened at his slip up, and Ro snickered.

“Hey, your sex life is none of my business, Howell. As long as I’m not in the house and you clean it up after, do whatever the hell you want.”

Dan frowned for a moment. “Oi, do you find it weird that Phil hasn’t shown me his place yet?”

Ro shrugged. “I mean, he’s probably only seen your room because one, you guys are always having sex,” she said, grinning as Dan’s cheeks began to flush, “and two, because he works here and this is where you guys are always hanging out.”

“Well, we’ve only been in the actual bedroom twice,” Dan muttered.

Ro cringed. “Ugh, Dan, really?!”

Dan gave her a guilty grin. “Hey, what can I say? We can hardly wait that long.”

Ro pretended to gag, then stood up again, her expression serious. “Look, if it really bothers you that you haven’t seen his place, just tell him. Maybe it’ll stop you from fucking him on every damn surface in the house.” Her eyes widened. “Please tell me you guys haven’t shagged in the actual bakery.”

Dan shook his head. “No, you don’t have to worry about that. The windows are always open, that would be weird.”

Ro let out a sigh of relief. “Oh, thank God.” She clapped Dan on the back. “Well, do you think you two can handle running things for another two hours? I’m meeting a friend for dinner.”

Dan raised his eyebrows. “A friend? You actually have more?”

Ro rolled her eyes. “Oh, ha ha, Daniel. Yes, I have a friend. And before you ask, no, it’s not a date. I’m meeting Louise from high school. We met in the Tesco the other day and, as it turns out, we’ve got a lot to catch up on.”

“Oh, say hi to her for me, then,” Dan said brightly. “But, yeah, Phil and I have got this, you don’t have to worry.”

“Alright,” Ro said, her tone slightly unsure. “Don’t blow up anything--or anyone, for that matter.”

Dan shook his head, grinning. “Have fun, Ro.”

Ro grinned back at him, hanging up her apron and making her way through the crowd and out the door. Phil strode over to Dan, slinking his arms around Dan’s waist, the counter hiding the cute gesture from most of the store.

Most.

The gaggle of girls in the corner broke out into squeals and fits of whispering, accompanied by the occasional giggle. Dan rolled his eyes and leaned back into Phil, whose elevated heartbeat gave away just how nervous he was.

“Ignore them,” Dan whispered, closing his eyes as he snuggled back further into Phil’s shoulder. The metal crutches leaned forgotten on the display case beside them. “As far as I’m concerned, it’s just me and you.”

Phil took a deep breath, his worries immediately dissipating at the sweet scent of Dan’s cologne. Phil had picked the flavor out himself, a mix of apples and lavender. Which just happened to be Phil’s favorite. But of course, he wouldn’t ever let Dan know that; the teasing would never cease. His arms hugged Dan a little tighter as he let his eyelids fall closed over brilliant blue orbs, the brunette’s hair tickling the base of Phil’s chiseled jawline slightly. It was quite a sweet moment, until it was interrupted by the door to the bakery slamming open. Phil’s eyes shot open, but he narrowed them almost immediately.

Of course Sophie was back.

Phil sighed, wanting desperately to hold on to the previous moment for eternity, but alas, it didn’t take long before Sophie was at the counter, slamming her hands on the polished surface. “What do you want?” Phil asked flatly, his expression stone.

“First of all, a hello would do nicely,” Sophie said impatiently. “And second of all, I’m not here to talk to you. I’m here to talk to Dan.”

Dan raised an eyebrow, his eyes now open but he didn’t move from his position on Phil’s shoulder. “Oh, really? And why’s that?”

Sophie smiled bitterly. “Privately, if you don’t mind.”

“I think we’re good here, actually,” Dan growled. “Go ahead and say what you want to say.”

Sophie rolled her eyes. “Fine. Be that way. I just wanted you to know that it turns out you’ve got quite the infamous reputation with the women in your hometown. Real nasty rumors. You should watch out, Mr. Heartbreaker. That information might fall into the wrong hands one day.”

Dan made a face like that of a child being force-fed broccoli. “What the hell are you talking about?”

“Sophie, I think it’s best if you stay away from here,” Phil said, a slight hint of anger in his normally calm voice.

“I think you shouldn’t interrupt people’s conversations, Phil,” Sophie said, her voice dripping with false sweetness. She turned back to look at Dan. “Now, where were we? Oh, yes. It turns out you’ve got quite the habit of pity-dating, now, don’t you?”

Dan’s face fell, then frustration replaced it. “You go on one date with a girl to make her feel better after her junior prom date dumps her and this is the thanks you get,” he said, exasperated.

Phil shook his head sadly. “Those kinds of people are always the worst,” he agreed.

Sophie’s confident smirk faltered for a moment. “Well, she told me that you two shagged afterward.”

“Now that is just blatantly untrue,” Dan said, his tone unwavering. “I don’t sleep with women. Never have, never will.”

Sophie pouted as she turned to Phil. “You believe me, don’t you, Philly?”

Phil’s eyes seemed to fill with anger, the ocean held within them churning with stormy waves. “First of all,” he said mockingly, his voice shaking slightly with fury, “don’t call me that. Second of all, go away. We’re happy. Quit trying to ruin that.”

“I’m not trying to ruin anything,” Sophie insisted. “I’m just trying to show you that he’s not everything you think he is!”

“I think he’s perfect, so, let’s think,” Phil said, putting one hand up to his chin in mock thought, “er, yeah, he’s pretty much everything I think he is.”

One girl from the group in the corner stood up. “Leave them alone! They’re cute together, so shut up!” The others nodded in agreement.

Dan snorted. “Majority rules,” he said simply, giving a little wave to the bitch before them. “See ya, Sophie.”

Sophie scoffed. “I hope your foot never heals,” she hissed, gesturing wildly at the black cast binding Dan’s lower leg that was peeking out from under the counter.

“Well, I’ve got a pretty hot personal nurse if that’s the case,” Dan murmured, more to Phil than anyone else. “Isn’t that right, Mr. Lester?”

Phil chuckled darkly. “We’ll just have to see what happens, then, won’t we, Bear?”

“Ugh, you’ve even got nicknames for each other?!” Sophie spluttered, throwing her arms in the air and walking towards the door. “That’s it! I give up! I give up!”

The girls in the corner practically cheered as the door to the bakery closed behind Sophie. Phil smiled sadly down at Dan, who was still leaning on his shoulder.

“Hey, sorry about her.”

Dan let out a dry laugh. “Don’t be. It’s not your fault that she’s a bitch.”

Phil giggled, his tongue poking out slightly from in between his teeth. “That’s true. I still feel bad, though.”

“Phil,” Dan whined, dragging the sound out for a full five seconds, “I told you, it’s fine! Come on, we’ve only got a couple hours left until the shift is done. Maybe we can head back to your place after we close up?”

Phil nodded absentmindedly, then his eyes widened and he shook his head. “No, no, let’s just stay here. It might be hard for you to get to my place anyway, considering there’s a lot of stairs and no elevator--”

“So then you can carry me like you always do when there’s stairs,” Dan said, his brow furrowed.

“I don’t think you’d like my place anyway,” Phil said quickly. “We’re probably better off staying here and watching a movie on Netflix or something, okay?”

“Phil, I don’t understand--”

“Bear, please just...listen to me, okay? We should just stay here,” Phil mumbled, his tone weary.

Dan nodded hesitantly, a bit discomforted. “Can I ask why?”

“That’s not...Bear, can’t you just trust me?”

“Okay,” Dan agreed after a moment’s hesitation. “Whatever you need. I want to see your place eventually, though.”

“Of course you will,” Phil said, kissing the top of Dan’s head gently.

“Promise?” Dan prompted, fully aware that he sounded like a child.

Phil laughed softly. “Promise.”

There wasn’t much business after rush hour; it was Dan’s favorite time of the day, actually. The sun was hung loosely in the sky, orange undertones surrounding lilacs and navy blues as they swirled around a blue that dared to rival that of Phil’s eyes. Starts peeked out from behind candy floss clouds, pink fluff fading into the darkness surrounding it. Dan felt as though all was well with the world, there in Phil’s arms. They were warm and soft, Phil’s pale skin shining with a soft warm glow from the myriad of colors coming from the wide window before them. Dan was painfully aware of the excited stares they were receiving, but the feeling of being held by someone he cherished quite dearly seemed to dissipate any negativity left in his mind.

However, when the fire alarm in the kitchen went off, that negativity was quite quick to return.

Dan stumbled forward, steadying himself on the counter. Phil rushed to the back with a frightened look on his face and nearly tripped over his own feet as he walked through the kitchen doorway. Dan turned around, still leaning back on the counter, and heard yelling coming from the kitchen, followed by the sound of what he could only assume was a fire extinguisher. Customers were gathering near the counter now, most of them cluttering the air with mutters and questions. Dan’s ears were ringing; the sounds around him making him more anxious with every second. He tried his best to ease the worries of the crowd, telling them that it would be just fine with an empty look in his eyes. Phil came out of the kitchen and grabbed Dan by the shoulders, but his question was lost among the sea of others from the pure state of shock Dan was in.

Phil’s grip on Dan’s black shirt tightened, the strap of his dark teal apron slipping down the brunette’s shoulder slightly. Phil bit his lip and shouted with as much volume as he could muster. “DAN! CALL THE FIRE BRIGADE!”

Dan blinked, his eyes wide. “W-What?”

“THE OVEN IS ON FIRE! CALL THE FIRE BRIGADE!” Phil let go and rushed back into the kitchen, leaving Dan behind, still alarmed and overwhelmed.

Thankfully, other people had enough common sense to pull out their phones and start calling. Some asked Dan if he was alright, but their words dissipated as they hit Dan’s ears. Everything was happening all at once, everyone was shouting and telling people to get to safety, there were people pulling on Dan’s arms, trying to get him to come over the counter and out to the street. Dan shook them off weakly, forgetting he needed his crutches to walk properly and stumbling over his own feet.

“What the hell is happening?” Dan asked softly, running a hand through his fringe. His breathing began to get faster and faster as he leaned on the back counter for support.

Ro burst into the main bakery, coughing as she did so. She turned to Dan with wide eyes and pulled him towards her. She held him up, seeing as how he couldn’t do it himself, and began struggling to get him over the counter. Dan pulled away, his pupils dilated, breathing heavily; he nearly fell down.

“Are you crazy?!” Ro shouted. “You have to get out of here! There’s a fire.”

All Dan could do was shake his head.

“What do you mean, no?!”

He shook his head again. He mumbled something as he sunk to his knees, ignoring the pain in his foot as he clutched his head with his hands. Ro knelt down with him, a hand on his.

“Dan, are you--are you having another--”

“Yes,” Dan choked, his eyes watering as he stared at the floor.

“Shit,” Ro whispered. “Do you want me to--”

“Phil. Get Phil,” Dan blurted, trying to claw at his arms with anxiety. Ro pulled his hands away from him, shouting for Phil.

The raven-haired man ran out of the kitchen, stopping suddenly at the sight of the two on the ground. Ro stood up, still holding Dan’s hands in her own. She bit her lip, motioning for Phil to come closer as best as she could, considering the circumstances.

“He’s having a panic--”

“Don’t say it,” Dan pleaded weakly, rocking back and forth and digging his nails into Ro’s hands.

Ro hissed slightly and winced, but made no other noise as Phil took Dan’s hands from her and sat down, pulling Dan closer. The fire brigade was pulling up now, but the noise of the sirens only seemed to make Dan more distant. He squeezed his eyes shut and let a trembling whimper slip forth, trying to block it out.

“Dan, it’s gonna be okay. Come here,” Phil whispered, putting Dan’s hands around his neck and attempting to scoop him up.

“No no no no no,” Dan mumbled, shaking his head and shying away slightly.

“Dan, we’re just going to go outside, okay? I’ve got you,” Phil assured him, giving Dan’s hands a gentle squeeze.

A resounding boom sounded throughout the bakery and Phil threw comfort to the wind and picked Dan up, the adrenaline preventing him from feeling the burning pain in his shoulder. Dan tightened his grip around Phil, his breathing getting faster and faster; Dan’s heartbeat fought with Phil’s for regularity, the concerning difference between the two paces being forced into Phil’s thoughts. Phil felt his shirt dampen, either from sweat or tears from himself or Dan, he couldn’t tell. Phil took a deep breath as he hopped over the counter and strode towards the door. He pushed the door open with his shoulder, a shot of searing pain shooting up towards his neck. He hissed, but tightened his grip on Dan and made his way further outside, refusing to let the boy go. He waved away concerned bystanders, feeling Dan’s nails dig into the nape of his neck as Dan’s sobs became audible. Ro shoved people out of the way and rushed over, her eyes wide and worried.

“Oh my God,” she whispered, her hand covering her mouth.

“Dan’s okay,” Phil said, ignoring the way his voice broke with strain. As the words were spoken, Dan hugged Phil even tighter.

“Phil, you--”

“I’m fine,” Phil mumbled.

“Your shoulder,” Ro squeaked, looking away.

Phil looked down at his shoulder, his brilliantly blue eyes widening at the sight. A huge chunk of debris had buried itself deeply into the top of his shoulder, and he was bleeding quite profusely, the thick red liquid dripping down his arm and staining his shirt. “Oh dear.” He looked back at Ro. “Make sure Dan gets to a paramedic. He probably inhaled some smoke.”

Before Ro could say anything, the ambulance workers were on the scene, talking to everyone and making sure people were alright. Some of them brought over a gurney for Dan, who was also a bit scratched up from the debris that must’ve hit when the explosion in the kitchen occurred. As soon as Phil felt even just a bit relieved…

The pain hit.

And that was what must’ve caused him to black out.

******************************


	8. Chapter 8

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Okay, so since Phil is going to upload for the next three Thursdays, I'm going to try and upload every Thursday. No promises though, my accelerated geometry teacher seems to despise every fiber of my being.

“Did they say what it was?”

“I dunno.”

“The guy I heard from said it was blood loss.”

“No, no, it must’ve been an infection.”

“All of you, shut up!”

The five girls were silent as Ro walked towards them, her long wavy hair flowing behind her. The bakery owner looked anxious as she strode closer and closer, then finally past them in order for her to stand next to the paramedics. She talked to them in a strained tone, running her hands through her hair repeatedly as she watched her friends get taken into the ambulances, both attached to gurneys and hooked up to various machines. She sighed and thanked them after hearing they’d both be alright, stepping into the ambulance with them and sitting down with her head in her hands.

The ride to the hospital was short and filled with tension; nobody needed to speak to Ro, as strange as it seemed. Her head was filled with worries, mostly about Dan and Phil. She’d known Dan her whole life, she should’ve known something as stressful as a fire would set him off. She shook her head, wiping away some soot. She leaned back with a sigh, brushing away a stray strand of red hair and looking towards the two boys. Dan was awake, albeit out of it, staring up at the ceiling with a blank expression as his mouth moved slightly in silent sentences. His hair was curly again, and there were scratches all over his arms from what Ro could only imagine came from the explosion. He was breathing slowly and steadily now, and Ro hoped his heart rate was the same.

Phil, on the other hand, was a mess.

He was unconscious, his hair plastered to his forehead with sweat, his entire body covered in soot and other debris. His shoulder was still bleeding from what Ro could hear from snippets of conversation; the chunk of brick must’ve buried itself pretty deeply. Despite the fact she’d only known the guy for about two months, she couldn’t help but worry. She’d come to think of him like the awkward brother-in-law she could tell Dan’s embarrassing stories to.

But there wasn’t anything to do but hope now as they reached the hospital. The paramedics told Ro to wait while they took the boys to get help, so she sat down in an uncomfortable black chair in the waiting room and stared at the wall ahead. She wondered how much the insurance would cover, then laughed.

“Damn cheap insurance providers probably won’t give us a lick of money,” she mumbled.

Time passed. It could’ve been minutes or hours, Ro couldn’t really distinguish between the two, nor did she care to. Her concept of time had been burned away with the fire, she supposed. The point was, Ro didn’t know how much time had passed before the nurse took her to Dan’s room. Dan was sitting upright, fidgeting with a stray thread from the thin blanket on his hospital bed. The moment he heard her enter, his head perked up. He gave a pat to the seat next to him, and she sat down quietly, pushing her hair behind her ear and smoothing down her skirt.

“Hey,” Dan said quietly, “have you heard anything yet?”

Ro shook her head sadly. “I’m sorry. Although, I’m sure they’ll tell us once they have something.” She placed her hand on his, the comforting gesture familiar to the pair of old friends. “It’ll be alright, Dan.”

“I know. I just feel like it’s my fault, you know?”

Ro’s brow furrowed, and she turned back to look up into Dan’s watery brown eyes. “How so?”

“I was too scared to actually do anything. If I hadn’t taken so long to move, then Phil would’ve been safe,” Dan said, rubbing his eyes furiously with his free hand.

“Don’t blame yourself for something beyond your control, Dan,” Ro mumbled, looking away. “Your panic attacks can get pretty scary themselves.”

“Yeah, but at least I don’t get hit in the shoulder and start bleeding out because of it,” Dan shot. “This one actually hurt another person. Maybe Mum was right, maybe I should just…”

Ro bit her lip. “Just what?”

“Nevermind,” Dan said sheepishly, pulling his hand back. “It was stupid.”

“Daniel.”

“Alright, alright.” Dan sighed and looked up at the ceiling, a habit Ro noticed he’d started doing whenever he was nervous or feeling close to tears. “The last time this happened and I told her about it, she...she told me I should maybe start taking medicine for them. And, don’t get me wrong, I know medicine can be a great thing for anxiety when it’s under the right circumstances, but it still doesn’t make me any less nervous.”

Ro’s mouth went slightly agape, but she closed it again before Dan looked back down at her. “Your mum said that? We’re talking about the same woman who said medicine was less effective than prayer?”

Dan let out a bitter laugh. “Yeah, that’s the one.”

“Well, I’ll be damned,” Ro said. She snorted. “Oh, and she also used to tell me ladies shouldn’t curse, yeah?”

Dan grinned. “That’d be her. My mum’s one piece of work, I’ll tell you that,” he groaned, running a hand through his hair. “But I don’t know, maybe she’s right. Maybe I should ask the doctors for meds.”

“Hey, if you want to do that, it’s all up to you. Just don’t be so hard on yourself. You’re normally really in control of the attacks, Dan,” Ro assured him. “This one was just different.”

“Yeah, but how many times do they have to be ‘different’ in order for me to start taking care of myself properly?”

“Fair point.” Ro let out a nervous laugh, then turned back to Dan. “Speaking of which, did you hear anything from the doctors?”

“About Phil, no. About me, on the other hand, quite a bit, yes.” He laughed. “Turns out I pushed on my foot a little too hard, so now I’ve gotta wear this stupid cast for an additional two weeks.”

“Damn, that’s like a month and a half you’ve got left, then,” Ro noted. Dan nodded. “Anything else?”

“Some slight smoke inhalation, but other than that, I should be good to go home in about two hours,” Dan said with a smile, stretching out a bit.

“Awesome!” Ro hesitated for a moment before standing up. “Um, I’ll go check up on Phil, shall I?”

Dan’s head snapped in her direction and he smiled brightly. “Yeah! Yeah, go and check on him!”

Ro nodded, and she left, heading down the hallway to the reception. The receptionist didn’t look up at her, focusing instead on the computer monitor in front of her.

“Um, I’m looking for Phil Lester?” Ro asked, sweeping her hair over her shoulder.

The receptionist sighed and looked down. She looked back up at Ro with the most deadpan expression Ro had ever seen. “Room 105.”

Ro sped down the hallway, ignoring the requests of passing nurses and doctors to slow down. She swung the door to room 105 open at an alarmingly powerful strength and she even alarmed herself at the adrenaline coursing through her veins. Phil’s eyes widened as he stared up at Ro.

“How’s Dan?”

Of course that'd be the first thing he said. Ro figured it was probably his instinct at this point to worry about Dan rather than himself. Dan tended to have that effect on people. “Fine, he's fine. What about you?”

Phil sat up with a wince, leaning on his good side. Ro noticed a huge bandage wrapped around his shoulder. “I’m pretty good, I guess. Other than the whole ‘I had a brick in my shoulder’ thing, I feel pretty great.”

Ro chuckled. “I should never leave you two alone in the bakery again.”

Phil laughed, his tongue poking out from between his teeth slightly. “Yeah, never again. Speaking of which, how did you get back so quickly?”

“Oh, when I was walking back with Louise, I realized I forgot the keys to the actual apartment, so I had to grab the spare ones from the back. I went in through the back door,” she explained, settling down in the chair next to Phil. “Dan’s gonna be good to go in about two hours, so I'll tell him which room you're in.”

She made to get back up again, but to her surprise, Phil grabbed her wrist. “Erm, could we talk? For just a second?”

Ro raised an eyebrow. “Sure.”

******************************

Dan sat silently in the hospital room, his mind reeling with question upon question. His attention snapped back to the doctor, however, and he smiled nervously, glancing up at the tall woman’s face for any sign of emotion. She was stoic, however, and Dan couldn't seem to read what she might have been preparing to tell him.

“Well, Mr. Howell, it seems that you had a panic attack after seeing the fire, is that correct?”

Dan nodded. The woman’s expression didn't change.

“Perfectly understandable, Mr. Howell. Now, tell me, do you normally get panic attacks?” The doctor’s tone was curious rather than judgemental, but Dan felt self-conscious nonetheless. He nodded again, and the doctor’s expression softened. “If they’re always this bad, I can write you a prescription for Prozac. We could try it out, and you can let me know if it works. It's normally used as an antidepressant, but I think it might be best with what I've seen from your chart.”

“My...chart?”

“That woman with the red hair--Ro, I think it was--gave me your medical information from your previous residence.”

“And you're welcome, by the way,” Ro said from the doorway. “Your mum was very insistent on keeping them from me. She still wants to think you're in Manchester, even though you already told her you hated law school.”

“Anyway, Mr. Howell, I’ll be back in just a few moments.” She left the room, lab coat swishing behind her.

“So, how’d it go with Phil?” Dan asked eagerly, almost bouncing like a child awaiting a birthday present.

Ro chuckled softly. “He's just fine, Dan.” Her smile faltered slightly. “Erm, maybe you should stay with him and talk for a while.”

Dan’s brow furrowed, his eyes searching Ro’s; this was a task he’d done many times, but it seemed especially difficult as he stared into the green orbs. Almost as if she was purposefully trying to keep something from him. “Ro,” he said carefully, “are you sure everything’s fine with Phil?”

She smiled uncertainly. Dan could easily see she was nervous. “He's fine. At least, that was what he told me. He could be dead right now for all I know,” she joked weakly.

“Ro.”

“It's not any of my business to tell you, Dan,” Ro said shortly, her tone stern and slightly irritated. “Drop it.”

“I’m just trying to--”

“I know what you're trying to do, Dan, just drop it,” Ro repeated. “Talk to Phil.”

“Well, geez,” Dan huffed. “You don't have to get so defensive.”

“I’m not getting defensive,” Ro snapped. “You're just being an idiot.”

Dan knew that childish reply from a mile away. Ro was unimaginably upset. Either that or she was desperately in need of a “good time,” which he doubted. However, Dan knew from experience to never mess with her in either case. He shuddered to think of the last time he’d bothered her while she was so upset. “Okay. I'll drop it. I'm sorry.” Short sentences were good. It gave her nerves less to feed off of. Ro was a natural worrier with fierce maternal instincts. When that was combined with desperation of any kind, it was far too dangerous to meddle in.

“Good.” She didn't even look at him as she sat down. She placed her face in her hands, grumbling something incoherent.

“If you're worried about the insurance, don't worry. We just have to say you lost a bunch of diamond necklaces in the fire and we’re all set,” Dan said jovially, only half-joking.

Before Ro could say anything, however, the doctor came back into the room. She smiled and handed Dan the prescription. “Alright, Mr. Howell, you're all set to go. If you'd like to visit Mr. Lester, he's in 105.” She turned to Ro, a playful eyebrow raised. “I heard about your little hallway escapade, by the way.”

Ro gave the doctor a guilty grin. “Sorry. Adrenaline finally kicked in, I guess.”

“Understandable. Just please refrain from running in the halls from now on.”

Dan gave one last wave before heading out of the room and down the hall with Ro. Meanwhile, Phil had started to reach over to his phone on the side table. It buzzed once again, and he read the text carefully.

•Kit: Heya, Philly! I'm going to be out all of today and tomorrow, so the apartment’s all yours!

******************************


	9. Chapter 9

“Phil!”

Dan smiled and rushed over to Phil as fast as he could, which involved awkwardly slamming his crutches down on the floor and moving at an irregular pace. Phil dropped the phone he’d been holding so fast, it was almost as if it had burned him. He grinned up at Dan immediately after, however, and reached over to pull the chair next to the bed closer. The brunette sat down, drumming his fingertips on his thighs anxiously as Ro came in after them. Phil avoided the fiery redhead’s piercing green gaze and instead focused on Dan, whose soft brown eyes were filled with both relief and concern at Phil’s disheveled appearance, the corners crinkled slightly in harmony with his smile. Phil smiled back at Dan, the latter’s hand reaching hesitantly for Phil’s.

“You okay?” Phil asked, reaching up to brush a stray strand of Dan’s hair away from his face. “You gave me quite the scare back there.”

Dan shook his head with a light laugh, finally taking Phil’s hand with his own. “I’m perfectly fine. More than fine, actually.” His face fell, guilt swimming in his eyes. “I...I’m so sorry, Phil. You got hurt because I was too much of an idiot to stand up and get out of there, and I’m so sorry, Phil. If I hadn’t been--”

“Oi,” Phil said softly, squeezing Dan’s hand in a manner that sent a fuzzy feeling straight to Dan’s heart, “it’s not your fault. You can’t help it. I promise you, It’s okay. I’m okay. I’m just so glad you’re safe, Dan.”

“I’m so sorry, Phil,” Dan said again, biting his lip.

“Don’t be.” The words were confident, comforting. Phil reached up and cupped Dan’s cheek with his free hand, ignoring the pain that shot up his arm.

“I can’t help it,” Dan sighed, “I feel awful.”

“It’s fine, Dan, really. It’s not a big deal.” Phil gave his companion a small smile, still nervously avoiding Ro’s glare. His expression brightened within a moment, however, and his soft smile turned into an excited grin. “Hey, I was thinking a lot about it, and I was wondering if you’d like to come over to my place tonight? We could go into work together in the morning.” Phil wondered if the suggestion was too brash; he was suggesting that, even if Dan didn’t completely hate his flat, they’d spend the night together. Sure they’d slept together quite a bit, but Phil had never actually spent an entire night at the bakery.

His words were met with a heavy silence; Dan’s shocked expression was more than enough to make Phil instantaneously regret what he’d said. The brunette’s resolve returned to him momentarily, and, despite Phil’s fear, he grinned brightly. “Hell yeah! I can’t wait to see what kind of nerdy paradise you live in,” Dan teased, a stupidly smug look on his face.

Phil rolled his eyes and stuck out his tongue playfully, a gesture Dan was all too familiar with. “Who says I’m a nerd?”

“Your proficient skill in Mario Kart says more than enough, Mr. Lester,” Dan shot back with a slight giggle, leaning in towards Phil. The incredibly flirty smirk his lips had formed refused to budge, and, in that moment, Phil wanted nothing more than to ruin such a perfectly formed expression with his own lips. But he was determined to win the little game Dan was playing.

“My mad Mario Kart skills must’ve been why you lost so badly last night, then,” Phil retorted, a smirk that rivaled Dan’s now present on his own face. Heat rose in Dan’s cheeks, and he huffed, a sound that made Phil use all the resolve he had not to laugh.

Dan scoffed loudly, his expression mockingly--or actually, Phil couldn’t tell--offended. “No, I lost because you refused to keep your hands out of my pants, you bloody twat!”

“Okay, I’m getting the train of conversation back on the right track,” Ro said loudly, stepping forward towards the two. Everyone in the room was a varying shade of red, no one speaking as Dan leaned his head on Phil’s good shoulder.

“Wasn’t like I didn’t enjoy your little gift though,” Dan purred, his voice low enough so that only Phil could hear. Phil felt his cheeks heating up even more, and he punched Dan lightly on the arm. Dan pouted, sitting back up and clutching his arm as though someone had nearly sliced it off. “Oh, how you wound me, Mr. Lester.”

Ro looked over at Phil, her eyes glaring daggers into his soul. “Isn’t there something you ought to say, Phil?”

Phil glanced over at Dan for a moment, their eyes meeting briefly before Phil met Ro’s unwavering, unreadable gaze. It was quite intimidating in Dan’s opinion, and he knew not to cross Ro when she looked at someone like that, but Phil didn’t seem the least bit shaken by the menacing look. “Not that I know of,” he said coldly.

Ro’s teeth gritted audibly, and Dan cringed at the noise. “You sure? Maybe, if you think really, really hard, you’ll remember what you ought to say,” Ro snarled, crossing her arms and taking an extremely terrifying step forward.

The only sound in the room was the slight humming of the medical equipment and the steady beep of the heart monitor, truly a sign that Phil was unshaken by Ro’s stance, as Ro and Phil stared each other down. Dan looked uncomfortably between the two, slightly concerned that a physical confrontation might happen if someone said something that just barely upset the other. He felt he could probably cut the tension in the room with a knife if he so pleased, and although the thought gave him no solace, the image in his head was quite the funny scene. He silently scolded himself that right now was the exact opposite of the right time and stepped forward nervously, looking at the two once again before speaking.

“Guys? What’s going on?” The question was quiet, unsure; quite like Dan felt in that moment. It was Ro who spoke first, albeit in the rudest tone he’d ever heard her speak in.

“Ask Phil,” Ro shot, refusing to look away from the aforementioned man, “he knows exactly what’s going on.

“I’m going to let Dan know when the damn thing is definite,” Phil said darkly, and the mood of the words sent an odd chill down the brunette’s spine. “Don’t push it, Ro.”

“I’ll push it as much as I want to push it,” Ro retorted immediately, the child-like manner of the response setting off all kinds of alarms in Dan’s mind to run or do something, anything.

“Why don’t we all just calm down?” Dan suggested timidly.

“How about you shut your fucking mouth, Dan?!” Ro shouted.

Dan obeyed.

“Don’t talk to him like that!” Phil yelled, sitting up fully and clenching his fists around the bedding. His lips curled into a snarl that terrified Dan to no end. Dan would’ve cursed under his breath, but he was afraid of what might happen if he did.

“I’ll talk to him how I damn please! It’s better than not telling him anything at all!”

If humans could crackle with electricity, that was what Ro was doing in that moment. She was pissed, really pissed. Dan was both worried and relieved that no doctors had approached the room, but he daren’t do anything to set either one of them off. Phil, on the other hand, seemed to have an aura of darkness around him, his head low, his gaze so strong that Dan was sure it would break something if it were a tangible object.

“It’s not even definite yet! Why can’t you just understand?”

“I understand that you’re just afraid of telling him! Quit being such a damn coward and sack up, Phil! Even I know what it is, and Dan still has no idea! He deserves to know!” Ro pointed aggressively over at Dan, who put his hands up in a gesture of surrender, mumbling unending apologies under his breath. Phil’s eyes narrowed. “I’ve seen him hurt before, and I will never let that happen again! Never!” Her words had gotten so strained and shrill towards the end that Dan was sure he’d have a headache later.

“I know! You told me, and I’m sorry, okay?!” Phil took a shaky breath and closed his eyes, finally cutting off his eye contact with Ro. She stood silently, chest heaving in short, angry breaths over her crossed arms. “Look, I...like I said, nothing is definite. It might not even happen, okay? Why should we bother even talking about it if I’m still not sure it’s going to happen?” He glanced over at Dan with an unreadable expression.

“The point is to make sure he doesn’t only find out the day it happens.” Ro looked down and swept her hair to the side, over her right shoulder. A telltale sign that she was either nervous, pissed off, or both. Dan figured it was both.

“I won’t find out for months, Ro.”

“And that’s exactly what I’m worried about!” Ro shouted, throwing her hands up in the air. “God, Phil, you must not have a lick of common sense in your bones!”

“FOR FUCK’S SAKE, STOP ARGUING! CAN SOMEONE PLEASE TELL ME WHAT THE HELL IS GOING ON?!” Dan shouted, surprising even himself with the sheer volume of his question. He looked down, heat rising in his cheeks. “I mean, can you at least explain what’s happening? It feels like you don’t even know that I’m here.”

“I’m going home. Phil can explain everything to you. It’s not my business to tell,” Ro mumbled angrily, heading towards the door. “I’ll see you later.”

“Ro, come on,” Dan said exasperatedly.

She stormed out with a huff, leaving Dan and Phil alone in the room again. Phil groaned and flopped back down on the hospital bed. He ran a hand through his hair and stared up towards the ceiling, his thoughts clouding his mind. Dan bit his lip and sat down carefully in the chair again, his hands brushing nervously up and down the chairs of the arms. Phil fumbled with a stray thread on the bed. It was obvious that neither of them felt like talking, but Dan knew something needed to be said. So he figured he’d at least try to break the tension. “So...work tomorrow is going to be awkward,” Dan joked, his voice breaking slightly nonetheless. Phil let out a strained laugh and let his arms fall to his sides as he looked up at Dan. His brilliantly blue eyes shone with guilt, regret, and an emotion that eluded Dan’s understanding. Dan smiled softly, placing his hand on Phil’s. “Are you alright, Phil?”

“I’m sorry,” he whispered, tears clouding over the previously visible emotions in his eyes as he looked down at his lap, “I know I should really tell you, but I don’t even know if it’ll happen, and I’m so scared, Bear, I’m so scared. I’m so sorry.”

“Phil,” Dan whispered, a comforting smile on his face, “you never have to be sorry. It’s okay. Besides, you don’t have to be scared. I’ve got you. We’ve got each other.”

Phil nodded silently, but still refused to meet Dan’s gaze. “I feel so awful, Bear. You deserve to know, but Ro is right. It would hurt both of us if it happens. I think I might just call the entire thing off. I really don’t know why I even said yes to the deal in the first place.” He began to reach for his phone, but Dan stopped him, his hand placed gently on Phil’s arm. Phil looked up at him curiously; relief and a terrible sadness were visible in his expression as he smiled at Dan.

“Can you tell me? Please, Phil? I promise that I won’t...do whatever it is that you’re afraid I’ll do,” Dan said with a light laugh.

Phil sighed and smiled sadly. “You deserve to know. I know that, believe me, Bear. But I can’t. I just can’t. Not until they make the final decision anyway.” He leaned in closer to Dan, their lips inches apart. “I’m sorry. I’m so sorry. I’ll tell you soon. I swear.”

Phil connected them, his breath shaky as Dan’s lips moved against his almost instinctively. Phil cupped Dan’s cheek with his hand and ignored the pain in his shoulder as he pulled his hand from Dan’s and used it to pull Dan closer. Dan pulled away for a moment, patting Phil’s chest lightly. Phil’s brow furrowed, and he stared into Dan’s eyes, a brilliant blue searching for emotion in a sea of chocolate.

“What’s wrong? Did I do something wrong?” Phil asked softly, his lip trembling slightly.

“You’re upset. Talk to me,” Dan urged, his hands now settled on Phil’s thighs. “Is this going to eat away at you tonight? If you don’t want to go to your place, we don’t have to. Whatever makes you happy, Philly.”

Phil shook his head furiously. “No, no, I want to take you to my place.” He leaned in closer to his companion, his blue eyes narrowed. “I want you to be my distraction, Dan. I want you to make everything better.”

“I can do that,” Dan said quickly.

They were interrupted, however, by the entry of a doctor. She raised her eyebrows until they separated completely. Once they did, she moved forward and handed Phil a prescription. “You’re going to want to take those twice a week for three weeks. It’ll help ease the pain and assist with the healing of your shoulder. You’re good to go home, Phil.”

“Thank you very much,” Phil said with a shaky smile.

The doctor returned the expression, the smile not quite meeting her eyes. “Yes. Well, best of luck to you in your future endeavors. If there’s anything you need, don’t hesitate to call the hospital.”

They managed to leave the hospital within the hour, and Dan was thankful that Phil didn’t feel like chatting with the ladies at reception today. He tended to start conversations with strangers quite often; it was something Dan found endearingly odd about him, something Dan would never do, but he appreciated how happy Phil could make people with even a short conversation. They didn’t talk much on the cab ride to Phil’s place, but Dan didn’t mind. He was looking around, observing every street they passed, every road they drove on. He was so excited to finally see where Phil lived, but he hadn’t expected it to be in such a nice neighborhood.

Huh.

Phil’s neighborhood was what Ro considered the “rich part of town,” and she had initially warned Dan not to go there with much hope when it came to guys. But...Phil lived here. Here. Basically the highlight of London’s architecture. And he had been afraid to show Dan his flat? For what reason?

“Phil? Can I ask you something?” Dan fiddled nervously with his thumbs.

Phil hummed, turning his head to look at Dan. His eyes were content, but there was a hint of excitement in them. He smiled fondly at the brunette, and for just a moment, it was only the two of them that existed.

“Why were you so nervous to show me your place? This part of town is really nice,” Dan said softly, reaching for Phil’s hand.

Phil graciously accepted, and his pale fingers intertwined with Dan’s as he answered. “I don’t know. I guess I just thought it might be too much.”

“Nothing’s ever too much with you, Phil.”

Phil chuckled lightly. “Is that supposed to be a compliment? If so, you’re really bad at giving out compliments.”

Dan punched Phil’s arm lightly. “Hey! Don’t be rude.”

The cab driver pulled over. “This is your stop boys. That’ll be seven pounds.”

Phil nodded. “Sounds fair.” He handed the driver a ten pound note and smiled. “Keep the change.”

“Thanks, mate,” the driver said, a slight tone of surprise in his voice.

The two walked up to an enormous apartment building, Phil leaning on Dan ever so slightly. Dan’s eyes widened and he let out a quiet “woah” as Phil unlocked the front door. They walked into a marvelous lobby, mostly made from marble products, from Dan’s limited knowledge of expensive material. The decorations around the lobby were quite stereotypical signs that rich people lived here; gold busts, intricate vases, you name it. Dan looked around wildly, his mouth agape, and Phil chuckled, putting an arm around Dan’s shoulders.

“Not so much nerd heaven, hm?”

“Not at all,” Dan mumbled incredulously. “More like paradise for the beautiful and fabulously wealthy.”

“More like paradise for my parents, you mean,” Phil grumbled. Dan looked at him curiously, and Phil gave him a tired smile in return. “I told them I was let go, and they’re letting me stay at their summer home. More like forcing me to stay here, actually. Well, I should specify. One of their summer homes. They’re staying at the one in Paris right now.”

“One of them?!”

 

“My parents are weirdly wealthy. They won the lottery,” Phil explained. “Rather than spending it all at once, however, my dad chose to invest the money. He was always good at that sort of stuff. Let’s get to the penthouse, yeah?”

“Penthouse?” Dan squeaked.

Phil grinned as he led Dan into the enormous elevator, pressing the button for the top floor. “I gotta admit, this is pretty cool.”

“Pretty cool?! This is awesome! Your parents must be, like, really cool,” Dan said.

Phil raised an eyebrow. “Sure. Just keep that in mind when you meet them.” His eyes widened as he realized what he’d said, heat rising in his cheeks. “Er, I mean--I just--”

Dan smiled brilliantly. “I’d be honored to meet your parents.”

The elevator gave a telltale ding, and they were let into the enormous penthouse, the sheer size of the first floor overwhelming to Dan. He stood still for a moment, leaning on his crutches in the middle of the lounge. He didn’t bother trying to hide his astonishment at that point. It was like something out of a dream, and Dan definitely didn’t want to wake up.

“You want to watch some Netflix in the theater room? It’s really cool. My favorite part of the whole flat, actually,” Phil said excitedly. “I still get lost in here sometimes.”

“You actually have to ask me if I want to watch Netflix in a home theater?”

“Fair point.”

They laughed, and Phil led him through the kitchen into another room, filled with seats that Dan swore had to be from an actual movie theater and an enormous screen that spanned the entire wall. It was a big room, too. As Dan was moving forward, however, Phil grabbed him and pointed down at their feet.

“Stairs. Sorry, Bear, it looks like I’m going to have to carry you like a little princess again.”

Dan raised an eyebrow, unfazed. “So now I’m a distraction and a princess? Interesting titles you’ve given me, Mr. Lester.”

“Oh, shut up and come here.”

Phil attempted to scoop Dan up but winced as he did so, causing the brunette to go into a state of overly-concerned emotions.

“Are you okay?”

“Shoulder. I forgot. It’s okay though, you can just lean on me and hop on one foot,” Phil said with a shrug.

They managed to make it to the front seats in the manner Phil had suggested, and Phil immediately put on some stupid romantic comedy. Dan didn’t really mind, though. To be perfectly honest, his attention wasn’t on the movie, but rather the other man watching it. He swept the armrest between them up and put his arm around Phil. Phil leaned sideways, his head resting on Dan’s shoulder.

“You know, this is really nice,” Phil said sleepily, being careful not to talk too loudly over the fifth movie of the night. “What time is it?”

“I dunno. I’ll go check. You stay here,” Dan said.

“Can’t you just check your phone?”

“It’s with my crutches over there.”

“Oh, alright. Hurry back,” Phil whispered.

Dan stood up carefully, leaning on the chairs for support as he made his way back to the entrance of the room. Upon grabbing his phone, he heard a sound coming from the kitchen. “Phil, it’s about two in the morning, but something’s making a shitload of noise in the kitchen. I’m going to go check, okay?” Dan called. He could vaguely make out the silhouette of Phil’s arm in a thumbs-up, and he chuckled to himself as he grabbed his crutches and made his way into the kitchen.

What he saw was definitely not what he was expecting.

The light was on, and there was a girl with short brown hair fumbling around in the fridge for something. Apparently, she heard his footsteps, because she spoke. But clearly, she thought he was someone else. “Sorry, Philly, I forgot my ice cream. I had to come back and get it so that you don’t eat it all.” She spoke like an American. It was unnerving. She stood up and turned around, her jean jacket whirling around her as she did so. She was smiling and clutching a container of chocolate ice cream, but her warm smile fell into a suspicious expression as soon as she spotted Dan at the other end of the kitchen. The question they asked each other was in unison.

“Who the hell are you?!”

******************************

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> It's still Thursday in my timezone, so technically, I made the deadline!!! Jesus, I've really gotta stop procrastinating at some point. Meh. All's well that ends well, I guess.


	10. Chapter 10

“Who the hell are you?!”

The question rang out in the kitchen, the sound of the two combined voices slightly echoing in the large room. Dan narrowed his eyes and crossed his arms at the unknown girl, who did the same. It was she who spoke first, her voice slightly hostile, if not unsure.

“The name’s Kit. I live here. Who are you?”

“I’m Dan. I don’t live here.”

 

“I gathered,” Kit said, her voice dripping with sarcasm as she rolled her eyes. “Now, if you’ll excuse me, I’m going to go call the cops.”

“Woah, woah, woah, slow your roll there, lady,” Dan said, his hands raised in a defensive gesture. “I’m here with Phil.”

Kit’s eyes brightened. “Wait, like, to stay the night?”

Dan raised an eyebrow. “Erm, yeah. Why else would I be here at two in the morning?”

Kit grinned triumphantly and pumped a fist in the air. “I KNEW I WASN’T THE ONLY GAY COUSIN,” she shouted, laughing wildly.

“Wait, cousin? What in the hell is going on?”

“Fuck,” Phil muttered from the doorway, attracting the attention of both people in the kitchen. His cheeks reddened at the sight of Kit’s shocked face. “Oh, shit, I’m sorry. Fuck, I didn’t mean to curse--ugh, dammit!”

Kit laughed again and nodded approvingly in Dan’s general direction. “You must be a good influence. He never curses.”

“Okay, but can someone explain what’s going on? I feel a bit entitled to an explanation right about now,” Dan said flatly, giving Phil an exasperated expression. “Is this yet another thing you’ve been hiding from me?”

“Ooh, been hiding things, have we, Philly?” Kit mocked, her eyes sparkling as she leapt up to sit on the counter. She slid open a drawer without a glance and grabbed a spoon, popping the lid of the chocolate ice cream and taking a heavy spoonful.

Phil sighed. “Look, this is Kit.” She waved from her spot on the counter, the spoon hanging out of her mouth quite childishly. “She’s my younger cousin; she moved in with us when she was sixteen because of some argument with my aunt--”

“I set the fucking house on fire.” Kit rolled her eyes at Dan’s shocked face. “I’m kidding! Geez.”

Phil cleared his throat. “As I was saying, she moved in with us and she lives with me now. She still hasn’t found a job yet, either,” he shot, staring daggers in Kit’s direction.

“Hey, hey, hey, how many times have I told you that I plan on being a trophy wife for a few years and getting enough money off of the pre-nup to run away and spend the rest of my life happy with my secret lesbian lover?”

Phil sighed again and closed his eyes. “Too many times,” he grumbled. He looked up again, indignancy on his face. “You need to get a job, Kit.”

“I’m an artist,” she explained, waving the spoon around wildly. “I don’t just ‘get a job,’ the job comes to me. You’ve got a lot to learn, Philly.”

“Don’t call me Philly. I’m two years older than you.”

“Philly.”

“Kitty cat.”

“Ew.”

“Okay, so you two can shut up now while I process all this,” Dan said loudly, throwing his arms out in quite the over-dramatic manner.

“Technically, we’re not even related you know,” Phil hissed, sticking his tongue out at Kit.

“And technically, you’re a dork,” she retaliated, sticking her tongue out in a shockingly similar manner.

“But seriously, shut up,” Dan said. The others were quiet for a moment, and Phil stepped closer to Dan. Dan turned towards him, his expression confused, curious, and slightly hurt. “Is this why you didn't want me to see your place? Phil, I’m not mad or anything, but if you're not telling me things that I should know, then I don't know where to go from here. First the thing you and Ro were arguing about so terribly, and now this?”

“This? You know I have a name, right?”

Dan sighed and glanced over at Kit, who raised her eyebrows after shoving a spoonful of ice cream in her mouth. “Right, sorry. I meant the situation in general.”

Kit’s playful demeanor faulted. “Oh, shit, am I causing problems? Because if you need me to move out, I can always just go back to live with your parents, mate,” she said quickly, the pace of the words barely allowing them to register with the boys.

“No, no, don't do that on my accord,” Dan said. “Look, I’ve got no beef with anybody. I'm beefless. But I need to know what's going on with you, Phil. If you can't open up, at least give me a reason why, okay?”

Phil nodded, looking at his feet. “It's all jumbled right now. I'll clear my head so that I can talk properly without all my feelings getting jumbled up.”

“That’s fair,” Dan agreed. He reached out and grabbed Phil’s hand, tilting Phil’s chin up to meet his eyes with his free hand. “But we need to communicate. Take your time, but we need to talk eventually.”

“Kiss! Kiss! Kiss!” Kit chanted, pumping her fist in the air. Dan looked over at her with a deadpan expression, his eyebrows raised in an almost comical way. She shrugged. “What? You seem to make him happy, and throughout the entirety of the time I lived with him, I’ve never seen him kiss anyone.”

“I told you, it was up at the school and it was stupid!”

“Sure,” Kit said, drawing out the vowel, “and I’m the bloody queen.”

Dan tried and failed to stifle a snicker, drawing Phil’s attention. Phil pouted. “Defend me,” he whined, “that’s what you’re good for!”

“Sorry, but I’m gonna side with your secret flatmate on this one,” Dan giggled.

“You’re already teaming up against me,” Phil groaned.

“That’s what happens when you put two brilliantly gay people in a room,” Kit said matter-of-factly.

Dan laughed loudly, the dimple on his cheek peeking out as he smiled at Phil. “We should probably get back to that movie, hm?”

“Yeah, we should,” Phil mumbled.

Kit hopped down from the counter, popping the lid back on the container of ice cream. “Well, I should probably go. I’m meeting up with someone,” she said with a yawn, stretching her arms out and proceeding to throw her spoon across the room.

“At two in the morning?” Phil questioned skeptically.

“Hey, don’t judge. I actually have a social life, unlike somebody else.”

Dan opened his mouth to join in but was cut off before he could say anything. “Don’t even think about it,” Phil hissed. “You’re just as antisocial as I am.”

“So, uh, what’s with the crutches?” Kit asked, gesturing in Dan’s general direction.

“Dropped a pot. It broke my foot.”

“How does a pot break your foot?”

“It was from the top shelf. I could barely reach up there and I’m over six feet tall. I honestly don’t know how anyone thought it was a good idea to put a cupboard that high up.”

Kit laughed. “Well, I’ll see you around, Danny boy,” she said, walking towards the kitchen doors.

Before either of them could say another word, she was gone. Phil grinned sheepishly and leaned closer to Dan, that familiar gleam in his blue eyes. Dan raised an eyebrow as Phil bit his lip. “What’re you thinking about, Mr. Lester?”

“We’re all alone in a strange new place,” Phil whispered. “Perhaps we should investigate. Maybe have an adventure?”

“Philip, I will smack you. I just learned that the reason you didn’t want me over is because you live with your extremely lesbian cousin. I’m not very ‘in the mood’ right now.” Dan laughed softly, tossing his hair to the side.

Phil let out a small huff, snatching Dan’s arms with one hand and pushing him towards the counter. His crutches clattered to the floor behind them. The small of Dan’s back hit the marble countertop and he gasped. Phil smirked and leaned down towards Dan’s neck, a hot breath hitting Dan’s pale skin. “Are you in the mood now?” Phil mumbled, using his free hand to cup Dan’s cheek.

Dan gulped. “I guess you could say that.”

Phil’s smirk widened as he pulled away, stepping back to leave a helpless Dan panting against the counter. Dan let out a small whine and immediately snapped his hand up to his mouth as Phil released his arms. “Relax. Stay there.” He began walking to the back of the kitchen. “And don’t move. I want this to be a surprise. Oh, and close your eyes!”

“Phil, this is ridiculous. I’m not closing my eyes!”

“Please,” Phil whimpered, the sheer sound of it making Dan’s cheeks heat up.

“Fine,” Dan grumbled, covering his eyes with his hands.

He heard clanging noises behind him, but resisted the urge to take a peek with great difficulty. He heard Phil’s footsteps approach and something being set on the counter beside him. “You can’t look yet,” Phil teased, brushing Dan’s jawline with his thumb. His tone lowered to a bone-chilling seriousness a second later. “It’s a game. If you open your eyes, you get a punishment. Got it?”

“What is this, your kinky little fantasy?” Dan joked, his voice quivering with both excitement and nervousness nonetheless.

Phil let out a dark laugh and tugged down the collar of Dan’s shirt, eliciting a slight gasp from the brunette. He pressed his lips to Dan’s collarbone, sucking at the sensitive skin. Dan moaned quietly, unsure of whether or not it was worth it to move his hands away. Phil released Dan’s collarbone with a pop, the smirk on his face so obvious that Dan could practically hear it. “I guess you could say that.” He heard the pop of a container, then gasped for what felt like the tenth time in two minutes as something warm dripped down his neck. “Oops. Spilled it. Look at you. You look almost as delicious as a milkshake.”

“W-Well you know what they say...it brings all the boys to the yard,” Dan cracked weakly.

“That it does, my darling,” Phil mumbled, leaning down to press a quick kiss to Dan’s lips. “That it does.”

“What’s on my neck, Phil?”

Phil laughed, the sound sending chills down Dan’s spine. “Would you like to taste some?”

Dan nodded feverishly; the motion sent the substance on his neck further down, and a tiny voice in the back of Dan’s head was whining about how it was going to stain his only white shirt. The rest of his brain told it to shut up, thankfully. “That would be nice,” he said, not really sure if Phil’s position would’ve allowed him to hear the brunette.

Phil hummed. “What size shirt are you?”

“What?”

“Nevermind, then, we’re probably the same size.” There was some more movement, and Dan felt his shirt getting lifted slightly. He raised his arms a bit in preparation, careful not to remove his hands from his eyes, but it was pointless, seeing as how he heard snips as his shirt practically fell open. “And now, we do the sleeves.” Dan felt the cloth slip off of his shoulders with the accompanying snipping noises. Well, the shirt was going to get ruined one way or the other. Might as well be the fun way, Phil figured.

“So can you show me what’s on my neck now?”

Phil swept a finger down Dan’s neck, pushing some of the stuff down further. “Open your mouth.” Dan obeyed, and Phil placed his finger delicately inside as he leaned forward to whisper to Dan. “Now, be a good boy and show me how you handled that whisk when we first met.” Dan closed his mouth and swept his tongue over Phil’s finger, swirling it around in his mouth. He tasted something very sweet...almost like chocolate. Before he could get a good feel of it, Phil tugged down on his jaw lightly and he allowed his companion to take his finger back.

“Is it, like, Nutella or something?”

“Close. Hot fudge. Hence the ice cream analogy.”

 

“You put hot fudge on my neck?!” Dan squeaked. “How did you even get it?!”

“There’s an ice cream bar in the back of the kitchen. But that doesn’t matter. I think, since I spilled some of it, I should be the one to clean it up, no?”

“Phil, where is this going--OH SWEET JESUS,” Dan yelped as Phil swooped down to lick the fudge at the base of Dan’s neck.

Phil laughed slightly. “Sensitive, are we? Not like I didn’t already know that,” he said smugly, returning to the same gesture as before.

“Holy fucking fuck, please don’t stop whatever it is you’re doing,” Dan moaned, using all remaining self-control he had to keep his hands in front of his eyes.

Phil seemed to listen to his pleas, and bit down gently on Dan’s neck, eliciting a loud moan from the brunette. He continued licking and nibbling up to Dan’s jawline, his hands trailing down Dan’s stomach to the button of his black jeans. He pulled away from Dan’s neck and took his hands away from Dan’s lower abdomen, pushing Dan’s hands aside. “You can look now. You’re all clean,” he said softly, his gaze soft and kind.

“Th-Thanks,” Dan said, staring into the brilliant blue orbs. It was almost mesmerizing. Happiness and excitement swirled around them, the emotions almost blocking out that same strange gleam in Phil’s eyes. Almost. “So, er, what now?”

“Well,” Phil murmured, his hands traveling down to Dan’s chest, “how about we cut the chitchat and get to it?”

“F-Fuck.”

“Pardon?”

“I-I mean, yeah, s-sure, if you want to, then I’m totally, completely up for that,” Dan said quickly, heat rising in his cheeks.

“Don’t lie to me Dan.”

“What? I’m not--”

“You’re practically begging for it, aren’t you?” Phil said in a dark tone. His demeanor was unwavering as one of his hands moved down towards the button of Dan’s jeans again. “I think you’ve been good enough for a reward.” The last word was complimented by the snap of the button coming off in Phil’s hand.

“L-Looks like I’ll have to borrow a pair of your jeans tomorrow as well,” Dan said nervously.

“I suppose you will.” Phil’s hand moved down further, tugging the top of jeans down along with it. “But you’re going to have to be good through this next part too. Promise?”

Dan nodded furiously as he stared into Phil’s piercing gaze. Phil bit his lip and leaned in, his lips barely brushing against Dan’s. Dan knew better than to initiate it when Phil got into this sort of mood. So he waited.

And damn, did it pay off.

Phil connected their lips as he hooked his thumbs around the waistband of Dan’s black boxers, instantly gaining dominance of the kiss by biting down on Dan’s bottom lip. The younger of the two moaned loudly as Phil tugged down roughly, the familiar feeling of the heat flowing downward the best feeling in the world. Well, perhaps, second-best. Phil broke the kiss to tug off his own shirt, the adrenaline pumping through his veins allowing him to lift Dan up, much to the latter’s surprise, and take him into the lounge, throwing him unceremoniously down onto the couch.

“Clothes. Off. Now,” he growled, unbuttoning his own jeans and kicking them off.

Dan tugged his boxers off the rest of the way and settled himself comfortably on the couch, awaiting Phil’s next move. Phil tugged his boxers down and strode over to the couch; his eyes were narrowed as he grabbed Dan and shoved him roughly toward the arm of the sofa. Dan’s eyes widened as Phil glared down at him, a terrified but excited brown staring into an unreadable brilliant blue.

“Sit up,” Phil commanded.

Dan obeyed, breathing rapidly in anticipation.

“Get over here.”

Phil sat down on the opposite end of the couch. Dan began to get up, but Phil held up a hand.

“Don’t stand up.”

“What?”

“You heard me. Find a way.”

Dan thought for a moment and opted for the easiest way, which ended up being him approaching Phil on all fours across the couch cushions. Phil was holding back a smirk, and Dan could tell. When he reached the black-haired man, he kneeled awkwardly, the leg in the black cast hanging off of the edge of the couch. “N-Now what?”

“Get your cute little ass over here.”

Dan realized almost immediately what Phil meant and swung one leg over him, Dan’s thighs resting on Phil’s as he straddled him. Phil reached up, brushing Dan’s hair aside and staring into the brunette’s eyes fondly.

“You’re absolutely perfect.”

The statement was said in unison, resulting in a quiet fit of giggles. Phil’s eyes lowered down to stare at Dan’s v-line, his fingers delicately tracing the bones. “I guess I’m banned from all art galleries. Have been for a while now.”

“What? What do you mean?”

“You’re not allowed to touch the masterpieces,” Phil growled with a smirk, connecting their lips once again.

The kiss was rough, passionate. Dan entangled his fingers in Phil’s hair and tugged. Phil moaned loudly into the kiss, the deep sound of it sending shockwaves to settle in the pit of Dan’s stomach. Phil broke away first. “You ready?”

“You’re a smart guy, does it look like I am?”

“I suppose so,” Phil mused, his fingertips dancing down to just above Dan’s member. “But it’d be nice to hear you say it.”

“Hurry up and just fuck me already! What are we waiting for?!” Dan’s cheeks were probably redder than they’d ever been, but he was far too aroused at that point to care much.

“Better,” Phil growled, thrusting up just as Dan pushed down, eliciting a loud gasp from the younger of the two. “You good to keep going or you need a sec?”

“Don’t. Fucking. Stop,” Dan begged, moving his hips up and down.

“That can be arranged,” Phil mumbled, placing his hands firmly on Dan’s hips for balance as he continued to thrust up.

“F-fucking hell, Phil,” Dan moaned, leaning down to place sloppy, uneasy kisses along Phil’s neck. His hands grasped onto Phil’s shoulders.

Phil had resorted to only animalistic moans, the raw sounds themselves almost driving Dan to the edge. Dan was close, as was Phil. Quite obviously, too.

“D-Dan, do you want me t-to--”

“Idon’tfuckingcarejustkeepgoingplease,” Dan said breathlessly, his short nails digging into Phil’s skin.

“I c-can’t--”

“Just a little--”

“Dan, I--”

“FUCK!”

Dan released his grip on Phil, slumping over in a heap of ecstasy and moans, each one higher pitched than the one before. Phil didn’t last much longer, the waves of pleasure too much for him to handle. Phil sucked roughly on the skin at the base of Dan’s neck to keep himself quiet, his fingers pressing tightly into Dan’s hips. Dan gasped for breath as he rode out the last bit of his climax; he probably would’ve found the little gasps Phil was making adorable if he was able to focus on anything but the stars he was seeing.

“Phil, I...holy hell.”

“Same here,” Phil whispered.

“We should probably get to bed soon,” Dan said, somehow managing to sit up.

“Yeah. We can clean up in the morning,” Phil suggested with a yawn, surprising himself at how exhausted he was.

“That’d be good. We’d have to get up early, though.”

“Early as in about four hours from now?”

Dan laughed and draped his arms around Phil’s neck. “So, do you think you can carry me upstairs or are you too weak in the knees, Mr. Lester?”

Phil rolled his eyes. “Let’s go find you some pajamas, Princess Daniel.”

Phil placed his hands firmly under Dan’s thighs, scooping him up and walking towards the stairs. Dan hugged Phil tighter as they went up; he was warm and comforting, and Dan felt so comfortable that he could probably fall asleep right then and there. But, as they approached the landing, Dan had realized what Phil said.

“I’m no princess!”

Phil burst out laughing, walking down the hall to the master bedroom. “I was wondering how long it would take you to catch on. Could you open the door for me?”

Dan turned the knob, trying his best to keep the fake scowl on his face as Phil placed him gently on the bed. He walked over to the closet, throwing the door open and stepping inside. Dan raised an eyebrow. “Walk-in closet. Not bad,” he called from the bed. He took a good look around the room. There were some Buffy posters on one wall, an enormous television on the wall directly across from the bed with all sorts of game consoles in a case underneath, and generally nerdy stuff scattered about the room. “I was right! You do live in nerd heaven!”

Phil laughed as he emerged from the closet holding a pile of clothes. He sat down next to Dan, handing him a pair of boxers and a white t-shirt. Dan stared at him, and Phil raised his hands defensively. “It’s what I normally wear to bed! Don’t judge me,” he grumbled, pulling on his own pair of boxers and a white shirt.

“I didn’t realize I’d have to watch you get dressed. It’s so odd, I’m only used to you getting undressed.”

If Phil had been drinking water in that moment, he would’ve spat it out. But alas, he was not. “Just get dressed, Bear,” he mumbled tiredly, flopping down on the bed.

Dan did so, falling back down on the comforter next to Phil. They weren’t very far apart as they turned to face each other. “Hi,” Dan whispered.

“Hello,” Phil said softly. “You wanna get to sleep?”

Dan nodded slowly, his eyelids drooping. Phil began to pull the comforter out from under them in order to cover them, but Dan shook his head. “Here is fine. It’s a little hot anyway.”

“Agreed.”

“Oh, and Phil? About what you said earlier?”

“Yeah?”

“It’s Queen Daniel, thank you very much.”

******************************


	11. Chapter 11

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm so sorry this chapter is so short, but I honestly couldn't think of a better way to end it. I hope you enjoy!

The moment Dan woke up, he realized two things. The first being that Phil’s long limbs were tangled with his own, making Dan the little spoon. He giggled softly and snuggled back further into Phil. The second thing he realized was that they had to go to work together. Where Ro was. Dan cursed under his breath. Phil stirred slightly behind him and he immediately tensed up as the long pale arms around him pulled Dan closer. Under Phil’s vice grip, Dan fumbled for his phone, relieved Phil had put it, along with his ruined clothes, on the nightstand.

8 A.M.

They were going to be late.

“Fuck!” Dan yelled, covering his mouth right after he said it.

Phil stirred next to him and mumbled something in his sleep. The noise was quite adorable; Dan debated whether it’d be worth it to let him sleep for just a few more minutes. He shook his head silently, reminding himself that, even if Ro still wasn’t mad, she’d definitely kick their asses if they were late. He put a hand on Phil’s arm and squeezed gently, drawing another little mutter from his companion. Dan smiled softly and turned around to face him, planting a kiss gently on Phil’s nose. Phil’s eyes opened slowly, the groggy blue staring into the amused brown of Dan’s eyes. Phil chuckled softly and bit his lip. He pulled Dan closer.

“Good morning, princess,” he mumbled, his tired, slightly raspy voice sending chills down Dan’s spine.

“First of all, we talked about ‘princess’ and, second of all, we’re going to be late if we don’t leave, like, right now,” Dan informed him, pulling away slightly. He managed to escape Phil’s embrace and got out of the bed. He almost fell over, seeing as how the duvet had managed to tangle around his legs, but he steadied himself. “Get up, you lazy oaf.” He picked up one of Phil’s pillows and threw it at him.

Phil let out a whine as the pillow hit his face and he clutched it to his chest. “But you’re so cozy! Come back to bed!”

“Get dressed, we’re going to be late,” Dan said again, walking over to the closet by holding on to furniture along the way and throwing the door open.

Phil groaned and rolled out of bed, scratching his arm as he trudged over towards Dan, standing next to him in the closet. Dan looked down at the slumped-over Phil, amusement swimming in his brown orbs. Phil clucked his tongue and rolled his eyes. “I’m tired! Yesterday’s events took quite the physical toll. Maybe you should lay off the muffins,” he joked, poking Dan’s stomach lightly.

“Rude,” Dan muttered, a slight pink tinge in his cheeks.

“I’m only joking. You know I love the way you look when you’re bouncing up and down on--”

“SHUT UP,” Dan roared, his cheeks only growing redder as Phil’s smirk widened.

“Oh, what, you don’t want me talking about how your moans are, like, the cutest thing ever?” Phil mocked, trailing his fingers down Dan’s front and leaning in closer.

“W-We need to get to work,” Dan said, turning back towards the clothes.

Phil snorted and swiftly made his way over to the huge rack of brightly colored shirts, grabbing two at random and throwing one at Dan. The brunette caught it and tucked it under his arm, taking off the white undershirt Phil had given him last night with the other arm. Phil stood and watched as Dan put the fluorescent green shirt on with silent giggles. Dan raised an eyebrow at him, pushing his fringe out of his eyes.

“What?” Dan asked, walking closer to the older man. “What’s so funny?”

“You don’t wear bright clothes. It’s weird, but it’s a good weird.” Dan’s arms snaked around Phil’s neck and he leaned closer. “To be honest, I think you’d look good in anything. But I’ve got to say, your birthday suit is definitely my favorite outfit of yours.”

Dan rolled his eyes. “You’re so cheesy,” he mumbled, pressing a soft kiss to Phil’s lips. “Now get us some pants, won’t you, darling?”

“Of course, Bear.”

Phil grabbed two pairs of black skinny jeans and tossed a pair at Dan, who grinned as he caught it. “Now this is what I’m talking about,” he said, sending an approving nod in Phil’s direction as he pulled his jeans on.

“You’re so dark all the time,” Phil said, pulling his own clothes on, “why don’t you wear lighter clothes more often?”

“I don’t know. Maybe when I’m happier, I’ll wear brighter clothes.”

“You’re not happy now?” Phil looked slightly hurt as he adjusted his shirt, staring up at Dan.

“Hey, you make me happy,” Dan said, wrapping his arms around Phil’s waist from behind. “But I just dropped out of college. I meant happy in life, not happy in lo--relationships. Being with you makes me happy, Phil. I mean that. I always will.”

Phil smiled weakly. “You know, for being a poet, I was never really all that good with words,” he whispered.

“Words don’t need to be said, do they?” Dan asked, pulling Phil closer.

“I think a kiss will do,” Phil mumbled, leaning in.

Dan placed a finger on Phil’s nose and pushed him back a bit. “Ah, ah, ah,” he taunted, waggling that same finger, “we have work to get to. Go and get my crutches?” The question was accompanied by a slight pout and the batting of Dan’s long, dark lashes.

How could Phil resist?

He walked downstairs, unsurprised to find a mess in the kitchen, hot fudge spilled all over the counter. “The maid can clean that up,” he grumbled, pulling the crutches up the stairs. Halfway through, he decided that carrying Dan to the crutches at the bottom of them would be a smarter idea. So, he left the crutches on the steps and trekked back upstairs without them, slinging an arm under Dan and carrying the protesting brunette downstairs bridal style.

Dan picked up the crutches and stood with a huff, his lips pursed in a childlike manner. “I can get down the stairs with my crutches just fine,” he muttered, following Phil into the elevator and out through the lobby.

Dan knew exactly why he’d been so nervous to start work that morning. There was a note attached to the door of the seemingly-empty bakery, and the passive-aggressive contents of it made Dan extremely anxious for Ro’s return.

Dan,  
I’m going out for the day. You’re in charge of the bakery whenever you feel like showing up. Give your boyfriend whatever jobs you need help with. Feel free to fuck in the back room or whatever the hell you feel entitled to. I’ll be back around one in the morning, I’m going out with Louise and a couple of friends. Oh, and if you need dinner to have with your fuckbuddy tonight, it’s in the freezer. He can sleep over if he needs to, but it’s all good if you want to go back to his place tonight too. You’re not the one I’m mad at, don’t forget it. Love you, buddy. See you later.

-Ro

Dan sighed, and Phil looked up at him, attempting to peer over his shoulder at the letter. Dan crumpled it up and threw it in the bin next to them and gave Phil a weak smile before unlocking the door and leading the way inside. He set his crutches down on the other side of the counter and hopped over, feeling much too lazy to actually use the way through the kitchen. Phil, on the other hand, did, and Dan heard a clatter about three seconds after Phil had entered the kitchen.

“I’M OKAY!” Phil shouted, more crashes following the statement.

“You need some help?” Dan called, biting his lip in anticipation for the next set of noise.

“Nope, it’s all good!” Phil claimed, throwing open the door and grinning up at Dan.

“Your shirt’s backwards.”

“What?” Phil looked down. “Oh, right.” He fixed his shirt and smoothed down his fringe, still smiling brightly up at Dan.

“How on Earth did you do that?” Dan asked incredulously, gaping slightly.

“It was all a blur,” Phil said, waving his hands mystically.

“Seriously.”

Phil threw his arms up in surrender. “How am I supposed to know?!” He leaned in closer towards Dan, placing his hands gently on the brunette’s chest. “However, if you’d like it off completely, that can be arranged.”

“Phil Lester--”

“Are you gentlemen open?” It was a woman’s voice that interrupted them, and they turned their attention to the doorway. Phil recognized her almost immediately. It was the woman from a few days ago, the one with the sunglasses.

Dan nodded. “Oh, yes, I’m sorry, miss, we forgot to change the sign when we came in. You can sit down if you’d like, Phil can take your order.”

“That would be lovely,” the woman said, a smile apparent on her quite pretty features.

“Phil, go help her out,” Dan muttered, elbowing Phil and jolting him out of whatever daydream he was in the middle of.

Phil jumped and hopped over the counter, flipping the sign to open on his way over to the woman. He smiled nervously, still slightly shaken from what she had said the last time she’d been there. “How can I help you, miss?”

“A simple coffee and two chocolate chip muffins will be fine, thank you, dear,” she said politely, taking off her enormous floppy hat to reveal neon blue hair in a tight bun. Before Phil could turn away, however, she grabbed his wrist gently. Phil glanced over at Dan, who was turned away from them, rolling dough into croissants whilst humming the tune of a familiar musical Phil felt like he knew by heart, but just couldn’t put his finger on. “It looks like I was wrong about him. It seems as though you’re the one causing trouble now. You should tell him once you get the call.”

“H-How do you--?”

 

“I’m the publisher, dear.” The woman offered a small smile, but it fell back into a deadpan expression almost immediately afterwards. “He doesn’t know, does he? That smile isn’t fake.”

“No, he doesn’t know,” Phil said, his voice low. His smile brightened as he offered his hand, and the woman shook it. “It’s a pleasure to meet you in person, by the way, miss!”

“Likewise, dear,” the woman said. “And please, call me Kay.”

“Like the letter?” Phil asked with a nervous laugh.

Kay laughed and shook her head. “Your work never ceases to amaze me, Phil. Your poetry is absolutely lovely. My particular favorite is ‘Brown.’”

Phil bit his lip as he smiled, glancing over at Dan. “That’s my favorite, too.” He looked back at Kay and scratched the back of his neck sheepishly. “Well, I’ll get your order, shall I?”

He hopped back over the counter and, before Dan could say anything, enveloped him in a warm embrace. Dan chuckled and nestled his head into the crook of Phil’s neck. “What was that for?” Dan asked, the vibrations of the words reverberating off of Phil’s skin and sending chills down his spine.

“Because you matter to me. A lot,” Phil whispered, a mix of emotions flowing through him as he pulled back from the hug. He smiled and turned towards the display of pastries. “I’ll get what she ordered, then.”

“Coffee?”

Phil nodded, and Dan went off to retrieve a fresh mug of the brewing java. Phil placed two chocolate chip muffins on a plate, then hopped back over the counter with much more care. He strode over to Kay, both hands on the plate in hopes of avoiding the inevitability of tripping. Phil prayed to every religion possible that he wouldn’t end up getting crumbs all over the person who could make or break his entire career. Thankfully, his desperation ended up helping him for once, and he set the plate down on the table in front of her. “Your coffee will be ready in just a moment,” he said with a smile. “Again, it’s such an honor, Kay.”

“The pleasure is all mine, believe me.” Kay bit her lip, the rest of her expression unreadable underneath her sunglasses. “But, if I may give my advice for a moment...it would be a good idea to tell your boyfriend about the deal. He deserves to know.”

“That’s what his friend said too,” Phil said with a sad smile.

“You told his friend, but not him?”

“It was just after he’d had a panic attack,” Phil whispered, “I didn’t know if the news might set him off again. And I didn’t know if it was concrete at the time. Terrible excuse, I know, but--”

“It’s concrete now,” Kay said calmly, “so you should tell him.”

“How long will it be?”

The question was simple, but it took Kay a few moments to answer. “A few months until it happens. I don’t know how long the deal will actually be. It might be just a couple of months, or it might be a couple of years.” Before he could say anything, she put a finger up. “You knew exactly what you were signing up for, Phil. I can’t have your talent backing out now. But he deserves to know how long it’ll be for.”

Phil took a deep breath and nodded, determined to keep his composure. The usual gaggle of girls entered the bakery and he greeted them with a smile and a wave, causing giggles to erupt throughout their little group. He heard Dan calling him over to get the cup of coffee, and he did so, briefly pecking Dan’s cheek before heading back over to Kay’s table and delivering her beverage. He hopped back over the counter afterwards and hugged Dan again, who had finally started wondering if something odd was happening.

“Okay, so you’ve given me an unusual amount of hugs in the few minutes we’ve been here,” he chuckled, the nervousness of his tone cleverly hidden behind amusement. “What’s going on with you today?”

“I care about you a lot, you know,” Phil whispered, resting his head on Dan’s shoulder.

“I know that, Phil,” Dan said, the nervousness of his tone now blatantly obvious. “I need to know what’s going on, though. Is everything okay?”

“I...I should tell you something.” Phil glanced over at Kay, who shot him a thumbs-up from her table. He looked over at the gaggle of girls still giggling in the corner, who were obviously listening intently.

“You can tell me anything,” Dan said, his voice hushed.

“I got a publishing offer,” Phil blurted, louder than he’d intended to. His cheeks flushed, and Dan grinned down at him, a mix of relief and excitement on the brunette’s face.

“Well, that’s great! That’s fantastic, why are you acting so weird about it?”

“Dan, I…”

“Why are you acting so weird about it?” Dan repeated, his expression now more confused than anything.

“I’d have to go to New York for it.”

“Wait, what?”

Phil bit his lip as Dan pulled away, the brunette’s hands still firmly grasping Phil’s waist as though it were the only thing tethering him to reality. “And I...I’ve decided to take it, Dan. It’s an excellent offer, and I can’t let it go to waste,” Phil murmured, cupping Dan’s cheeks with his hands.

Dan’s eyes searched his face for any sign of a joke, but he clearly found none, seeing as his expression dropped almost immediately. “H-How long would you be away for? A couple of weeks tops?” The question was less of a guess and more of a plea.

“A c-couple of months at minimum,” Phil responded quietly, “a few years tops.”

Phil wished he could’ve torn his eyes away from Dan’s, but there was no avoiding the way the brunette’s eyes became broken, the way the mischievous, innocent sparkle dulled immediately, the way he mouthed the word “years” as if it were the only word he could say. He wished he could’ve moved away in time for Dan’s tears to move down his face rather than Phil’s pale fingers, wished he could’ve looked away from Dan’s quivering lips, wished there hadn’t been as many love bites on his neck to make him feel like a gargantuan jerk for not telling him earlier.

“Is...is this why y-you were fighting with Ro?” Dan asked, his voice breaking further and further with every syllable. “You...you’re l-leaving?” He visibly tried to swallow the lump Phil knew was in the back of his throat, but choked, causing more tears to fall past Phil’s fingers to the floor.

“Bear, I…” Phil took a shaky breath. “I’m so sorry.”

“You’re going to be gone for y-years?” The last word was hushed, almost intimate.

“It might not be that long,” Phil offered desperately, despising every fiber of his own being as he watched Dan break further.

“How long do we h-have left?” Dan hiccuped, his expression blank aside from the tears still rolling down his cheeks.

“As long as we can see the same sky, breathe the same air, step on the same planet, then you and I are not impossible,” Phil said firmly, pressing his forehead against Dan’s.

“Who said th-that line?” Dan asked quietly, blatantly reaching for an excuse to avoid his own emotions.

“Who cares?”

Dan let out a soft sound that was somewhat of a mix between a sob and a laugh.

“Let’s take the day off, yeah?” Phil suggested.

“A-After lunch,” Dan whispered.

Phil nodded, but didn’t let go. “I know it’s going to be hard. But I know we can get through it. I know we can keep being us throughout everything. I have faith in that.”

“Y-You do?”

“I will never cease to cherish every moment I have with you, Bear,” Phil mumbled, pressing a gentle kiss against Dan’s trembling lips. “Promise me something. Promise me you won’t leave me for someone better.”

“There’s no one better,” Dan said softly. “I want you. Nothing but you.”

“I’m so sorry, Bear.” Phil’s eyes began to water. “I’m so sorry I have to leave.”

“D-Don’t apologize. I want nothing but the best for you, Mr. L-Lester,” Dan said, his voice shaking.

“I already have the best,” Phil murmured, giving Dan another soft kiss.

“I have you.”

******************************


	12. Chapter 12

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Ack--I'm sorry this chapter is so short, I've been busy with exams. Next Thursday's chapter is going to be a long one, though, so don't give up on me just yet!

Ro was in an undeniable, unstoppable rage.

That, being paired with her slight tipsiness (more like complete drunkenness), was a dangerous sort of rage.

She was stumbling home, heels in hand, at two in the morning. She was angry; angry at herself for getting drunk that night, angry at the man at the bar who bought her shots until she couldn’t see straight, angry at Phil for refusing to tell Dan that her best friend’s heart was going to be broken in a couple of months. She knew she was going to feel like shit tomorrow morning for leaving such a bitchy note on the door.

But she didn't feel that now.

No, the only thing she felt was the pounding of both her head and feet. She looked up and saw the blurry storefront of the bakery. Relieved she’d finally made it home, she unlocked the door and stepped inside. And then she heard loud, slightly effeminate moaning from upstairs.

So Phil was staying over.

She couldn't say much, she said he could if Dan wanted to let him. But judging from the fact they were shagging at the moment, she doubted the fact Phil had told him about it. She rolled her eyes and put her headphones in her ears, setting the music as loud as it needed to be in order to avoid hearing the lewdness that was going on above her head. In all honesty, she was quite fond of Phil; she had no doubt he'd be with Dan for a while. But she had no tolerance for people who had secrets when it came to Dan. She knew Dan was still hurting from what his father had said a couple years prior, and she couldn't take having him hurt again.

She chuckled quietly as she remembered the first time Dan had stayed the night at her house in high school; her mother had found them doing each other’s nails and almost lost her mind. But when Ro had explained the situation, and since her mother had known Dan since he was born, she was more than welcoming. She wasn't surprised when Dan stopped just dropping her off after school and started coming in with her. After all, Ro’s family weren't the most religious of people. Dan once told her that her house felt more like home than his own. Ro was definitely glad he'd found a new home in Phil.

But she couldn't bear to watch that home get bulldozed.

So, she had decided, that was why she was angry. Not at Phil as a person, but rather his choice to keep such a crucial detail of his life from Dan. Ro may not have been the wisest of people, but she knew relationships only lasted on trust and communication. And she knew that, even so soon, Dan would trust Phil with his life.

But trust could be broken as easily as eggshells.

She sighed and flopped down on the couch in the little lounge, closing her eyes. Perhaps tomorrow morning would be better. Then again, she'd have one hell of a hangover.

When she woke up, there was a glass of water and bottle of painkillers on the table next to her. Ah, Dan. He could always tell when Ro fell asleep drunk. Whenever she asked what gave it away, he'd always answer the same thing.

“You fell asleep with your left hand behind your head again.”

But what she wasn't expecting was that the voice she thought she'd heard in her head came from the doorway. “Dan,” she said, her voice slightly raspy. She smiled. “Thanks, mate.”

Dan rolled his eyes and grinned, his hands casually in his pockets and hobbit hair quite apparent. “Just take the painkillers. I've got the morning shift.”

“No hard feelings, then?”

Dan’s expression dropped slightly. “No hard feelings. I get why you were pissed off.”

Ro nodded, the pounding in her head keeping her too preoccupied to note much of anything Dan said. She downed the water and painkillers, then turned back to Dan. “I'm gonna go take a shower and get dressed, then. Also, what’s with the hobbit hair, Howell?”

Dan smiled sheepishly, ruffling said hobbit hair with his hand. “Phil thought it was cute when we woke up this morning, so I decided I wanted to try it out for the day. See how it feels.”

“That group of girls is gonna go crazy, you know,” Ro said, an eyebrow raised.

“And is that such a bad thing?”

“Touché.”

Dan turned back out towards the kitchen. Ro clambered upstairs, momentarily forgetting the fact there’d be tension as thick as marmalade when she got back down. And Phil was oblivious to the whole exchange as he took a batch of muffins out of the oven.

“Hey, Bear,” he said as he felt a pair of long arms wrap around his waist. “Careful, I’m carrying hot stuff.”

“I mean, I’d call it ‘packing’ hot stuff, personally, but whatever floats your boat,” Dan purred, his breath tickling Phil’s neck.

“Are you sure you’re not upset?” Phil set down the muffin tray and turned around to look at Dan.

“Phil, we talked about this. It’s a great opportunity for you, you can’t just let it go by.” Despite his supportive words, there was something behind Dan’s eyes that looked broken, and all Phil wanted to do was fix it. “New York’s time zone isn’t too far behind London’s, and we can Skype if we want to talk. Don’t feel bad. Although, I am going to miss you and your perfect ass--”

“Okay, well, we’ve got a lot of work to do,” Phil interjected, his cheeks going pink.

“That we do, Mr. Lester.” Dan grinned, but there was something odd about his smile, something almost strained. “Let’s get to it then, shall we?”

“Er, y-yeah,” Phil agreed, “I’ll go put the muffins in the display, I guess.”

“I’ll take over the register.”

As Phil put the muffins in the glass case, he kept glancing over at Dan. The brunette was attending to the customers with a forced smile, his fingers tapping on the counter anxiously. Phil stood up, but hit his head on the top of the case and groaned loudly, attracting the attention of several patrons who merely frowned disapprovingly in his general direction. Dan gave him a concerned look and Phil smiled apologetically. After the muffins were properly placed, he strode back over to Dan and snaked his arms around the younger man’s waist.

“You good, Bear?” Phil asked quietly, placing a soft kiss to the top of Dan’s head. The only reason he could was because Dan was slouching terribly. Dan nodded. Thankfully, he’d attended to the last customer before Phil had gotten over to him. “Okay. Just making sure. If you want to talk about it more, we can. You know that, right?”

“Of course I do,” Dan said softly, “I just don’t think I need to right now.”

“If you ever do--”

“I said I don’t, Phil, so can we please just drop it?”

“A-Alright.” Phil looked down, his arms loosening. “I’m sorry.”

Dan grasped Phil’s arms and tightened them around himself. “Don’t be. I shouldn’t have snapped.”

“We’re okay, right?”

“Why wouldn’t we be?”

“Well…” Phil trailed off.

“What’s wrong, Phil?” Dan dropped Phil’s arms, turning around. “Why wouldn’t we be okay?”

“Is Ro still mad?” The question was quiet, timid even. Phil looked down. “It’s just that you two are so close and I’d hate for our spat to get in the way of--well, anything, really.”

“She’s not,” Dan assured him. His brow furrowed. “At least, I think she’s not.”

“Wait, what do you mean you ‘think’--”

“I’m not,” said a voice from the doorway. Phil spun around to see Ro, hair let down from its messy bun and slight bags under her eyes, standing with her hands on either elbow. “Look, I...I’m sorry I yelled. And I’m sorry I left you both such a bitchy note. I was being stupid.”

“It’s fine, Ro, really,” Phil said. “And I’m really sorry I didn’t just take your advice. I should’ve listened to you in the first place.”

“So...we’re good, then, right? All of us?” Dan asked, biting his lip.

Ro laughed and nodded. “Yeah, just don’t get all sentimental on me yet. I’ve still got a bit of a hangover.” Her face turned stern for just a moment, although Dan could tell she was restraining a smile. “Now get back to work. I’m not paying you to sit around and snog each other.”

“Good point,” Phil said.

Dan cupped Phil’s face gently and ran a thumb over his lips. He leaned in, so tantalizingly close, and smirked. “What a shame. I was hoping to get a couple kisses in before lunch,” he murmured, his warm breath smelling of stolen chocolate cookies from the kitchen. He turned back to the register and started recounting the money, leaving Phil red-faced behind him.

“Always a poet, even in prose,” Phil shouted, speeding off into the kitchen.

“Excuse you, you cannot just quote Baudelaire and walk away from me!” Dan yelled, hobbling as fast as he could into the kitchen.

Phil greeted him from the other side of the kitchen island, his hands gripping the corners. A lopsided smirk rested on his face as he gazed into Dan’s eyes, the familiar odd glare in the blue orbs. “And what are you going to do about it?”

“Well, Mr. Lester,” Dan purred, batting his eyelashes, “I was hoping you’d come ‘round that island and let me have my way with you.”

“We’re working, Dan,” Phil said, although his underlying tone implied that he couldn’t care less what they were doing as long as they were shagging.

“Let’s work together then,” Dan said slowly, biting his lip.

“Are you actually flirting with him right after I told you guys to work?” Ro called from the main bakery, her voice extremely amused. “Get your asses back over here!”

Phil shrugged, looking up at his brunette companion with deceitfully innocent eyes. “Looks like we’ll have to continue this later.” He shrugged and made his way back out to the bakery.

Dan shook his head incredulously and managed to hobble over to the register again. “Bloody Baudelaire. Of all things, it had to be Baudelaire,” he muttered.

“Hey, Dan?” Phil called, taking some chocolate truffles out of the small stand-by fridge.

“Yeah?”

“Sometimes you overthink stuff too much,” Phil said, biting his lip to hold in a smile.

“Okay…?” Dan trailed off, raising an eyebrow. He wondered where Phil was going with this.

“But you know what they say...everything that is beautiful and noble is the product of reason and calculation.”

“Damn you and your French poetry, Lester,” Dan mumbled, his cheeks pink.

“What was that? You want to hear more Baudelaire?” Phil teased, sticking his tongue out.

“Yeah, sure. It kind of turns me on.”

Dan smirked. It was Phil’s turn to blush, his cheeks practically red. “S-Sorry?”

“I guess you could consider it my kink,” Dan mused, looking up in mock thought.

“Oh, will you two just get to work,” Ro interjected, laughing at Phil’s flustered expression. “Wow, he really turned that around on you, hm?”

“Shut up,” Phil mumbled, turning back to the glass case and paying particular attention to where he placed the truffles.

Dan nodded at Ro and they switched places, Dan hobbling over towards the slightly-bent-over Phil. Dan placed his hands on Phil’s lower hips, causing the latter to squeak quietly in surprise. Dan leaned down. “An artist is an artist only because of his exquisite sense of beauty, a sense which shows him”--Dan lowered his tone--”intoxicating pleasures, but which at the same time contains an equally exquisite sense of all deformities and all disproportion. Although, Mr. Lester, I choose to believe that quote is slightly untrue in the fact you see the good in everything.”

“Did you just turn a situation heavy with sexual tension into one that’s really hopelessly romantic?” Phil questioned, an eyebrow raised.

“I suppose I did. You’ll have to fix that later, though,” Dan said slyly.

“I’m assuming that eludes to plenty of hot sex later tonight?” Phil asked bluntly, careful to keep his voice low enough so that the patrons of the bakery couldn’t hear. Dan choked on his own spit and Phil gave him a cheeky grin. “I’ll take that as a yes, then. I look forward to it.”

“As do I, Mr. Lester.”

Phil gulped. “Well, we have that settled then, don’t we?”

“I suppose we do.”

Phil turned back to the truffles and felt Dan’s hands slip away from his hips, cold air replacing the warmth from the brunette’s fingertips. Dan ran a hand through his fringe and sighed as he took the next customer’s order. Although he wanted Phil to go to New York, a lot, as a matter of fact, he felt something gnawing at him from his soul. It was as if there was a small part of him that wanted to tell Phil, “No, don’t go, I need you!” He refused to let that part of himself hinder Phil’s future, however, and so he couldn’t let himself talk about that little voice inside his head. He wouldn’t let his own doubt get in the way of Phil’s dreams. There was no way he’d allow that. Instead, he pushed those thoughts down further, pushed down the fear that Phil would find someone better in New York, pushed down the tears that threatened to fall at any given moment. He knew that if Phil doubted that Dan would be happy for even a second, he’d cancel the deal. He was sure of it.

And he simply couldn’t let Phil do that to himself.

Dan wondered if Phil could tell his smiles were pained, wondered if Phil could see the mist of uncertainty swimming behind his brown irises. Most of the time, he half-hoped Phil would notice, and he felt like shit for doing so. He knew Ro was bound to notice at some point; he was never really able to hide his emotions from her. As soon as she did, Dan knew exactly how to beg her to keep quiet about it. Dan took a deep breath and looked up, his fingers absentmindedly tapping on the marble surface of the counter. He wasn’t sure about much of anything. His life had seemingly just decided to leave him out of the decision-making process. It was quite unnerving; Dan felt like he had no control over anything. It felt as though life was passing him by without stopping to ask whether he’d like a ride, as though nothing he did could change what was going to happen. At least not if he wanted everyone else to be happy. And he did. Pretty much all he wanted was for Phil to be happy with his life. For Phil to follow his dreams and do what Dan knew he could accomplish. Despite the fact Phil constantly berated himself, jokingly or not, Dan would refuse to let his poetry go by unread.

Perhaps that was the one say he had in life.

Perhaps all that had happened to him was because he refused to let other people be miserable on their own.

Perhaps he was simply too nice for his own good.

Dan shook the thoughts away, turning to face the table by the window. Their table. It was empty at the moment; no one usually sat there. In the daytime, there were too many blinding lights, too many deafening noises to sit there and properly enjoy a meal. But at night, when he and Phil sat and talked, the streetlamps gave a perfect ambiance, the quiet white noise was just enough to keep the conversation light enough. That table was where they had first talked, right next to where they had first kissed. It was where they sat each night to talk about the day, their thoughts, Phil’s poetry, almost anything that came to mind. They never ran out of things to talk about, but yesterday, they were oddly silent as they sat and drank hot chocolate by the window. He didn’t want that tension tonight; although, the tension was quickly solved with a few glasses of wine.

And by God, was he determined to make this the best night of Phil’s life.

******************************


	13. Chapter 13

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Ahhhh, I'm late! But I have another chapter on the way, so expect another one sometime this weekend in addition to this one and the usual Thursday chapter.

“Our six month anniversary is tomorrow, you know.”

The statement was bittersweet. On one hand, it was going to be an entire half of a year that they'd been together. And on the other, Phil was leaving in less than a week. So, naturally, Dan wanted to make this the most special few days ever. They'd both come to terms with Phil’s decision, and within the last few weeks, Phil had been getting swamped with texts, calls, and e-mails from the publishing company in New York. And, as they sat having dinner the night before their six month anniversary, Phil was in the process of being swamped.

“Oh, is that so?” Phil said absentmindedly, typing furiously on his phone.

Dan bit his lip and took a deep breath. “Yeah, and we’re also putting monkeys in the window displays.”

“That's very interesting, Bear,” Phil said monotonously, his brow furrowing as he stared at the infernal little screen.

“I've been thinking that we should maybe just set the roof on fire permanently.”

“Great.”

Dan hesitated for a moment, beyond frustrated at his boyfriend’s being preoccupied. “Can you maybe turn your phone off for tonight?”

Phil looked up briefly. “I’m sorry?”

“It’s just that you’ve been on it all the time recently, and I didn’t want to say anything because I know it’s for work and that you’ve been working so hard on making sure everything’s in place for what’s happening. But I’d like to see your eyes when they’re not being ambushed by the brightness setting of your phone every once in a while.”

“It’s for work, Dan, it’s important. You know that.”

“More important than dinner? More important than planning our six month anniversary?”

“Right now, this has to be my priority, and we both agreed that--”

“You know what? I’m sorry. I shouldn’t have said anything,” Dan said quickly, biting his lip and looking down into his glass of wine.

“Hey, look, if you had a problem with it earlier, you should’ve said something. But now, I have a lot of plans to make to ensure my job, Dan. Surely you can recognize the fact that it’s really important.”

“Don’t talk to me like that,” Dan mumbled, “you know I don’t like it.”

Phil put down his phone, and for a moment, Dan felt hopeful. But as the elder of the two pinched the bridge of his nose, that flicker of hope settled like guilt in the pit of Dan’s stomach. “Look, I get that you’re excited about dinner or whatever you’re planning for tomorrow, but I have to--”

“Work, no, I get it,” Dan said. “I shouldn’t have brought it up. You’re busy, I get that.” He stabbed at his spaghetti passive-aggressively and bit his lip.

“Dan, you can’t be mad at me for this,” Phil scoffed, his tone incredulous. “I’m trying to find out how long I’m going to be away for, so you’ll excuse me if I make coming back to you as soon as possible my priority.”

“That's not what I'm--”

“That's what it sounds like,” Phil snapped. He closed his eyes and took a deep breath, bringing his hands down and placing them inches away from Dan’s. “I'm sorry. I know it's hard. I'll try to be better about it. But sometimes I won't have the option to just turn my phone off.”

“And that's what I'm worried about,” Dan said, reaching out and placing his hands atop Phil’s. “I'm worried you'll be so busy you'll forget about talking and you're gonna let the stress of everything consume you.”

“It's not going to happen. I promise,” Phil whispered, intertwining his fingers with Dan’s.

Dan smiled. “Good.” His cheerful expression fell slightly. “I wanted to ask you something, by the way.”

Phil raised an eyebrow. “Is it bad?”

Dan laughed nervously and shook his head, stroking the backs of Phil’s hands absentmindedly. “No, no, it's just that my parents wanted to know if I could go visit on Sunday, and I wanted to know if you'd like to come with me,” he murmured, his eyes looking down, the brown swimming with nervousness and slight fear.

“Of course! I’d love to meet your parents,” Phil assured him, removing one of his hands from Dan’s grasp and cupping the brunette’s cheek. “If you're nervous, though, we don't have to do it.”

“Tomorrow. What do you want to do for our half-year?” Dan asked suddenly, his eyes on Phil’s lips rather than the older man’s brilliant blue eyes.

“Well, I mean, we could always just...have fun,” Phil suggested, his tone sultry as he wiggled his eyebrows.

“Tone it down. The eyebrows are too much,” Dan said flatly. “And no, I don't want to just fuck all day, I want to spend time with you before you leave.”

Phil’s face flushed. “I know, I know. How about we go out to eat? Maybe go to the cinema as well?”

“And then can we stargaze up on the roof?” Dan asked excitedly, biting his lip and smiling.

Phil laughed softly. “Of course. If that's what you want to do tomorrow, then I'm all for it.”

Dan grinned. “Great. I can't wait,” he said, giving a squeeze to Phil’s hand. He looked down at their plates, now empty. “We should probably head to bed, yeah?”

“Are you inviting me to spend the night yet again?”

Dan smirked and bit his lip again, leaning over the table slightly. Phil gulped as a light blush dusted his cheeks. “When don’t you spend the night, Mr. Lester?”

That night was, by far, some of the best sex Dan and Phil had ever had.

The next morning, they came downstairs together after twenty minutes of what Dan claimed was “harmless” cuddling, although it did result in Dan putting his sheets in the washing machine before they ate breakfast. As they sat at the kitchen island, munching on some cereal, Dan took Phil’s left hand in his right. It was perfect, actually, that they had differing dominant hands. It made for excellent hand-holding techniques in Dan’s not-so-educated opinion. They sat in a comfortable silence as they ate, at least until the kitchen door opened to reveal a slightly disheveled Ro. She didn't say anything, instead opting for opening the fridge to grab a day-old chocolate chip muffin. Dan perked up at the sight, an old memory--or two-- flashing through his mind.

“Good morning, sunshine,” he said casually. He nudged Phil with his elbow and Phil raised an eyebrow curiously. He mouthed a “watch this” and pointed at Ro.

Ro turned around to face them, a goofy grin on her features. “A good morning indeed,” she mused, her tone dreamy. She bit her lip and twirled a strand of long, wavy hair around her finger with her free hand.

“So, spit it out, who was it?”

Ro’s expression dropped flat. “I have no idea what you're talking about.”

Dan rolled his eyes and held back a laugh at Phil’s amused, yet confused, expression. “Oh, come on, don't make me spell it out.”

“Again, Daniel, I have not the slightest idea of what you want from me.”

Dan groaned. “I'm not playing this game today, Ro, just tell me!”

“How do you even know these things?” Ro sighed. “Okay, okay, so I've been talking to that one guy, Kyle, you know? And we went on a couple dates, but he never ended up calling me back, and last night I was complaining to my one friend and then I just saw how she looked under the moon, and we just--well, we kissed.” She was smiling like she couldn't stop.

“And then?” Phil prompted, holding back a grin at Dan’s taken aback expression.

Ro looked at the ground sheepishly, the goofy smile still on her features. “It just sort of escalated, I guess.”

“What's her name?” Dan asked eagerly.

“It's Kit, but you guys wouldn't know her,” Ro said, waving her hand dismissively.

Phil nearly choked on his cereal. “Kit?” Phil asked between coughs. “Her name is Kit? What's she look like?”

“She's got really short hair and she's always wearing that stupid jean jacket of hers, but I don't see why--”

“You just fucked Phil’s lesbian cousin,” Dan blurted, covering his mouth right after.

Ro’s mouth hung open as Phil swatted Dan gently on the shoulder. “You...you're kidding.” When neither man responded, her eyes widened. “You're joking, right?”

“Well I mean…” Dan trailed off.

“How long have you two been friends?” Phil asked, changing the subject quickly.

“I don't know, a couple months, maybe, but that's not important,” Ro huffed, running a hand through her hair. “I can't believe I shagged your cousin last night!”

“Did you two do it in the penthouse?” Phil croaked, closing his eyes.

“I mean, yeah…”

Dan failed to hold back a snicker as Phil’s face scrunched up in anticipation. “And where did you two do it?” Phil asked, clearly dreading the answer.

“In the theater room,” Ro admitted, putting the muffin down on the counter and covering her face with her hands. “Your cousin. Your cousin!”

Phil groaned. “How did you two even meet?”

“Louise introduced us, I had no idea you two were even related, I'm so sorry,” Ro gushed, peeking out through her fingers.

“You slept with my cousin!” Phil squeaked, throwing up his hands. “How does that even--why did it--gah!”

Dan burst out laughing, doubling over and clutching his stomach. Ro shot him a glare, but he just kept laughing. “Come on, this is hilarious!” He wiped a tear from the corner of his eye, chuckling softly. “My God, this is too good.”

“Shut up, Daniel,” Ro grumbled as she rushed over to the main bakery.

“Well that was...something,” Dan mumbled, his tone extremely amused.

“But it just had to be my cousin…” Phil said weakly, his brilliantly blue eyes wide. His phone began ringing, and he snapped out of his trance briefly. “You've got Phil, what can I do for you?”

Dan raised his eyebrows and Phil rolled his eyes, setting the phone on speaker and placed it on the countertop. “Phil Lester, we just got word of the amount of time you'll be in New York.”

They both perked up at that, Phil turning up the volume ever-so-slightly. “Y-yes? How long?”

“About two years. Now, Kay has made me aware of the fact you may try to back out of your contract after hearing this news, and I'm obligated to tell you that it's too late to do that now.”

“Dan? Are you alright?” Phil asked meekly, placing a hand gently on the brunette’s arm.

Dan coughed and blinked quickly to stop the tears forming in his eyes. “Yeah. I'm fine.”

“That's all the news we have for now, Phil. We’ll call you if we have anything else.”

“Thank you,” Phil mumbled as he hung up. He looked up at Dan, guilt shining in those damning blue eyes of his. “This...this doesn't ruin today for you, does it?”

“It’s two years, Phil,” Dan choked, voice raspy and eyes glassy, “you’ll be away for two whole year anniversaries.” Dan attempted to swallow the lump in his throat, but it burst forth as a dry sob. The tension was thick between them--Dan felt as though he could’ve cut it with a knife if he so wished. He closed his eyes and took a deep breath as Phil reached out to grab his hand. A gentle squeeze was all it took before Dan began to clutch the front of Phil’s shirt and sob gently into the soft white cloth.

Phil embraced Dan, his long, pale arms wrapping carefully around the younger boy’s torso and hugging him closer. “It’s so long,” he mumbled, burying his face into Dan’s naturally curly hair. “It’s going to be so hard without you, Bear.”

“Are you sure you’ll be alright with two years of no sex with me?” Dan joked weakly, his voice muffled by Phil’s shirt.

“There’s always phone sex,” Phil suggested, his hands moving lower down Dan’s back.

Dan felt Phil’s hands moving and he pulled away from Phil’s chest in order to meet his lips with Phil’s. As he pulled away, he looked back down at Phil’s lips and snaked his hands up Phil’s chest. “As much as I adore you, I’m not having sex at nine in the morning.” He blinked and wiped away a tear with his wrist. “And I’m definitely not having sex when I was just sobbing.”

Phil laughed softly. “Alright, alright, I get it. So, what’s the plan for today?”

“Well, after breakfast, let’s head out and see a movie, then we’ll go for a walk and talk about how Ro is banging your cousin, and then--”

“LET’S NOT,” Ro shouted.

Phil snorted. “Come on, she’s embarrassed enough. What happens after we go for a walk?”

“We get some early dinner and I’ll text Ro to spend the night somewhere else, if you catch my drift,” Dan said with a wink, completely relishing the way Phil’s cheeks reddened. “So you do catch my drift, then.”

“Oh, shut up,” Phil mumbled, “let’s just go catch that movie.”

After they got dressed, they headed into the main bakery. Ro stopped them, a hand placed lightly on Dan’s shoulder. “You two are going on another date? For the third time this week?”

“Well, yeah,” Dan said sheepishly, “it’s our six-month.”

Ro clicked her tongue. “Alright, but you can’t keep taking the day off. You know I love you guys, but I need help every once in a while, okay?”

“Right, right, of course,” Phil assured her. “And don’t worry, we’ll be back before midnight.”

Ro rolled her eyes and grinned. “Gotcha. Have fun, you two.” She raised her eyebrows and pointed between the two of them. “But not too much fun.”

“Yeah, yeah, leave us alone,” Dan groaned, grabbing Phil’s hand and leading him out into the street. “So, Mr. Lester, what movie would you like to watch?”

“I don’t really know, but--ooh, look, a beauty salon!”

“Well, someone’s distracted easily,” Dan mumbled, allowing himself to be taken across the street to the nail parlor. “You wanna get mani-pedis?”

“Don’t mock,” Phil said with a pout, “I think you’d look cute with nail polish!”

Dan’s cheeks flushed. “R-Really? You do?”

“Maybe a light pink?” Phil suggested with a shrug.

“Try black,” Dan mumbled, “like my soul.”

“Ha ha, very funny.” Phil rolled his eyes and held the door open. When Dan didn’t budge, he crossed his arms. “Daniel. We’re going inside. Man up and get a mani-pedi with me.”

“That has got to be the gayest thing--”

“Gayer than my dick in your ass?”

Dan opened and closed his mouth several times, quite resembling a fish gulping water, as his cheeks reddened. “At least keep your voice down,” he hissed, walking inside swiftly and attempting to hide his embarrassment by snatching a magazine from the rack and shoving it in front of his face as he sat down.

“It worked,” Phil bragged. He pointed over at a sign on the opposite wall. “Look, Bear! Couples discount!”

“Oh, are you two coming in for a couples discount?” A woman approached them, waving them over to the register.

“Yeah, we are,” Phil said brightly.

“Perfect! We’re always happy to have couples here.” She smiled up at them, much shorter than the two gentle giants. “So, where are your girlfriends?”

“Girlfriends?” Phil repeated incredulously.

The woman nodded. “Of course!”

Phil began to walk over, but Dan suddenly stopped him, a hand on the older man’s chest. “Look--Debra, is it?--we’re just here to buy a bottle of black and light blue nail polish.”

“But I thought--”

“Just the nail polish, please,” Dan said with a forced smile.

The woman’s brow furrowed, but she nodded and rang up the two bottles. Dan thanked her as he took the bag and motioned for Phil to follow him out, only taking his hand once they were back outside. “What the hell was that all about?” Phil demanded.

“Trust me, I know how to deal with those kinds of people,” Dan muttered angrily, rolling his eyes. “Let’s just enjoy our day, yeah?”

“O-Okay.”

They headed to the cinema and argued over whether to see a rom-com or an action movie; Dan ended up winning and they watched Love Actually--considering it was fairly close to Christmas and there were no new films, they weren’t surprised much that such a classic romance movie was playing. They shared a popcorn of course; Dan felt that it was a much needed excuse to hold hands every time he felt snackish. Hell, Dan even shared his Maltesers with Phil. After the movie ended, they headed out to the local park. As they strolled along, hands intertwined, swinging with every step, Dan couldn’t help but to notice the little things. The way the breeze swayed Phil’s hair just slightly out of place in a way that the black locks were ruffled perfectly, the way Phil smiled and bit his lip absentmindedly as though he were lost deep in the labyrinth of his own mind, the way his blue eyes sparkled like a mosaic of light ocean waters in the afternoon sun. Phil looked towards the brunette, allowing Dan to get an even closer look at the brilliant cerulean orbs.

“What’re you thinking about?” Phil asked softly, his gaze warm and welcoming.

“You,” Dan said honestly, shrugging his shoulders.

“Well, why would you waste your thoughts on me? You could be pondering the great span of the universe, or tell me why the sky is blue, or--”

“Philip. I’m not having an existential crisis right now. And to answer your second question, it’s because the particles in the sky only allow blue light through,” Dan answered confidently, one hand on his hip.

“Show-off,” Phil teased, wagging a finger in Dan’s direction.

“Also, I’m not ‘wasting my thoughts’ on you, you deserve to be thought about. I mean, just look at you!” Dan exclaimed, waving the hand that was previously on his hip up and down in front of Phil’s figure. “You’re absolutely perfect, in every sense of the word. I could never think anything otherwise.”

“Stop it, you’re making me blush.” It was true.

“I’m gonna miss that perfection over the next two years,” Dan mused, a faraway look in his eyes.

“I’m gonna miss you too, Bear,” Phil murmured, pulling Dan over to a bench and settling himself so that he was leaning on Dan’s shoulder. “Also, your shoulder is really uncomfortable.”

Dan let out a laugh. “I’ll work on that, Mr. Lester.”

“Hey Dan?”

“Yeah?”

“Promise me you won’t find someone better than me in the next two years.”

“Phil,” Dan whined, dragging out the vowel, “we’ve talked about this. There is no one better.”

“You can’t be sure of that,” Phil claimed, hugging Dan’s waist.

“Well how can I be sure you won’t find some hot American boy and leave me?”

“I won’t.”

“Exactly.”

“Fine, I guess we’re both too stubborn to see anyone else.” Phil grinned and snuggled further into Dan’s shoulder, placing a soft kiss on the brunette boy’s neck.

“I wouldn't have it any other way.”

******************************


	14. Chapter 14

Phil awoke to the familiar feeling of being hit in the face by a pillow. He groaned and turned the other way, curling up in a surprisingly small ball for a man of his height. A vague giggle sounded from nearby and Phil grinned tiredly, knowing Dan was most definitely on the other end of the pillow attack.

 

“Get up!” Dan yelled, smacking the back of Phil’s head with the pillow repeatedly.

 

“I am up,” Phil mumbled.

 

“You most certainly are not,” Dan huffed. It was silent for just a moment before cold hit Phil’s body and the duvet was ripped from his grasp. Phil yelped and his eyes shot open as he clutched at his arms and shivered. He turned around and glared at Dan, who grinned, already fully dressed and ready to go. “Now you're up.”

 

“Whatever. What's with the fancy getup?” Phil asked, gesturing in Dan’s general direction as he sat up.

 

“Since it's Sunday and we’re going to my parents’ place, they're most likely going to drag us to church,” Dan groaned, flopping down on the bed beside Phil. He tugged at the tie wrapped around his neck. “I swear, I'm going to choke on this thing.”

 

“Then take it off,” Phil said simply with a shrug. He gave Dan’s thigh a quick pat. “I've gotta borrow some clothes, then. You got anything I can wear?”

 

“Check the closet,” Dan suggested. He sat up with a grunt and stretched. “Also, we better hurry. Ro’s waiting downstairs and she told me if you're not ready in ten minutes she's leaving.”

 

“Wait, she's coming with us to your parents’ house?” Phil asked as he pulled an elegant black sweater over his head. “Also, I love this jumper, I'll have to borrow it more often.”

 

“She's not coming to my parents’ place, her parents live across the street,” Dan said. “She figured she might as well give us a ride so that she could see them and so that we didn't have to catch a train this early in the morning.”

 

“Wait, What time is it?” Phil pulled on a pair of black slacks and walked back over, taking off Dan’s tie and tossing it across the room.

 

“It's around five in the morning. And thanks.”

 

“Five in the--?!”

 

“Yeah, yeah, I know it's early. But it's a couple hours’ drive and Mum wouldn't let me skip out on family breakfast and church since it's a Sunday. Personally, the bullshit that preacher spews makes me kind of infuriated, but they have donuts after, so it sort of balances out.” Dan got up and grabbed a blazer--more specifically, Phil’s old blazer--from the coat rack in the corner of the room. He grabbed Phil’s hand and led him downstairs. “Come on, we can't be late or Ro’s going to kick my ass.”

 

“Alright, alright,” Phil muttered, almost falling down the stairs.

 

“Sorry, my parents make me nervous,” Dan mumbled, squeezing Phil’s hand and placing a soft kiss to the older man’s cheek. “Besides, this is the first time I’ve ever actually brought a guy home.”

 

“Really?” Phil asked, his gaze tender. Dan nodded and bit his lip. “Well, I’m honored to be the first.”

 

Dan looked away for a moment and took a deep breath. When he looked back at Phil, there was a strange look in his eyes, a shaky grin on his face. He let out a dry laugh. “I mean, it’s not every day you come out to your parents as gay.”

 

Phil’s blue eyes widened. “Y-You’re coming out today?”

 

Dan nodded feverishly, his teeth tugging at his bottom lip. “Yes, I was planning to, is that weird? Or, like, a problem? Because if you don’t want to be put in the middle like that--”

 

Phil had cut him off with a gentle kiss, his free hand cupping Dan’s cheek. The butterflies in Dan’s stomach seemed to disappear, and he felt at ease as they made their way down the rest of the stairs. His nervousness had settled for now, and he felt even more relaxed when he saw Ro, who probably knew by now that Dan had been planning to tell his parents when they met Phil.

 

“Looking good, gentlemen,” she said jovially, crossing her arms over her chest. She wasn’t dressed too formally; a t-shirt and jean shorts weren’t exactly what Phil had been expecting. When she saw the look on his face, she laughed. “Oh, God, I’m not going to church with you two. I’ve never been a day in my life. Dan always talked about how dreadful it was, so I was always too terrified of even going.”

 

“It’s not that bad,” Dan assured Phil as Ro lead them out to a car parked out front. “They’re just not the most...welcoming of people.”

 

Phil gulped. “Yeah, I gathered as much,” he said nervously, giving a squeeze to Dan’s hand as they sat together in the back.

 

“Any music requests?” Ro asked in an attempt to break the tension. “We’ve got a few hours to kill before we get there, and I don’t want to hear complaints about my taste in music, Dan.”

 

Dan scoffed and rolled his eyes. “I only complain because your taste in music happens to be terrible.”

 

“You’ve known me for nearly twenty years, Daniel. You know exactly what kind of music I listen to, and I know exactly what cheesy 80s disco songs you sing in the mornings in your boxers in front of the mirror as though I can’t hear your infernal screeching,” Ro said darkly.

 

“Oh, please do elaborate,” Phil chimed, giving Dan a cheeky grin.

 

“Play what you want, then,” Dan grumbled as he slumped down in his seat.

 

“Alright then, how about the recording of one of the musicals our high school put on? You know, the one where you had the lead role and your voice cracked during the saddest scene and half the school was laughing and--”

 

“OKAY, FINE, I’LL SHUT UP ABOUT YOUR MUSIC TASTE, JUST LEAVE ME ALONE, WOMAN!”

 

Phil snickered, earning a punch on the arm from a brooding Dan. “What was the line?” Phil asked, his tone feigning innocence.

 

“I remember the exact scene,” Ro reminisced, starting up the engine and beginning to drive off. “I was the love interest, which made it much less awkward for Dan, who was so far back in the closet, it was like he was a coathanger.”

 

“Hey, if we want to talk about the closet--”

 

“Anyway,” Ro said loudly, “I was supposed to sing the line ‘Not this way,’ and then Dan was supposed to finish the song out by blowing himself up, but his voice cracked in the middle of singing the line ‘Our love is God,’ so he sounded like a dying moose when he said the word ‘God,’ which I find delightfully ironic.”

 

Phil was so close to holding back a laugh until Ro continued.

 

“Now, I imagine you were picturing Zac Efron’s face over my own whilst we had to stage kiss, but the look on your face during the on-stage sex scene (not too sexy, as we went to a private school briefly) made me think of nothing but regret and depression.”

 

And there went Phil’s self-restraint.

 

Dan was mumbling something about “regretting ever being friends” while Phil was practically dying of laughter, doubled over in the seat and clutching his stomach. Ro chuckled to herself as she drove on.

 

“So...so you two had t-to stage kiss?” Phil said between giggles, biting his lip in a futile attempt to hold them back.

 

“Yep. And this one was so gay that he couldn’t even do it, he had to put his thumbs between us, you know?” Ro laughed again, putting a thumb up and pushing it forward pointedly for the perfect amount of exaggeration.

 

“I hate you both,” Dan grunted, his face completely red.

 

“Oh, do you want me to tell more embarrassing stories from drama club, Daniel?”

 

“Please don’t,” Dan whined, hiding his face in his hands.

 

“Please do,” Phil begged.

 

The rest of the trip went on quite like that, Ro’s embarrassing stories causing Dan to wish it were possible to melt into a car seat and Phil to tear up with laughter. As they pulled into the driveway of a large house, Phil felt Dan tense up in his seat and grabbed his hand, giving it a gentle but reassuring squeeze as they got out of the car. Dan immediately let go, however, once they were on the front porch.

 

“You’ve got this, kid,” Ro said. “Good luck.”

 

Dan nodded in silent thanks and Ro walked away to the next house over. The brunette boy took a deep breath before knocking three times with the disgustingly ornate brass knocker. Phil smiled at him and Dan returned it, albeit nervously. The door opened to reveal a woman, not nearly old enough to be a senior, but well past middle age. She was quite small in comparison to the two standing before her; her hair was styled straight and neat and rested on her shoulders, framing the neckline of quite the conservative dress. She smelled like freshly-baked cookies and she smiled warmly up at Dan, who smiled back.

 

“Daniel! You made it! I’m so glad,” she said softly, her gaze warm as she stared up at her son, a hand placed gently on his arm. Her glance shifted to Phil, who smiled and waved quite awkwardly. “And who might this be?”

 

“Mum, this is Phil. Phil, this is my mum.”

 

“It’s such a pleasure to meet you, Mrs. Howell,” Phil said quickly, offering a much warmer smile to the woman in the doorway.

 

“Likewise. It’s always great to meet one of Daniel’s friends, he hardly ever introduces us to any.”

 

“Er, Mum, about that--”

 

They were interrupted by quite a stern-looking man, whose stoic expression softened at the sight of Dan. “Dan! You’re here, great to see you again, it’s been ages since you last came ‘round.”

 

“Hey, Dad.” Dan’s gaze shifted to the ground and he bit his lip.

 

“Let’s head to church since Daniel’s made it on time, shall we, dears?” Dan’s mum asked nervously, leading the way down and out to the pavement.

 

“Hey, I thought you were going to--”

 

Phil was cut off by Dan’s elbow in his ribs. “Not here,” he warned, “and most certainly not now.”

 

They approached a tall chapel, the cross that loomed over them from the roof quite intimidating. It always had been that way for Dan. Years and years of going to the same church that preached the same sermons over and over; he doubted the supposed “message” would be any different than it had back when he was seventeen and couldn’t skip out on them. He couldn’t even bring himself to glance at Phil as they sat down at one of the tables, the anticipation heavy in his stomach as the preacher stood behind the podium and began. The words of the preacher weren’t totally lost on Dan, although he had taught himself to drown them out years and years ago. But judging by the silently horrified look on Phil’s face, it must’ve been worse than usual. He leaned over to his mum, who was watching the preacher with a smile of agreement on her face.

 

“Phil’s feeling a bit ill, we’re going to step outside for a bit and get some fresh air,” he whispered.

 

“Oh, alright, well wish him better for me, won’t you, dear?”

 

Dan nodded and nudged Phil. He was relieved they were sitting in the back, seeing as how when they got up, they stood out like two extremely tall sore thumbs. He took Phil by the wrist and led him out into the woods behind the church, where he stopped near a tree.

 

“Why are we out here?” Phil asked, his face pale.

 

“It’s where I’d meet Ro if things got like they got today.”

 

“Why were they so...so horrible, Dan?” Phil looked like he didn’t even want the answer to the question. “The things they were saying, it--it made us sound like we were the scum of the damn Earth!”

 

Dan smiled bitterly and let out a humorless laugh. “Imagine hearing that for seventeen years straight.”

 

Phil’s brilliantly blue eyes widened. “Oh my God, I’m so sorry, Bear, that’s...that’s just unimaginable.”

 

“Hey, I had it better off than most people. At least I had Ro.” Dan looked up, leaning against a tree. “She made me feel like I was normal. For a change.”

 

“When did you first tell her?” Phil asked, leaning against an adjacent tree.

 

Dan shrugged. “I think she always kind of knew. But I guess if you’re asking for when I officially told her, it would be the first day of high school.” He reached over for Phil, who gladly accepted the gesture and intertwined his fingers with Dan’s. “Of course, this town isn’t the most accepting either, so there was the occasional ‘faggot’ or ‘queer,’ but movie marathons and bootlegs of musicals at Ro’s house at three in the morning made it much better. I think my parents might’ve figured we were together at some point, but by then I’d accepted myself enough to just laugh it off as heteronormative tendencies.”

 

“You’ve had it pretty rough, hm?”

 

“And you, Mr. Lester? How was your town when it came to sexual orientation?”

 

“Pretty big question to ask,” Phil joked. He looked up in thought. “It was all sort of a ‘you do your thing, I’ll do mine, and we don’t ask questions’ thing where I grew up. I never really dated any guys until college. Sophie was a mistake back when I still thought I might be even the slightest bit straight. Then I moved to London and it was like I suddenly knew that part of me. It made a lot more sense when I met you, if I’m being totally honest.”

 

“Well, I’m glad.”

 

“So, this is your escape, hm?” Phil inquired, looking around and stepping closer to Dan. “It’s not that far away from the church.”

 

“I guess. But it is far enough, if you catch my drift,” Dan purred, suddenly flipping a switch Phil wasn’t aware could be flipped.

 

Phil leaned closer. “Are you saying that we commit such a terrible, terrible sin, right here, right now?”

 

“I’m not saying anything, just implying,” Dan mumbled, his lips centimeters away from Phil’s. He could feel Phil’s warm breath hit his face as the older man laughed.

 

“Well, I like what you’re implying, Dan Howell.”

 

Their hands were intertwined as they kissed, their breaths hitched. They only broke away for a moment, just to catch their breath, before they joined together again. His hands were around his companion’s neck now; the brunette’s hands firmly on the other’s hips. There was nothing there to stop them, no one to stop them. They knew it was wrong to do it in that moment, they knew they shouldn't be doing this, not here, but they continued, the brunette’s hands traveling further and further down his lover’s hips. He moaned as the other bit down on his lip and tugged on his short brown hair, the familiar feeling of lust-filled heat flowing down to the pit of his stomach. The brunette moved his kisses to his lover’s neck, biting down gently and eliciting a quiet moan from the man. He whispered an expletive, something only the brunette could claim to make him do. His moans grew louder as his companion’s kisses dragged across his collarbone and stopped to rest at the sensitive spot on his neck. He cursed under his breath again and thrusted up instinctively, something Dan knew Phil only did when he needed it bad. There was still nothing to stop them, and as wrong as it was, there was something so  _ right _ about it that they couldn't stop. They were just begging to get caught, doing it so close to the church, but they didn't care. The brunette found the threat of being stopped exhilarating, arousing even, and the other couldn't say much to protest in his current position. Suddenly, they switched, something Dan knew he should be used to, but he got the same old butterflies in his stomach nonetheless.

 

He was dominant, powerful, filled with lust.

 

He was everything Dan needed, everything he wanted.

 

“You're going to get it now, Howell,” he growled, tugging at the button’s of Dan’s shirt.

 

“And I shouldn't be looking forward to that?” Dan questioned with a cheeky smirk. His brown eyes widened and sparkled as the other bit down hard on the sensitive skin at the bottom of his neck. His shirt was almost completely undone, and he knew he'd end up wearing the damn thing inside-out again, but in that moment, he couldn't have cared less. The black-haired man’s kisses traveled down to the top of Dan’s chest. “D-Damn, Mr. Lester, you're good with your mouth.”

 

Phil broke away for a moment to smirk up at him and he chuckled darkly. “You should know that by now.” He continued his efforts on Dan’s skin, tugging down on the very last button and practically tearing the white cloth off of Dan’s long arms. His hands traveled to Dan’s belt buckle, something that had always failed to hold Dan’s pants all the way up anyway despite its efforts. Unlatching it ended up pushing Dan further into the tree he was pinned against, driving bark into his shoulderblades. Dan didn't care, he could always just blame it on the family cat if someone asked. Phil’s pale fingers finally managed to remove the brunette’s belt and he threw it off in the direction of the forest.

 

Dan was about to complain about how that belt had cost him a pretty penny, but his thoughts and words were interrupted rather rudely by Phil’s soft lips. Dan moaned into the kiss as Phil grinded up against him again, his hand securely on Dan’s hips once more. Phil broke away again, and Dan let out an involuntary whine. “You can't just  _ do _ that, Phil!”

 

“Clearly, I can do whatever the hell I want, thank you very much,” Phil snarled, undoing his own belt and ripping it off unceremoniously. “On your knees.”

 

“But the forest floor is  _ filthy, _ Phil,” Dan whined.

 

Phil gripped the brunette’s cheeks and tugged him forward violently. “Do I  _ look _ like I have time for you to be a hypochondriac?” Dan’s eyes widened and he shook his head. “Good boy. On your knees.”

 

Dan finally obeyed and Phil tilted his head up, his thumb barely brushing against Dan’s lips. The knees of his trousers were covered in dirt by then, and he would have prefered to stand up, but what Phil said, went. “What do you want me to do, Mr. Lester?” Dan asked, innocently blinking up at Phil through thick lashes.

 

Phil’s cheeks reddened and he scoffed. “You're really going to pretend to be innocent? When we’re doing this by a fucking church?”

 

“What can I say? I’m a child of God,” Dan said sarcastically, unzipping Phil’s pants and tugging at the waistband of his boxers.

 

“I think I'm super turned off now,” Phil groaned.

 

“Doesn't look like it,” Dan mumbled, biting his lip. He raised an eyebrow and trailed his hands up Phil’s thighs. “It  _ definitely _ doesn't look like it.”

 

“Hurry up,” Phil whined, placing his hands on the back of Dan’s head and tugging him forward. “I can't wait anymore!”

 

Dan smirked. “As you wish, Mr. Lester.”

 

Phil gasped as Dan took his length into his mouth, bobbing up and down until he had the entirety of it. Phil moaned quietly and gripped Dan’s hair, tugging slightly on the brown locks. “Thank God you don't have a gag reflex,” he mumbled. When Dan didn't move, he let out a whine. “Get on with it, quit teasing me!”

 

And Dan did, moving back and forth, swirling his tongue around Phil’s member. Phil moaned again, louder this time, and he bucked his hips gently. Dan continued his efforts, placing his hands on Phil’s thighs for balance. Phil gasped for air, moving one of his hands from Dan’s head to the tree behind them to hold himself steady, pushing the brunette forward desperately with the other. Dan’s tongue lapped at the base of Phil’s length, one of his hands slipping down Phil’s leg slowly. As Phil continued moaning and bucking into Dan’s mouth, Dan felt his boxers becoming uncomfortably tight. He slipped a hand down his own trousers, palming himself through his boxers and letting out a moan against Phil’s shaft. The vibrations of the noise sent shockwaves down Phil’s spine and he groaned, shoving Dan’s head further down his length and balling his fist on the tree he was leaning against.

 

Dan slipped a hand down his boxers and grasped his own length, pumping in rhythm with the movement of his head on Phil’s member. They began moaning simultaneously as they gave up any role of control they previously had while dissolving into a mess of pleasure and lust-filled heat. Phil moaned loudly, and Dan knew he was close, so he began to pump faster. “Dan, don't fucking stop,” Phil gasped, his breathing becoming erratic quickly.

 

Half of Dan’s mind wanted to make a sarcastic remark, but the other half was telling him to shut the fuck up and keep going. He sped up his pace further on both of them, moaning loudly against Phil. As Phil tugged his head towards him and slightly upwards, and as the familiar feeling of heat flowing fast down his abdomen hit him, he knew it was only a matter of seconds before they finished. And he swallowed when the moment came, barely able to due to the waves of pleasure he was experiencing all on his own. They rode out their orgasms together, moaning and practically spilling onto each other. Dan was seeing stars, a feeling not unfamiliar, but spine-chilling nonetheless. When he finally pulled away from Phil with a slight pop, he leaned back on the tree, breathing heavily.

 

Phil sank down next to him, his shaking fingers adjusting his boxers and buttoning up his pants. “I take it you took care of yourself, then?” Phil asked between pants.

 

“You owe me, Lester,” Dan grumbled, “I need new boxers now.”

 

“I tend to ruin your boxers quite a lot, don't I?” Phil teased, nestling into the crook of Dan’s neck.

 

“We should probably get back soon. They're probably looking for us,” Dan mumbled, toying with Phil’s hair. “Where did you put my shirt?”

 

“I dunno, it's somewhere over there,” Phil said with a shrug. He gestured lazily over to Dan’s left, towards the woods. As Dan made to get up, Phil tugged him back down with a whine. “Do we  _ have _ to go?”

 

“As much as I hate church, we do,” Dan chuckled, gently pushing Phil off of him. “My parents will get suspicious if we’re not back soon. I want to find a good time to tell them, you know?”

 

“Yeah, I get that. But my legs are all wobbly now,” Phil said, standing up and leaning against a tree for support.

 

“Oh, boo hoo, I just fucking rocked your world, you poor thing,” Dan teased, snatching his shirt up and buttoning it fully. He offered a hand to Phil, who took it gladly. “Ready to head back now?”

 

“Yeah, yeah,” Phil grumbled, “let’s go. And you can blame my stupid wobbly legs on this supposed ill feeling I have.”

 

Dan’s cheeks went red. “Look, I had to make up an excuse, okay? I’ve used that one too many times on myself.”

 

Phil chuckled softly. “It’s all good, I get it.” Dan looked down at the ground nervously. Phil tilted the brunette’s chin up, his blue gaze piercing through Dan. “No matter what happens, I’m here for you, okay? I’ve got you, no matter what.”

 

And after placing a soft kiss on Dan’s cheek, the pair headed back down to the church, their hands separated and hearts connected.

  
******************************


	15. Chapter 15

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Ack, I'm so sorry it's so short! I've been wrapped up with exams lately and it sucks. I have a lot of things in mind for the next chapter, so it'll be much longer.

All Dan could feel was his heart thumping in his chest as they all walked back from the church to his childhood home. He desperately wanted to grab Phil’s hand, to beg him to make everything better, but he knew he couldn’t, told himself he couldn’t. Not yet, at least. Dan sighed and stepped into the foyer when his mother unlocked the door, taking of his shoes and inviting Phil to do the same.

“Dear, why don’t you show Phil your old bedroom?” Of course that was the first thing his mother suggested.

“You still haven’t taken any of my stuff down?” Dan asked, an eyebrow raised.

“We didn’t want to,” his father said, “in case you needed to come back.”

Dan rolled his eyes and began walking upstairs, jerking his head at Phil to follow him. “We’ll be down for brunch,” he called down from the landing.

“Okay. It’s a shame you missed the sermon, darling, the preacher made some excellent points!”

“I’m sure he did, Mum,” Dan mumbled, grabbing Phil’s hand once he knew they were out of sight and leading him to the room at the very end of the hall. “Dear God, I never expected it’d be this weird. Sorry, Phil.”

“Don’t even,” Phil assured him. His expression lit up, his blue eyes glinting mischievously. “I’m excited to see the room you grew up in. I bet it’s total nerd paradise.”

“Hey, don’t be rude,” Dan scolded, opening the door to reveal pretty much exactly what Phil had been expecting. He laughed and pointed over to the closet by the corner of the room. “Oh, look, the place I’d been trapped in for eighteen years! What a trip down memory lane, am I right?”

Phil snorted and glanced around. “Wow, you were a legitimately nerdy kid, huh?” He looked down briefly at the trash can, spotting a spilled bottle of light pink nail polish inside. “What’s that?”

Dan hummed. “Guess they never took it out of the trash. I told them it was Ro’s, but I’m sure they didn’t believe me. Part of me wants to think they’ve always kind of known, but the realistic part of me knows they’d have denied it to themselves if they ever did.”

Phil walked over to the bed and sat down, looking up at the posters that were splayed across the ceiling. “You know, I’m sure my parents did that too. But I don’t really have to worry about their acceptance, they’re pretty open people.”

Dan let out a bitter laugh and sat down next to him. “Well, I can’t relate to that. I’m glad your parents are like that, though.”

“So, this is gonna sound weird, but Ro told me about what your dad said to you a couple years ago, and--”

“Please don’t bring it up, Phil,” Dan blurted, his cheeks flushing. “I don’t want to talk about it. I’ve put it out of my head.”

“Oh, okay,” Phil said hesitantly. “Well, if you ever do want to talk about it, I’ve got your back.”

“Besides, it’s not like I have to worry about that any more. I lost the respect I had for my dad a long time ago. I actually prefer visiting Ro’s parents over my own, as a matter of fact,” Dan joked weakly, but the pain that swam behind his eyes told Phil that the statement wasn’t entirely untrue. “And if they want to be dicks about this, which I know they’re going to, then at least I’ve pretty much got a backup family, hah.”

“Well, you’ve got me too, you know,” Phil pointed out, ghosting his hand over Dan’s, unsure of whether they could kiss or not.

“Yeah, duh,” Dan said, rolling his eyes with a grin. “I know I’ve got you.”

“And New York is going to be absolute hell, but--”

Dan put a finger to Phil’s lips. “Nope. One problem at a time, please.”

“Right, sorry,” Phil mumbled, slightly muffled against Dan’s finger. Feeling a bit confident, he placed a light kiss to the finger, looking up at Dan through thick lashes.

“Okay, look, as much as I feel like it, we’re not doing this in my childhood room, especially not when my parents are right downstairs,” Dan whispered.

Phil bit his lip and smiled, striding over to the door and locking it behind him. “We’ll just have to be quiet then, won’t we?”

“Phil, I’m nervous enough already, I don’t wanna get caught.”

“Let me help you unwind, then,” Phil suggested innocently, kneeling down at the foot of the bed and nudging Dan’s knees apart.

“Are you actually kidding me?” Dan asked, slightly incredulous as Phil unbuckled his pants for the second time that day.

“Come on, it’ll be fun! And I’ve never seen you be quiet when we’ve had sex, so this will be a new experience for me too,” Phil whispered.

“Are you moan-shaming me?” Dan scoffed. His pants were around his ankles now. “You have the sex drive of a literal fifteen-year-old boy, Phil.”

“Meaning?”

“You’re constantly horny and looking to get off,” Dan said flatly.

“That may be true, but it makes for fun nights,” Phil said, tugging Dan’s boxers down. He raised an eyebrow as his eyes widened. “Holy shit, I do owe you new boxers.”

“Yeah, yeah, just get to it, won’t you?” Dan huffed, giving in.

“You’re gonna need something to bite down on so you won’t moan,” Phil reminded him.

Just as Dan grabbed a pillow from behind him, they heard a knock on the door. “Boys?” Shit. Mum’s here. “Brunch is ready!”

“Got it, Mum! We’ll be down in just a sec!” Dan called, cursing himself silently for his shaky voice as he tugged his pants back up. He lowered his tone and shoved Phil’s shoulder. “You dick. I told you this was gonna happen!”

“You didn’t put it like that, exactly.”

“Ugh, you know what I mean,” Dan grumbled, buckling his belt again and unlocking the door. “Go on, they’re waiting downstairs for us.”

They headed down together, Dan nervously sweeping his hand through his hair. They sat down across from Dan’s parents, graciously accepting the plates of salad that Dan’s mother offered them. Dan picked at his food with his fork, leaving it essentially untouched.

“You alright, boy?” Dan’s father asked him, shoveling a bite of his third helping into his mouth.

“I’ve got something to tell you,” Dan blurted, his eyes widening as he did so.

His mother’s brow furrowed kindly. “Well, if you do, we’re listening. Go on, dear.”

Dan glanced at Phil, who grabbed his hand under the table and gave it a reassuring squeeze. He took a deep breath and closed his eyes for a moment. “Phil isn’t my friend,” he said after a moment, avoiding his parents’ gazes.

“What do you mean, dear?”

“Mum, Dad, I’m...I’m gay.”

Although the reaction wasn’t too far from his expectations, he couldn’t help but feel his heart sink as he watched his parents. His mother put a hand over her mouth, her eyes watering. She shook her head slightly, her shoulders shaking. His father, on the other hand, was terrifying, his face turning slightly red in anger as he stood up, hands balled into fists on the table.

“I will not have a faggot in my home,” he snarled. He pointed towards the door. “Get out.”

Dan nodded and swallowed the lump in his throat, leading Phil out into the hallway. “You go first, I don’t want to risk anything,” he whispered to his companion, glancing over his shoulder to see his parents at the far end of the hall. Phil gave his arm a gentle squeeze before he stepped out.

“You can change, Daniel,” his mother called out, a hand over her heart. “We can try the conversion therapy that the preacher was talking about today!”

Dan froze in place, remembering everything he’d heard from the online support groups. He looked up at his parents incredulously. “You want to shock the gay out of me? Is that what you want to do? You realize most of the people that go there never come back, right?”

“Don’t you dare talk back to your mother, you ungrateful queer. Do you have any idea what people will say about us because of you?”

“People kill themselves because of what she’s talking about, Dad,” Dan said, his voice quaking with fury. “I refuse to be another statistic.” Before he could properly register what was happening, a fist struck him across the face. He clutched his cheek and coughed, wiping his lip with his other hand and looking down. Blood.

“I want you out of my house. Never speak to us again. You’re a disgrace.”

“I may be a disgrace,” Dan said as he opened the door, determined to get the last word for once, “but at least I’m happy.”

With that, he closed the door behind him, sitting down on the curb. Phil joined him, gasping once he saw the quickly-forming bruise on Dan’s cheek. “Oh my God, what happened?!” Phil asked, moving Dan’s hand away from his face and cradling his head in his hands.

“He hit me. Not the first time it’s happened,” Dan said quietly as he shrugged, looking down at the ground. “Honestly, I didn’t expect much better.”

“I’m so sorry, Bear,” Phil mumbled, his eyes watering, “you don’t deserve this.”

“Can we go over a couple houses to Ro’s?” Dan asked softly as he stood up, sniffing and blinking rapidly.

“Of course we can,” Phil assured him, taking Dan’s hand and allowing himself to be led over to the next house over.

A knock on the door later, the door swung open to reveal a grinning Ro, but her smile fell as soon as she saw Dan. “Not again,” she said softly. “Dan, are you--”

Dan let out a dry sob and went limp, practically falling into Ro, who clutched at his back and rubbed it, shushing him quietly. Phil stood by nervously, biting his lip as he wondered what he should be doing. Dan’s head shifted slightly as he cried into Ro’s shoulder. “I know I shouldn't be upset,” he choked, his voice muffled by Ro’s shirt, “but it just hurts so much, Ro.”

“You get to be upset, you deserve so much better,” Ro said fiercely, hugging him tighter. “Come on in, we’re about to have lunch. Mum made sandwiches.”

Dan stood up and sniffled, a sad smile on his face. “Your mum makes the best sandwiches.”

“Oh, is Dan here?” The voice came from inside the house.

“Yeah, Mum, he's here!”

“Oh, Daniel, it's so good to see you,” a woman said, rushing up to them. She was even shorter than Ro, strikingly similar red hair and green eyes. She gave Dan a tight hug and he relaxed slightly in her arms. She gasped when she saw the mark on his cheek, tearing up slightly. “Dan, I'm so sorry, you must be so upset. Come in, I'll make you some hot chocolate, yeah?”

“Thanks, Debbie.”

“And who might this be?” Debbie asked, raising an eyebrow at Phil.

“Phil. My boyfriend,” Dan said with a grin.

Phil stuck out his hand. “It's a pleasure to meet you!”

“Come now, Phil, we hug here,” Debbie said, pulling Phil into an unexpected embrace.

“Oh, okay,” Phil conceded with a light laugh. “So, you're Ro’s mum?”

“That would be her,” Ro confirmed. She gave Dan’s arm a light squeeze. “I'll be in the kitchen with Dad if you need me, kiddo.”

“You boys make yourselves at home,” Debbie said with a smile, disappearing into the kitchen behind her daughter.

“They're more like your parents than your parents,” Phil snorted, eyeing Dan nervously.

“I mean, they did give me the guest bedroom to put my stuff in,” Dan said, shrugging before grabbing Phil’s hand and leading him into the living room. “Now come on, Ro’s parents have all the old-school Mario Karts!”

And suddenly, Dan was happy, much happier than he'd ever been during the eighteen years he spent at home.

******************************


	16. Chapter 16

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry I skipped out on last week's update, exams are HELL.

“So,” Phil said as he sent a fourth consecutive red shell into the ass-end of Dan’s kart, “tell me something about you that you've never told me before.”

Dan thought for a moment, his lips pouting slightly. His eyes lit up within a moment, however, and he grinned. “Well, you remember the first time we ever fucked, right?” He saw Phil’s furiously blushing face nod out of the corner of his eye. “Well, what I didn't tell you is that because I got caught up in the moment and forgot to tell you to use lube, my ass was suffering for days afterwards. Like, seriously on fire, dude.”

“Did you actually just call me dude after telling me that your ass was hurting for days?”

“Hey, what can I say? Perhaps there's some hetero left in old Danny boy after all,” Dan said with a snicker, finishing the race they were on in first place, as usual.

“Are you some surfer bro now? Quit talking like that,” Phil groaned. “It makes you sound the most unsexy I've ever heard you sound, and you've said some pretty weird stuff before.”

“Are you sure?” Dan teased in an extremely botched American accent.

“Please stop,” Phil begged, the cringe on his face showing exactly how disgusted he was. “Also, did it really hurt that much?!”

Dan rolled his eyes. “I mean, yeah, duh, it does every time you don't use that shit, man. Have you never been a bottom or something?”

Phil’s cheeks flushed even further, if that were possible. “Well, I mean, I've never been with a guy before you…?”

“Are you...are you serious?” Dan asked flatly, his face expressionless.

“I've been closeted my whole life because of societal expectations, Dan, you should be able to relate better than anyone.”

“So, like, not even any drunken one-night-stands?”

Phil looked down. “No…”

“Then how the fuck do you top so well?!”

“Dan!” Phil hissed, swatting the brunette on the arm. “Keep your voice down, they're gonna hear you!”

“I'm genuinely curious,” Dan responded with a shrug. “You literally slammed me up against a window the first time we’d ever kissed, I just assumed you'd had experience.”

“Well, I hadn't, okay?” Phil shot Dan a glare. “And since when are you so proficient in that area? I imagine it'd be hard to bring a guy home considering the circumstances you had.”

“High school was...an experimental time. Mostly in the back of the drama room.”

“You banged someone in the back of a classroom?!”

“Not someone. Several someones,” Dan admitted sheepishly.

“So, have you ever...you know…”

Dan’s eyes gleamed mischievously. “No, Phil, I don't know. Please, feel free to finish that sentence.” When Phil didn't, Dan took the liberty to walk two fingers up Phil’s thigh.

“No flirting in the living room, boys. You know my rules, Dan.” Ro’s mum was back again, setting a plate of sandwiches down in front of the two of them.

“Right, sorry,” Dan said, quickly withdrawing his hand from Phil. The lack of touch felt oddly cold to Phil, and he longed for it back. “Anyways, we should probably get going soon if we’re--”

“Oh, but you have to stay, at least for dinner!”

Ro gave her mum an apologetic smile. “Sorry, we’ve really gotta get back. It was great visiting again, though, Mum.”

The three of them took the cue and began to head toward the door, but Dan was stopped by a hand on his arm. “I just need to talk to you for a moment, dear,” Debbie assured him with a warm smile. She nodded to Ro and Phil. “You two go on ahead. Love yo, Ro. It was lovely meeting you, Phil!”

“Lovely meeting you as well,” Phil said as he followed Ro outside.

“What did you need to talk to me about?” Dan asked, albeit slightly impatiently. He looked down sheepishly at the look Debbie gave him. “Sorry, go ahead.”

“Daniel, you know you're always welcome here, right? You're like a son to me, I don't know how anyone could be so awful to such a wonderful boy. And I wish I could make them better about it, I really do, and you don't deserve people like them, they're just awful,” she gushed, pulling Dan into a tight embrace. “Just know that you can always talk to me, okay? And Greg is more than happy to walk you down the aisle to that Phil boy when it comes time.”

Dan’s eyes widened and his cheeks reddened. He spluttered for a moment and pulled back from the hug. “W-We’ve only been dating six months!”

Debbie smiled the way a mother knowingly does and squeezed Dan’s arm. “Oh, please. I know a pair of soulmates when I see them. And the way that boy looks at you, I'm surprised he hasn't begged you to go to New York with him.”

“Ro told you about--?” Dan chuckled as Debbie nodded sheepishly. “Of course she did. I'll be having a word about that with her, if you don't mind.”

“Alright, I'll free you now,” Debbie teased, letting go completely. “Have fun. Don't worry about New York too much, Dan, if it's meant to be, it will be. And I'm sure it will.”

“Thanks,” Dan said sadly, waving as he left the house. He found Phil and Ro waiting eagerly outside, but when he made to say something, he was immediately shushed. He dropped his voice to barely above a whisper. “What's going on? Why are we being quiet?”

“Look over there,” Phil whispered, pointing over to the other side of the street.

A tiny black kitten was stumbling its way down the strip of grass at the edge of the curb, mewling softly. Phil had the warmest smile on his face and the cutest glint in his eyes. Dan hesitated for a moment. Am I really going to do this? Dan thought, moving slowly towards the kitten. I’m actually doing this. Holy crap. He crouched down next to the tiny creature and extended a hand. The kitten gave quite a loud meow, but sniffed it and nudged its head into Dan’s hand. He rubbed the kitten’s cheek with his thumb and it purred, going closer to the brunette. Dan picked it up swiftly and strode back over to a dumbstruck Ro and a giddy Phil. He looked away sheepishly when Phil giggled and began petting the kitten.

“It’s so cute! How are you so good with cats?!” Phil mused, staring into the kitten’s eyes, which were a blue that could rival his own.

“Well, we’re not keeping it, obviously, I just figured I’d try and say hello,” Dan said with a shrug. “We can’t keep it, right, Ro?”

Ro shook her head in disbelief. “I mean, I have no issue with having a cat around,” she suggested.

“Aw, look, it loves you!” Phil squeaked. It was true, the kitten was purring quite loudly and snuggling violently into Dan’s chest.

“Oh, God, why did I pick it up?” Dan whined quietly. “I shouldn’t have--”

“No, no, it’s adorable, we have to keep it!” Phil insisted as Ro snickered.

Dan glared at her, but she raised an eyebrow. “You’re on your own for this one, Howell. You’re the one who picked up the cat, you’re taking care of it.”

And that’s how Dan ended up with a cat on his lap on the ride home.

Phil was rambling on and on about it, describing all the different kinds of cat toys he thought were best. “And we’ll have to take her to the vet later today for sure, get all her vaccinations done.”

“How do you know it’s a girl, Phil?” Dan asked. Phil shrugged. “Don’t misgender the cat.”

Phil chuckled and gave the kitten a quick pat on the head. “I’m so terribly sorry.”

“Why don’t I just drop you two off at the vet? It’s only a couple blocks away from the bakery, you guys could walk home afterwards.”

“Is there a pet store anywhere nearby though?” Phil asked. “We should probably buy at least a litter box so that she doesn’t pee where it’s not supposed to.”

“Too late,” Dan whined with a grimace.

Phil stifled his laughter behind his hand whilst Ro burst out in laughter so loud, it turned a few pedestrians’ heads near the red light they were stopped at. “I’m sorry, that’s just too good,” she said between fits of giggles. “Plus, that’s your favorite shirt!” An entirely new round of snickers hit.

“It’s not funny!” Dan complained. He looked at Phil, who was still holding back laughter, and he cracked a smile. “Okay, maybe it’s a little funny.”

“The pet store is right next door to the vet’s, to answer your question,” Ro added before parking next to a strip of stores. “You two have fun at the vet! I’m gonna get a couple glasses of wine out. Phil, are you staying over tonight?”

“Do you have to ask?” Dan said, stepping out of the car.

“He’s got a point,” Phil agreed with a shrug as he joined Dan on the pavement. Ro drove away with a wave and Phil put his hand on Dan’s shoulder. “Let’s get this kitten taken care of, yeah? I’ll see if they have a store nearby to get you a clean shirt.”

“No, you don’t have to do that, I can wait until we get home. Let’s just get this over with.” Thankfully, there wasn't much of a wait and they were able to get one of the rooms almost right away after finishing the billing paperwork. Dan set the kitten on the metal table and it mewled, pawing at him. He groaned. “Aw, man, now it's attached to me.”

Phil laughed softly. “You're going to be a great cat daddy--I MEAN CAT DAD!” Phil shouted hurriedly, his cheeks reddening furiously.

Dan scoffed, a lopsided smile on his face. “Did--did you just call me ‘cat daddy’ or was that my imagination?”

“Don't make it into a thing,” Phil groaned, hiding his face in his hands. “It just--It slipped out, okay? Leave me alone!”

“Oh, and I seem to recall you had a question back in the living room after I destroyed you in Mario Kart. You never finished your sentence, Phil. What were you going to ask?”

It took Phil a moment to remember what Dan was talking about, but as soon as he did, his cheeks went even redder. “Nothing. It's not important.”

“Everything you have to say is important,” Dan insisted, a smirk on his face. “What were you going to ask?”

“Well...if you have to know--”

“I do.”

“I was just going to ask if you…” The rest of Phil’s words were a quiet mumble, indecipherable.

“Sorry, say again?”

“Iwasgoingtoaskifyouhadevertoppedanyone.”

“Okay, slow down. I'm sure it's not that b--”

“I WAS GOING TO ASK IF YOU HAD EVER TOPPED ANYONE BEFORE, OKAY?!” Phil blurted, his face a violently embarrassed shade of red. He glanced nervously at Dan’s dumbstruck expression. “Nevermind, you don't have to answer if you don't want to, obviously, but I just figured I’d ask because I was thinking maybe it’d be nice to be on the receiving end for once and--”

“Phil, babe, you're going off on a tangent.” Dan’s eyes widened.

“You just called me babe,” Phil said, equally dumbfounded.

“Wh--well are we just stating the obvious now?” Dan huffed, crossing his arms and staring down at the kitten, who was still pawing at his arms. “And you. What could you possibly want now?”

“It might be hungry,” Phil suggested. “Anyways, where’s the vet?”

“Here I am,” she said, almost exactly on cue as she opened the door and made her way into the room. “Sorry it took a bit, I was in the middle of a meeting. Alright, what's the little thing’s name?”

“Er, we don't exactly have one, we just picked it up off the side of the road,” Dan stared awkwardly, attempting to cool himself off by fanning his face. “We can't tell whether it's a boy or a girl.”

“She's definitely a girl, let me tell you that,” the vet said, gently lifting the kitten up. “And, judging by how little she weighs and where you found her, I’m guessing she was the runt of the litter and got left by mom and the rest of her siblings. It's a good thing you found her when you did, she looks like she's on the verge of death.”

“Death?!” Phil gasped, a hand clamped to his mouth.

“Oh, you have nothing to worry about right now, but she's being unusually fussy for a rescued kitten. Which one of you picked her up?” The vet grabbed a vial from the cabinet and emptied it into a feeding syringe. Dan raised his hand awkwardly, and the vet motioned for him to come forward. “It's important for animals to have an alpha, so to say, so that they have some level of discipline early on. Can you put this into her mouth and push down really slowly?”

Dan widened his eyes. “Oh, no, I’m not--Phil should--I couldn't possibly--”

Phil put a hand on the brunette’s shoulder. “I'm gonna be gone for two years. Ro’s not here. Somebody’s gotta take care of her.”

Dan took a deep breath and nodded, taking the syringe and offering it to the kitten as he picked her up, who took the end into her mouth gladly. He pushed down on the end gently, and the kitten closed her eyes, gulping down the solution.

“She should be feeling much better now. I can give her vaccinations now, and give you some formula for her, but unfortunately, I can't give you a feeding syringe, you'll have to get that from next door. They've got all you need for cats. Unless, of course, you don't intend to keep her.”

“Oh, no, we’re keeping her,” Phil said with a grin. He turned to Dan with a pleading look in his brilliantly blue eyes. “Right, Dan?”

Dan hesitated for a moment and looked down at the tiny kitten in his arms, then back at Phil, then back down into the bright eyes of the kitten. He clicked his tongue. “Alright, alright. We’ll keep her. But it's not because you're making that adorable look.”

“Of course it's not,” Phil said sarcastically. He smiled at the vet. “Thank you for all your help, doctor.”

The vet smiled back warmly. “Of course. I'll be right back with the vaccinations and the formula.” She left the room.

As soon as the door closed behind her, Phil burst out laughing. Dan rolled his eyes. “Oh, what now?!”

“You're totally in love with that little kitten,” Phil teased.

“I am not,” Dan scoffed. “I'm only doing this because she needs help.”

“How charitable of you, Sister Daniel,” Phil snickered, earning an I’m-done-with-your-shit look from Dan. “You love her already. Just admit it!”

“You're insane,” Dan said simply, staring back down at the tiny kitten.

“What do you wanna name her?”

“I don't know. Susan?” Dan joked. “I have no idea, honestly. Midnight is super unoriginal and i can't come up with any other names.”

“Winnie?” Phil suggested sheepishly. “I know you really liked Winnie the Pooh when you were little, maybe that would be a good one?”

“Okay, that's literally the most perfect suggestion ever.”

“Don't exaggerate, I was spitballing.”

“Well, what you call spitballing, I call genius.” Dan chuckled, then set the syringe down on the metal table. He covered the kitten’s ears with his hand. “Oh, and to answer your earlier question, yes, I have topped before, and yes, before you ask, I’m damn good at it. Shall we explore the notion more tonight?”

“Er, y-yeah, definitely,” Phil said quickly, his cheeks flushed. “Try new things, right?”

Dan smirked. “It'll certainly be new for the both of us, considering you've never had a dick in your ass before.”

“Don't be crude,” Phil mumbled, scratching the back of his neck. “Plus, I don't even know if I like it. What if…”

“Go on?”

“What if I'm a bad bottom?” Phil blurted, blushing furiously. “I don't wanna give you a bad experience, and--”

“Phil, relax. We’ll take it slow. I'll get you used to everything before we actually do it, you have nothing to worry about. I’ll take really good care of you, okay?”

“Thank God you have experience with this stuff,” Phil joked, sitting down in the nearest chair. “Also, you totally love that cat.”

Dan rolled his eyes. “Whatever helps you sleep at night, Mr. Lester.”

“I’m certainly not getting much sleep tonight, that's for sure,” Phil said, the sultry tone that came with his words completely unintended.

“Alright, so--Dan, is it?--if you can just hold her here while I do the shots, that would be great.”

“How long will it take?” Dan asked, placing his hand on the kitten gently.

“Each shot takes about three seconds, it won't take too long. There's only five shots after all.”

It felt like the longest fifteen seconds of Dan’s life.

Not like he cared about the way the kitten was staring up at him and mewling helplessly. Not at all.

And just like that, it was over. The vet smiled at the two of them. “Alright, she should be good to go now.” She rubbed the kitten’s cheek and gave a wave to the boys as they left.

Dan told Phil he’d wait outside while the latter went into the pet store. Phil had insisted on paying, and Dan felt silly as it was, holding such a tiny kitten in his gigantic hands. The minutes dragged on and several people passed him, some whispering and giggling. He spotted a group of girls across the street at a café, and one of them looked oddly familiar. Before he could think much about it, however, one of them came across the street.

She was quite pretty, her hair dark and shoulder-length, her lips coated in a pleasant pink. “Hi, um, I couldn't help but see you had a kitten and I just wanted to ask if I could maybe pet it?”

“Oh, sure,” Dan mumbled, letting his arms relax a bit. He wasn't even aware that they'd tensed up.

“What's its name?” The girl rubbed the black fur gently with a manicured hand.

“Winnie. We just found her a couple hours ago, actually.”

“We?”

“Oh, me and my boyfriend,” Dan explained with a grin. “I'm just waiting for him to pick up some stuff from the pet store, then we’re heading home.”

“That's so cool! I'm Cat, by the way,” the girl introduced, a warm smile on her features. “It was nice meeting you!”

“Dan, and likewise.”

She turned to leave and Dan heard her call out to her friends. “Hey, we should probably get going! Kit, you're paying, right?”

“Er, sorry, is that Kit Lester by any chance?” Dan blurted.

“Yeah, you know her?”

“She's my boyfriend’s cousin, actually,” he said with a laugh. “Where are you guys headed?”

“Some bakery,” Cat said with a shrug. “See you later, Dan!”

Dan sighed. Just then, Phil stepped out of the store, struggling under several heavy bags. Dan snorted. “You good there? Need some help?”

“You just carry Winnie,” Phil groaned. “I guess I went a little overboard, heh.”

“Oh, and your cousin’s going to visit Ro, so we should probably go back to your place. Give them some privacy,” Dan said, wiggling his eyebrows suggestively.

“Sounds good. Get a cab?” Phil pleaded.

“Sure.”

Soon enough, they were back at Phil’s place. Dan placed Winnie on the ground to explore as Phil set up a scratching post and a litter box. “You definitely need help there. Come on, go grab a feather thing and play with her while I do this stuff.”

“Fine,” Phil huffed. His expression softened. “You sure you'll be able to get all this stuff back after you drop me at the airport tomorrow?”

Dan’s face paled and he coughed, blinking back tears. “Y-Yeah. Kit can just let me in.”

“You alright?”

“Definitely. Just give me a sec to set this all up.”

But Dan wasn't alright. He wasn't sure if he would be. Phil was leaving _tomorrow_. He hadn't let that fact sink in yet, and it didn't make it easier now that the day was approaching faster. He buried his face in his hands and rubbed his eyes. He'd be fine, he just had to keep telling himself that. Phil was going to achieve his dreams, and that was all that mattered. Dan would just have to learn how to cope. It would be hard, but he'd get there eventually.

Right?

******************************


	17. Chapter 17

“So, the cat’s asleep, it's getting dark out, and we’re here alone.”

 

Dan smirked down at Phil as he made his way over to the couch, striding with a confidence Phil had never seen before. The brunette sat down and cupped Phil’s cheek with his hand. “I...I have an idea of what we can do,” Phil mumbled nervously. Dan laughed darkly and leaned in close, his breath dancing across Phil’s lips. The teasing was quickly becoming too much for Phil, who whined involuntarily and shut his mouth immediately after with flushed cheeks.

 

“What do you suggest we do, then, Mr. Lester?” Dan asked quietly, his gaze flickering from Phil’s eyes to his lips and back again. His other hand was tracing circles on Phil’s thigh, the sensation sending shivers down the older man’s spine. Dan moved his head so that he could whisper in Phil’s ear, his tone low and sultry. “Because I have oh-so-many ideas of just what I want to do to you tonight.”

 

“C-Can you...you know…”

 

“Would you like me to be dominant tonight, Mr. Lester? Like we discussed?” Phil could practically hear the smirk in Dan’s voice, and he nodded reluctantly, cheeks reddening in embarrassment at the request. Dan pulled back until he was straddling Phil, a cheeky grin present on his features. “That can be arranged.”

 

Dan grabbed Phil’s chin and tugged it forward roughly, connecting their lips and kissing him passionately. His kisses quickly moved from Phil’s lips to his jawline, then down further to the pale skin of his neck. Dan’s hands pulled down on the light blue collar of Phil’s shirt and he moved his attention to Phil’s collarbones, placing soft kisses and nibbling on the sensitive skin. Phil moaned softly, tangling his hands in Dan’s hair for a moment before Dan pulled back. Dan tugged him forward again by the collar of his shirt, his lip curled up as he looked with aroused fury into Phil’s eyes.

 

“Who the fuck said  _ you _ were in charge, Lester?”

 

He let go of Phil so fast that Phil could do nothing but fall back. Phil’s blue eyes were wide as Dan snatched up his wrists with one hand and slammed them on the arm of the couch, right above Phil’s head. Phil let out a slight squeak of alarm as Dan leaned down and placed a soft kiss on his lips.

 

“Is this okay?” Dan asked, concern swimming next to the lust that filled his eyes as he searched Phil’s face for any sign of discomfort.

 

Phil nodded quickly. “More than okay,” he gasped.

 

Dan smirked. “Good.” He began to kiss Phil again, his kisses trailing down from the older man’s jawline to his collarbones and back up again. His free hand snaked up Phil’s shirt and he traced his fingers along every line of Phil’s form he could reach. He sat up again suddenly, yanking his hand out and leaving a cold emptiness on the spot where his warm hand had previously occupied. “Shirt off. Now,” he commanded, releasing Phil’s wrists.

 

“O-Okay,” Phil agreed, pulling his shirt over his head as fast as possible and tossing it away from him. For all he cared, it could be on the other side of the room. All that mattered was that it was off.

 

Dan’s lips connected with his again, and Phil’s heart was practically beating out of his chest as Dan’s hands moved lower and lower down his abdomen. There was something exhilarating about the way Dan’s short fingernails gently scratched the skin of his stomach, the way he nipped at lapped at Phil’s neck. Phil let out a moan as Dan squeezed his hips, the sound only getting a moment to escape his lips before Dan’s were on his again. Their tongues fought for dominance, Dan winning out in the end as he gripped Phil’s thighs through the fabric of his skinny jeans. Dan pulled away and pulled off his own shirt, throwing it so that it joined Phil’s on the ground. Phil’s lips were swollen, the soft spots on his neck where Dan had kissed aching. He knew he’d be littered with hickies in the morning, and he didn’t care, frankly.

 

“God, you look...wow,” Dan said breathlessly above him. “I want to have you moaning so loud you’ll get noise complaints.”

 

Phil’s cheeks went red. “And how exactly do you plan to do that?”

 

“Well, first off, I plan on fucking you raw,” Dan growled, his voice low, “but before I do that, I’m gonna leave so many love bites on you that you’re gonna look like a walking bruise. I’m gonna watch your back arch and it’s gonna feel so good, you’re gonna be bloody screaming. You’ll be wiggling under me and begging for more.”

 

“Holy crap,” Phil whispered, eyes wide. “Well, go on, get to it!”

 

“You don’t get to tell me what to do,” Dan snarled, diving down to leave another mark on Phil’s neck. Nevertheless, his hands moved down and he tugged Phil’s jeans down, leaving the man in just his boxers. Dan looked down and held back a laugh. “Plaid? Really? That’s what you opted for?”

 

“Shut up,” Phil mumbled, his face flushed and chest heaving.

 

Dan practically ripped his own pants off before he kissed Phil again, their lips moving roughly against each other. Sparks flew down Phil’s spine and he shuddered with pleasure as Dan palmed him through his boxers. He let out another moan, this one deeper and louder than before. Dan tugged Phil’s boxers down and pulled the man’s legs up so that he could lock his thighs around Dan’s neck. The brunette left a row of hickies on his companion’s thighs, the feeling drawing moan after moan from Phil’s lips. Phil could feel Dan’s hot breath on his member, and he whined, tugging Dan’s head forward as well as he could, considering the circumstance.

 

“Hey,” Dan growled, tugging Phil’s thighs off of him, “you’re not in charge tonight, I am. Unless you want to argue with me?” His lips were now mere centimeters from Phil’s, and Phil shook his head wildly. Dan smirked, and Phil thought he said something. If he did, it fell on deaf ears as Dan took hold of Phil’s length and began pumping.

 

Phil moaned again as Dan’s lips brushed against his tip, resisting the urge to buck up out of fear that Dan would stop. Instead, he watched Dan’s boxers go flying through the air. Dan pulled up again breathlessly, chest heaving. “Why did you stop?” Phil demanded.

 

“The lube,” Dan urged, “where is it?”

 

Phil rolled his eyes out of annoyance and reached over towards the drawer next to him, pulling out the little white tube and handing it to Dan, who slathered a generous amount onto his member before he connected his lips with Phil’s again. Phil moaned into the kiss as Dan returned to his work on Phil’s length.

 

“D-Dan, don’t stop,” Phil panted.

 

“Are you ready?” Dan asked, positioning himself so that he’d have easier access to Phil’s entrance. “I don’t have to do this if you don’t want to.”

 

Phil took a deep breath and nodded, the steely expression in his brilliant blue eyes sending a wave of arousal through Dan. It took a few moments of adjustment, but soon, they were in rhythm, Dan’s hand pumping Phil with every thrust. Dan let out an animalistic moan before biting down near Phil’s collarbone. Phil’s eyes rolled back and his back arched into Dan’s touch, moaning between panting breaths as Dan thrusted into him steadily. His hands moved to Dan’s hips, but Dan snatched his wrists up in one swoop and placed them securely above his companion’s head once again. Phil was close, almost too close as he felt Dan’s hot breath on his face, and he let out a deep moan into the kiss as Dan connected them. Dan tensed up, and Phil knew he was close too.

 

“Y-You can, you know--”

 

“Fuck off, I’m not finishing first,” Dan snarled, his competitive nature shining through as his hand released Phil’s wrists and went to work further on the older man’s member. At Phil’s loud moaning, he smirked. “Cum for me.” It was a command, and Phil’s back arched as he did so, his climax wracking through his body. He swore he saw stars. Dan finished shortly after, biting his lip and moaning.

 

They collapsed simultaneously, Dan’s head resting on Phil’s chest. Their hearts were racing as they smiled at each other. “That was...wow,” Phil said, stars in his eyes as he looked down at Dan.

 

“Do you have to go? Can’t we just do that for the next two years?” Dan asked, snuggling closer to Phil.

 

Phil chuckled softly, squeezing Dan’s hand. “I wish. That would be absolutely amazing. But I do have to go tomorrow,” he said sadly. “We’ll be okay, won’t we?”

 

“Of course we will,” Dan assured his companion, although he wasn’t quite sure of it himself. “You’ll talk to me, like, every day, won’t you?” Phil nodded and pressed a light kiss to Dan’s head, brushing the brown curls away from his face.

 

“Any time you want, you call me. Just consider the time difference before you do, hm?” Phil joked, tracing circles on the back of Dan’s hand. He sighed contentedly as Dan closed his eyes, pulling the brunette closer. The scent of Dan’s strawberry shampoo filled his senses, and he held back a laugh as he thought of the first time they’d showered together; Dan had been quite astounded that his shampoo was women’s shampoo, but that never stopped him from using it. It was things like that that made Dan such a wonderful person, the way he cared so much about everyone in his life, the way he could always tell what Phil wanted the second Phil considered asking him something, the way he knew how to make Phil’s coffee by heart. He felt comfortable with Dan, safe in the arms of his companion no matter what the circumstances. Perhaps it was the late hour of the night, perhaps it was the fact he was staring down at Dan’s adorable sleepy face, perhaps it was just the fact he felt so strongly about the brunette, but Phil knew he wanted to say something about how he felt. “Hey, so I was going to wait for tomorrow to tell you this, because I was scared, and I didn’t want to mess things up, but--”

 

“Phil, whatever it is you need, I’m here to listen,” Dan mumbled, his tone groggy.

 

“Right, okay. Well, I wanted you to know...I wanted you to know that…” Phil trailed off, his cheeks flushing.

 

“Just tell me,” Dan said softly, his eyes still closed.

 

Phil nodded and took a deep breath, reminding himself that Dan would only react positively, that he’d surely be happy to hear it. He hugged Dan tightly and leaned down, trying to be quiet although it was just the two of them. All that mattered in that moment was Dan, all that Phil could see, all that he felt.

 

“I love you.”

 

Dan shot up like something had zapped him. “Y-You what?” Phil opened his mouth to say something, but Dan shushed him.

 

“Well, do you want me to say it again or not?” Phil joked, nerves jumping in his stomach nonetheless.

 

“You said you loved me,” Dan whispered, his eyes wide. “You actually said it.”

 

“I mean, it's true.”

 

“Clearly!” Dan shouted, a wide smile on his features. “God, this is great! Ah, I'm so happy you said it!”

 

“So...you gonna say it back?” Phil asked apprehensively.

 

Dan smacked his forehead. “Well, duh. I love you too, Phil. Really. Like, a lot.” He giggled softly and pressed a kiss to Phil’s cheek. He then yawned and nestled his head into the crook of Phil’s neck. “I love you, but I'm tired and I need my beauty sleep.”

 

“Goodnight, Bear.”

 

“I could listen to you say that for hours and not be tired of it,” Dan flirted, his eyes fluttering shut.

 

When they awoke, they were immediately filled with dread. Phil was to leave a bit later that morning, and Dan felt like he couldn’t handle it. Well, that’s not exactly the right wording. It was more like his world was crashing around him, like the hole in his chest that’d stay there for the next two years was swallowing him whole. As they got up and went to the kitchen, the lump in his throat threatened to send tears spilling down his cheeks. But he wouldn’t allow it. He refused to make it a sad day, because the day should be celebrated, really. Phil was getting an amazing opportunity to achieve his dream in one of the coolest cities in the world. Dan felt selfish for being upset, as though he was dragging down a moment that should be happy just because he was going to miss Phil.

 

They sat in silence as they ate breakfast, both afraid they’d make the other anxious if they spoke. Dan was first to finish, rushing into the bathroom with a random outfit from what was left of Phil’s wardrobe and claiming he was going to get ready down there so that Phil could get ready in peace. He stood in front of the sink, gripping the edge of it so tight that his knuckles were white. As he looked in the mirror, he felt ashamed of himself. Tears had begun falling down his cheeks, splashing against the marble. His eyes were almost sunken, bags beginning to form under them due to lack of sleep that had been inherently caused by lack of sleep.

 

“You’re going to be okay,” he whispered, staring into his reflection, “this is Phil’s big day. Do  _ not _ ruin it by being pathetic.” He splashed some water on his face before pulling on the shirt and jeans he’d grabbed.

 

He heard a knock at the door, followed by a sigh. “Dan? Can I come in?”

 

“Normally, I’d invite you to ‘walk in’ on me half-dressed,” Dan joked, “but I’m not really in the mood at the moment.”

 

“That’s not what I meant,” Phil said, his voice resigned. “I wanted to talk, Dan.”

 

“Well, we’re talking right now, aren’t we?”

 

“Dan.”

 

“Alright, alright, I’m dressed, you caught me. I’ll come out.” He chuckled to himself. “Come out. Hah. Gay jokes.” He stepped back out into the hall, only to be far closer to Phil’s face than he’d expected. Then again, he tended to end up way too close in every situation anyway.

 

“I’m having doubts about New York.”

 

For just a moment, Dan’s heart skipped a beat. Phil was doubting it. He didn’t want to go whole-heartedly. His mind raced with hope and indecision, knowing that if he just said the right thing, it’d mean Phil would stay, that he’d be there for everything, that he’d be right there for two years instead of over three thousand miles away. Then everything sank. He knew he couldn’t do that to Phil. It was his  _ dream _ for goodness’ sakes, he couldn’t ruin everything just because he’d have to endure a little hurt for a couple of years. So, he smiled wide.

 

“Why? You’re getting to do what you love, you’re going to be great!” The smile didn’t waver, but it was growing more painful by the second. “I’m so proud of you, Phil, you shouldn’t let it go. What’s wrong?”

 

“I just...I’m going to miss you so much,” Phil said, pulling Dan into a tight embrace. “I love you. I don’t want anything to change. We’re in such a good place, and--”

 

“Hey, I’m not going anywhere,” Dan assured him. “And save this for the airport, because we have to go, like, now if we want to be there early enough for a whole goodbye thing. So, don’t doubt anything. We can get through this.”

 

“Okay, we can do this,” Phil agreed, moving back to place a loving kiss on Dan’s forehead. “Let’s go get a cab, Bear.”

 

The ride to the airport was agony. It felt as though it took ages, but then again, Dan couldn’t complain about dragged-out time with Phil. Dragged-out time with Phil wasn’t as fun as it could’ve been when he was constantly on the phone with his publisher, granted, but Dan refused to let this be about his own hurt. Phil was going through enough, Dan definitely didn’t want him worrying about anything unnecessary. Simplicity was key here, and the brunette knew for certain he’d most likely end up crying if they talked too much.

 

They arrived at the airport, and Dan refused to let Phil pay for the cab (although he could barely afford it himself). There was quite a bit of luggage, so Dan took three bags and Phil took two as they made their way to the bag check.

 

“Are you absolutely sure you have everything, Phil?” Dan asked nervously, unsure of whether this was his subconscious attempt to get Phil to stay.

 

“Yeah. The company’s paying for the bag check too,” Phil said brightly, an unreadable emotion behind those brilliant blue eyes of his.

 

“That’s good. You don’t have to pay for it yourself, that’s pretty fair.” Dan was just scrambling for conversation now, trying to keep himself from breaking down. “Now, uh, am I gonna walk you to security after and, y’know…”

 

Phil gulped and nodded, leading the way to the bag check. After a brief conversation with an attendant that was far too flirty for Dan’s taste (ironically enough), they were making their way to security with just Phil’s carry-on. They approached the line, Dan’s insides twisting further with every step they took towards it. Phil stopped at the entrance to the line, and it was only then that Dan noticed his companion was shaking slightly.

 

“Well,” he said, voice trembling, “this is it.” He didn’t turn around, didn’t dare look into Dan’s eyes, didn’t let himself break down in front of him. He could do that on the plane.

 

“Phil, turn around, won’t you?” Dan bit back the tears that threatened to spill as he stepped closer, half-heartedly reaching for Phil’s hand.

 

“I...I can’t, Bear.”

 

“Please, I just want to look at you,” Dan begged, decisively intertwining his fingers with Phil’s. “Please, Phil.”

 

Dan had always loved those blue eyes. He loved them when they sparkled deviously whenever Phil had an idea, loved that strange yet alluring look he’d get right before they made love, loved the glazed-over look they had when Phil was daydreaming over a cup of coffee. He never expected to love them when they were filled with tears, never expected to admire the way the blue was even more vibrant than he could imagine under the shimmering water. It sent a pang through his chest, watching as the tears left tracks down Phil’s pale cheeks. Phil’s bottom lip was trembling and there was a pain hidden in the pools of ocean that made Dan certain the man was tearing himself apart inside. So he threw his arms around Phil’s neck and crashed his lips into the other’s, kissing with a passion that he could only hope expressed every reassurance the older man needed.

 

Hesitant but sure of his actions all in the same, Phil’s arms snaked around Dan’s waist, tugging the brunette closer to him. They broke apart for a moment to catch their breath, only to find both of them crying a very alarming amount of tears. Phil smiled the most broken smile Dan had ever seen him with and pressed a kiss to the top of Dan’s head, the gesture instantly calming. He rested his head on Dan’s shoulder and took a deep, shaking breath.

 

“Take good care, Bear. I love you, so much. An unbelievable amount.”

 

“To the stars and back,” Dan replied, hugging Phil tighter. “We’ll talk every day.”

 

“Of course. I’ll always be there if you need me, got it?” Phil told him, unwilling to let go. He felt Dan nod above him. His body felt the vibrations of Dan’s chest as he snuggled closer, and he knew Dan was chuckling, albeit quietly.

 

“You’re gonna miss your plane if you don’t let go, babe,” Dan told him, “and even as much as I wish you wouldn’t, there’s no way you’re not going to New York.”

 

They pulled back, smiles mixed with pain and mirth displayed on both of their faces. They said it in unison, the words “I love you,” which resulted in another fit of tearful giggles.

 

“I don’t want to leave you,” Phil whispered.

 

“You have to. Plus, you’re not leaving me, you’re just a click away, right?”

 

“Of course. You have my Skype.”

 

“So, I guess this is goodbye for now. Call me when you get in, alright?”

 

“I will. I love you, Dan.” Phil looked at him like he was the only thing in the world. He was terrified, truly, of being alone in New York. Being alone in general was bone-chilling.

 

“I love you too. Now go, you’re gonna miss your flight,” Dan joked, wiping a tear from the corner of his eye with a sad chuckle.

 

And so he watched Phil walk off, through the security line, waiting for what seemed like an hour before he was finally out of sight. Dan groaned, running a hand through his hair as he made his way back out to get another cab. As soon as he got home, Ro was waiting in the lounge with an array of his favorite sweets and ice cream, a movie marathon ready to play on the television. Steaming mugs of hot cocoa were resting on the coffee table, several large marshmallows in the one Dan knew was his, none in Ro’s. Just the way she knew he liked it. And she stood up right away when he came in, jacket draped around his shoulders resignedly.

 

“Kit dropped Winnie and the stuff off,” she told him, gesturing to the tiny black kitten sleeping in the equally tiny cat bed. She then turned to the food on the table, apprehension clear on her freckled face when she turned back to him. “I figured you’d need a good ol’ ‘Ro and Dan’ night after...yeah.”

 

He trudged towards her, eyes dull and empty as he looked down at her. He allowed himself to be pulled into a hug, staying strong for as long as he possibly could. It didn’t last long. It started with tears for the umpteenth time that night, trickling down his cheeks, past the tip of his nose, and ending their path by dampening the soft pink fabric of Ro’s blouse. It escalated a bit when Ro rubbed his back, sniffles and tiny hiccups forcing their way from him. It was when she began telling him everything would be fine that he started to fully break down. Sobs tore themselves from his throat, up to his lips, emerging as forced, rough sounds. The emptiness in his brown eyes dissipated, replaced by pain and longing as he clung to the back of her shirt, the familiar smell of the laundry detergent she’d always used more comforting than he could bring himself to admit.

 

“I already m-miss him,” he choked, sobbing harder.

 

She led them both over gently to the couch, hugging Dan tightly when he pressed further into her shoulder. “I know. I miss him too, kiddo.”

 

“H-He’s in America,” Dan wailed, “for two y-years!” He took shuddering breaths, barely able to hold himself up.

 

It was times like these he was most grateful for Ro. She’d always been there for him, and him for her. They were closer than siblings, they knew everything about each other, knew exactly what to do in every situation to help the other. She was there for his first heartbreak, and every one after that, and him for all of hers. They’d seen each other completely shit-faced, doubled over vomiting when they were sick, stopped each other from bad decisions. They’d seen each other lovestruck, obsessed with a book or movie series, gossiped together about the people they mutually hated. It was at moments like these that Dan truly remembered they’d seen each other at their best, and they’d seen each other at their worst. And despite the fact that this felt like the worst pain in the world, he couldn’t be more grateful to have a shoulder to cry on.

 

When he finally looked up, he realized Ro had been crying as well, albeit silently. “Sorry, I d-didn’t--”

 

“Hey, I’m only crying because you were, you big dork,” she teased, voice shaking slightly nonetheless. Her expression softened as he pulled back and grabbed a pint of chocolate ice cream. She offered him a spoon. “Let’s dig in, shall we?”

 

“Thanks, Ro.”

 

******************************


	18. Chapter 18

Phil hated the first day at his new job.

 

He knew he should be grateful, but he just couldn’t bring himself to be happy. He’d been swamped the minute he’d sat down, told to pump out piece after piece without a decent break, and he’d been so jet lagged half of the things he turned in had furiously erased, sleep-deprived scribble marks in the margins. It was probably one of the most draining days he’d ever had. His walk home hadn’t been a good time either. Phil had been stuck out in the rain without an umbrella, a passing bus had splashed a whole puddle’s worth of dirty water on him and his new coat, and the too-small apartment he’d been given to live in had very...noisy...neighbors.

 

It wasn’t as though he was ungrateful for the great pay, he just didn’t see the point if he wasn’t spending it on someone he actually cared about. He figured he’d just save it all up for a rainy day. After all, they  _ were _ paying for his rent and covering his living costs, so could he complain? He wanted to see the best in the situation, but it was very difficult when you were constantly having to be wary of rats in the hallway. He was determined to make it work.

 

So he sat down on the creaky leather couch at half-past five and spent a good ten minutes staring at the ceiling before remembering he was supposed to be calling Dan right about then.

 

He bolted upright and grabbed his laptop from his briefcase, opening Skype and sending out a message. Phil chuckled as he saw the little bubble pop up immediately, telling him that Dan was replying already. He figured the poor guy must’ve been waiting at his computer for Phil. The image was quite cute, honestly. Phil was very much looking forward to complaining about how terrible his day was when Dan called, but when he saw the huge grin on Dan’s face, he began to second-guess whether telling Dan it had been awful so far was a wise decision.

 

“Phil! Hi!”

 

“Hey, Dan,” he said, absentmindedly smoothing his hair down.

 

“How’s New York? Is it everything you dreamed about? It must be so much fun,” Dan gushed, the grin never leaving his features. He leaned forward, the image on Phil’s screen lagging a bit. “God, you must be so excited.”

 

Phil took a moment to drink in Dan’s appearance, how genuinely happy and proud the brunette boy looked. Dan must’ve been thinking about it all day, how Phil’s day was going, imagining every scenario. That’s just the way he worked, the way his imagination flew away with altered reality. So he knew he couldn’t just shatter that reality, he wasn’t willing to have Dan feel awful for him.

 

He smiled. “It’s been absolutely perfect. How’s your day been?”

 

“Definitely not as exciting as yours,” Dan scoffed. “The best thing I’ve had all day was getting a batch of really good reject cookies. Don’t get me wrong, they were delicious, but it’s been a slow day.” He looked up, into the camera, and Phil felt a pang of longing in his chest to see those brown eyes up close. The screen didn’t do Dan justice, didn’t let Phil see the way those brown eyes sparkled in the dim evening light of Dan’s bedroom, didn’t show the way his curls fell over his face perfectly.

 

Phil let out a slightly strained laugh, the sound echoing in the dark apartment. “Ro’s cookies are always delicious.”

 

“Oh, speaking of Ro,” Dan said mischievously, “Kit stopped by today and it was kind of awkward, but it was also quite cute to see them, you know? And Ro and I got into this whole debate about different kinds of frosting, but I ended up making the best points, of course, so we agreed that we should use chocolate buttercream on the new item on the menu.”

 

“You and your chocolate,” Phil chuckled, shaking his head. “What’s the new dessert?”

 

“I like to call it Phil-Cake, because I came up with it right after your plane took off, but Ro’s calling it blue-velvet confetti cake.” Dan leaned back, and Phil got a whole view of his bedroom displayed behind him. The headboard, black to match pretty much every piece of furniture in Dan’s room, blended into Dan’s blurry image a bit, much to Phil’s dismay. “Tell me more about your day though! It must’ve been absolutely wonderful, and I need to know everything!”

 

“It was certainly interesting,” Phil said nervously, scratching the back of his neck. “I don’t really know anyone”--mostly because his co-workers seemed to despise him--”but I wrote quite a bit today”--not like he had the choice--”so it was pretty productive. My walk home was alright”--aside from the bus ruining his coat--”and my apartment’s...charming in its own slightly odd way.” Sure he felt bad for lying, but it’s not like he could say anything else without it being absolutely pitiful. Phil almost groaned aloud, but remembered the hopeful look that was shining back at him from the screen and swallowed his irritation.

 

“That sounds amazing. Oh, hold on, I want to show you this,” Dan said breathlessly. He perked up for a moment, leaning off-camera to grab something. Phil heard very faint noises, and he was quite curious as to what Dan was talking to. Then he saw the tiny kitten in Dan’s arms and every concern and worry in his mind melted away. There was an almost comical-size bow on the ribbon around her neck. “Winnie’s doing well, but she misses her other dad.”

 

“Ah, so I’m a cat dad as well, then?” Phil asked playfully. He smiled. “She looks so cute! I’m quite jealous of all the fun you two are going to have without me.”

 

Dan huffed and rolled his eyes, allowing the kitten to climb her way up his arm and rest on his shoulders. She looked even smaller against Dan’s tall form. “As if. I can’t stand her, she’s so fussy.” Nevertheless, he was scratching behind her ear, her purring loud enough for Phil to hear. “Not to mention how loud she is.” Almost as if she were trying to help Dan exaggerate his point, she let out a loud meow.

 

Phil chuckled and gazed fondly at the screen, soaking up the adorable image of Dan snuggling with Winnie on the bed. “It’s probably getting quite late there, right?”

 

“Yeah, it is, but I’m fine with staying up! I’m only five hours ahead of you, we can go for a couple more, right?” Dan looked worried, as though he’d be devastated if Phil hung up. Phil held back a laugh at his mind’s reminder that Dan probably _ would _ be upset. “Have you eaten yet?”

 

“No, but I’ll order pizza now. I’ve heard New York pizza is very good,” Phil told the brunette, picking up his phone and googling nearby pizza places. “I’m excited to try all the different foods America has to offer.”

 

“Food really  _ is  _ the best part of traveling, don’t you think?” Dan mused, not the least bit fazed by Winnie squirming down until her paws were stuck down his shirt and resting on his collarbone. Phil laughed, and the younger man looked into the camera suspiciously. “What’s so funny?”

 

“I dunno. The fact you usually don’t like things touching your neck when you’re not expecting it and you’re letting Winnie rub all up against you.”

 

Dan rolled his eyes. “Not like I can stop her.”

 

“You totally could if you wanted to. But you like the cat.”

 

“I don’t. I’m not a cat person.”

 

“Sure. Speaking of which, I’m going to have to get allergy medicine.”

 

“You’ve a cat allergy?”

 

“You didn’t know that?”

 

“I was definitely not aware,” Dan said, eyeing the cat on his shoulder suspiciously. “Is it a bad allergy?”

 

“No, I just sneeze and cough a lot. Not deadly or anything,” Phil assured him as he put his order into the pizza place’s website. He raised his phone triumphantly. “Pizza order has been successfully put through!”

 

He heard some muffled knocking from Dan’s end of the call and looked at him quizzically, only to receive a confused look back. “Must be Ro, I guess. Come in!”

 

“Hey, is Phil on yet? I’ve got a question to ask him,” Ro’s voice said from off-screen.

 

“Yeah, sure, get over here.” Dan picked up Winnie gingerly and moved over, placing her back on his shoulder once he was situated.

 

A flurry of red hair made its way onto the screen and Phil laughed at the freckled face that grinned at him. “Hey, Ro. How are you?”

 

“I’m doing great, but--holy crap, you look like a tornado hit you!” Ro exclaimed, her grin faltering. “Are you okay?”

 

“What?” the two boys asked simultaneously.

 

“You look exhausted and tired and you’ve got a bit of mud on your face,” Ro explained, a quite motherly expression of worry on her features. She turned to Dan. “Did you not notice?”

 

“He looked really happy!” Dan said defensively, turning back to Phil. “Woah, you  _ do _ look terrible!”

 

“Thanks guys, I feel so loved,” Phil muttered, voice dripping with sarcasm.

 

“That’s not what I mean,” Dan groaned, “are you okay? I thought you said your day was great!”

 

“It was! It is! It’s not important, let’s talk about something else,” Phil pleaded. Before either could say anything, he continued. “I really don’t want to go in-depth, what was your question, Ro?”

 

Ro was hesitant, but spoke after a moment. “I wanted to know if you needed your notebook because you left it here.”

 

Phil’s eyes widened. “Wait, is it the leather one?!”

 

Ro nodded, her brow furrowing. “Yeah, do you need me to, like, scan it into the computer and send it?”

 

Phil shook his head wildly. “No. Don’t open it. Just put it in my apartment the next time you’re there or something and tell Kit to mail it to me.”

 

“Is there something secret in there?” Dan teased.

 

“No, just don’t open it. I’m serious.”

 

“Okay, we’ll drop it,” Dan said, shushing Ro and shooting her a glare. He turned back to the camera and grinned at Phil. “Christmas is coming up really soon, too. Shame we won’t be able to spend it together, but I hope Christmas in New York is going to be great.”

 

“Yeah, I don’t know what I’m gonna do for it,” Phil said with a shrug, very glad for the change in topic. “There’s probably a lot I don’t know about, but I’ll figure something out. What I think I’m going to go for is a fake tree and lots of cookies from a sub-par bakery.”

 

“Why sub-par?” Ro asked, tilting her head.

 

“You should go to a good one,” Dan told him.

 

“I know, but I’ve pretty much only eaten Ro’s food for the past couple months and I’m used to how good it is now,” Phil groaned, falling back onto the sofa, which creaked under his weight. He laughed. “Oh well, at least I won’t be completely lonely. The rats will keep me company.” As soon as the words left his mouth, he regretted them.

 

“Rats?!” The two mouths on the screen fell open simultaneously, wide brown and green eyes shining (albeit fuzzy) incredulously.

 

Phil wracked his brain for an excuse and found one quickly, thankfully. “You know, the gigantic rats that are supposed to be everywhere in the ‘subway’ here.” He snickered. “Americans are weird with naming stuff. I asked for the loo the other day and the cashier at the shop had no clue what I was talking about, so I said the word bathroom in the most obnoxious American accent I could muster and he just looked at me like all he wanted was death.”

 

“Honestly, I have never found something so relatable to my constant thoughts,” Dan said with a straight face before bursting into a fit of laughter just a moment later.

 

“Going back to Christmas,” Ro said loudly as Dan’s chuckled faded, “isn’t there a gigantic Christmas tree in, like, Times Square?”

 

“No, no, it’s in Rockefeller Plaza,” Dan said matter-of-factly. “Not Times Square.”

 

“Same difference.” Ro stuck her tongue out at him and Phil laughed.

 

“So how far is your office from the apartment?” Dan asked, leaning forward slightly. “Is it a long walk?”

 

“Only a couple blocks. A good five minute walk, so I’m getting a good bit of exercise,” Phil joked. “By the time I get back, my legs will be the strongest you’ve ever seen!”

 

“I very much look forward to it,” Dan said, voice low as he stared just below the camera, at what Phil assumed was his very flustered face. Ro coughed awkwardly and Dan’s cheeks went pink, putting a hand behind his neck sheepishly. “Sorry, got carried away.”

 

“You do that a lot,” Phil pointed out. “Maybe it’ll be good for me to work without such a cute distraction for once.”

 

“I’m torn between being offended and grateful,” Dan said flatly. He laughed as Phil did before the bell rung loudly from Phil’s end of the call. “I believe that’s your pizza, sir.”

 

“Right, I’ll be back!” Phil sprung up from the couch and made his way over to the door, fishing his wallet from his pockets. He opened the door and was face-to-face with a tall blonde who was surprisingly close to his height. “Hi, how much?”

 

She took a moment to answer, her voice thick with a Brooklyn accent. “Twenty bucks.”

 

For a moment, Phil was taken aback, but then remembered the two-liter bottle of soda he’d ordered. He fished a twenty out of his wallet and handed it to the girl. “That’s good, yeah?”

 

She gave him a little pout and batted her eyelashes, leaning her chest towards him slightly. “What, no tip? And I had to drive through traffic?” She looked Phil up and down. He’d never seen someone so forward aside from Dan, but he was polite even despite his flirtiness. “You know, if your personality’s half as attractive as your face, you’re a top-notch guy.”

 

Phil laughed nervously. “Right, er--”

 

“Babe? You alright?” Dan’s voice called, and Phil had never been more relieved.

 

The girl’s eyes widened as Phil leaned back into the tiny apartment. “Yeah, I’m good!”

 

She immediately began apologizing. “I’m so sorry, I had no idea, I just do that to get a decent tip, I swear to God I’m not that slutty!”

 

“It’s fine, don’t worry about it. But, uh, can I have my pizza?”

 

The girl looked like she wanted to die as she handed him the box and the bottle of soda. She kept mumbling apologies as she left, and Phil felt pretty bad for her. The service industry was rough. Nonetheless, he sat back down with his pizza and began eating.

 

“You good?”

 

“Yeah,” Phil said through a mouthful of tomato-y goodness, “I’m fine. Although I should probably go now; it's getting late for you guys and I think I may need a moment or two alone with this pizza sent from the gods.”

 

Dan chuckled. “Okay. I'll miss you, Philly.”

 

“Miss you too, Bear. Love you.”

 

“Love you too,” Dan said sadly, giving the camera a two-fingered salute before hanging up and turning back to Ro with tears in his eyes. She gave him a sympathetic smile, knowing just from his expression that he was suffering.

 

“Why didn't you tell him you'd been in bed all day?” Ro asked softly, pushing Dan’s slightly sweaty curls out of his face. It was a motherly gesture, something he’d been used to after three generations of the women in Ro’s family doing it when he was upset.

 

Dan chuckled darkly with a sniffle. To him, lies had a unique taste. When you told them, they hit your tongue like the essence of bitterness, spreading the sensation through your mouth for days to come. It was the worst thing in the world, but most, not excluding Dan, found it a bit addicting. There was nothing stopping the tears from falling. “I miss him so much. Too much.”

 

Ro nodded understandingly and gathered the now-sobbing Dan into her arms, rubbing small circles into the middle of his back. Ever since they were kids, the simple gesture had managed to calm him down to the point where Ro had hardly been worried about panic attacks striking. But when Winnie let out a loud concerned meow and Dan started crying harder, her instincts kicked in and she gently pulled Dan upright.

 

“Deep breaths, Dan. Count to ten. Have you been taking your Prozac lately?” She bit her lip as he nodded. Her heart shattered at his trembling figure, tears streaming down red blotchy cheeks from watery hazel eyes. Ro knew every breath he took must be calculated, kept track of.“Good, good. Keep breathing. I want you to think of that night, okay? Think of the window, how it felt against your back.”

 

Dan nodded and choked on his tears, hands hovering in midair as though he wanted to wipe them away but couldn't. A sign that an attack was coming, and Ro knew it. “R-Ro,” he sobbed, “I need Ph-Phil--”

 

He cried out and began shaking, hard, far too hard. Ro immediately took his hands into hers, knowing that past memories of red, scratched-up skin would return to Dan’s arms if she didn't. “Count four seconds in, four seconds out. You can do this. We can do this.” At that point, she was ashamed to admit she was assuring the both of them.

 

“I'm d-dying, Ro,” Dan said, eyes wide.

 

“I know it feels like it, Dan, you're not dying, you're here, you're real, you're right here with me, okay? I've got you,” Ro said, repeating the words like a chant for a few moments. “Distract yourself. Happy memories. I want you to tell me about your favorite date.”

 

Dan gulped and nodded solemnly, visibly struggling to find words. “Phil t-took me to this really nice ice cream p-parlor,” he said, eyes misty. “I got chocolate, h-he got mint chip.”

 

“There you go, just think more. What did you do later that night?”

 

“W-We cuddled, and he hugged me a-and told me that he wanted t-to stay like that f-forever and that was the first time I r-realized I was in love with him,” Dan mumbled, hiccuping.

 

“And this one isn't nearly as bad as the last, either. Nothing bad has happened to you because of them and this one won't be any different. You're going to get through this,” Ro told him. “You're safe. Nothing can hurt you here.” And she meant it. As long as she was alive, no one was going to lay a hand on Dan. She was his family, and she’d trust him with her own life.

 

It took a while, but Dan’s shaking began to subside and his sobs began to get quieter. He leaned into Ro, clutching the back of her shirt like it was the last remaining thread to reality. After another ten minutes, he got a sentence out without stuttering.

 

“This isn’t too good, is it?”

 

******************************


	19. Chapter 19

Dan had hated every Christmas he could remember, and he figured this one wouldn’t be any different. Every one of that stupid holiday had been filled with religious relatives, each one asking stupid questions, like what he thought of some verse he’d forgotten, or if he’d gotten a girlfriend yet. It wasn’t as though he could give them a snarky answer, either, and his parents had been adamant about not letting him out when there was family over on Christmas. So that meant he couldn’t interact with anyone remotely accepting of who he was, which made every single Christmas day a nightmare.

 

This Christmas, however, he’d been hoping he could spend it with Phil. Until, of course, he found out about New York and how long Phil would be away. So this Christmas wouldn’t be any better than the others, really. Just a couple of presents to open and a day off. On second thought, it sounded pretty decent. It wasn’t anything to celebrate, though. Sure, the ice skating rink was open, but what fun was it if he were to go by himself? And on that particular Christmas morning, at around ten in the morning, he walked downstairs, completely ready for yet another terrible holiday.

 

What he had not expected, however, was Ro and Kit seated in the lounge by the tree, both in matching pyjamas, and a very tired Phil on the laptop placed on the counter. His eyes widened as he heard the man on the screen greet him, voice groggy and eyes droopy. He rushed over and took a seat on the sofa, pulling the laptop onto his lap and waving enthusiastically at the camera. “Phil! Hi! How are you? It’s really early for you there, isn’t it? Oh my God, I can’t believe they convinced you to get up early!” Dan’s attention flickered from the screen to the two girls smiling brightly at him and he grinned. “You guys are the best.”

 

“We try,” Ro said with a shrug. “Now, we’ve gotta open presents! This first one’s from me.”

 

A half-hearted, slightly exhausted whoop came from the laptop and Dan smiled, eyes watering just a tad. He put the laptop back on the table as Ro handed him a present from a surprisingly large pile, ripping the paper off so happily that it made all three others laugh. In the middle of it, he crossed his arms defensively. “Hey, don’t be rude, this is the first Christmas I’ve actually been excited about!” He resumed opening his present to find a new pair of headphones, black with a silver rim. He glanced up at Ro. “Aww, thanks! Mine broke a while ago.”

 

Ro rolled her eyes and sat down on the arm of the sofa. “I know, I’ve heard you blasting Kanye West from all the way down here.”

 

“Kanye’s great, I’ll have you know,” Dan said matter-of-factly. He laughed softly and punched her arm playfully. “Alright, your turn, kid.”

 

“Don’t ‘kid’ me, Daniel,” Ro scolded, picking up a gift nonetheless. The wrapping was messy and black, a telltale sign Dan had done it himself. “New oven mitts, thanks! These are super cute, holy crap.” Patterned with a Pac-Man level, they were dark blue and padded heavily.

 

“You're very welcome,” he said, grinning. “Kit, you wanna open one?”

 

“I opened all mine at home,” she explained with a shrug. She nodded over at the computer. “Speaking of which, Phil, have your gifts arrived in the mail? Your mum was pretty adamant about me sending them.”

 

“No, they haven't. It's fine, though, I think I'm just going to stay home today. Unless they call me in,” he joked, resting his chin on his hand and gazing fondly at Dan.

 

“Come to think of it, how’s the workload been lately? Any better?” Ro asked, crossing her arms and furrowing her brow in concern. When Phil shook his head, she clicked her tongue disapprovingly. “I get that they're paying for everything and whatever, but that gives them no excuse to treat you like crap.”

 

“Honestly, I don't really mind,” Phil said. “I get to live out my dream in New York City of all places and I'm right in the heart of Manhattan. What else could I ask for?”

 

“Maybe decent hours,” Dan mumbled, eyes narrowed. He brightened up within a moment, however, and smiled wide. “Is there another present for me under there?” The morning went on like that, jokes and presents aplenty. It was going surprisingly well, and Dan was enjoying a Christmas, for a change. Of course, seemingly like all other good things in Dan’s life, the infinite joy ended with a phone call. Phil picked up like his life depended on it, humming occasionally. Dan let out a breath he hadn't realized he'd been holding once the older man hung up. “So? What's up?”

 

“They, uh, need me to go back into work today.”

 

“But it's Christmas, for fuck’s sake!” Kit protested, hands on her hips.

 

“Kit’s got a point,” Ro pointed out, squeezing the girl’s hand. “You shouldn't have to work today. Can't you take the day off?”

 

Phil was already packing up a leather briefcase as he spoke. “I can't, apparently it's urgent. Regarding my collection,” he elaborated, locking the thing shut. He waved sadly at the camera. “I've got to go, I'll be back around six. Love you, Bear.”

 

“Love you too,” Dan sighed, shutting the laptop after Phil hung up. He sniffled, leaning back into the sofa crease.

 

“Hey, hey, don't cry yet,” Ro scolded, snatching a present from in between the couch cushions. It was thin, very thin. “You haven't opened the best one yet.”

 

“Ro, what're you talking about?” Dan sighed, exasperated with the situation in general.

 

“Just open it,” she said resignedly, tossing the parcel into the brunette’s lap. Dan rolled his eyes but took the wrapping off nonetheless. A plane ticket. He opened his mouth to say something snarky, but Ro shushed him. “Read it.”

 

“Seat 7A, flight to…” Dan’s eyes widened. He jumped up, still staring intently at the tiny print of the boarding pass. He glanced up at Ro, slackjawed. “A FIRST CLASS TICKET TO NEW YORK?!”

 

“Merry Christmas, kiddo,” Ro said, a soft smile on her freckled features. “The flight’s around Phil’s birthday, so it can double as your present to him. I know he’ll be...more than happy to see you, to say the least.” She gasped as Dan’s arms wrapped around her and scooped her off the ground, red hair flurrying everywhere as he spun her around. She laughed and smacked his shoulder. “Put me down! You’re gonna end up smacking me against the tree!”

 

Dan seemed to thank her endlessly. “And it’s first class? As in, I’ll have free snacks and drinks for hours?”

 

“Yep,” Kit said, “first class is a hell of a lot of fun. I flew back on it after I spent a few years in America for college.”

 

“Thank you so much,” Dan said breathlessly, pulling Ro into yet another hug. “You’re the best, I don’t know how I’d survive without you.”

 

“You wouldn’t,” she assured him.

 

“Very true,” he agreed with a solemn nod before breaking out into a fit of giggles. “I should go get dressed. We’re taking the day off, yeah?”

 

“What do I look like to you? Phil’s boss?” Ro teased. “Go get some warm clothes on, we’re going ice-skating.”

 

Dan raised an eyebrow skeptically. “I think you mean that you two are going ice-skating whilst I third-wheel.” He laughed and shook his head. “I think I’m just gonna get coffee. I’m not really one for skating, anyway. You two go and have fun, though.”

 

“You sure you’ll be alright by yourself?” The redhead placed a hand on his arm, a concerned glimmer in her green eyes. He nodded and smiled softly; she pulled away hesitantly. “Okay, just don’t have a bad Christmas.”

 

“What’s that supposed to mean?” Dan joked, although he knew exactly what it meant. “Seriously, though, go and do stuff. I’ll hold down the fort here.”

 

Ro nodded and led Kit back upstairs, leaving Dan alone in the lounge. He sighed and leaned back into the sofa crease, more for comfort than anything. His stomach was growling, but he chose to ignore it on account of the fact he was far too lazy to get up again. The remote was too far for him to get without sitting up, and his laptop was  _ just _ out of reach. A groan escaped his lips. That only left his phone, and there wasn’t much to do there in the first place. Sure, he had Tumblr, which he could most likely browse for hours in that position, but there were only so many days he could handle witnessing that amount of memes. There was an apology text from Phil for leaving so early, and Dan assumed he was at work. A devious smirk teased his lips as quite the naughty idea popped into his head, but it would have to wait until the girls were out of the house. As more thoughts made their way through his mind, he decided it would  _ definitely _ have to wait until he was alone.

 

A little while later, the girls left, saying their goodbyes (including a very cautious one from Ro). The second the door closed behind them, Dan ran up to the bathroom, fixing his hair in the mirror. He didn’t bother straightening it; the gimmick would certainly work better if the brown locks were curly. He brushed his teeth for far too many minutes and even  _ flossed, _ for goodness’ sake. He searched the house for an apron, finding a long, pink one with frills at the end.  _ Perfect, _ he thought. One oversized sweater later, he was changed, donning only a pair of tight black briefs under the grey cloth. He put the apron on top of the getup, making his way into the kitchen. He thanked whatever deity allowed there to be leftover sugar cookie dough in the fridge. To make it look like he’d been mixing the batter, he threw touches of flour over himself. Lazy, yes, but quite effective, seeing as how he’d put just the right amount of the white powder on himself. Some sprinkled in the tips of his fringe, a bit on his cheek, and some on his clothes and apron. The perfect trap. He opened his phone and pulled up Phil’s messages.

 

**Dan: phiiiiiiiiiil~!**

 

He bit his lip, unsure of whether Phil’s work would overtake his need to respond to Dan’s text. He let out a sigh of relief, however, when this was not the case.

 

**Phil: Dan? What’s up?**

**  
** **Dan: why are christmas cookies so hard to make?**

 

Attached to the message, he sent quite the cute selfie of himself pouting next to a purposely muddied-up spoon.

 

**Phil: Dan, as much as I want to tease you about how you don’t seem to understand the basics of baking, I have to work.**

 

Now, that would simply not do. Dan wouldn’t settle for a short, irritated response. He set the phone up on the counter, putting the timer on for ten seconds and getting into position. The very tip of the dough-smothered spoon in his mouth, he hopped up onto the counter and spread his legs, the apron covering just his crotch. He leaned back onto one hand and gave his best innocent look to the camera as it took the picture. He sent it to Phil, along with a cheeky caption.

 

**Dan: but i need your help~**

 

He laughed to himself as he saw the three little bubbles disappear and reappear several times, knowing Phil must’ve been flustered enough to have to think about what he was going to say. After a minute or so, he received a reply.

 

**Phil: First of all, how dare you.**

 

Dan smirked. He had Phil right where he wanted him. He set up the camera with the timer again, knowing exactly what he was going to do next. He leaned over, elbows on the counter, so that the too-big sweater hung down to expose his collarbones. Phil’s known weak point when it came to Dan’s anatomy. Well, that amongst two other things, but it was far too soon in this little exchange to show them just yet. That pose, coupled with the tip of his finger on his lip, was sure to get Phil going.

 

**Dan: what’s the second of all, mr. lester?**

 

It took Phil yet another minute to answer the picture, and it took Dan the same amount to take his sweater off and put the apron back on over his bare torso. It hung down to mid-thigh, the pink frills tickling his legs ever-so-slightly. When Phil  _ did _ answer, Dan was quite surprised to see what he’d said.

 

**Phil: The second of all is that I’m going to have to lock myself in the bathroom now. Thank God no one else is in the office today.**

 

**Dan: feeling cheeky, are we?**

 

**Phil: Extremely.**

 

Dan giggled and set his phone up again, getting into the same position as the first photo. Instead of putting the spoon in his mouth, however, his right hand tugged down the top of the apron to reveal his collarbones again, his left teasing the waistband of his briefs.

 

**Dan: this help any~?**

 

**Phil: FFFFFFFF--**

 

Dan laughed at the stupidity of the text and bit his lip as he awaited the next one, tugging down the waistband of his briefs just enough so that his v-line peeked out, another thing he knew Phil would lose his mind about.

 

**Phil: You gotta keep going. Like, now.**

 

**Dan: oh, so demanding, mr. lester.**

 

**Phil: Shut up and just do it, I’m dying here!**

 

**Dan: if i might say, you’re typing really slowly.**

 

**Phil: That’s because I’m typing with one hand, you idiot.**

 

**Dan: oh**

 

**Dan: OH**

 

His eyes widened and he took another picture, this one of him posing on the counter quite like a French girl awaiting her portrait. The apron draped over his hips, exposing the skin to the cold air of the kitchen.

 

**Dan: like what you see?**

 

**Phil: You’re such a dork.**

 

**Dan: a dork you’re getting off to~**

 

**Phil: Just send more, please.**

 

Dan did, sitting up on the counter, one hand tightly gripped to the counter’s edge, the other palming himself through his briefs. He bit his lip and closed his eyes, relishing in the feeling before he was snapped back into reality by the shutter sound coming from his phone. He sent the picture, panting slightly and a bit red in the face.

 

**Dan: shall we call each other and finish this up?**

 

**Phil: please.**

 

It only took another second for him to be on the receiving end of a call, met with the sound of Phil breathing heavily. “So I see you liked the pictures,” Dan teased, voice a low purr.

 

“They were”--he paused to catch his breath--“excellent”

 

“Now, tell me, what are  _ you _ wearing?” Dan looked down at himself, suddenly feeling slightly sheepish at the fact he’d just taken pictures of himself half-naked under an apron.

 

“Button-up and slacks, but the slacks aren’t really on all that much,” Phil said, a muffled moan following the statement. Dan could imagine the older man biting down on his lip to keep from being too loud. It was a very pleasant sound, to say the least.

 

“I can just imagine myself ripping those buttons off,” Dan growled. “You’d have your tie across the room, and I’d practically be attacking that beautiful neck of yours. God, you’d have so many hickies you’d have to wear concealer the next morning.”

 

“Holy shit, Dan, just keep talking please,” Phil begged, his breathing hitched.

 

“Just look at yourself, you horny little slut,” Dan muttered, slightly hesitant to do so. They’d experimented with name-calling in the past, but it had mostly been towards Dan. He wasn’t sure if the older man would get anything out of it. When he heard Phil whimper in pleasure, however, he kept going. “You’re getting off just to my  _ voice, _ in your office of all places. You must be so sexually frustrated, it  _ hurts.  _ God, I can just imagine you. Lying there, breath heavy as you pretend that I’m there, what my fingers would do to you.” He heard another muffled groan from the phone, and he grinned. Phil muttered a series of expletives under his breath, just loud enough for Dan to hear. “Go on, say it. Say you’re my little slut.”

 

“Dan,” Phil whined, “I can’t say that out loud!”

 

“Well, then, I guess you don’t need my help,” Dan threatened, knowing he’d never hang up when an opportunity like this presented itself to him.

 

“W-Wait,” Phil said, lowering his voice to a whisper, “I’m--I’m your little slut.”

 

“Good boy,” Dan purred, feeling his own arousal getting stronger as the seconds passed. “Now, if I were there, what would you do to me?”

 

“Dan, I c-can’t--”

 

“What would you do to me?” Dan repeated, voice oddly calm.

 

“I would...I would pin you down to the floor,” Phil started, the nervousness in his voice quite a cute tone. “And then, I’d kiss you. All over. And I’d rip that stupid apron off you because it’s in my  _ way, _ dammit. And then I’d take those tight briefs off of you and I’d squeeze your cute little ass because that’s  _ mine. _ You’d have even more hickies than I would, that’s for sure.”

 

Dan’s eyes were wide, pupils dilated, because  _ damn _ that was hot. He palmed himself through his briefs and let out a soft moan, hearing Phil do the same, but muffled. “That sounds amazing,” he breathed. “You know what else I’d do to you? I’d pump you, up and down, over and over, until you were cumming so hard your legs would be numb.”

 

Phil let out a quiet squeak. “Dan,” he whined, “please keep talking.”

 

“You’d be begging for more, you wouldn’t be able to walk for a week,” Dan growled, shoving his briefs down to his ankles and properly taking hold of his length, pumping himself. “Look at that, you’ve got me touching myself now from those slutty little moans of yours. You’ve gotta be quiet, Mr. Lester, or we’ll be caught. Oh, but you like that idea, don’t you? That you’d be caught being a whore?”

 

“Yes,” Phil moaned softly, “I like it. I like it so much.”

 

Dan sped up his pace, letting out a loud, high-pitched groan. “God, I can just imagine you going to town on me,” he panted. “Those long fingers of yours are absolute  _ magic, _ Phil.”

 

“F-Fuck, Dan, I’m really close,” Phil whispered.

 

“Bite down on your tie or something,” Dan advised, brushing a thumb over his tip and moaning loudly. “But you h-have to wait for me!”

 

“I don’t think I can, Bear.” The statement was accompanied by another whimper.

 

“And I don’t think that was a choice,” Dan hissed, bucking his hips up as he sped up further. “You  _ wait _ for me, dammit! Otherwise I won’t send you any more of those pictures you like.” He snatched a couple tissues from the box next to him, getting closer and closer to his peak. His moans grew louder and louder, and he heard Phil shushing him urgently.

 

“You’re t-too loud, and you’re not even on speakerpho--OH,” Phil said, interrupting himself with another moan.

 

Dan’s movements became hasty, sloppy. He bucked up over and over, ignoring Phil’s pleas to be quiet and moaning over and over, biting his lip. “You ready?” Dan asked before letting out a slight whimper.

 

“Never been more ready,” Phil said, panting. “Now?”

 

“Yes!” Dan moaned, letting out a cry of pleasure as he let out a load into the tissues he’d pulled out. He could barely hear Phil’s muffled whimpers of ecstasy over his own loud whines. He nearly dropped the phone, but was glad he hadn’t once the waves and waves of pleasure had started to subside. He heard Phil moaning his name, albeit a bit muted from the tie he’d stuffed in his mouth. “That’s right, say my name.” It continued for a moment longer but ended in Phil desperately attempting to catch his breath.

 

“That was...an experience,” the older man mumbled.

 

“Indeed,” Dan agreed, a dazzling grin turning the corners of his lips, “we should do that more often.”

 

“I wholeheartedly have to agree with you there.”

 

“Get yourself cleaned up,” Dan chuckled. “I love you.”

 

“Love you too. I’ve gotta get back to work now,” Phil mumbled sadly.

 

“Can’t wait until we can do that in person,” Dan said, suddenly reminded of the fact he had a boarding pass to New York for Phil’s birthday.

 

“Ugh, I know. I wish it were sooner,” Phil complained.

 

“You have no idea.”

 

******************************

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Prepare yourselves for the next chapter...it's not gonna be too pretty. I'm not saying anything else, so enjoy the vague warning~


	20. Chapter 20

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm warning you now, this chapter was hard for me to write, and even harder for me to edit. And I knew what I was getting myself into. Hopefully none of you hate me after this.

January twenty-ninth. The day of his flight. And by God, was he nervous. Far too nervous. Too nervous to talk in proper sentences, that was for sure.

 

So there he was, seated in the plane, about to take off. Thankfully, it seemed that there were no weirdos in his row, only a motherly fifty-something year old woman on his right. He put his new headphones on and put some song on, he was far too anxious to properly register the name of it. Dan closed his eyes and took deep breaths. He didn’t want to have an attack on the plane, he was too far from anyone that could help him. If he did, he’d have no one to help him through it.  _ Stop thinking about it, _ he scolded himself,  _ it’s gonna be fine. _ He sat tensely in the surprisingly comfortable seat, glad his legs weren’t totally crushed. After all, he was practically a giant, a normal plane seat probably would’ve resulted in him with his knees to his chest. Out of the blue, he felt a tap on his shoulder; he took off his headphones and turned to the woman on his right.

 

“You look nervous, dear,” she said, voice heavy with a northern lilt. “You alright?”

 

“Just a little tense,” he said, cursing the way his voice shook.

 

She clucked her tongue sympathetically and put a hand to her chest. “Might be a bit of a personal question, but do you get panic attacks often, dear?” When Dan nodded, she did the same. “My younger son used to get them all the time when he was little. What is it about the plane that makes you anxious?”

 

“I don’t know,” Dan said quietly, sweeping a hand through his hair. “The uncertainty of it, I guess.”

 

“What’s your name, dear?” The woman smiled at him kindly, the kind of motherly smile that calms your nerves.

 

“Dan,” he answered, feeling a bit better already. “I’m so sorry, you must think me really rude for not introducing myself properly.”

 

“Not at all! I’m Kathryn,” she told him. “And, Dan, do you know what the odds of a plane crash are?”

 

“No, what?”

 

“One in eleven million. So there’s no need to be afraid, alright?” Kathryn squeezed his arm gently and smiled again as he nodded. “What’re you traveling to New York for?”

 

“Visiting my boyfriend. A surprise for his birthday,” he explained. “He has no idea I’m coming, I just hope he’ll be happy to see me. It’s been almost three months since we’ve seen each other, so I’m really excited to see him.”

 

“Oh, that’s just lovely! I’m visiting my son,” she said. “I haven’t seen him in a while, his father’s flying out next week. He had a board meeting with some stockholders or something, I’m not too sure. So, what’s this boyfriend of yours like, Dan?”

 

Glad to have an excuse to not think about all the ways the plane ride could go wrong, Dan gave a sigh of relief and grinned. “He’s kind of a dork, but that’s all the more reason to love him, in my opinion. He’s so tall, and he’s extraordinarily handsome,” he said, a dreamy expression in his eyes. “Oh, and he does this adorable thing where, when he laughs, he’ll stick his tongue out from between his teeth. God, don’t even get me started on how cute he looks when he wakes up. He’s a poet, and he’s quite successful, really. I work at a bakery, that’s where we met, actually, and I can still recall his first order by heart.”

 

“Aww, that’s so sweet!” Kathryn beamed up at him and gave a gentle pat to his arm. “See? Now, is there any anxiety left in your system after that?”

 

“Actually, no,” Dan said, genuinely surprised that something so simple had worked. He’d done stuff like that before, but not thinking about Phil himself. Now that he thought about it, why  _ hadn’t _ he thought to do that before? “That was great, thank you so much for the help.”

 

“No problem, Dan. Oh, and this is your first time flying first class, right?”

 

“How could you tell?”

 

“A woman has her ways,” she said with a wink. “You’re in good hands here, though. dear. I know an entire secret menu of first class drinks you can order, and, if you make enough of a scene, they give you a discount on any snack you want.” They both laughed at that, Dan wondering just how lucky he was to get a seat next to this lady. She was helpful, knew how to assist with panic attacks, and was genuinely very sweet.

 

“Kathryn, you said you had a son, right?” Dan asked, wanting to return the favor of kindness. “What’s he like?”

 

“He’s quite a peculiar boy, but he makes odd look good, I’ll give him that,” she said, looking up in thought. “He’s got quite the interest in writing, I’m not sure of the genre, I’m sure he’s mentioned it a few times. He worked in accounting like his father, but the company had to lay him off. He’s doing quite well, now, though, he’s in a nice relationship with a nice boy. Haven’t met him yet, though, so I’m not sure whether he’ll get the Lester family seal of approval.”

 

Dan nearly choked on his own spit. “L-Lester family what now?” he managed to cough out, eyes wide.

 

“Oh, you know, whenever you take someone home to meet your parents, you’re always hoping they’ll get along,” she explained with a shrug. Her brow furrowed as she looked at him quizzically. “You alright there, dear? You look like you’ve just seen a ghost.”

 

“Your last name is Lester?”

 

“Yes, I don’t--”

 

“Is your son’s name Phil?”

 

“Yes, how’d you know?” Kathryn asked, genuinely astounded. “Do you know him?”

 

“I’m the boyfriend,” Dan said sheepishly, scratching the back of his neck with a laugh. “Sorry, I had no idea you were his mum.”

 

“Are you really? Oh my goodness, it’s so good to meet you, dear!” Kathryn exclaimed, pulling Dan into a tight hug. “Terribly sorry we had to meet when you were in the midst of an attack, that’s just awful.”

 

“It’s great to meet you too, Kathryn,” Dan chuckled. “And don’t worry about how it happened, all that mattered is that it happened, right? Not ideally, but still. Thank you again, by the way, for helping me.”

 

“Don’t even mention it, Dan,” she said, smiling. “Now, tell me more about yourself! It’s a mum’s duty to get to know the boyfriend.” Dan laughed along with her, the good kind of butterflies, the excited ones, settling in his stomach.

 

“Well, like I said, I work at my friend’s bakery,” Dan said after a moment, still nervous and praying to gain Kathryn’s approval. “So no need to worry about me being unemployed.” She chuckled, sending a wave of relief over Dan.

 

“What’s your dream?” Kathryn asked. “What do you want in life?”

 

“I’ve always really liked acting, I guess,” Dan mused. It was true, he loved the thrill of pretending to be someone you’re not. That’s why he also loved Halloween. “I also like playing video games, but you can’t make a living out of that.” They laughed again, more relief calming Dan’s nerves. “But what about you? I’d love to know who Phil was raised by,  _ especially _ if she might have some embarrassing stories?”

 

“Oh, absolutely.” A devilish grin settled upon the woman’s features, a mischievous glint in her eyes.

 

The plane ride seemed to pass quickly; the amusing anecdotes and jokes they told each other made it seem far too short to even be real. Kathryn was absolutely lovely, so kind and maternal. She reminded Dan a bit of Ro’s mum. In turn, he was on his absolute best behavior, attempting desperately to make the greatest impression he could. And by the way she was grinning, he could tell it was working. When they parted ways, she gave him a hug that had to have lasted at least a minute.

 

“You take good care of yourself, Daniel, you hear me? I hear New York can be quite dangerous,” she said worriedly, cupping his face with her hands in the way only a mother can. “And take care of Philip too, you know how clumsy he is.”

 

“Of course, Kathryn. Hopefully I’ll see you sometime this week?”

 

“Definitely, dear. Have fun tonight, but not too much fun,” she warned playfully, waving as she made her way over to a waiting limo driver.

 

Dan, on the other hand, waited for a cab after exchanging a good (and by that, I mean well over the needed) amount of currency. He called Phil, knowing it wasn’t too late because his phone had already adjusted to the time zone, and it was only about eleven in the evening. “Phil? Hey, I just want to make sure I have your address right to send your birthday present your way.” He bounced on his heels nervously, ignoring a wolf-whistle coming from a group of women huddled under an awning as he stretched. He listened as Phil tiredly told him where the tiny apartment was and fed the instruction to the cab driver he’d managed to grab the attention of. He sat anxiously in the backseat as the driver put his luggage in the trunk. “Alright, I’ll talk to you soon. Love you, Mr. Lester.”

 

“Love you too, Bear,” was the groggy response. He figured Phil was tuckered out from his day at work, since the older man had hung up so quickly afterwards.

 

He sat in silent anticipation in the back as the driver drove off. It took a little over an hour to get to Phil’s apartment, as there was a heavy amount of traffic in his way. Once they got there, however, he thanked and paid the driver so quickly that the woman had but a moment to respond before he bolted out and grabbed his luggage. He practically ran up the stairs and rang the buzzer at the lift.

 

“What do you want?” Phil’s slightly staticy voice snapped at him, catching him slightly off-guard.

 

“Pizza delivery,” Dan said in his best American accent, which was terrible.

 

“I didn’t order any damn pizza,” Phil groaned. “Fine, whatever, bring it up, hell if I care. Probably that bitch downstairs forgetting which fucking floor she lives on again.”

 

He heard a loud buzz and the elevator doors opened, allowing him to step in and push the button for Phil’s apartment. He was slightly anxious, both about the fact that Phil had seemed infuriated and the fact that he was about to see his boyfriend after months of being apart. He stepped out into the hallway and headed to the third apartment from the left, taking far too many deep breaths before knocking three times on the door. The rotting wood swung open to reveal a very disheveled Phil. His glasses were slightly askew, his shirt half-hanging off his shoulder. He wasn’t shaved, there was a bit of stubble on his chin; not a bad look, but not a great one either. Black hair in a quiff, he stared, slack-jawed at Dan, who couldn’t help but grin.

 

“Surprise!” he yelled, throwing his arms in the air and giggling. “Your present has arrived, Mr. Lester!”

 

“Dan?” Phil asked, as if he couldn’t quite believe it.

 

“Yeah,” Dan said, grin and arms faltering slightly. “I thought the implication that I was your present was pretty clear.”

 

“No, no, I got that,” Phil stated, blinking slowly. “But are you serious?”

 

Dan laughed nervously and stuffed his hands in his pockets, feeling quite awkward that his gesture had gone fairly unnoticed. It was clear Phil wasn’t going to be able to process a hug anytime soon, let alone anything else Dan wanted to do tonight. “I...I don’t know what you mean,” he said. “Am I serious about what?”

 

“You know how busy I am, why on Earth would you--? Dan, do you have any idea how much I’ve slept in the past three days?”

 

“I don’t see what that has to do with--”

 

“I haven’t. Slept, that is. Practically all the calls we’ve had have ended with me having to go to work or do something related to it, why the hell would you think I’d have time to deal with this?”

 

“Deal with--?”

 

“Dan, what part of your mind made you think this was anything other than an idiotic, completely uncalled for idea?!” Phil hissed, one hand running furiously through his hair. “I mean, hell, I knew you were impulsive, but--”

 

“Are you seriously  _ mad _ at me for this?” Dan asked incredulously. “I just wanted to surprise the man I love, why are you upset?”

 

“I’m upset because you never fucking think things through, Dan! Do you have any idea how this will affect  _ me?! _ No, clearly, you don’t! I’ve got a fucking job to go to, I don’t have any time to spare frolicking around New York with you just because you’re here! The situation I’m in is already shitty enough, what the hell was going through your head that made you think, ‘oh, this is definitely a good idea, Phil totally has time for this!’ Because you sure weren’t thinking clearly!” Phil stormed into the house, both hands on his head. Dan stood silent in the doorway, eyes wide and mouth slightly agape. He turned back to Dan with a delirious smile on his face. “No, but you just wanted to come here for you! So that you could feel happy because you’re totally the only one having a hard fucking time! Is that it?!”

 

Dan found his voice below the shock. “Phil, calm down--”

 

And suddenly, the smile, crazed as it was, slipped from Phil’s face. He thundered back over to Dan and poked him, hard, in the chest. “You don’t get to tell me to calm down! It’s your damn fault I’m upset! If you could quit being such a selfish shithead for one second, maybe I would’ve been fucking fine, Dan!”

 

“Phil,” the brunette said softly, “I didn’t--”

 

“Don’t you even  _ dare _ try the whole ‘innocent’ schtick with me. Fuck that. You  _ know _ you’re at fault here, Dan, don’t try and get out of it by making puppy dog eyes and pretending that you’re sorry!” Phil spat, shoving Dan away from him. “You’re such a child, you just do whatever the hell you want without any regard to anyone else’s feelings--”

 

“Excuse me?” Dan hissed, voice deadly quiet. Phil had clearly struck a nerve, and he knew it. “You think it’s  _ me _ that doesn’t care about how people feel?” Phil’s eyes widened as he watched a silent fury spread across Dan’s features, swallowed the lump in his throat as he watched Dan draw himself up to his full height. The inch of height between them seemed magnified by lightyears now, the dark mist clouding Dan’s gaze sending a chill down Phil’s spine.

 

“You fucking heard me,” Phil growled, determined to stand his ground, no matter how intimidated he felt.

 

Dan laughed bitterly, stepping closer and looking down his nose at Phil. He grinned and shook his head. “Yes, Phil. Because I’m the one who hid the fact I lived with someone else for no apparent reason, I’m the one who refused to let the person I love see where I live, I’m the one who decided to withdraw the fact that I would be living across an entire ocean for two years from that same person, right? Because I tell you absolutely nothing, right? Because I’m the one who drags you around day after day, letting you get every hope up and shattering it with a new bit of information I’ve hidden for God knows how long, I’m the one who decided to leave you in the dust to suffer alone.” The sarcasm that dripped from his voice was devastating, completely agonized.

 

“That’s not fair,” Phil said, voice shaking, “you know I had to do this, you wanted me to do this, you said you wanted--”

 

“People say a lot of things, don’t they?” Dan sneered, a mocking grin tugging at his lips. “For example, you’ve said you love me, but who knows? After the heap of lies and deceit you’ve thrusted at me, God only knows if  _ that’s _ true.” He laughed hysterically, tears welling up in his eyes and the lump in his throat growing.

 

“Dan, you can’t do that, you know I love you--”

 

“Do I?!” Dan roared, an exaggerated shrug throwing his shoulders up tensely. “Because you’re doing a hell of a job showing it right now!”

 

“This is  _ not _ my fault, you can’t throw the blame on me,” Phil choked, tearful laughs of his own forcing their way from his lips. “I’m not the one who decided to flirt with every guy he sees until he finds one willing to put up with him, now, am I?! I’m not some fucking man-whore waiting for some Prince Charming to fix my fucked up, slutty life for me!” Dan’s mouth hung open, his voice getting caught in his throat. Phil immediately regretted his words as he saw the impact they had. Dan suddenly shut his jaw tight, eyes steely. “Dan, I--”

 

“Where’s your bathroom?” Dan asked monotonously.

 

“My...my what?”

 

“I need to piss. Your bathroom,” he demanded. Phil, still dumbstruck, gestured over to the right. Dan left his suitcase in the hall, slamming the door behind him as he made his way into the tiny room. He sunk to his knees once he fully registered where he was, eyes clouded with silent tears as they splashed on the tile. He choked and coughed, the action only causing more of the droplets to fall. Dan clutched the top of the sink for support as he stood, legs shaking. Almost immediately, he sank down again in front of the toilet, suddenly not caring whether the sounds of his retching could be heard by Phil, who was most likely waiting right outside the room. God, did he hate conflict. He stood up again once he was finished, wiping the corner of his mouth with a tissue and tossing it into the toilet as he flushed it. He clutched the edges of the cracked marble sink, staring furiously into the mirror. He looked pale, sweaty, absolutely revolting. What had Phil called him again?

 

_ “I’m not some fucking man-whore--” _

 

And suddenly, he was heaving over the toilet again, not sure whether the substance he felt dripping down his face was sweat or tears or vomit or all three. He heard gentle knocking on the door, but he didn’t care, because he’d been called those words before, and Phil  _ knew _ he’d been called those words before, Phil  _ knew _ what had come after those words, he surely knew he’d gone too far when he said it but he said it anyway, damn it.

 

“Dan, please, let me in, I’m so sorry, I crossed the line, please--”

 

“Leave me alone,” Dan whispered, holding his arms and bringing his knees to his chest as his vision went blurry. He braced himself for an impact he knew wasn’t coming, breathing heavy and uneven. Phil knew he was susceptible to this shit, why did he get so angry, why did he say those things, whywhywhywhywhywhywhy--

 

“Dan, I’m so sorry, I’m a terrible person, please, just let me in there!”

 

Dan spotted something shiny on the sink.

 

“I’m getting the key if you don’t let me in, Dan.”

 

A blade. Probably neglected from Phil’s lack of shaving.

 

“Dan, I’m coming in there whether you like it or not.”

 

Dan’s fingers were trembling. Even if he tried it, he’d miss, and he was too scared of dying to risk missing. Besides, hadn’t he promised someone he wouldn’t relapse? Who was that again? Dan didn’t remember.

 

The next statement Phil said was much quieter. “The key’s not working. Fuck, fuck, fuck, the key’s not working.”

 

Dan could take as long as he wanted to calm down, then, couldn’t he?

 

“Dan, please, I’m so sorry, I went too far, just let me in!”

 

The door shuddered. So did Dan.

 

“This place is falling apart, why the hell is this damn door so resilient?!”

 

The door shuddered again. Splintered wood fell from its edges. Dan stood and faced the mirror again, the glinting silver in the corner of his eye.

 

“Damn it! Dan, please, please say something, I don’t care if you yell at me, I deserve it, just please say anything!”

 

The door splintered further, and Dan stared into the mirror once more. Worthless, he told himself, you’re worthless. Worthlessworthlessworthlessworthlessworthless--

 

The door burst apart.

 

Dan wasn’t aware of the fact he’d been holding the razor until Phil pried it from his grasp, pulling his entire body into a comforting embrace, hands clutching at his back and his head. Phil was whispering silent thanks to a God that Dan still wasn’t sure he even believed in, the cloth of Dan’s jacket balled up in his fist. Phil’s heartbeat was fast, far too fast, and Dan spoke.

 

“Are you okay?” The question was slow, quiet.

 

Phil let out a tearful laugh, voice thick. “I should be asking you that question.”

 

“I’m alive,” Dan whispered, arms wrapping around Phil’s neck and pulling himself closer, his head in the crook of Phil’s neck. “So I’ll be fine.”

 

He couldn’t feel it through his jacket, but he could tell Phil was crying from the way his voice shook. “I’m so sorry, Bear, I went too far, I shouldn’t have been so mad, I had no right--”

 

“I’m alive, so I’ll be fine,” Dan repeated softly.

 

“I love you so much, please don’t ever scare me like that again,” Phil mumbled, “I can’t even begin to tell you how sorry I am.”

 

“One apology is enough,” Dan told him, feeling the numbness of the attack leave his body, gasping quietly at how warm Phil was.

 

“What? What’s wrong? Are you alright?”

 

“No, no, I’m fine,” the brunette assured him, snuggling closer. “But the bathroom kind of smells like vomit and nightmares, can we leave?”

 

“Come here, princess,” Phil whispered. Dan allowed himself to be scooped up bridal-style, his arms still around Phil’s neck as he closed his eyes and leaned his head against the older man’s chest. “I’m gonna set you on the couch, okay? So I can get your luggage.” Dan, reluctant to be away from him, shook his head. “Bear, I can’t just leave it out there, someone’s gonna take it.”

 

“Fine,” Dan mumbled, feeling himself being lowered onto said couch. “But hurry back.”

 

Phil did, closing the door quietly within a few moments and settling on the couch next to Dan, who cuddled closer to him, head buried in Phil’s chest. “I’m so sorry, Bear, I’m so sorry,” Phil murmured, placing soft kisses to Dan’s head. “I love you so much, I don’t want you to doubt that for a second longer, I love you, I love you, I love you--”

 

“I get it, you big oaf, I love you too,” Dan joked weakly, feeling the vibrations of Phil’s laugh wash over both of them. “I’m quite tired. But I also don’t want to get up.”

 

“Are you suggesting we sleep on the most uncomfortable couch in the world?”

 

“No, I’m suggesting  _ you _ sleep on the most uncomfortable couch in the world, and I sleep on you.” Phil laughed again.

 

“No way. Not happening. That bed is pain enough.”

 

“Then I’d sleep on you there too.”

 

“Are you actually going to make me sleep on the couch with you tonight?”

 

“Hey, you deserve it, you jerk,” Dan mumbled tiredly, poking Phil’s shoulder weakly. When he didn’t feel Phil laugh, he looked up. “I was joking, you know. I don’t think you’re a jerk. Sure, the shit you said was kind of fucked up, but you yourself? Totally amazing.”

 

“You think I’m amazing?”

 

“Yes, I think you’re amazing, Phil.” Dan rolled his eyes. “Just don’t be so stressed out all the time.”

 

“Easy for you to say,” Phil grumbled. “You’re not the one who got yelled at yesterday for doing something  _ right. _ My boss is a madwoman, I swear.”

 

“I’ll help you de-stress, if you catch my drift. Just not tonight. Tonight, we sleep.”

 

“Tomorrow, we...de-stress?”

 

“Sure.”

 

“I haven’t de-stressed since Christmas,” Phil said wistfully, biting his lip.

 

“I haven’t de-stressed since yesterday,” Dan chortled, earning an over-dramatic gasp from Phil. “Yeah, yeah, you can ‘punish’ me or whatever tomorrow. Like I said, tonight, we sleep.”

 

“I’m gonna lie down now,” Phil told him. When Dan didn’t move, he laughed. “That means you’re going to have to get off of me for a second, you bloody koala.” Dan groaned and rolled off of him, allowing the older man to lie flat on his back. “Alright, princess, you can cuddle up now.”

 

“I’m honored,” Dan remarked sarcastically, settling himself on top of Phil nonetheless. He felt his eyelids begin to droop, and he yawned loudly. “Goodnight, Mr. Lester. I love you.”

 

“Love you too. Get some rest, Bear.”

 

As he watched Dan drift off, clearly exhausted by both the plane and their spat, Phil screamed at himself, wondering whether it was worth it to keep a job that had caused him to go off like that. He  _ knew _ he shouldn’t have said any of that, and especially not what had driven Dan to do...that. Was his dream really worth that amount of stress? Was it worth causing an extraordinarily unnecessary amount of tension between him and Dan?

 

He just wasn’t sure anymore.

 

******************************

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'M SORRY I WROTE SUCH AN ANGSTY CHAPTER BUT THE WORST IS YET TO COME I'M SORRY I LOVE YOU ALL PLEASE DON'T KILL ME FOR WHAT'S ABOUT TO HAPPEN


	21. Chapter 21

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm really sorry for the lack of updates, guys. My personal life has been pretty hectic, and that's no excuse to not upload, but I really do feel bad. I'll try to update more often, especially considering I have the next chapter pretty far done, but I apologize in advance for any weird dips or spikes in the schedule (which is pretty much once a week).

Phil awoke to the smell of French toast and bacon. Slightly alarming, considering he lived alone. Then he remembered last night’s events and fell into the deepest pit of self-loathing he'd ever felt. God, he couldn't even begin to imagine how Dan must have been feeling,  _ how _ could he have been so terrible?! The things he said were so awful, he still couldn't understand how Dan had been so quick to forgive him.

 

That's why he was extremely alarmed to see the biggest grin he'd ever seen on Dan’s face as the brunette brought him a platter of breakfast.

 

“Good morning, love,” Dan chirped, placing the plates in front of Phil on the coffee table and giving the older man a quick peck on the forehead. “Your taste in breakfast foods hasn’t happened to change in the past couple of months, has it?”

 

Phil found himself at a complete loss for words, unable to comprehend why Dan was being so sweet. “I, er, no it hasn't.” He barely registered Dan grabbing a glass (one he didn't recognize; it wasn't cracked or dusty like the ones that had come with the apartment) and pouring a hearty amount of orange juice in it before setting it next to the food. “When did you have time to--”

 

“I woke up at about four in the morning. Time zones and all that,” Dan explained, walking back into the kitchen and pouring a mug (another brand-new one) of coffee. “I went to the market, grabbed some groceries and dishes. Nothing big, really, just the essentials. Black okay for your coffee, or do you want cream and sugar?”

 

“Black is fine,” Phil mumbled, still dazed. “But why did you--?”

 

“I figured that if it felt a bit more like home, it’d take the edge off the stress. I found someone selling a decent mattress for pretty cheap, too, I’m gonna go pick it up once you get to work,” Dan rambled, bustling about the kitchen and clicking his tongue at the shabby condition of the cabinets. He shook his head and pulled on the apron that had previously been resting on the counter. “I’ll also have to get someone to install some new cabinets, these are absolutely horrid. Oh, and there are some furniture stores having an  _ extremely _ early Valentine’s Day sale, you know, one of those that pretty much last until the end of February? I’m gonna go see if they have any sofas; you were right, that one is just dreadful.” He began cleaning some dishes, and when Phil squinted, he could tell that they were a brand new set of pots and pans.

 

“You really don’t have to do all this,” Phil assured him. “I’ve been managing just fine, I really don’t think I need all that.”

 

“Don’t be silly,” Dan said with a dismissive wave over his shoulder. “Maybe it’ll be better when you’re putting food in a fridge that  _ doesn’t _ reek of rotting meat. Besides, I’m a bit of a diva, I can’t handle staying here for two whole weeks in these conditions.” He sighed dramatically and turned the faucet off, a grin stretched across his features. But, Phil noted, there was something definitely off about the dazzling smile.

 

The older man cleared his throat awkwardly and took a sip of juice before speaking, slightly nervous to approach the subject. “Bear, about last night--”

 

“Aren’t you going to eat the toast?” Dan blurted, pointing at the plate on the coffee table. “I mean, it might get cold, but if you eat it now, it’ll still be nice and warm, you don’t want it to get cold, so why don’t you--you should just eat it now. I mean, unless you don’t want to, which I’d totally get; you don’t have to pretend to like it just because I made it, that’d be ridiculous, you should just do whatever you want with it actually, I don’t know why I’m still talking about it.” He grinned again, that same weirdly tense grin from before.

 

Phil was quite taken aback by the rambling, but he managed to find his words nonetheless. “Dan, I really think we should talk about what happened.” He watched Dan’s smile falter for a moment before it stretched wider, wider than Phil thought possible. “Look, I...I just want to apologize again, what I said was completely uncalled for, and--”

 

“It’s fine, Phil, it’s all over now, let’s not focus on it,” Dan said quickly, not looking Phil in the eyes. “Anyway, I was thinking we could put some posters up? Liven up the place a bit?”

 

“Dan, wait a minute, I want to make sure you’re okay--”

 

“I’m fine, Phil, I’m fine, there’s no reason why I  _ wouldn’t _ be fine, so let’s just forget about it because it’s not--it’s not like you meant any of it, so why would I be anything other than fine? You were just stressed, that was the issue, we can fix it, let’s focus on that instead, okay? Okay!” Dan moved away, back to working in the kitchen. Phil was completely, utterly confused. It wasn’t normal, definitely not normal at all.

 

“Are you alright?”

 

“I said I’m fine, so a synonym for fine applies here, don’t worry,” Dan said, voice surprisingly absent of its usual sarcastic tone despite the obvious opportunity for it right in that statement. “Anyway, if you’re still stuck on it, why don’t I help you...de-stress? Like we discussed yesterday?” The brunette batted his lashes and bit his lip, probably hoping to distract Phil from the issue at hand.

 

“Dan, no, I want to know if you’re okay, like,  _ really _ okay. You don't have to--”

 

“Come on, Phil, it’ll be fun~!” Dan said loudly, loud enough for more concern to start flooding through Phil. He dragged his fingers down Phil’s arm and brought his hand forward to rest on the brunette’s hip, placing his own hands around Phil’s neck.

 

Phil shrunk back, the hand that had previously been on Dan’s hip brought up close to his chest almost protectively. “Dan, what’s going on with you? We should talk, why won’t you--”

 

“Phil, please, just let it go,” Dan whispered, something unreadable swimming in his eyes. “I don’t care about yesterday, you didn’t mean any of it, it’s fine, it’s all good, nothing’s wrong, okay?”

 

“Dan--”

 

“I said, it’s fine! You didn’t mean any of it, so there’s nothing to be stressed about, okay?”

 

Phil’s focus had settled on the fact Dan kept insisting that he didn’t mean anything by it. “Dan...are you afraid I was serious about what I said?”

 

“No, of course not, I know you love me, you’d never mean any of that!” Dan laughed, a mirthless, nervous sound. “So we can just drop it, it’s over, it’s done! Okay? Okay! Let’s focus on what we’re doing now, how it’s much much better now!” His words were even louder than before, to the extent where it was slightly frightening.

 

“You think I meant it,” Phil mumbled, more to himself than Dan, “that’s why you’re...you don’t think...is this why you’re doing all of this? Because you think I’m mad at you?”

 

“Phil, please, it doesn’t matter, I’m not mad, you’re not mad, there’s nothing to be mad about, right? Please don’t be mad at me,” Dan whimpered, finally breaking. The smile on his face didn’t reach his eyes,  _ that’s _ what was wrong with it. It didn’t reach his eyes, which were now clouding with tears.

 

“Hey, hey, listen to me, I’m not mad! Some of the things I said, although harsh,  _ do _ still apply. But the insults? None, and I mean  _ none  _ of those were true.”

 

“Really?” Dan sniffed. “So you just thought I was being impulsive? That’s it?”

 

Phil nodded furiously. “And I know that you meant what you said about me hiding things. And I’m going to be better about that. I promise you,” he whispered, pulling Dan into a tight embrace. “I don’t want you to have to feel like I don’t love you or that I could ever stay mad at you, okay?” He laughed softly and rubbed small circles on Dan’s back. “I love you so much. I...I never want to hurt you like I did yesterday. I’m so sorry, Bear, I’m so sorry.”

 

“It’s okay. We both did stupid shit,” Dan assured him, snaking his arms up Phil’s front and hooking his hands around the older man’s neck. He leaned in, so tantalizingly close to Phil’s lips. “Your mum was absolutely lovely, by the way, we should have dinner with her sometime this week.” He smirked and pulled away, holding back a laugh at the look on Phil’s face.

 

“You--and Mum--wait, what?!”

 

“I met her on the plane,” Dan elaborated, shrugging. “She was very sweet, she told me  _ lots _ about your childhood. Did you really used to dress up like a girl?” Phil’s mouth hung open, but he couldn’t manage to force any words out. His face was a quite flustered shade of red, and all he could do was scoff incredulously. Dan snorted. “I’ll take that as a yes, then.”

 

It was after the two had eaten and gotten dressed that Phil received a call from said mum, inviting them to a fancy lunch at some upscale restaurant in Manhattan. Of course, Dan was extremely enthusiastic (more like deviously mischievous), whilst Phil was a bit hesitant. Though, the older man knew that neither Dan nor his mum would let it go if he didn’t accept. So, he accepted, albeit begrudgingly. After he said his goodbyes, he headed off to work; Dan sent him off with a peppering of kisses all over Phil’s face, and Phil assumed he looked quite similar to a tomato as he made his way down the streets. Dan, however, got to work immediately after the door closed behind the older man, tidying up the lounge, or ‘living room’ as they called it in America, before vacuuming the entire flat for what seemed like a suspiciously short amount of time. The rest of his free time was spent wiping down the dining and coffee tables, cleaning windows, hanging new curtains that  _ didn’t _ have various inexplicable holes in them. He did the dishes and put the practically rotting ones out into the hall for (hopefully) the building’s janitor to pick up and throw out. He put the new ones in the cabinets, cleaned the fridge out, wiped it down, and stocked it with all sorts of actual foods; Phil had previously only had a supply of varying takeout leftovers.

 

Once he was satisfied, he got ready to set out into town to go buy that new mattress, as promised. After all, he figured, two years was far too long to spend with an improper bed. He grabbed his jacket and the spare key that rested on the coffee table. His phone buzzed, that being the only reminder that he should take it with him. A text from Phil was displayed on the screen, bringing an easy smile to Dan’s face.

 

**Phil <3: Don’t push yourself today, Bear! Get some rest, you deserve it! I’ll see you at lunch, love.**

 

He sent a quick response and left the flat, locking the door behind him. The appeal of cleaning the hallway was increased tenfold as the smell hit him suddenly. He held his breath as he made his way over to the elevator, only letting go once he was in the tiny lobby. From there, he found directions to a mattress store on his phone and followed them, not stopping until he got there. He refused to be distracted by the various displays plastered in the windows of stores he passed by. Dan barely registered the greeter at the door saying hello to him as he bustled to the back of the store, where the clearance section was.

 

Now, he had two options. He could be extremely nitpicky and finicky with his selection process, like he always was when it came to furniture; picking out only the most comfortable, yet firm enough to support him, yet just bouncy enough for...activities. Ergonomic and back support for Phil (considering the poor guy was stuck at an office for God knows how long a day) was his main concern, so he asked the sales girl standing by what she thought would be best. After dealing with relentlessly flirty suggestions, he ended up picking out quite a cheap one, not before testing it out. It was practically perfect, noiseless springs, amazing support, incredibly comfortable. It was like a dream. So, of course, he simply had to buy it.

 

By the time he’d given them the address to deliver it to (tomorrow, unfortunately), it was time to start heading to that restaurant Phil and his mum were meeting Dan at. With a quick confirmation text to Phil, he got in a cab and headed off to the place. When he arrived, neither member of the Lester family was to be seen, so he headed over to the hostess and asked if there was a reservation under “Lester” anywhere.

 

“Yes, there is,” she said, her tone implying that she could not be more fed up with her job, “a party of three. Shall I lead you over there?”

 

Dan gulped and nodded, following the tall blonde woman to a booth in the very back. He sat alone for a while after letting Phil know he’d gotten there. He checked his phone after what felt like an hour; only twenty minutes had passed. Then again, when waiting for someone at a restaurant alone when pitying eyes are focused on you from everyone surrounding, it feels like an eternity when just a moment passes. The hostess checked up on him after another ten minutes had passed. “They’ll be here any minute,” he assured her, chewing on his bottom lip. “But, sure, I’ll take a water.” Just as he said those words, he was extremely relieved to see a slightly overwhelmed Kathryn Lester heading to the table. He stood up and greeted her with a smile, offering his hand, but she pulled him into a tight hug, spewing apology after apology. “It’s no problem, Kathryn, really,” Dan said, genuinely happy she arrived when she did.

 

“We’ll need a moment to look over the menu,” she told the hostess, sitting down across from Dan. The blonde nodded and walked away again. “Wait a moment, where’s Phil?”

 

“I don’t--” Dan was cut off by his phone’s text tone, his cheeks flushing in embarrassment at how loud it was. “That must be him. Just a sec, sorry.” His face fell immediately as he saw the screen.

 

“What? What is it, dear?” Kathryn’s concerned tone seemed much louder than it actually was.

 

**Phil <3: God, I am so, so sorry, but I can’t make it to lunch. My boss needs me to finish up some work that another author left unedited, I’m so sorry, Dan. Give my love to mum, won’t you?**

 

“He’s”--he cleared his throat; there was an uncomfortable lump in it that he knew he should get rid of before he started crying--“he can’t make it. Work. He sends his love, though.”

 

Kathryn clicked her tongue, clearly annoyed. “Absolutely unbelievable!”

 

“Classic Phil,” Dan joked, “always busy.”

 

“Is he really?” Kathryn asked, shaking her head. “That’s nothing like him.”

 

“One time, about three weeks before he left to come here, we had planned out an entire afternoon for a picnic at this one spot I’d spent about a week trying to book, and he bailed to send in a couple drafts of a poem he was working on,” Dan said, sad smile on his face. “Oh, and don’t even get me started on how many times his phone rang during our dinners. I have that exact rhythm memorized. I could probably write an in-depth analysis about its hidden meanings.” A feeble attempt at a joke, the effects of it lost on the mother’s concerned face.

 

“My goodness, I’m so sorry, that’s just dreadful!” she exclaimed, covering her mouth with her hand. “I promise you, he’s never been like that. Well, he does have a tendency to mix up his priorities, but it had never been  _ this _ bad.” She reached a hand across the table and squeezed Dan’s. “If it helps, I can try to ground him,” she joked, withdrawing her hand and picking up her menu.

 

Dan chuckled dryly. “Well, at least we can eat now, right?”

 

The hostess appeared, almost as if on cue, to take their orders. Dan ordered a salad, as did Kathryn. The lunch went by fairly uneventfully; there was an air of clear disappointment from both parties. Kathryn must’ve been looking forward to seeing how the two interacted as a couple, and Dan had just been looking forward to spending time with Phil. They said half-hearted farewells, and Dan went back to the tiny flat, doing nothing but scrolling through Tumblr as he waited for Phil to get home, not registering anything he was seeing.

 

When the door finally  _ did _ open to reveal the disheveled, black-haired man, it was nearly ten in the evening. Phil grunted in some form of twisted greeting, and Dan couldn’t help but allow anger to bubble up in his stomach. “How was your day?” the brunette managed to force out, attempting to control the fury that threatened to cloud his tone.

 

“Absolutely dreadful,” Phil snarled. “As it turns out, that author quit, so now I’m stuck doing  _ twice _ the workload I was meant to.” He slumped down on the couch and began typing furiously on his laptop, probably something  _ else _ he had to do for work.

 

And as bad as Dan felt for him, he was still furious about Phil abandoning their plans. “That sucks.”

 

“It more than sucks,” Phil growled, “I’m probably gonna have to stay up all night. Yet again. It’ll all be worth it when I’m published, I guess. For now, it’s the worst.” The typing was sporadic, and Dan could only guess that Phil was taking his anger out on the keyboard based on the level of noise it was making. At least Phil wasn’t yelling at  _ him _ about what work was doing.

 

“Well, do you want to have dinner? I haven’t eaten yet,” Dan told him, taking deep breaths. “I wasn’t sure when you were going to get home, so I waited.”

 

“What? Why would you do that? That’s stupid, Dan,” Phil grumbled. “If you insist, though, just brew me a fresh pot of coffee. Lord knows I’m going to need it.”

 

“Phil, you have to eat  _ something. _ You can’t just go without food. Maybe that’s what’s been making you so grumpy,” Dan joked feebly, regretting it as soon as the words left his mouth.

 

“I think I’ve got a right to be a bit grumpy, don’t you?” Phil’s smile was forced, tense.

 

“Sorry, I’ll make your coffee,” Dan mumbled, getting up and scampering over to the kitchen. The cleaning stuff he used earlier did  _ not _ agree with the sink, and there was a slight smell to it. Not unpleasant, a bit like bleach. Dan sniffed. It was odd. However, when he  _ did _ sniff, he heard a quiet, yet completely exasperated “oh my God” from the couch. His mouth hung open for a moment before he composed himself enough to close it. He knew he shouldn’t be that offended, Phil was tense, and it wasn’t like he was  _ actually _ crying, it just sounded like he was.

 

Then again, if he’d  _ actually _ been crying…

 

That means Phil wouldn’t even have been sympathetic. Not in the least.

 

“I’m not crying, you know,” Dan said loudly, enough to see Phil jump slightly in the corner of his eye. “Sorry for making you think you had to deal with me again.” The words were venomous, either a threat or a provocation; Dan couldn’t tell, and, frankly, he didn’t care to. “Anyway, your coffee’s brewing. I ordered a new mattress, too, it should be here tomorrow. I’m gonna get to bed and hope there aren’t any rats in the bedroom when I get in there.”

 

“Dan, I’m sorry,” Phil said, rolling his eyes before he could stop himself. “I didn’t mean it to be rude.”

 

“Yep. Got that.” Dan proceeded towards the bedroom, completely ready to just sleep his anger off.

 

But then Phil decided to keep talking.

 

“You know, you don’t have to be so sensitive about this. It’s not my fault I’m so busy. You knew exactly what you were getting yourself into when you came up here.”

 

“Yeah, I did,” Dan said, completely resigned now in attempts to drown out the fury bubbling in the pit of his stomach. “I just thought you’d make an effort to show up for a lunch with both the man you love  _ and _ your mum, but I guess I was wrong.”

 

“It’s not like I didn’t try,” Phil said, punctuating the sentence with the slam of his laptop. “I didn’t intend to be so swamped with work I won’t even get to  _ fucking _ sleep tonight.”

 

“And I get that,” Dan choked, “but it’s  _ hard, _ Phil. I can’t just--I can’t act like it doesn’t affect me just because you’re not upset that we didn’t get to eat lunch with your mum--”

 

“I’m plenty upset, but it’s not misdirected,” Phil hissed. “I’m pissed at the people who  _ prevented  _ me from seeing you, don’t you get that?!”

 

“Yeah, well, I can’t hide my emotions as well as you can! I’m sorry, okay?! I can’t understand if you don’t  _ talk _ to me, dammit!” Dan shouted, shoulders tense and fists clenched.

 

“I’m  _ trying  _ to do that, but it’s kind of hard when you’re dealing with a snivelling baby who can’t seem to control his tear ducts!” Phil yelled back, footsteps approaching Dan’s turned back. “Jesus, it’s like I can’t speak without you breaking down and running away! Can we have a conversation without me having to get a box of tissues?!”

 

Dan’s breath hitched as he turned around to see the furious expression on Phil’s face, reminding himself that Phil didn’t mean any of it, he was just stressed out, he wasn’t--

 

“You know what? If you’re gonna go to sleep angry, you might as well do it on the couch,” Phil snarled, stepping closer.

 

“What the hell is  _ with _ you?! Everything was fucking fine before this stupid job!”

 

“This ‘stupid job’ is going to get me what I’ve always dreamed of, Dan!” Phil shouted, fists clenched. “You know this! And if you can’t understand that by now--”

 

“I understand what it takes to follow your dreams, but it’s not worth you becoming--becoming whatever the hell  _ this _ is,” Dan choked, gesturing to the furious Phil before him. “I don’t even recognize you anymore! Have you looked in the mirror lately?! You look like you’ve been starved and the bags under your eyes are so bad I’m surprised you haven’t  _ fainted _ by now! And, God, that makes my insides twist with worry because I  _ love _ you, and I can’t stand seeing you like this! This needs to stop at some point, you have to take care of yourself, Phil!”

 

“That’s not my priority right now,” Phil argued weakly.

 

“Yeah, well, it seems like you need to get those in order,” Dan growled, shaking his head in disbelief. “God, it’s like I don’t even know who you  _ are, _ Phil.”

 

“Like you’re any better.”

 

“Ex- _ cuse _ me?” Dan scoffed. “I actually  _ showed up _ today. I did what I was supposed to be doing. If your loved ones don’t come before work, hell, if  _ you _ don’t come before work, you need to re-evaluate. All this stupid job is doing is causing you unnecessary stress and it’s causing the two of us unnecessary tension. And if you don’t have the backbone to ask for hours that aren’t ungodly then--”

 

“Then what?” Phil laughed dryly. “You’ll cry until you dry up? That’ll be a fucking riot.”

 

Dan’s expression darkened. “No. You know what?”

 

“What?”

 

“I’m packing my stuff and getting a hotel room. I don’t need this.”

 

“Clearly,” Phil snapped, “otherwise you’d be crying over the fact you’re going.”

 

Dan closed his eyes and took a deep breath, attempting to keep his voice from shaking with anger. “I don’t need this.”

 

“You’ve established that,” Phil sneered, crossing his arms and relaxing his shoulders with a huff. “Anything else you wanna say? Or can you just leave me to doing what I need to do?”

 

“Okay. Fine. I’ll go. But before I do, I need you to understand that I’m not going to be dragged around anymore.”

 

“Meaning?” The older man raised an eyebrow, twisted amusement playing at the corners of his lips.

 

“I’m saying that you can’t have everything you want anymore. And honestly, if you do what I think you’re going to do, I’m not even going to be angry.”

 

“What the hell are you talking about, Dan?”

 

“It’s either me or the job, Phil.”

 

******************************


	22. Chapter 22

“What? What do you mean?”

 

“I can’t let myself get dragged around anymore. So we either end  _ this  _ or the source of the conflict.” Dan’s unwavering gaze was frighteningly sure.

 

“I...I don’t--”

 

“Think about it,” Dan said flatly, whirling around to, Phil assumed, pack up his things. “I’ll be out by the time you wake up tomorrow. If you sleep at all, that is. You seemed pretty adamant about the fact you wouldn’t.”

 

“Dan, please, wait a second,” Phil said, voice breaking. God, had he really messed up  _ that _ badly? He dashed into the bedroom after Dan, only to find the younger man with his suitcase already on the thin, ratty bedsheets. “I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to--”

 

“You never mean to. That’s the thing,” Dan grumbled. “It’s not  _ you, _ it’s what the job is doing  _ to _ you. And I don’t deserve to be mistreated because of a job. I’m worth more than that.”

 

Phil stood still, wanting to say something,  _ anything _ to make Dan stay. “I don’t want you to leave,” he decided on. “Just stay. Please. For me.” He reached out gingerly for Dan’s hand, but the brunette turned away.

 

“I have to do something for myself, Phil. Otherwise, I’d be a hypocrite,” he joked weakly, grabbing his charger from the suitcase and plugging it in on the bedside table.

 

Phil tried his best not to stare as Dan bent down.  _ Not the time, _ he reminded himself. “Dan, please, you really don’t have to do this.”

 

“Don’t I?” Dan asked, straightening up. “Because I don’t know how else to get it through your head, Phil. Clearly, you don’t care enough about yourself to realize it. I just thought that maybe you’d care enough to see it now.”

 

“I do, Dan, I see it, I’m so sorry--”

 

“An apology is not what I’m looking for, Phil,” Dan said breathlessly, closing his eyes and shaking his head. “I don’t want to be dragged around anymore because of circumstances that I can’t control. I can’t just have no say in the matter and be fine with it. In all honesty, I hate this. I hate the fact that we’re here. I get why you had to take the opportunity, but it doesn’t make it any easier on me. And, God, I know you have it far worse than I do, but I feel like I have to be selfish every once in a while, or I’m going to go insane. So far, everything I’ve done has been to please you, to  _ keep  _ you, and clearly I’m not doing that right, because you can’t even please yourself. I know you enough to know that you’re worth more than the way you treat yourself. And now that the stress of this job is getting to you, it’s taking the way you treat yourself and it’s pushing it on other people.”

 

Phil was speechless. Dan was right, on several accounts, but hearing it from the younger man’s mouth was so much worse than realizing it on his own. His head was spinning. He had to sit down, but he couldn’t, not when it might be taken as him giving up. Dan zipped up the suitcase. “Bear, I…”

 

“You know, sometimes...sometimes it feels like I’m the worst thing that’s ever happened to anybody,” Dan said softly, the air of confidence dissipating within a moment. “My parent’s think I’m an abomination--”

 

“--you’re not--”

 

“--Ro had to take me in yet again when I fucked up--”

 

“--she’s glad to have you around, Dan--”

 

“--and then there’s you,” Dan muttered. “God, I feel like I completely threw you off your path, like I ruined your life, like I’m the only thing that’s prevented you from doing what you really want to and I just realized how incredibly selfish it is of me to make you pick between that just because I want a little control when I don’t even deserve that because I’m awful, I’m just a burden on people, I don’t know how to be in someone’s life without fucking up.” His shoulders began to shake slightly, his bottom lip quivering. “And I deserve to be called a baby because I  _ am _ one, I’m being way too sensitive about this whole thing when it’s so great for you and I should be supportive, I know I should but it’s so  _ hard _ when I have to let go of the one good thing I have left.” He slumped over so that his face was down, angled towards the bed, his arms clutching each side of the suitcase. Phil took a shaky step forward, attempting to find something to say, anything to say. “I...I don’t know why you took that blade out of my hand, Phil.”

 

Phil’s eyes widened behind the lenses of his glasses and he managed to find his voice, despite it shaking with every syllable that made its way out of his mouth. “You are...the one good thing that has _ ever _ happened to me, Dan. And...And I can’t just let you leave without a fight, Bear, I just can’t. Dan, I need you. We all do. I’m so sorry I didn’t...I couldn’t...I don’t know how”--he stopped himself mid-sentence--“I love you. With all my heart. And I’m going to do whatever it takes to keep this going because I don’t think I could live without you.”

 

“I could live without me.”

 

“Yeah, but see, I can’t let that happen. And I won’t. I’m never letting us get to this point again. And you were right about this job. It’s absolute shit. But I haven’t even considered asking for better hours as a serious option because I let work get the better of me. And I can’t apologize enough for that. But, if you’ll let me, I’d like to make it up to you.”

 

“What does that mean?” Dan sniffed, looking up at Phil for the first time, eyes slightly puffy.

 

“It means that I’m demanding they let me work in England. Otherwise, I’m quitting and finding a better work environment. God knows they probably can’t afford to let me go, not with all the marketing funding they’ve put in so far.”

 

“You don’t have to do that, it was wrong of me to ask in the first place,” Dan mumbled, sitting down on the bed. “I shouldn’t put you in that position.”

 

“Hey, I don’t blame you. I’ve been a dick.” Phil sat down next to the brunette, a tentative arm around his shoulders.

 

“Can’t disagree with that,” Dan chuckled tearfully, leaning his head on the older man’s shoulder. “But really, I shouldn’t have said that. I was being melodramatic.”

 

“Well, a bit, but you definitely weren’t in the wrong,” Phil assured him, placing a soft kiss to the top of Dan’s head. “And besides, I could probably sue for, like, being overworked if I wanted. The hours aren’t in my contract.”

 

“But you did accept them voluntarily,” Dan pointed out. “I took law, I know these things.”

 

“You dropped out of law,” Phil corrected him, receiving a slight poke to the ribs and a quiet “shut up” before he continued. “And besides, I shouldn’t treat you like that. Especially if it’s a job that’s causing it. And I did say I’d work on the whole ‘hiding stuff’ thing, so feelings are included.”

 

“Can we just...never have this happen again?” Dan asked, laughing softly. Phil felt the brunette’s body shake with weak chuckles. “I hate fighting with you.”

 

“I hate it too. But I love you.”

 

“Love you too.”

 

They stayed like that for a while. Whether it was seconds, minutes, hours...Phil didn’t care. And neither did Dan, frankly. It was a comfortable silence this time, in stark con

 

“So...you’re not gonna get a hotel room, right?”

 

“Nah, you’re stuck with me. Sorry, Mr. Lester,” Dan teased, giving Phil a light punch to the arm. “Anyway, it’s kind of late...I’m gonna get to bed. You coming, or do you still have to work?” At Phil’s expression, he nodded and placed a gentle kiss to the older man’s lips. “Come to bed soon, love.”

 

“I will,” Phil said, uncertain whether he’d be able to keep that promise. “Get some rest, Bear. I’ll see you tomorrow morning.”

 

“Love you,” Dan yawned, flopping down and shutting his eyes. “Don’t drink too much coffee.”

 

Phil went back into the lounge, opening his laptop back up again. It wasn’t a poem he was particularly proud of, more of one he was obligated to make. He thought for a moment, then deleted the entire thing. He had something else in mind.

 

Dan, on the other hand, found himself completely and utterly unable to sleep. He found it was something that happened to him quite often, insomnia. He grumbled curses under his breath, checking the time on his phone. Barely any later than eleven. He did some quick math in his head, and decided Ro probably wasn’t up to talk. That didn’t deter him from sending a quick message though.

 

**Dan: ro, you up?**

 

**Dan: holy shit i sounded like a fuckboy i’m so sorry**

 

**Ro: Shut up, it’s fine, you dweeb. What’s up?**

 

**Dan: can we talk? like serious talk?**

 

**Ro: Of course, what’s wrong? Do I need to kick some ass?**

 

**Dan: no, no nothing like that, don’t worry**

 

**Ro: Alright, then what’s plaguing you?**

 

**Dan: i want to say phil but it’s not entirely his fault**

 

**Ro: What do you mean? Is it his job?**

 

**Dan: yeah.**

 

He didn’t receive a response, but a moment later, Ro was ringing him. He picked up, eager to spill to a third party. “Hey.” It was a surprisingly strangled greeting, and he hadn’t expected it to be as quiet as it was.

 

“You’re upset. Speak, Howell,” she insisted, and Dan could practically picture the concern in her expression.

 

“I’m scared, Ro,” he whispered.

 

“Elaborate,” she said softly, the kind tone reminding Dan of the one she’d use every time he’d managed to get his heart broken.

 

“I’m scared of losing Phil. I...I shouldn’t have done it, but I made him pick between me and his job.” He took a shaky breath, determined to calm himself down and keep his voice steady. “Of course, I backed off at the last second because it was completely awful of me to do, and he said he’d demand to work in England with decent hours, but...but I don’t know if that’s going to happen, Ro, I just don’t.”

 

“Oh, Dan...I’m so sorry, kid, I--I wish I was there with you,” she whispered tearfully. “I don’t know what to tell you, I--I was afraid of this and--and now I have no advice, nothing. God, I’m so sorry, Dan, I hate seeing you--hearing you, rather--so upset, it breaks my heart, you don’t deserve any of this.” He heard a sniffle from the receiver, and his eyes widened. He hadn’t seen Ro cry in what felt like ages. “Did you two have a spat? What happened?”

 

Dan’s thoughts immediately flashed to the previous night, and he zoned out, only managing to come back to reality as Ro said his name. “Sorry, I just--yeah, we fought. It wasn’t anything big, though,” he said quickly.

 

“Daniel James Howell, if you think I’m not going to see through the ‘it’s nothing big’ bullshit, you’ve got another thing coming,” she said flatly. “Tell me what happened.”

 

And thus, Dan recounted every excruciating detail, as much as he could bring himself to relay without bursting into tears. “I just...I hate seeing him like that, it’s like he’s an empty husk, I--”

 

“Kid, you don’t deserve this,” she said softly. “After what I told him about--about what happened, I never would have thought--the  _ nerve _ he must’ve--I can’t believe him.”

 

“Ro, it’s not his fault, he was stressed--”

 

“Yes, but it’s not  _ your _ fault, either! Stress isn’t an excuse to treat you like shit, Dan! Stress is the thing you always blame when you don’t think you’re  _ worthy _ of something, and you’re doing it right now. And I’m not letting that happen, Dan. Not again. Phil is a great guy, sure, but you deserve to be treated with an equal amount of respect and love you’re giving him! Relationships are give-and-take from both sides, not you giving and him taking more than you can provide. God, I’ve known you for over twenty years, and if there’s one thing I’ve learned, it’s that you never give yourself enough credit.” She sighed deeply, and Dan looked down, slightly ashamed. “Listen, kiddo. I love you and all, but at some point, you have to draw the line. And you shouldn’t keep stretching that line for someone else when the only excuse you’ve got left is that he’s stressed.”

 

Dan gulped. “You’re probably right.”

 

She took a deep breath before she spoke again, and her tone was delicate, soft. “I think it’s best if you come back home, Dan. I’m sorry, I know you’ve missed him, but...as soon as you can, I want you to come home.”

 

“But I don’t want to--”

 

“I’m not saying to break things off,” Ro elaborated, “I’m only saying that you don’t need this environment right now. Maybe you should visit him later this year.” She paused, and Dan knew she was doing the thing where she bit her lip with nervousness. “Look, kid, I--all I want is for you to be happy. That’s all I’ve ever wanted. Hell, after all the shit you’ve been through, you deserve the world. And if Phil isn’t in a position to give you that right now, maybe it’s best to come back where things are stable. I’m worried about you, you know.”

 

“You always worry about me,” Dan joked feebly, a shaky smile etching its way across his face. “I can’t thank you enough, Rosie, you’re...you’re absolutely amazing.”

 

“Quit talking like that, you’re gonna make me cry and Kit’s already extremely concerned,” Ro said, voice quivering despite her jubilant tone. “Look, kid, do what makes you happy, but don’t lose sight of the line between happiness and denial. Okay?”

 

“Okay.”

 

“Love you, kiddo. I’ll see you soon, yeah?”

 

“Definitely. Love you too, you absolute spork of a best friend.” He hung up, looking up to find Phil standing in the doorway. He chuckled sadly, looking down at his hands, fiddling with his phone. “So, uh, how much did you hear?”

 

“Most of it,” Phil admitted, voice soft. “You’re going home soon, then?”

 

“Are you mad?” Dan croaked.

 

“Of course not, Bear,” the elder assured him, sitting down on the bed next to Dan and taking hold of his hands. “I could never be mad at you for taking time for yourself. Look at me, love.” He tilted Dan’s chin up to meet his eyes. “I love you. Completely and wholeheartedly. I just need to be a hell of a lot better at showing it.”

 

“I love you too,” Dan whispered. “And I think I show it a bit too much.”

 

Phil smiled sadly and pressed a gentle kiss to Dan’s lips. When he pulled away, there was a glassy look to his blue irises. “Please, just promise me you’ll be there when I get back.”

 

“I’m not going anywhere, Mr. Lester,” Dan said. “And you better be you when you get back.”

 

“I’ll try.”

 

“I’m not looking for your attempts, I’m looking for your sworn word,” Dan insisted. “I want Phil. Not whatever this job has turned you into, I want  _ my _ Phil. I’m not having it any other way.”

 

“I promise,” Phil whispered. He pulled Dan into a tight embrace, one hand wrapped around his waist, the other tangled in his curls. “I love you so much. God, I’m so sorry.”

 

“I love you too,” Dan mumbled, snuggling into Phil and snaking his arms around the older man’s neck. “Forever and always.”

 

They stayed like that for a while, long enough for Dan’s eyelids to begin drooping. Phil felt Dan’s weight becoming limp, and he positioned them so that Dan was laying on top of him, head on his chest. Light snores filled the room, and Phil smiled, the soft kind that barely tugged at his lips but was there nonetheless, the kind of fondness in his eyes held only for those held in the highest regard. “God, do I love you. I hate the fact I’m shit at showing it, and I wish I could treat you as well as you deserve because holy crap am I lucky.” No response, of course, as Dan was asleep, but Phil didn’t exactly need one. One by one, he listed off every single thing he loved about the brunette, his love and praise falling on tired, unknowing ears, but he hoped it made Dan’s dreams good, silly as it was. The things he listed? I won’t share them with you. That’s between him and Dan’s subconscious.

 

His gaze landed on Dan’s phone, which was lit with a text message from a clearly British number. From a London number, no less. His eyes widened as he saw the message itself, and he felt as though he was intruding, no, he shouldn’t have been looking, that was  _ definitely _ not something he was supposed to have seen. Nonetheless, he’d seen it, and it burned in behind his eyelids as he closed them, praying for sleep.

 

**Unknown Number: Daniel, it’s Mum. I wanted you to know that I was wrong. Please talk to me as soon as you can, it’s urgent.**

 

******************************


	23. Chapter 23

Dan awoke to the sound of pacing and a very unsettling lack of warmth. He stretched, squinting to rid his eyes of groggy morning vision to see an extremely anxious Phil with a phone in hand. More specifically,  _ Dan’s _ phone. Something he found slightly weird. No, no, it was  _ more _ than weird. It was straight up invasive.

 

“Phil? What’re you doing with my phone?” he asked, raising an eyebrow.

 

“Ack! You’re awake! You have a very important text that I probably wasn’t supposed to see but I did and now I can’t get it out of my head and it’s making me anxious, and I’m sorry, I haven’t looked at anything else for the past three and a half hours!”

 

“Phil, what’s going on?”

 

Phil choked out a string of syllables, but none of them were intelligible. Dan sat up properly and held out a hand, hoping for his phone, but Phil took it with his own and squeezed, hard. “This is...holy cow, I don’t even...just look.” Finally, Phil held out, putting the offending text on display for Dan to see.

 

His heart dropped. There could only be so many situations where his mother’s words would apply, some relatively good, most terrifyingly bad. His anxiety put his mind in a spiral, causing the worst-case scenarios to play out at the front of his mind. “Fuck,” he mumbled, “this is the worst, this is not good, oh God.”

 

“What're you gonna do?” Phil asked, biting his fingernails as he continued pacing. “Are you gonna call her?”

 

“I dunno, should I?” Dan’s breathing was heavy.

 

Phil moved back to the bed, taking Dan’s hands in his own. “Whatever you decide, I’m here, okay?”

 

“On the one hand, they pretty much cast me out of their lives, but...Mum wouldn’t have texted me if it weren’t important,” Dan mumbled. “I'm calling her. Can you...?”

 

“Of course,” Phil said softly, wrapping his arms around Dan and rubbing his back as the brunette leaned into him.

 

Dan put the phone to his ear. One ring...two rings...three rings…

 

“Daniel,” the voice at the other line choked, “you called.”

 

Dan bit his lip. “You said it was important, so...I called.”

 

“I...Well, I've been talking to other ladies at the church”--never a good way to start a sentence when it came to his mum--“the ones who have gay relatives and...and they told me that your father and I were wrong. I've learned a lot in the past few days,” she finished with a whisper. “And although I can't say I'm a hundred percent on board, not yet at least, I want you to know that I support you.”

 

“I...I don't know what to say,” Dan blurted.

 

“I haven't heard your voice in months, Daniel,” his mother whispered, “I miss my son. And I understand if you can't forgive me right away; I wouldn't either. But, please, I just want you to know how sorry I am.”

 

“Mum, it's okay, please don't cry,” Dan mumbled. “You're right, it...it might take me a while to forgive what you did...what Dad did, but--”

 

“Your father doesn't want me talking to you,” she gushed, “but I don't want you out of my life, you're my son!”

 

“I know, Mum,” Dan said softly. “And I still want you in mine. But there's nothing we can do about Dad. I genuinely appreciate all the effort you've gone through to change such a strong stance you had, and thank you. So much. But I'm in New York right now, and if you want to meet up, it'll take a while.”

 

“I understand, take as much time as you need,” she assured him. “I have to go, but I love you, Daniel. Stay safe.”

 

“I will, Mum. Bye.” He hung up, tossing the phone to the bed with a sigh as he nuzzled into Phil’s neck. Phil squeezed his arm gently. “Do you think I made the right decision?”

 

“I would’ve made the same one if I were in your shoes,” Phil assured him.

 

Dan laughed softly and widened his eyes mockingly. “Oh no, that means I’ve made a terrible decision!”

 

“Shut up,” Phil joked, poking Dan in the ribs. He sighed. “I have to go to work. Will you be alright on your own?”

 

“Depends,” Dan said flatly, “what time do you plan on getting back?”

 

“As soon as I can, Bear,” Phil mumbled, placing a gentle kiss to the top of Dan’s head. “I promise I’ll fight for better hours today. You just worry about you for now. Make some good breakfast for yourself, take a walk, see what’s around the city.”

 

“That sounds good,” Dan said with a yawn, pulling himself away from Phil so that the elder of the two could stand up. “I’ll see you later, yeah?”

 

“Definitely.” Phil grabbed a coat and gave Dan a quick peck on the cheek. “Love you, Dan. I’ll see you when I get home.”

 

“Good luck,” Dan chirped, watching Phil retreat from the room.

 

He heard the front door close lightly and flopped back down on the bed, eyes closed. Everything was changing so quickly, it was so disorienting, and he  _ hated  _ it. He felt like an octopus being tugged in eight different directions. And then he laughed, because he realized that seemed like an analogy that Phil had come up with. The flat was eerily quiet, and he hated that too. So he rolled over on his side and picked his phone up again to put on some music.

 

He brought it with him into the kitchen and set it down on the counter, ready to take Phil’s suggestion and make himself breakfast. Pancakes sounded appealing, so he grabbed the ingredients he’d bought yesterday and set them down next to his phone. Out of the corner of his eye, he spotted a laptop sitting on the coffee table. So naturally, he abandoned the kitchen to sit in front of the computer. Phil must’ve left it there. Not wanting to snoop, Dan made to shut it down and save the battery, but as soon as he moved the mouse, a note opened.

 

If he wasn’t curious before, he certainly was now.

 

_ Bellflower _

_ Love, there are not enough words in the universe to accurately describe how I feel about you. And, like this stupid flower’s meaning, I’m eternally grateful for everything you’ve done for me. I’m absolutely terrible at showing it, I know. God, you’ve been so patient, so kind, so loving. You’ve given me all the kindness in the world, and it’s hard for me to comprehend just how much you care. I wish I could do the same, but I’m just a mess of a man who can’t even remember to eat breakfast in the mornings. But you, you’re eccentric, lively, amazing, beautiful, energetic, fluid, constantly changing, sensitive, everything anyone could ever want in someone. You are the best thing to ever happen to me. You’ve shown me just how wonderful life can be, and despite your pessimistic sarcasm, the stars in your eyes are so brilliantly optimistic that it’s surreal. Everything else, everyone else doesn’t matter. It’ll only be us now, love, and I’ll make sure of it. If there were words I could say that would hold more power than ‘I love you,’ you’d grow far too tired of them. I love you, Dan. _

 

Great, now Dan was crying again.

 

“I came back for my laptop, but I guess you’ve already seen it now, huh?” Phil was stood by the door, a sad smile on his face.

 

Dan jumped, eyes wide. “Phil, I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to, I was just about to shut it down so it didn’t run out of battery, but--”

 

“I’m not mad,” Phil chuckled, sitting down next to the brunette and looking at his feet. “It’s not a big deal, really, it’s just something I was trying to figure out how to put into a poem. I’ve got a couple more; my boss says I’ll need about thirty to finish the book. It’s not that good, it’s just--” He was cut off as Dan cupped his cheek and pulled him into a kiss, slow and gentle. His eyes, wide at first, fluttered closed and he leaned into the kiss, hands snaking around Dan’s waist.

 

“It was absolutely amazing and don’t you dare say otherwise, Phil Lester,” Dan murmured, arms now around his companion’s neck. “I love you. So much.”

 

“I love you more,” Phil mumbled breathlessly.

 

“Bullshit.” Dan connected their lips again, hands tugging at Phil’s black hair. The older man pulled him closer, hands on the brunette’s thighs. They broke apart panting. Dan’s eyes sparkled mischievously, fingertips tracing circles on Phil’s back. “Think you can take the day off?”

 

“I’d take it off even if it got me fired,” Phil growled, pulling Dan onto his lap and peppering the younger man’s neck with kisses.

 

“I forgot you haven’t...de-stressed since Christmas,” Dan moaned, hands grabbing at the fabric of Phil’s shirt.

 

At that, Phil’s kisses became rougher, sucking and biting at the sensitive skin of the brunette’s neck. He left marks all over it, moving instead to Dan’s collarbones. Dan moaned loudly, the high-pitched noise resonating through the tiny flat. Phil pulled away as he heard the noise, much to the dismay of Dan, who let out a whine.

 

“You have to shut up or we’ll get kicked out,” Phil hissed, nipping at Dan’s neck again, a hand over his mouth. Dan whimpered softly as Phil unbuttoned his jeans and tugged them down to his knees. He bucked up as Phil palmed him through his boxers, biting his lip to keep from moaning. “I want to watch you come undone under my touch, you little slut.” The name set Dan off further, moaning quietly. “I want to watch you struggle to keep that loud mouth of yours shut when you cum so hard you won’t be able to walk tomorrow.”

 

“Fuck,” Dan whispered, pressing himself against Phil’s hand.

 

“I’m taking the day off just for you, princess,” Phil mumbled, nipping at Dan’s earlobe, “does that make you feel special?”

 

“Yes, it does,” Dan gasped, holding back a moan as Phil moved back down to the base of his neck. He hissed with pleasure as Phil bit down gently, sucking and nipping at as much skin as he could reach. “Phil, let me t-take my shirt off.”

 

Phil obliged, pulling away and undoing his buttons as Dan ripped his t-shirt off and kicked his jeans to the ground. As soon as the brunette was clad only in his boxers, Phil reattached his lips to Dan’s neck, furthering his path of kisses to travel down to right above the waistline of Dan’s boxers.

 

He pulled away, drawing a grunt of discontent from Dan. “You’ve gotten off lately, I haven’t,” Phil growled, tugging his jeans off. “Go on, get to it.”

 

Dan practically tore Phil’s boxers off and took his dick into his mouth, licking down to the base. He didn’t have any time to waste, he was practically a tent in his own boxers. Phil moaned softly, tugging at the back of Dan’s head, fingers tangling in the soft brown curls. He bucked up and tightened his grip as Dan reached his base, the brunette doing his best to work around Phil’s length. He bobbed up and down, moving back and forth as fast as he could. His tongue swirled around Phil’s cock, the older man moving one hand away from Dan’s head to stifle his own moans.

 

“God, Dan, don’t stop, I’m so close,” Phil moaned softly, bucking his hips up.

 

Dan raised his eyebrows as he continued his efforts on Phil’s length. If his stamina was  _ this _ low, he wasn’t lying about not being able to get off since Christmas. Soon enough, thick, hot liquid was flowing down his throat as Phil’s breath hitched, and Dan swallowed as much as he could, grabbing a tissue from the coffee table without looking to wipe up the rest. Once Phil’s breathing became less ragged and his hands loosened their grip on Dan’s hair, Dan pulled away.

 

“Satisfied?” Dan asked, a cheeky grin on his face as he wiped the corner of his mouth.

 

“Hella.”

 

“Don’t say hella, you’re not cool enough to pull it off,” Dan said, rolling his eyes. The tightness of its boxers reminded him of more urgent matters, however, and he tugged at Phil’s arm. “Hey, hey, it’s your turn to return the favor.

 

******************************

 

Dan and Phil sat on the couch in peace, each eating a pancake. Dan was seated on Phil’s lap, the only thing separating them being the matching pairs of pajama pants they were wearing. Dan was scouring for memes on Tumblr, and Phil was focusing more on his pancake than his work. He’d told his boss he’d felt unwell, and she allowed him to stay home with the condition he’d have forty sets of couplet four-line stanzas the next morning.

 

“I have to arrange my flight home,” Dan said suddenly, eyes wide. “I’ll be right back, I’m going to go call Ro.”

 

“Sounds good,” Phil said weakly, completely feeling the opposite. He did, however, agree that Dan needed to spend time at home. Dan left and closed the bedroom door behind him, and Phil sighed. The situation was definitely less than ideal, and despite their most recent reconciliation, there was still a slight unspoken tension. He planned to call his office a bit later that night, when Dan was asleep, so that he wouldn’t worry the poor man. The brunette was going through enough already.

 

Dan emerged from the room with a sad smile, returning as fast as he could to the couch and resting his head on Phil’s chest, looking up at the ceiling briefly before letting his eyes flutter closed. “I’ll be headed back in two days.” His voice was strained. Phil didn’t need to ask why.

 

“I’ll miss you,” he mumbled, pressing a gentle kiss to Dan’s forehead. “Don’t think that I won’t just ‘cause I’ve been a dick, okay?”

 

Dan giggled. “Whatever you say, Mr. Lester.”

 

“I love you,” Phil whispered.

 

“I love you more,” Dan said quietly, nestling his head further into Phil, their legs intertwined. His breathing became deeper and deeper, and once Phil was sure he was asleep, he opened the poem he’d been working on up again.

 

“Impossible.”

 

******************************

 

When Dan awoke, Phil was sipping coffee and staring out the kitchen window (which was quite tiny, mind you), laptop open on the counter beside a mug that Dan assumed was his. He stirred, then stretched, an audible yawn passing his lips. “What time is it?” he asked, standing up and making his way over to the black-haired man in the kitchen.

 

“Almost one in the afternoon,” Phil stated simply. He gestured to the tea on the counter. “I made earl grey. I know you prefer tea over coffee most of the time.”

 

Dan pecked his cheek lightly and mumbled a thanks into the mug as he took a sip. He looked out the window as well, a comfortable silence falling over the two. The view was quite good despite being partially obscured by a layer of dust. Dan could’ve sworn he’d just cleaned that window as well. He put his free hand gently on Phil’s, releasing previously undetected tension in his shoulders as Phil laced their fingers together and ran a thumb gently over the back of Dan’s hand. Dan didn’t move for fear of ruining the moment.

 

“You know, I’m not made of glass, Bear,” Phil chuckled. He withdrew his hand and used that arm to pull Dan closer, his hand now resting on the brunette’s hip. There was more silence, a bit less comfortable this time. “They, er, brought in the new mattress while you were asleep. I didn’t want to wake you, so...yeah.”

 

“Thanks.” The response was startlingly short, even to Dan. He shook his head slightly and took another gulp of the tea. “So, plan on seeing any musicals here?” He wasn’t sure whether it was a feeble attempt at conversation or a desperate try at breaking the silence.

 

“Probably not. Even if they cut my hours as short as they should be, I don’t think I’ll have much time.” Phil shrugged. “I dunno. I like musicals and all, I’ve just never been too into them, I guess.”

 

“What if I were in a musical?” Dan asked, genuinely curious.   
  


“Then I’d go see it, that’s a no-brainer,” Phil said confidently. “Any musical in you in it would probably be my favorite. No exceptions.”

 

Dan chuckled. “It’s just a hypothetical, love, I’m not  _ actually _ going to be in a musical. At least, not anytime soon.”

 

“You know, I’ve never actually heard you sing,” Phil thought aloud, a curious look in his eyes.

 

“And you never will,” Dan informed him, cheeks reddening. “Because firstly, I’m rubbish, and secondly, I probably won’t ever get any role ever, and even if I did, it’d be as a drowned-out ensemble member.”

 

“Well, don’t you think the ensemble makes the cast? They’re responsible for most of the show, if you think about it. Besides, I’d love to see you doing something that makes you happy. After all, it’s not like you’re going to spend your whole life working in your friend’s bakery, are you?”

 

“I...I guess I didn’t think about that,” Dan mumbled, taking another sip. “I mean, what do you think about your future?”

 

“Well, I’m imagining you, our two dogs, and a teeny little house up in Manchester. Get rid of that terribly posh accent of yours,” he said, giving a gentle squeeze to Dan’s hip.

 

“I was being serious,” Dan chuckled.

 

“So was I,” Phil told him, a soft smile on his face as he looked out to the foggy grey cityscape.

 

Dan’s eyes widened and he felt his face heat up. “What kind of dog, then?”

 

“Oh, definitely a couple corgis, are you kidding?”

 

Dan laughed, a loud and happy sound. Phil realized it was the first of Dan’s real laughs he’d heard in days. “I dunno, I was thinking of a shibe or two.”

 

“Of course  _ you _ would, you living meme,” Phil groaned, grinning nonetheless. Dan rested his head on Phil’s shoulder, and Phil sighed contentedly. “I love you.”

 

Dan hummed. “You say that a lot.”

 

“I can’t help it when you’re so damn adorable all the time.”

 

“Yeah, but I’m not,” Dan protested weakly. “At least not compared to you and that amazingly cute tongue thing you do when you laugh.”

 

“For a moment, I thought that was going a completely different direction.”

 

Dan elbowed him playfully. “Mind out of the gutter, Lester.”

 

“You know, I love this. I wish we could do this every day.”

 

“Serious tone.”

 

“Serious subject,” Phil pointed out. He felt Dan nod. “You know, it’s less than two years until we can do that.”

 

“Do what?” Dan asked sleepily, moving up slightly to take another sip of his tea.

 

“Run away together.”

 

Dan snorted. “That’s hardly what it is.”

 

“Isn’t it, though?” When Dan remained silent, a sign he was carefully considering Phil’s words, the older man continued. “We’d be the gay neighbors at the end of the block, buying from the PTA bake sale because we’re too nice to say no and walk away. We’d be living a completely different life. A happier one, I daresay.”

 

“I look forward to it,” Dan said quietly, placing a feathery kiss to the base of Phil’s neck.

 

“So do I.”

 

******************************

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Be prepared because I have FINALLY FINISHED THIS FIC AND I'M GONNA UPLOAD A CHAPTER TOMORROW AND THE DAY AFTER TO FINISH IT OFF. ALSO I'VE BEEN WORKING ON ANOTHER PHANFIC THAT'LL COME OUT ON SEPTEMBER 1ST IF YOU'RE INTERESTED AT ALL OKAY BYE SEEYA.


	24. Chapter 24

Dan came home to a lounge full of sweets and plenty of hugs from Ro. It was a great comfort, considering he was constantly on the edge of tears and didn’t know why half the time. Well, that wasn’t entirely true; he was scared of a different Phil coming home, Phil not getting enough to eat or enough time to sleep, Phil finding someone else in New York. Mostly Phil, when he thought about it.

Ro, however, did her best to keep his spirits up, making his favorite meals and playing stupid games with him until three in the morning when he usually fell asleep on her shoulder and she either woke him up because she was about to pass out herself or tuck him in right then and there, a blanket always on hand. She was always right there after his emotionally wrecking calls with Phil, prepared with hot chocolate and at least three jumbo marshmallows.

Although he felt like more than a burden, she constantly assured him he wasn’t and kept reminding him of all the times he’d done the same for her, that she was just doing her duty as his friend. And when she found out that his mum had come around, she was overjoyed, then torn between being angry it had taken so long and being relieved it hadn’t happened later. He laughed at her reactions to his news, and she laughed along with him.

After he’d been home a couple days (and re-adjusted to the time-zone, thankfully), Phil had called him with news that he’d finally been allowed normal hours and a (slightly) better workload. Ro kept teasing him about the fact that he couldn’t stop smiling.

Kit came over quite often as well, and Dan found her sense of humor about the whole situation quite spectacular. Her teasing mostly consisted of her winking and calling him her “soon-to-be-cousin,” and him responding by going completely red in the face and attempting to sputter out a retort.

All in all, the following months weren’t bad. And once he managed to meet up with his mum, she seemed pretty open-minded. Well, as open-minded as she could be, all things considered. The beginning of their time spent together was a bit awkward and tense, but it quickly dissipated as she asked more questions and showed genuine interest in understanding what Dan’s struggles were like growing up in their household. She was quite openly apologetic as well, allowing him to take as much time as he needed to forgive her. And although he hadn’t talked to his father, he was perfectly grateful to still have a relationship with one parent.

He’d even managed to land himself a couple of auditions at Phil’s encouragement and Ro’s constant nagging, and landed the role of King George III in the London production of Hamilton. It was hard work, and he hardly had any time left to call Phil, but the older man had surprised him by showing up to the eight-o-clock show one night and staying for about five days (for a meeting with a possible publisher, but still, he was there) before going back to New York. And although he couldn’t help out at the bakery most of the time, which he missed, Ro always found a “rent check” at the end of the week that was blatantly more than enough to get her through the next month’s expenses. Despite her protests, however, Dan refused to stop putting the little slips of paper on her dresser when she wasn’t looking. The London theater community seemed to absolutely love him, and for that, he was extraordinarily lucky. He had opportunity after opportunity thrust towards him; interviews, television appearances, hell, he was even invited to an awards show! And for once, his future was laid out for him to choose what he wanted to do with it.

At their one-year anniversary, Dan took a vacation from theater and visited Phil in New York, where they spent as much time together as they could.

Phil was doing quite well up in New York. He’d finished his book earlier than expected, about half a year in advance. Nevertheless, he was kept the rest of his two-year contract for publicity, and several questions during interviews about the meaning of the poem Brown in his collection, especially its connection with the following poem Bellflower. He answered all of them vaguely, always with the answer: “Well, I don’t want to go too deep into it.”

This, of course, drove Dan crazy. Mostly because Phil’s book wasn’t out in the UK yet, so he had no idea what the poems were in the first place, and Phil refused to tell him until he got home. Which would be five months after his very first interview. The very interview that made Dan want to die of insatiable curiosity.

At their two year anniversary, they only had time to Skype for about an hour before both of them had either a show or interview to go to.

He also refused to let Dan pick him up from the airport, which Dan found suspicious, and he didn’t speak to Dan for about three days after he let him know he was back in England.

And while Dan just assumed he was swamped, he was also slightly worried. Not as though he had time to worry, though, he was still absolutely drowning in rehearsals and charity events. After a particularly busy day, he was completely prepared to head back to the bakery and just crash, but Ro apparently had other plans.

Ro: heyyyy so I’m gonna need you to grab a bottle of champagne from the liquor store for tonight.

Dan: can it wait a bit? i’ve sort of become consumed by exhaustion

Ro: no, it can’t! It’s your two-hundredth show tomorrow, and you’re gonna be way too busy, so we’re celebrating tonight!

Ro: also, go to the liquor store across town bc the one at the corner has terrible-quality champagne.

Dan: must i?

Ro: what do you think?

Dan: Fine, fine.

It took Dan a solid hour and a half and about two hundred dollars in combined cab costs and “good” champagne costs. The preppy girl at the cash register didn’t help his mood any, and although he felt bad for being a bit reluctant to interact with her, he didn’t blame himself for being tired. That stupid twenty-three-kilo crown was going to be the death of him.

As he stared out the window of the cab on his way to the bakery, he wondered how Phil was doing. They hadn’t talked in days, but it felt like years. He was so used to texting or calling Phil during breaks between shows when he wasn’t napping and talking to the older man during intermission. They also needed him quite a bit in the ensemble, which resulted in a lot of weight being lost and quite an alarming bit of muscle being gained. Not to discredit the efforts of Ro, who seemed to think he wasn’t eating enough when quite the opposite was true. The only thing keeping his blood pressure down to a safe amount (in addition to the ridiculous exercise, ugh) was Winnie, who was now almost three years old. She’d lost the innocence she’d had as a kitten and gotten into the phase where she knocked over everything on Dan’s dresser when he was in the middle of a call with Phil in attempts to catch his attention.

He chuckled. Winnie was definitely something he looked forward to. Not that he’d ever admit it. Before he knew it, the cab stopped in front of the bakery. He payed the driver and got out, only noticing the lack of lights on when he went to open the door. He stopped in his tracks, attempting to squint past the glass, only to be met with curtains. Ro never closed those curtains, and Dan’s stomach quickly filled with concern and worry.

He pushed open the door, only to be met with the sight of hundreds of lit scented candles and a bouquet of bellflowers resting on every table. Fairy lights twinkling in every color of the rainbow hung from the ceiling, and his eyes widened, the brown dimly reflecting the spectrum of brilliant colors shining throughout the room. He heard a quiet giggle, and he spun on the spot to see Phil sitting on the counter, fully clad in a tuxedo, with the brightest smile Dan had ever seen on his face.

“D’you like it?” Phil asked softly, eyes twinkling in the candlelight. Dan nodded meekly. He slid off the counter and stood right in front of the cash register. “This is where I first spoke to you, you know.”

“Yeah, it was, wasn’t it?” Dan managed, voice slightly strangled in his shock.

“You were an absolute flirt,” Phil chuckled, hands slightly shaking with nervousness. “And then we got to talking and I found out you were an absolute dork.” He took Dan’s hand and led him over to the table they’d sat at every day. “This is where I first started falling in love with you, and this”--he led Dan just a little bit away--“is where we kissed the first time. D’you remember?”

Dan nodded and smiled weakly. “You just did it and then you slammed me up against the window,” he recalled.

Phil blushed, barely noticeable in the dim light. He led Dan over to the middle of the bakery, where, Dan noticed, the tables were arranged into a clumsy heart shape. He swore he could hear his heart beating out of his chest. Phil brushed a hand against the brunette’s cheek, gently nudging Dan’s chin up to meet his eyes. “And here? Do you know what happens here?”

Dan shook his head. “I might have some suspicions, though,” he joked feebly, already feeling the tears welling up.

Phil grinned and got down on one knee, fumbling with something in his pocket. He pulled out a velvet box and small bellflower blossom, biting his lip. He took a shaky, deep breath. “Daniel James Howell, ever since you made your way into my life, it has been one hectic, amazing mess. God, just looking at you still makes me fumble over my words and make me want to make every moment perfect. And I know they won’t be, that every second with you is a different adventure. We’ll have our ups and downs, and that’s the most cliche thing I think I’ve ever said, but I want to stick with you through all of them. And this flower, this stupid, stupid little flower, is still right from a couple years back. You’re my everything, and I’ll always be thankful for the fact that a simple ‘How can I help you?’ evolved into the love of my life.” He opened the box, and Dan couldn’t help but stare in wonder at the silver band inside, an infinity symbol made up of small diamonds decorating the top. “In a million years, I never though one person could be so lucky. I love you, Dan. So, so much. Would you marry me?”

Dan let out a choked, happy sob and nodded, pulling Phil up and crashing their lips together. “Of course, always,” he whispered, offering his hand. Phil slid the ring onto his finger and tucked the flower behind his ear.

“My beautiful, beautiful Dan. What did I ever do to deserve you?” Phil mumbled, placing a gentle kiss to Dan’s lips. Whispered words hit Dan’s ears, and he finally knew why everyone was so obsessed with those poems.

“See, it’s things like that that make me fall in love with you all over again,” Dan chuckled, pressing their foreheads together.

“I take it Ro made you buy champagne to stall for time?” Phil grinned, and Dan rolled his eyes.

“I should’ve known she was in on this.”

“I think they might be hiding out in the kitchen,” Phil giggled, lacing their fingers together. “Also, I’m gonna have to get used to that ring when I hold your hand, won’t I?”

“You’re gonna have to get used to two for the rest of your life, Mr. Lester,” Dan teased.

“Not like I mind, Bear.” He perked up. “Oh, right! You know that notebook that I never let you read? That’s ‘cuz my whole speech was in there.”

“You knew a while ago, then?”

“Of course I did.”

A loud “DID HE SAY YES?!” sounded from behind the kitchen doors and both men burst out with laughter as the two girls came spilling out from the other room. Ro huffed at Kit and crossed her arms.

“I told you not to push, now we’re intruding on the moment,” she hissed, flashing a quick grin at the boys.

“Pretty sure you did that when you practically yelled loud enough for China to hear, babe,” Kit chuckled.

“He did, by the way,” Phil chimed, grabbing the girls’ attention away from each other.

It took a while, but after they were finished with ogling the ring and gushing multiple congratulations to the two, they popped open the champagne and enjoyed a couple glasses each.

It was, by far, one of the best nights of Dan’s life.

******************************

The wedding was small; only a couple friends, Phil’s family, Ro’s family, and Dan’s mum attended. Unsurprisingly, the boys tripped over their vows a few times, but it was laughed off good-naturedly and remembered as cute moments they decided they’d be able to tell a kid or two later down the line. Their first dance was lovely and cliche in every way, and several others were Toxic by Britney Spears, mostly requested by (a slightly intoxicated) Phil. Ro was an emotional mess as she danced with Dan, reminding both of the boys that if they ever hurt each other to expect a very thorough ass-kicking. Dan retaliated by constantly asking when Ro would be an official part of the Lester family (seeing as he was taking Phil’s last name, much to the annoyance of anyone with a playbill with his previous surname). Kit would grin and ask the same, much to Ro’s annoyance. Phil’s father was quite friendly, but also very busy; he was quite a bit like Phil in the respect that he was overly polite. He even offered to dance with Dan since the man’s own father hadn't shown. And, of course, Dan gratefully accepted. Which then led into a chain of Dan being stolen away for dances by the whole Lester family. “Family initiation,” they called it.

Dan and Phil drove off to their new flat with congratulations enough to fill a lifetime. Although they weren’t going to buy a house until Dan’s contract expired (seeing as he had to stay in the city for a reasonable commute), they were able to make the flat home enough. Winnie awaited them in the lounge, immediately meowing in complaint of her missing dinner. Phil, laughing too hard at Dan’s annoyance that they wouldn’t be able to have sex until he fed the cat, completely missed the fact that every single one of his houseplants had been chewed upon.

And that, by far, was the most fun Dan ~~Howell~~ Lester had ever had.

******************************

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Ahhhh, we're approaching the end! Only the epilogue to go now!


	25. Epilogue

The little girl is tugging at her father’s oversized black jumper, her long red hair bouncing in its pigtails with every pull. The old black cat, pink ribbon ‘round her neck, winds around the little girl’s legs, purring loudly, and she giggles, the freckles on her face scrunching up as she laughs quietly with her tongue between her teeth. There are a couple dog barks in the background, accompanied by the deep voice of a man hushing them. The weather outside is bright and sunny, seeing as it’s the middle of July. The glistening blue water of the pool outside reflects the light in a mosaic, and the willow trees of the enormous, well-landscaped yard are swaying in the light breeze.

Dan Lester, far too engrossed in the manuscript he’s currently reading, doesn’t notice any of what’s happening, and continues to scan the pages. The little girl begins to grow impatient, bouncing on the heels of mismatching pink and blue slippers.

“Papa,” the little girl whines, “come out and play! Daddy’s already in the sunroom, we’re waiting for you!” Her voice has his very intonation, probably due to the excessive amounts of Winnie the Pooh he puts on, but again, he doesn’t notice. The cat of the same name mewls.

“I’ll be out in just a minute, dear,” he says, voice unintentionally lacking enthusiasm, “I just need to finish reviewing this chapter, and I’ll be all ready to play, alright?”

“Auntie Ro is here,” she tries, freckled face scrunched up in determination. She'll get her father away from his desk if it kills her.

“No she’s not,” he retorts coolly, eyes still scanning the words on the page.

“Dan, love, are you still working on that book? Come on, you deserve a break,” he hears Phil say, the sensation of a hand running through his curls hitting him suddenly. He shudders into the touch, eyes briefly closing in contentment before shooting open again and continuing to rush through the page. “You’ve hardly been out of the office all day.”

“I’ve tried absolutely everything, Daddy, he won’t budge,” she complains, staring up at Phil with eyes strikingly similar to Dan’s.

He thanks the Lord that science had advanced far enough to create her just over ten years ago as he addresses the six-year-old with a sigh. “Go and wait for us, then, Elena, we’ll be out in just a moment more.”

She huffs, but follows his instructions, taking her stuffed lion from the corner of Dan’s desk and exiting the office, Winnie trailing behind her. Phil winces as he hears a thumping noise coming from upstairs, accompanied by more barks and a very loud, slightly Northern-dialected “I’M OKAY!” Phil shakes his head and sits down in the chair beside Dan. “Ava really gets her clumsiness from me, hm?”

Dan chuckles. “Ava’s ten now, and Elena’s almost seven,” he says quietly, still focused on the paper in his hands. “Where does the time go? I’m nearly forty now, and I feel like this stupid book’s taken every single one of those years up. How did you do it? Sixteen times?”

“To be fair, I had quite the muse,” Phil purrs, tilting Dan’s chin towards him and pressing a gentle kiss to the brunette’s lips.

“Eww, dads, don’t do that in front of me,” Ava whines, scrunching up her face in mock-disgust, almost hiding her bright blue eyes as she squints at them. “Also, I can’t really see, so I’m going on assumptions here.”

“How many times have I told you to wear your glasses?” Dan sighs exasperatedly, finally setting down the manuscript on the glass surface of the desk. He leans back in his chair almost dangerously, and Phil reminds him to sit up by swatting his arm gently. “You’ve inherited enough clumsiness from your father, you don’t need to start bumping into walls as well.”

“That’s how I broke my nose,” Phil chimes in, earning an exasperated yet loving look from Dan.

“Dad, please, quit with the heart eyes. You’re making me cringe,” Ava groans, but smiles nonetheless, dimples showing on one side of her cheeks. Her smile fades in a moment, however, and both of the fathers look at her, clear concern at her forlorn expression. “Er, I saw on the morning show that you’re in a new musical, Dad. Does that--does it mean you’re gonna be away for a couple years?”

“Of course not,” Dan says, moving quickly towards Ava and pulling her into a hug. “Hey, I’m gonna be back here every single moment I can be.”

“Oh no, does that mean I have to run the homeschooling?” Phil asks in mock-horror, holding a hand over his heart. Dan and Ava snort in unison.

“The most you ever teach us is how to steal Dad’s cereal,” Ava teases, standing up from the hug and crossing her arms. Phil splutters for a moment, face slightly red.

“Philip, how many times do I have to tell you not to do that?” Dan laughs and shakes his head. “This family would be chaos without me.”

“You’re not wrong,” Phil admits.

“IT FEELS LIKE I’VE BEEN WAITING FOR ABOUT THREE HUNDRED YEARS OUT HERE,” Elena shouts from the other room, followed by a bark. “EVEN SUSAN AGREES WITH ME HERE.”

Dan sighs, as does Ava. The remark comes out simultaneously. “I still cannot believe you named the dog Susan.”

Phil puts his hands up defensively, secretly marveling at how similar the two are. “Hey, let’s not keep Elena waiting, right?”

Dan follows the two out to the sunroom with a smile, realizing just how perfect his life has become over the years. He’s got three dogs (Phil had to convince him with George, which involved a couple of nights centered completely around Dan), that same stupid (he can’t lie, he loves her) cat, an amazing husband, and two girls that he loves whole-heartedly. He’s been extremely lucky over the years, and he’s been fortunate enough to be able to document when his life truly started.

And so, while the family spends time in the sunroom, the manuscript for _No Say In The Matter_ rests on Dan’s desk, finally complete.

******************************

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Ahhh, thank you all so much for sticking with me for so long! I hope you enjoyed it as much as I did!


End file.
